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Should your S.O./Spouse have a say so if they feel you are too thin or too large?
Replies
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heiliskrimsli wrote: »heiliskrimsli wrote: »You have to eat a certain amount of food when you're pregnant. If you are taking medicine that slows your metabolism, and you are on bed rest, you might gain weight. It isn't a sign of weakness or laziness to do so. Pregnant women in situations like my friend are given diets they have to follow so it isn't even up to them what they eat. If you were a doctor, you'd understand that you can't restrict calories too much when pregnant, especially if you are in a high risk pregnancy.
The additional calorie needs during pregnancy are (above maintenance level when not pregnant)- The first trimester does not require any extra calories.
- During the second trimester, an additional 340 calories a day are recommended.
- For the third trimester, the recommendation is 450 calories more a day than when not pregnant.
Source
If your activity level is reduced due to bed rest, your TDEE and therefore your maintenance level is lower, which means the total calorie intake even with the extra requirements is lower than it would be for someone who is more active. That absolutely can be controlled for, and I don't know a single doctor who advises uncontrolled eating or weight gain during pregnancy especially in cases with complications.
While your friend may have been given a specific list of foods she should eat (what to eat), that doesn't preclude eating too much of those things, or of exceeding a reasonable calorie intake by adding additional other foods not on the list to those items.
Pregnancy, even one involving bed rest, is not a magical reason to pack on unlimited pounds.
That's all well and good until you're so sick 24/7 that you want to die and the only thing that holds the nausea back is nibbling on saltine crackers and sipping ginger ale. Yes, it is possible to gain weight with morning sickness. But that doesn't file well under your 'this is the one true way' philosophy. Nor do any number of other crazy things that happen when one is growing a person.
Could you explain to me the metabolic process by which vomiting causes weight gain?I'm not that impressed by Dr. Google citations from a search engine that is not familiar (and was probably not asked) about the myriad of complications that can go along with pregnancy.
How about The US National Library of Medicine?.
Are they qualified enough for you?
Some women experience ongoing nausea without vomiting. I vomited a total of 1 time in 2 pregnancies.
How, specifically, does nausea cause weight gain?1 -
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heiliskrimsli wrote: »
So much irony here.10 -
heiliskrimsli wrote: »heiliskrimsli wrote: »heiliskrimsli wrote: »You have to eat a certain amount of food when you're pregnant. If you are taking medicine that slows your metabolism, and you are on bed rest, you might gain weight. It isn't a sign of weakness or laziness to do so. Pregnant women in situations like my friend are given diets they have to follow so it isn't even up to them what they eat. If you were a doctor, you'd understand that you can't restrict calories too much when pregnant, especially if you are in a high risk pregnancy.
The additional calorie needs during pregnancy are (above maintenance level when not pregnant)- The first trimester does not require any extra calories.
- During the second trimester, an additional 340 calories a day are recommended.
- For the third trimester, the recommendation is 450 calories more a day than when not pregnant.
Source
If your activity level is reduced due to bed rest, your TDEE and therefore your maintenance level is lower, which means the total calorie intake even with the extra requirements is lower than it would be for someone who is more active. That absolutely can be controlled for, and I don't know a single doctor who advises uncontrolled eating or weight gain during pregnancy especially in cases with complications.
While your friend may have been given a specific list of foods she should eat (what to eat), that doesn't preclude eating too much of those things, or of exceeding a reasonable calorie intake by adding additional other foods not on the list to those items.
Pregnancy, even one involving bed rest, is not a magical reason to pack on unlimited pounds.
That's all well and good until you're so sick 24/7 that you want to die and the only thing that holds the nausea back is nibbling on saltine crackers and sipping ginger ale. Yes, it is possible to gain weight with morning sickness. But that doesn't file well under your 'this is the one true way' philosophy. Nor do any number of other crazy things that happen when one is growing a person.
Could you explain to me the metabolic process by which vomiting causes weight gain?I'm not that impressed by Dr. Google citations from a search engine that is not familiar (and was probably not asked) about the myriad of complications that can go along with pregnancy.
How about The US National Library of Medicine?.
Are they qualified enough for you?
Some women experience ongoing nausea without vomiting. I vomited a total of 1 time in 2 pregnancies.
How, specifically, does nausea cause weight gain?
It doesn't. Eating small amounts of simple carbs throughout the day in order to keep it at bay enough to function (because nobody gave me 9 months off life in order to perfectly orchestrate my pregnancy) can. But I truly wouldn't expect you to understand that. So by all means, continue believing that a woman has absolutely control over her body during pregnancy and gaining anything over the recommended weight makes her a failure and is a sign of some fatal character flaw.
