Women with husbands.

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Replies

  • aliciaaw
    aliciaaw Posts: 180 Member
    I agree with everyone, you need to talk to him. Good luck
  • itsfuntobedevilinabluedress
    itsfuntobedevilinabluedress Posts: 76 Member
    I cannot imagine being this disconnected from my husband. We're both very independent people with individual interests and hobbies - we keep different schedules. But we're incredibly happy and communicate with each other about anything and everything. I am honestly unsure how anyone could live with/have children somebody who they'd rather ask an internet forum about, rather than just bring the issue to them.
  • mommyrunning
    mommyrunning Posts: 495 Member
    Marriages go through phases and ups and downs. Hanging out with friends and enjoying it is normal and nothing to be worried about unless they spend every free moment together and never include you. Sometimes not talking much can also be normal especially when you have children. It can be easy to get into a routine and not do much to nurture the relationship. Just remember that husbands needs attention and love just like we do. For each person what they want/need might be different. For some it's home cooked meals and bedroom time. For others compliments and kind acts or dates. Just let your husband know you miss the quality time and figure out how to get more whether it's date nights or just hanging out at home with your favorite TV show after the kids are asleep. Don't make it a competition with his friends though. Having friends outside your marriage is healthy and not a bad thing even if your spouse is your best friend.
  • Corprina
    Corprina Posts: 215 Member
    hisamazinggirl wrote: »
    Do you every get the feeling where your husband is happier whenever there friends come over ? Whenever its just us my husband and i don't say much to each other . When we do we kinda argue or just do our own thing . I feel like he doesn't like me . Sorry for being all girly and complainy. Just need some advice . Any kind of advice. I have 2 daughters with him.

    You really need to have a heart to heart talk with him. It is very possible that he feels the same way you do, when you say that you feel like he doesn't like you. It's very possible they he thinks that you don't like him, as well. You have to communicate and let your feelings be known. Is the only way to be sure what the problem really is. I would almost bet that he's feeling the same you are! Good luck to you!
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
    hisamazinggirl wrote: »
    Do you every get the feeling where your husband is happier whenever there friends come over ? Whenever its just us my husband and i don't say much to each other . When we do we kinda argue or just do our own thing . I feel like he doesn't like me . Sorry for being all girly and complainy. Just need some advice . Any kind of advice. I have 2 daughters with him.

    No. I think there are different kinds of happy. Dh is happy with his friends but he is also happy with me. We like spending time together and share interests. We talk. We don't argue often. If I think we have a problem I talk about it to him.

    Are you happy with other aspects of your life? Is he? Did you used to do things together? Are either of you depressed, anxious or stressed generally? Talk to him about what you are feeling and what you would like to do together. Try to get interested in something that he is also interested in. Seek counseling.
  • MellowGa
    MellowGa Posts: 1,305 Member
    TonyB0588 wrote: »
    hisamazinggirl wrote: »
    Do you every get the feeling where your husband is happier whenever there friends come over ? Whenever its just us my husband and i don't say much to each other . When we do we kinda argue or just do our own thing . I feel like he doesn't like me . Sorry for being all girly and complainy. Just need some advice . Any kind of advice. I have 2 daughters with him.

    A few questions based on my thoughts on the matter:
    • What ages are you?
    • How long have you been married?
    • Do you still engage in husband and wife "bedroom" behavior?
    • Do you both have jobs?
    • Do your friends visit sometimes as well?
    • Are there any mutual friends shared by both of you?
    • Are there any family activities which include the two girls?

    The answers to these questions might hold the clues to a happier future.

    I agree, answer these questions first. My wife and I have been together 27 years, dated 6 married 2, life has ups and downs, curve balls. But there is no one I would rather be with than her, we can get mad, and argue, but never to serious.

    I also will never leave my house with out kissing her goodbye and saying I love you, never ever, because I do and always will.
  • laurenebargar
    laurenebargar Posts: 3,081 Member
    edited November 2017
    I agree you need to tell him how you feel. My husband is my best friend, so no hes not happier when friends come over, he is happy yes but we generally all hang out together and all have a good time.

    The questions asked above should be answered first.

    Just to give you a little advice I recently was upset with a situation involving my husband (it was nothing major, actually extremely minor) and I held it in for like a week, finally I just blurted it out and after a pretty long talk, he actually told me I just need to tell him whenever im feeling uncomfortable, upset, or if I feel like there is any distance between us. My guess is your husband might not have any idea you are feeling this way, and if he knew he might make an effort to fix it with you.

