Are there any excuses?
Replies
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I have been making excuses for over a decade.
Recently I have seen film of the working wounded games and that is helping to penetrate the layer of excuses that I have put up around myself.0 -
Right now I have more of a reason than an excuse. I'm breastfeeding and when I drop my calories, my milk supply drops. Baby being fed is more important than me losing weight. I'm focusing more on maintaining right now. When she weans, I can lose the weight. I've done it before, I can do it again.8
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I dont think people needs an excuse, you dont owe it to others to look a certain way if you want to be as is do it. As far as reasons for for being larger even though you dont want to be for sure loads of medical conditions affect weight loss and gain and while generally it makes it hard but not impossible add that to working full time etc and i think those are super understandable. Me personally though I just get lazy lol1
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I don't care about what excuse they have. They can make themselves feel better by saying "X is the reason why I can't lose weight" if they want. All I know is that we have 24 hours in a day, if you can't find 30 minutes, 1 hour or 2 at most in the 24 hours to find time to better your health, there will be worse consequences than me being upset about it in forms of heart attacks, health problems and other health issues that are related to a sedentary lifestyle. The body does not care about a person's reasoning, you treat the body right, it will treat you right in return. You treat your body like *kitten*, it's a matter of time that the body returns the favor regardless of what excuse the person has.
Heard a discussion on a podcast regarding someone who was on kidney dialysis due to weight/poor nutritional habits. They had to plan for 12 hours a week for the actual procedures plus another 6-8 travel time, etc. They made the time because if they didn't they would die.
Imagine what the outcome could have been if that individual had been spending the 18 or so hours a week on a healthier lifestyle prior to kidney failure.2 -
eliciaobrien1 wrote: »... I haven't worked out at all during my weight loss and I'm doing just fine. People make it more difficult then it has to be. Get your calorie goal, meet it. That's it. Anybody CAN do it.
Edit:I have, absolutely, seen people making excuses for things... hey, maybe that's even true, but only if you rephrase it to say 'everyone could lose weight if they were willing to sacrifice anything to do so, including their physical health, their mental health, their jobs, their families, and everything else important to them.'
How would any of these things force you to eat more than you need? Because that's all it comes down to. These are excuses.
I just wanted to point out that it is a misconception to say that Being overweight requires overeating once you are there.
Because once a person IS overweight, they do not have to overeat to stay there- they just have to eat at maintenance to stay there.
Losing weight, what we have been talking about from the original post, is extra effort. So when we talk of people losing weight, we’re talking about people using energy to do so. And why would any of the above force people not to do that?
Because people are human, not robots or gods. People do not have unlimited energy, either physical or mental.
Heck, I’ll just quote something about it, to help illustrate. “When actively exhibiting self-control, individuals expend internal resources that are believed to be finite (Vohs and Faber, 2007). As such, many researchers contend that the energy cost associated with self-control is drawn from a pool of internal resources that are capable of being exhausted (Aspinwall and Taylor, 1997; Baumeister et al., 1998; Muraven et al., 1998; Muraven and Baumeister, 2000; Vohs and Heatherton, 2000; Baumeister and Vohs, 2007).” (From https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5124711/)
Which boils down to people having a limited amount of will power, so everything you use some of that will power for is one less thing you can use will power for later. ( there are more than one study one this, if you care to explore the topic).
Exercising uses self control and so does dieting, obviously.
But so does forcing yourself to study every night for school. So does putting up with a crap boss so you can pay for food for for your kids. So does working three jobs just to make ends meet. So does dealing with bigoted comments every single day without losing it and punching some jerk in the face, if you belong to a minority. So does keeping yourself from an addiction for someone who has abused alcohol or drugs in the past. So is keeping it together when you are in charge of a disabled relative or a sick kid. So does dealing with daily pain and illness. And on and on and on.
If someone’s mental and physical reserves are used up just surviving what they need to survive, they have nothing left for yet another stressor like losing weight.
Do you truly believe that everyone, in every walk of life, in every circumstance, has such unlimited personal resources that throwing another stressor into their lives is a healthy idea?
I personally do not. It does not seem likely. Probably because I have seen too many people deal with unbelievably hard things, having to make choices about what to spend their energy on and what to drop from their lives due to the energy costs, to believe that.