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Well then you can see how much weight you can gain. 35 pounds times two pregnancies. Two 7-pounds babies are only 14 pounds of that. There's a bit of water weight lost too, but it's still a noticeable amount of weight gain, and that's for two normal pregnancies. Mine thankfully were pretty normal, but women I've known with high risk pregnancies have gained more, and it takes longer to take the weight off when you are tired from a baby being up at all hours and have to arrange for someone else to watch the baby while you exercise.4
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I also like how you said earlier that a woman should gain "up to 25 pounds" earlier when your website says the general guideline is 25 to 35 pounds.
Actually https://medlineplus.gov/ency/patientinstructions/000584.htm says:
"The amount of healthy weight gain in pregnancy varies. These are general guidelines:
Normal total weight gain for a healthy woman is 25 to 35 pounds (11 to 16 kg).
Overweight women should gain only 10 to 20 pounds (4 to 9 kg) during pregnancy.
Underweight women or women with multiples (twins or more) should gain 35 to 45 pounds (16 to 20 kg) in pregnancy."
Since it seems we are talking in general about being overweight, "Overweight women should gain only 10 to 20 pounds (4 to 9 kg) during pregnancy." appears to be applicable.
But back to the discussion...
If my spouse is looking unhealthy, I say something.
Last time I said something she ended up going to a doctor for an insurance check-up and ended up on transfusions.
Previously I told her that her diet (as a vegetarian) was poor and a doctor eventually told her to eat more fish at least.
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Well then you can see how much weight you can gain. 35 pounds times two pregnancies. Two 7-pounds babies are only 14 pounds of that. There's a bit of water weight lost too, but it's still a noticeable amount of weight gain, and that's for two normal pregnancies. Mine thankfully were pretty normal, but women I've known with high risk pregnancies have gained more, and it takes longer to take the weight off when you are tired from a baby being up at all hours and have to arrange for someone else to watch the baby while you exercise.
So you think that the majority of weight gained during pregnancy is supposed to be permanent?
Most of it should be baby and additional fluids including increased blood supply, and most women who stay within the guidelines are capable of losing that additional weight pretty quickly. Those who breastfeed even more so.2 -
I also like how you said earlier that a woman should gain "up to 25 pounds" earlier when your website says the general guideline is 25 to 35 pounds.
Actually it says:
"The amount of healthy weight gain in pregnancy varies. These are general guidelines:
Normal total weight gain for a healthy woman is 25 to 35 pounds (11 to 16 kg).
Overweight women should gain only 10 to 20 pounds (4 to 9 kg) during pregnancy.
Underweight women or women with multiples (twins or more) should gain 35 to 45 pounds (16 to 20 kg) in pregnancy."
Since it seems we are talking in general about being overweight, "Overweight women should gain only 10 to 20 pounds (4 to 9 kg) during pregnancy." appears to be applicable.
But back to the discussion...
No the debate is weight gain. Can go from normal weight to over weight by getting pregnant.2 -
I'm talking about a scenario where a normal weight woman gets pregnant, gains 35 pounds, then immediately has another pregnancy and gains another 35 pounds. 70 pounds, and then take away the weight of the babies and water weight from the pregnancy, and you're still dealing with someone who is now overweight and will have trouble taking that weight off quickly with two tiny kids.
You said you are unable to have sex with overweight women, so the already overweight women who gets pregnant couldn't happen in your case.7 -
I never said it was supposed to be permanent, in fact I said the opposite. Some of it, as I said, is the baby, some is fluids with the pregnancy, but you're still stuck with a lot of weight. Breastfeeding does help, but also makes it harder to get away to exercise. Most women don't lose the weight that quickly, especially those who get pregnant right away again.4
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To your point @Golbat , 35 lbs for the first pregnancy plus 20 lbs for the second child (both "high-end" per the link) is "only" 55 lbs.
Women putting on 70+ lbs from having a couple of kids is often a matter of making excuses and rationalizations.
The reality is that the whole "eating for two" thing is a myth and any decent Doctor will tell you that.
My wife didn't even know she was pregnant until she went to the hospital with a "kidney stone".
Her period didn't stop and she gained maybe 10 or 15 lbs.
Daughter was/is completely healthy, if a bit of a surprise originally.
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I'm talking about a scenario where a normal weight woman gets pregnant, gains 35 pounds, then immediately has another pregnancy and gains another 35 pounds. 70 pounds, and then take away the weight of the babies and water weight from the pregnancy, and you're still dealing with someone who is now overweight and will have trouble taking that weight off quickly with two tiny kids.
