Don't lose too much

2

Replies

  • FlyingMolly
    FlyingMolly Posts: 490 Member
    edited February 2018
    It might also be a way of saying that they love you as you are—you don’t need to change, and they’re afraid the wrong motivations might drive you further away from being the son they know and love. Remember: most of what people say is more about them than it is about you.

    Just be reassuring. Tell them you’re happy, you like what you’re doing, you enjoy having a goal. Tell them you feel really healthy and are having fun. That’s all most parents really ever need to know, anyway. :)
  • Iwantahealthierme30
    Iwantahealthierme30 Posts: 293 Member
    My goal is 140 but I haven't been 140 since 7th grade and I am 35 now so I think I will encounter this problem as I get smaller. I am now still 214. I'm 5'5" perfect weight for my height is 130.
  • Packerjohn
    Packerjohn Posts: 4,855 Member
    Parents sometimes have a strange perception. I was a year out of college, 6'2, 205 lbs. People routinely asked if I was on the university football or baseball team so appeared in decent shape. My mom, bless her kept telling me I needed to gain weight so I would look like my older cousin who had "such a nice bay window" (translation, beer gut). No thanks
  • mlsh1969
    mlsh1969 Posts: 138 Member
    middlehaitch wrote: »
    I was in my 50's, mum in her 80's when I lost the 30lbs I wanted to lose. My mum was very concerned about my face, she thought I looked ill.
    The next year when I went home (me Canada, her Scotland) she was pleased I had put on a bit of weight and my face had lost the drawn look, I hadn't, my face had just adjusted.

    I didn't worry, or take offence, about the initial face comment, I had always had a round face when younger at the weight I returned to, losing weight post menopause did make me even think look ill for a few months.

    TL:DR sometimes it takes a while for your face to adjust to your new weight. Your mum loves you.

    Cheers, h.

    Im glad to read this because right now my face has the look. Drawn n kinda aged. Im hopeful from ur story it will adjust back to normal. Thx
  • dena789
    dena789 Posts: 164 Member
    I heard this from my daughter a lot when my weight got under 200! I’m female, 5’8", 65 and my highest weight was 269. I got down to 185 in 2013 and she was really hard on me about it saying I looked horrible etc. I live with her and her family and she does the cooking. I have little control over what we eat, but I can control how much I eat even though she plates the food. Sadly, I put 40+ pounds back on over the past few years that I am currently working on losing again. I am already hearing "don’t get too thin" from her.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    You're still obese and far from wasting away. A lot of people have no idea what a healthy weight even looks like anymore. Also, change freaks people out. They aren't used to you being at a healthier weight. Don't even worry about it. You're on the right track. If you take it slow and steady (and add in some strength training) you won't look sickly or sunken in when you get to goal. :)
  • LivingtheLeanDream
    LivingtheLeanDream Posts: 13,345 Member
    People in general don't seem to have a real clue of what a healthy weight looks like any more.
  • Rocknut53
    Rocknut53 Posts: 1,794 Member
    edited February 2018
    LivingtheLeanDream wrote: »
    People in general don't seem to have a real clue of what a healthy weight looks like any more.

    ^^This^^ I am guilty of that as well. I used to look at women and think they were too skinny, until I lost my extra 60 pounds and now realize I had a really distorted view of "healthy." As to OP's concerns, everyone I know said I was getting too skinny while I was just barely in the healthy weight window. I'd just tell them not to worry, I'm almost done!
  • MrsPinterest34
    MrsPinterest34 Posts: 342 Member
    edited February 2018
    LivingtheLeanDream wrote: »
    People in general don't seem to have a real clue of what a healthy weight looks like any more.