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As a trainer, I have had lots of people quit because of excuses. No time, no energy, etc. The reality is that even if someone worked 10 hours a day and had a 4 hour commute, there's still a couple of hours a day to do SOMETHING. And that doesn't necessarily mean having to exercise hard or even for 2 hours. Weight loss comes down to calories in and out and CONSUMPTION is the main reason people don't lose. Lots of people work out an hour or more on cardio and lifting, yet don't lose weight...............so it ain't just about exercise. Since eating is something that can be controlled throughout everyday, there's where the focus should be first and foremost. And it doesn't take a ton of effort, just some decent planning and back up planning just in case.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Knowing what you know now, by cruising these forums and trying CICO for yourself, In the end, are there any excuses you will accept for someone who WANTS to lose weight, but just "can't"?
The observation that I'd make is that use of language is important, in discussion with someone excuse can easily be received as pejorative. If you're talking to someone who just can't then the likely reaction is defensiveness and barriers. From a coaching perspective it's more productive to to use more neutral language, to help someone explore their priorities, and identify opportunities.
One of the most basic coaching models is GROW; Goal, Reality, Options, Will. The role of the coach is to help articulate these steps in a meaningful way and identify how to move onto the next stage. When we're talking about excuses we're in the reality of the individuals experience, but the use of the term presents a barrier to exploring options.
What we frequently see in these forums, and in the debate in general, is that people project their own reality onto others. The problem with that is that it can be a partial projection. I recall a discussion about finding time to train, with someone fairly forcefully pushing the idea of getting up at 0300 to then fit in an hour of training. It took another page of discussion to identify that when one is single, without kids and works within a couple of miles of home, going to bed at 1800 is a practical proposition. Despite the 0300 rise he was getting more sleep than most people have seen in years. It was utterly meaningless to the originator of that discussion who was looking for help around juggling 3 kids and a significant weight loss need. Which of the kids should she have de-prioritised?
I'd suggest that it can easily be down to identifying meaningful goals, and equally being able to change those. I think back to 2013 when I started a focused effort. I knew I needed to lose weight, but had no idea how much to lose. My weight wasn't unreasonable, but my composition was poor. Reading information didn't really help because the goal wasn't meaningful at the time.
I was successful initially more by luck than judgement. The calorie counting worked well initially, but I did end up in a far too aggressive deficit at one point, and that started to impact on the quality of my work. I think that was my first post in the forums; what's going on? As I recall PSULemon provided the only meaningful advice in response.
I would suggest that most people don't have clear goals, or if they do then they're too big or they're not grounded in reality. Once the goals are meaningful the realities of life can overlay and then identify the options. It's only at that point that choices can be made, and priorities set.
Again, looking back to my own experience; a vague goal with some challenging reality; 4 nights per week away from home and a lot of driving. I was fortunate that I could identify hotels that allowed me to get in some interesting running routes. What that led to was greater clarity around objectives, moving away from weight loss and more towards running performance.
As I look back I can see many points where it could have gone wrong, and at most of those had I been told I was making excuses that would have been counter-productive. It's the opposite of help.
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MeanderingMammal wrote: »at most of those had I been told I was making excuses that would have been counter-productive. It's the opposite of help.
appreciated this post. just wanted to add that one of the main things i've noticed is: people seem to pay forward whatever type of approach worked well for them in their own case. so you get the tough-love brigade who can come off as spectacular *kitten*, and you get the people who just are not responders themselves, so they take a whole different approach. it's one of the major dichotomies, in my own perception of things.3 -
As a trainer, I have had lots of people quit because of excuses. No time, no energy, etc. The reality is that even if someone worked 10 hours a day and had a 4 hour commute, there's still a couple of hours a day to do SOMETHING. And that doesn't necessarily mean having to exercise hard or even for 2 hours. Weight loss comes down to calories in and out and CONSUMPTION is the main reason people don't lose. Lots of people work out an hour or more on cardio and lifting, yet don't lose weight...............so it ain't just about exercise. Since eating is something that can be controlled throughout everyday, there's where the focus should be first and foremost. And it doesn't take a ton of effort, just some decent planning and back up planning just in case.
Time and energy are why I walk. After all, if I drive to the gym, there's 15 minutes each way. Then add on registration, changing into gym clothes, showering, changing into street clothes.. I can easily blow 45 minutes on activities necessary to support working out that are not actually working out.
Or I can put on a pair of shoes and start walking out my front door. Or around my house in circles (I did that this week with high temps around -15°F ).3 -
I've been teaching time management to my team lately and really focusing on the idea of 168 - this being the number of hours in a week.
I start everyone off by having them list off the big time slots into categories (Work/Family/Personal Improvement) and then further drive down to sub-categories (Personal Improvement: Exercise/Hygiene/Eating/Sleep).