You said you are unable to have sex with overweight women, so the already overweight women who gets pregnant couldn't happen in your case.
Actually what I said was that I wouldn't have sex with someone who is overweight. You assumed that I meant women.
But let's use your example.
A woman who is at a healthy weight gets pregnant and gains 35 pounds during the pregnancy, she has the baby and then immediately (I'm guessing you're going with two months later since she really shouldn't be having sex until she's healed) gets pregnant again and gains another 35 pounds then has the baby.
Weight gain distribution for a 7.5 lb baby is approximately:
7.5 pounds is about how much the baby will weigh by the end of pregnancy.
1.5 pounds is how much the placenta weighs.
4 pounds is attributed to increased fluid volume.
2 pounds is the weight of the uterus.
2 pounds is the weight of breast tissue.
4 pounds is because of increased blood volume.
12 pounds is attributed to maternal stores of fat, protein and other nutrients.
2 pounds for the amniotic fluid.
Repeat twice, you're up 24 pounds from the beginning, not 70. Losing a pound a week, that would mean less than 6 months after the second birth, she could be back at pre-pregnancy weight. Exercise is totally unnecessary for weight loss. All that matters is a caloric deficit, which can be controlled entirely by diet.
So no, pregnancy is not an excuse to just balloon up by 70 pounds.5 -
I'm the mom of an LGBT kid so I should know better than to make that assumption. Sorry!
Some of the weight does stay with you after you give birth. Talk to 100 moms, and every single one of them will still have weight after they give birth. You're saying every single woman who has a baby is wrong for gaining weight with the pregnancy? I'm saying your assumptions are unrealistic.1 -
I'm the mom of an LGBT kid so I should know better than to make that assumption. Sorry!
Some of the weight does stay with you after you give birth. Talk to 100 moms, and every single one of them will still have weight after they give birth. You're saying every single woman who has a baby is wrong for gaining weight with the pregnancy? I'm saying your assumptions are unrealistic.
And if you look at the weight distribution of the pregnancy gain, it's not even close to half of it if the woman has an average weight full term delivery and stays within the guidelines for normal weight gain for a woman who is not overweight.
There's no possible way that it could represent 70 pounds of leftover weight after a woman who is not overweight gains no more than 35 pounds during two successive pregnancies.
Also, are you now assuming that I'm gay?5 -
You said I shouldn't assume who you're having sex with, and I agree that I should know better than make any assumptions about who anyone has sex with because I'm the mom to an LGBT kid, and you think that means I am assuming you are gay. I just said that I should not make any assumptions, so I am not assuming anything. We appear to not communicate well.9
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You said I shouldn't assume who you're having sex with, and I agree that I should know better than make any assumptions about who anyone has sex with because I'm the mom to an LGBT kid, and you think that means I am assuming you are gay. I just said that I should not make any assumptions, so I am not assuming anything. We appear to not communicate well.
May I ask why that led you to mention LGBT?2 -
You said that I made an assumption about who you would have sex with. You could be a woman. You could be LGBT. There are probably other possibilities as well. I was assuming you were a man and that you were straight. I should not make any assumptions at all, and I should know better to make assumptions about who anyone would have sex with because I have a kid who is LGBT. You seem very concerned about me mentioning my LGBT kid. I don't know or care what your sexuality is or what your gender is, and I will make no assumptions.8
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You said that I made an assumption about who you would have sex with. You could be a woman. You could be LGBT. There are probably other possibilities as well. I was assuming you were a man and that you were straight. I should not make any assumptions at all, and I should know better to make assumptions about who anyone would have sex with because I have a kid who is LGBT. You seem very concerned about me mentioning my LGBT kid. I don't know or care what your sexuality is or what your gender is, and I will make no assumptions.
OK.
How about the math of that magic 70 pound weight gain then?0 -
I never said you'd gain 70 pounds. I said some of that weight is the baby, and some is fluids from the pregnancy. There is still a noticeable weight gain, and it can be hard to take off quickly when you are the main caretaker for a baby.1
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I never said you'd gain 70 pounds. I said some of that weight is the baby, and some is fluids from the pregnancy. There is still a noticeable weight gain, and it can be hard to take off quickly when you are the main caretaker for a baby.
If anything, I'd imagine that being distracted with a baby should leave less time for one of the big contributors to obesity: boredom eating. Hell, when I'm really busy with something (even video games) I can forget to eat for an entire day.7
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