    I agree. My mom was worried I was losing too much weight. When I saw her I was 143lb, I'm 5'2". My bmi then was around 26.2, an overweight BMI. I have been big my entire life since the 5th-6th grade. I realized my mom does not know what I look like with a healthy weight as an adult. So to her I look skinny. Compared to my older sister who has been a size 2-4 her adult life and 5'4". No one ever complains she's too skinny. Also I noticed my mom had gained weight since I last saw her. I was so excited to give her all my clothes that were too big, some still had tags, thinking it will fit her. I was so wrong. She couldn't fit into most of my clothes. I had to bring some back with me to donate. I had to remind her she is on multiple blood pressure meds, she needs to start losing weight to get off these meds. Also, if she doesn't want me to end up with heart problems losing weight is good for me.
  • misskarne
    misskarne Posts: 1,767 Member
    I understand the concerns about people not recognising "normal" weight anymore, but I think people are missing a vital clue right there in the OP: that OP had been involved in dangerous weight loss techniques before. I think loved ones have a right to be concerned in such a case.
  • stanmann571
    stanmann571 Posts: 5,728 Member
    You've gone from 350 to 240. You're a 5'10 man. that means that you're getting to the size where you no longer look "fat" from every angle. So yes, you're going to start getting comments about how much you've lost and how you should slow down.
  • batorkin
    batorkin Posts: 281 Member
    edited February 2018
    Man this really hit home, my entire family is obese except for me.

    I've lost 48 pounds so far, and I always wear black shirts so I look skinnier. Every time I see my mom (almost daily) she says "Oh my god you are so skinny, you need to eat more and stop trying to lose weight". It makes me mad because I want to eat more but I know I shouldn't. I shave my head, and she once told me "I look like a cancer victim" due to my face slimming down. It actually depressed me and almost made me give up.

    I am still 203 pounds, and I need to get to 188 to be considered "normal", plus I am definitely not going to stop right on the line of normal and overweight. My goal is 170-180.

    People are forgetting what healthy looks like, and that's scary.
  • lois1231
    lois1231 Posts: 331 Member
    I think in a way they are trying to sabotage you. Be careful. They might try to intentionally or unintentionally get you to eat more or eat more sugary foods. They aren't used to seeing you thinner and if they see you change it might make them realize they have no excuses not to change. You were like a comfortable old shoe, something that they were familiar with.
  • Rocknut53
    Rocknut53 Posts: 1,794 Member
    misskarne wrote: »
    I understand the concerns about people not recognising "normal" weight anymore, but I think people are missing a vital clue right there in the OP: that OP had been involved in dangerous weight loss techniques before. I think loved ones have a right to be concerned in such a case.

    Where is this vital clue we missed? How do I find this info about OP?
  • ZoneFive
    ZoneFive Posts: 570 Member
    edited February 2018
    I watched (on FB) a friend lose 100+ pounds over eighteen months. When she hit maintenance, her face was positively gaunt, and I thought she looked dreadful. She's been doing a lot of backpacking and trailwalking with her husband, and over time her weight has shifted and settled. She looks terrific now, months later.

    It's possible that I wasn't used to her new face, but it's also true that your body needs time to catch up with the new normal. That's one of the reasons real weight loss is a marathon, not a sprint, and we have to think long term.
  • apullum
    apullum Posts: 4,838 Member
    I can see why your parents are concerned if you have a history of eating disorders. Besides, they're your parents. They're always going to be concerned. I think the best you can do is to tell them that you are under a doctor's care and are making sure to get all of the nutrients your body needs. That might not help much, though. Things might get better when they realize how much healthier and happier you are as you get closer to your goal weight.

    My grandpa told me not to lose any more weight or else I would be ugly. My aunt told me that my new size is "too small for anyone to wear." A lot of us here have heard this stuff before. That doesn't make it any easier, but at least you know you're in good company.
  • HoneyBadger302
    HoneyBadger302 Posts: 1,970 Member
    The only people I've heard this from are people who are overweight. Friends and family who are fit, healthy, and at a good weight (no eating disorders in the under-eating category in my family) have never made that comment.
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 31,955 Member
    The "drawn face" thing happened to me, too, after losing around 60 pounds at age 59-60. I could see it myself, but it improved quite a bit in a few months.

    As one example, a former long-time spin instructor of mine came back to sub a class, nor having seen me since I'd lost weight, and complimented me on the weight loss. A few months later, she subbed again and told me "I thought you'd lost too much at first, but now you look strong and fit." That second time, I was still at the same weight, and had done nothing that would make me any stronger or fitter.

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