If you have access to Excel or similar spreadsheet program this serves as a stark reminder of the difference between our perceptions and reality. We all think we prioritize health, but this exercise serves as a great tool to point out how people act and what you can do to budget your time better to prioritize what matters in our lives.
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eliciaobrien1 wrote: »... I haven't worked out at all during my weight loss and I'm doing just fine. People make it more difficult then it has to be. Get your calorie goal, meet it. That's it. Anybody CAN do it.
Edit:I have, absolutely, seen people making excuses for things... hey, maybe that's even true, but only if you rephrase it to say 'everyone could lose weight if they were willing to sacrifice anything to do so, including their physical health, their mental health, their jobs, their families, and everything else important to them.'
How would any of these things force you to eat more than you need? Because that's all it comes down to. These are excuses.
I just wanted to point out that it is a misconception to say that Being overweight requires overeating once you are there.
Because once a person IS overweight, they do not have to overeat to stay there- they just have to eat at maintenance to stay there.
Losing weight, what we have been talking about from the original post, is extra effort. So when we talk of people losing weight, we’re talking about people using energy to do so. And why would any of the above force people not to do that?
Are you really trying to say that maintenance for a 400 pound morbidly obese individual is the same as maintenance for a 120 pound fit individual of the same height and relative bone structure? lol
I'll use myself as an example - since I know the numbers. When I was super skinny at 6'1 and about 135 pounds I could maintain that weight on about 2000 calories. Heck, I could skip breakfast and lunch and eat 3 Jumbo Jacks, a large fries and a coke for dinner and maintain. I did it for years.
Fast forward to right now. I'm 230 pounds (was 240 a few weeks ago, I'm on a cut). I'm fairly muscular but got relatively "fluffy" on my last bulk - which lasted for a year. My maintenance at my peak weight of 240 was about 4000 calories. I know this because I stalled several times before I increased to 4500+ to continue my bulk.
I also know several very heavy people who are close enough to me that I see what they eat on a daily basis. None of those people are getting fatter - they have "maintained" their level of obesity for years, but dang, they eat enough that even my bulk numbers would have probably put them into a deficit.
Anyhow, what I'm saying is that for a very obese person - "maintenance" is a tremendous amount of food and most people would consider that "overeating".
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MeanderingMammal wrote: »Knowing what you know now, by cruising these forums and trying CICO for yourself, In the end, are there any excuses you will accept for someone who WANTS to lose weight, but just "can't"?
The observation that I'd make is that use of language is important, in discussion with someone excuse can easily be received as pejorative. If you're talking to someone who just can't then the likely reaction is defensiveness and barriers. From a coaching perspective it's more productive to to use more neutral language, to help someone explore their priorities, and identify opportunities.
One of the most basic coaching models is GROW; Goal, Reality, Options, Will. The role of the coach is to help articulate these steps in a meaningful way and identify how to move onto the next stage. When we're talking about excuses we're in the reality of the individuals experience, but the use of the term presents a barrier to exploring options.
What we frequently see in these forums, and in the debate in general, is that people project their own reality onto others. The problem with that is that it can be a partial projection. I recall a discussion about finding time to train, with someone fairly forcefully pushing the idea of getting up at 0300 to then fit in an hour of training. It took another page of discussion to identify that when one is single, without kids and works within a couple of miles of home, going to bed at 1800 is a practical proposition. Despite the 0300 rise he was getting more sleep than most people have seen in years. It was utterly meaningless to the originator of that discussion who was looking for help around juggling 3 kids and a significant weight loss need. Which of the kids should she have de-prioritised?
I'd suggest that it can easily be down to identifying meaningful goals, and equally being able to change those. I think back to 2013 when I started a focused effort. I knew I needed to lose weight, but had no idea how much to lose. My weight wasn't unreasonable, but my composition was poor. Reading information didn't really help because the goal wasn't meaningful at the time.
I was successful initially more by luck than judgement. The calorie counting worked well initially, but I did end up in a far too aggressive deficit at one point, and that started to impact on the quality of my work. I think that was my first post in the forums; what's going on? As I recall PSULemon provided the only meaningful advice in response.
I would suggest that most people don't have clear goals, or if they do then they're too big or they're not grounded in reality. Once the goals are meaningful the realities of life can overlay and then identify the options. It's only at that point that choices can be made, and priorities set.
Again, looking back to my own experience; a vague goal with some challenging reality; 4 nights per week away from home and a lot of driving. I was fortunate that I could identify hotels that allowed me to get in some interesting running routes. What that led to was greater clarity around objectives, moving away from weight loss and more towards running performance.
As I look back I can see many points where it could have gone wrong, and at most of those had I been told I was making excuses that would have been counter-productive. It's the opposite of help.
