Unmotivated Spouse

Just a thought... Maybe your diagnosis has hit him hard, but he's trying to be strong for you. Give him some time, he'll come around.

I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles but just to give you some support, I know how it is and if your DH won't make the effort, do it anyway! His support would be wonderful but if he can't give it, do it for you and let him get on with it. He'll either buck up when he sees you are doing this for you or he'll continue on his unhealthy path.

You CAN do this alone, I know because I've done it. I have a chronic very painful health condition and a spouse that would rather stuff his face and eat junk that go to the gym with me and eat healthily but I can only be responsible for me totally and him only up to a point.

I know how alone you must feel and I know it hurts if they aren't supportive but that's their loss. You get out there and do it for you! Don't nag him as that'll only make him dig his heels in more, just shrug and let him get on with it eating his burritos in front of the TV while you go to the gym.

If you lead by example and leave him to his own devices, my guess is he will get on board once he sees how great you feel and look.

One thing though, I'd give it one more try and ask him if there is anything in particular you have been serving that he really doesn't like and get his input on what he would enjoy in a healthier meal, that might make a difference if he feels you are doing everything you can to make healthy meals enjoyable for him. I'd also keep quiet on various changes you've made to the meals in your enthusiasm if that's what's happening. Example '' oh this looks so good and I used hardly any fat to make it, this is low fat sour cream, low fat cheese...' etc etc. If you do that I find my DH reacts negatively expecting the food to be lacking in some way so I just matter of factly serve it up and not mention anything about any changes I've made to avoid him feeling deprived.

I wish you luck my dear and remember, you CAN do this alone if you have to!

I'm in a similar position with my fiance. We started on 1/15/17, and he was very focused about staying on track. In the first 4 weeks he lost 15 lbs, and was super motivated to continue. After Valentines Day, though, he gained a couple pounds (most likely from water retention), and now he's letting the cravings control him. He stopped caring. He will eat what I make him, but he will go out and get whatever he is craving on top of that.

I don't count his calories, but I portion his meals so he should be at a deficit while still being filling and tasty. I'm finding new and yummy recipes for dinners since our lunches are prepped ahead of time and can be a bit repetitious.

He loves throwing around the term "cheat day". But for him, a cheat day is a weekend, and maybe a rough night after work, and maybe just because. I try and eat a little less when I know we are going out on the weekend, I plan small indulgences so I don't feel deprived. I work out a bit more to give myself some wiggle room.

I will cheer on any weight that he may lose, but I don't make a big deal about it anymore. I'm going to lose weight for me. We are going to Washington DC at the end of September for a Transformer convention (yup, the transforming robots....he collects a lot of the high end figures), and I want to look and feel good when we go. I want to be able to walk the city and not have to sit at every bench, I don't want my knees to hurt all the time, and I don't want to miss out on something because I'm too tired/worn out.

What is it you need from him?

Do you need him to lose weight successfully in order for you to do so? If so, you will need to work through that and leave it behind. You cannot hang your goals on someone else being successful at theirs. And if I felt anyone else was leaning on me in that way, it would put an unbearable amount of pressure on me and I would really struggle with it, possibly to the extent of self sabotage.

Do you need him to encourage and cheerlead? That's more manageable. My husband does not need to lose weight, but he has an account on myfitnesspal purely to allow him to see my notifications and like/comment on them encouragingly. It's immensely helpful. Perhaps your husband could help you in a similar way if you asked him to, and perhaps if you asked for that, it would take the pressure off him in terms of his own goals.

At the end of the day, someone is either ready to change their lifestyle, or they aren't, and in fairness, straight after your wife has had a major diagnosis is probably not a great time to turn your whole lifestyle around. In that way, the diagnosis may be having quite a different effect on each of you - for you, it's a powerful motivation to improve your health. For him, it's a big change which is stressful and places a requirement on him to support you and makes him probably less able to make other major changes to his life, not more.

And if I were him, I would feel bad and awkward expressing any of this and would try to keep it down and play along with the healthy living project in order to support you, but because I really wasn't in a good place to tackle it I would not be motivated and then I would feel guilty and frustrated and all these feelings might leak out in the form of grousing about unfamiliar food at dinner time.

I don't know your husband so I just can't tell if this is anything like what he's feeling, but it's possible. I think a heart to heart is what's needed, and an expression of the fact that you don't need him to do it with you (because you don't - honestly!) but you need him to support you in it. To encourage you. To tell you you're doing great and compliment you on your good choices. But it's OK for him to tackle his own health in his own time, and it's OK for him to have butter on his potatoes like he always used to have before everything changed.