    Also was this how you guys were before you got married or is this new behavior?
  • cougargirl1025
    cougargirl1025 Posts: 80 Member
    JeromeBarry1 wrote: »
    Everybody's a little bit different. If he doesn't beat on you or hide drinking or gambling debts, you are on the "winning" side.

    You can improve things by realizing that "to love" is a verb, but for now it's possible that you need only enumerate the blessings you do have.

    Wow!!! She should shut up and put up just because she isn't getting beat on? It's HER fault because she doesn't "love him" enough?? She should just be happy with what she has, which by her own words, isn't much of anything?? Honey, don't listen to this BS.

    Communication is everything. Just find a way to do it constructively and not accusatory.
  • Ironandwine69
    Ironandwine69 Posts: 2,432 Member
    It's normal for people to talk more when they are with people they don't see every day. No?
    I don't know what your expectations are as far as life and relationship, but life is not always a party. Some days you talk more, some days you talk less.
    What is a bad sign though is that you said you argue most of the time when you are alone. Usually people argue a lot when they are not happy with each other and every little thing sets them off.
  • pogiguy05
    pogiguy05 Posts: 1,583 Member
    As others have said you need to talk to him, but not in a way that would make him feel you are accusing him. How long have you been married? You said you have to girls with him, well do you guys do anything as a family?

    There are so many possible issues and I think it would be best to find some kind of counselling. If he is unwilling to try then nothing is going to get better. I am sure it was not like this so try to open up and try to ask about the things you guys use to do.
  • JeepHair77
    JeepHair77 Posts: 1,291 Member
    JeromeBarry1 wrote: »
    Everybody's a little bit different. If he doesn't beat on you or hide drinking or gambling debts, you are on the "winning" side.

    You can improve things by realizing that "to love" is a verb, but for now it's possible that you need only enumerate the blessings you do have.

    This makes me sad. When my first marriage was ending, my X said pretty much that same thing. "I don't beat you up or cheat on you, so what's the problem?" Obviously, we had different standards and expectations, and neither of us were bad people or even bad spouses, really, but we never could figure out how to meet each others' needs. That quote, the moment it came out of his mouth, was sort of the last nail in the coffin of our relationship. It seemed, at the time, like he summed up all of our problems in one smartass comment. He was stubbornly unwilling to do anything different or make any changes, and I was this unreasonable woman who expected him to be a Disney Prince Charming for all of our years. Neither of those characterizations was exactly true, but that's how we saw one another, and it was toxic and it was unfixable.

    Anyway, less about me... it is true that everyone is different and every relationship is different, but if you're feeling disconnected, you should try to reconnect. I agree - talk to him, but try not to approach it as a "complaint" so much as a jumping off point to make a change. "I feel like we're not really connecting, and I miss when we were best friends. Can we plan to [whatever you used to most enjoy doing together] more often, just the two of us?"

    Something like that. Discuss how you're feeling, but also offer real, practical suggestions to improve the relationship, so that you're not just putting this unhappiness on his lap and expecting him to just fix it.
  • toxikon
    toxikon Posts: 2,384 Member
    edited November 2017
    Hmm... well, it's tricky. I think most people have a "friend" persona that's slightly different than their regular personality. More jokey, outgoing, more laughs, etc. Then when you're just around your SO, you don't feel the need to be "ON" (constantly cracking jokes and making conversation) because the silence feels comfortable and you can relax more.

    Obviously if there's a HUGE difference between your husband's "friend personality" and the personality that you experience, there might be an issue there.

    My SO (been together for almost 10 years) and I are quite goofy with each-other and still make each-other laugh and play around a lot, but he's definitely a lot more outgoing and loud when we're around friends.
  • PastChief04
    PastChief04 Posts: 142 Member
    I have been through what you are, and frankly, if you can't talk about it, maybe you can try having date nights, or even just making a romantic special dinner and see if he notices it or appreciates it. I tried those things for my wife and you end up finding allot of things out.
  • MrSith
    MrSith Posts: 1,636 Member
    OutOfUserName wrote: »
    are you whiny? he probably doesnt like you whining to him all the time

    LOL.

    someone had to say it.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,492 Member
    OutOfUserName wrote: »
    are you whiny? he probably doesnt like you whining to him all the time

    Ut oh...

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