This is one of the best, most thought-provoking posts I've read recently. Thank you.1 -
My excuses used to be my migraines (so I physically couldn't exercise) and that we were struggling financially (so I couldn't afford to eat veggies, lean protein and smoothies all day every day). But in trying to change my mind set in 2018 I've discovered that these excuses don't mean anything. It's up to me to educate myself to overcome these excuses so I can live a better life. My poor diet and lack of exercise isn't helping my migraines and I don't have to eat perfectly in order to lose weight. I just didn't want to put in the effort and that's all there is to it. No more excuses!4
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My excuses:
Don't feel like it.
I'm healthy, so my weight doesn't matter.
I don't like exercise.
I'm happy like this.
I don't have the money for the classes I want to take.
I'm breastfeeding and my body is holding weight.
I'm going to have another baby so why would I bother losing only to gain again?
Having kids is hard.
Having a husband who works shifts with kids is hard.
I'm not ready.
Honestly, I respect when people just flat out say they aren't ready, because no matter what your "excuse" is, that's the real underlying reason why attempts are not successful. We self-sabotage or give up because we aren't ready. Maybe we aren't doing it for the reasons that resonate best with us.
I wasn't ready for a long time, but when I was? Nothing could stop me.
For others still I think consistency or lack thereof plays a role. They really do think they are trying but the reality is that the consistency - be it measuring food, tracking every bite, exercising...whatever....isn't there. That might be a realization that comes with time and experience.2 -
I no longer have any excuses and have successfully lost 52 pounds. But I can remember what my excuses WERE for a few years before i finally had my breaking point.
I always told myself that I wasn’t THAT big, and that if I were to be within the normal BMI range I would be much too thin for my build. Wrong. I also said that the BMI range was based off of 1950s standards. Also wrong.
I also believed i was addicted to sugar (nope) and that I had binge eating disorder (I did) but I believed it could not be cured (it was).5 -
no excuses just reasons. in my mind they are different. knowing the reasons helps me make changes if i choose.5
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no excuses just reasons. in my mind they are different. knowing the reasons helps me make changes if i choose.
I had a "reason" a few years ago: a new medication caused me to put on 20 pounds in about 6 weeks (I am naturally slender, so it was almost 20% of my initial weight). I began counting (and cutting) calories and increasing/changing up my workouts, but I could not budge a single pound. It wasn't until several months later when I stopped that medication that I was able to lose weight again. (The first week off I lost 8 pounds--water weight-- then it took a few months to get rid of the rest of it.)
My "excuses" include depression (not having the motivation to workout), my back hurts, it's a special occasion, etc.
Reasons are very real things, when you are doing everything possible and "right," but changes aren't happening.
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There's always an excuse. The universe does not care.2
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Knowing what you know now, by cruising these forums and trying CICO for yourself, In the end, are there any excuses you will accept for someone who WANTS to lose weight, but just "can't"?
I've pretty much read them all on these forums from thyroid to injury, and for every excuse made I see about 10 responses of people who suffered the same or worse circumstance and still made it work.
I have, absolutely, seen people making excuses for things that they can do.
But I'll be honest, I have a problem with the implication in how this question is phrased. If you assume that everyone can lose weight, no matter what, no matter the circumstance, then there is no such thing as a reason someone couldn't lose weight, only excuses.
And that attitude pretty much invalidates anyone who has legitimate problems that impact weight loss, whether due to health reasons, financial issues, lifestyle, or whatever. It presumes that because someone else had some similar circumstances in a few respects, that must mean everyone else should be able to do it, too. Basically, it makes the assumption that there is an absolute: everyone could lose weight if they really wanted to and really tried hard enough.
And hey, maybe that's even true, but only if you rephrase it to say 'everyone could lose weight if they were willing to sacrifice anything to do so, including their physical health, their mental health, their jobs, their families, and everything else important to them.'
I don't think everyone is willing to do that. I'd think most people who WERE willing to do that would be making the wrong decision, in fact, because there are many things more important than losing weight. And when people talk about having problems that impact their weight loss, treating them as reasons means we help support each other and help think of things that might be possible to do to work toward a goal of eventual weight loss.
When we think of people's problems as excuses, we're basically saying 'I know that's an excuse, because I know better than you do about your own life and what you are capable of.' And that's pretty condescending, when you think about it. I personally don't know jack about someone else's life and situation, so I don't tend to assume they are just making an excuse.
Hear! Hear! Thank you shaumon for expressing my feelings so well. I, too, wish I could "Like" your post multitude times.3
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