Seeking advice then arguing with the answer
Replies
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If someone posts asking about diet advice for their under active thyroid a person can saytinkerbellang83 wrote: »I agree that some people are like that but I don’t think that the blame always lies with the asker. There are a lot of people here who are notoriously *kitten* at knowing how to give advice. The things they’re saying might be true but their attitudes are confrontational and accusational - meaning that most people don’t really hear the advice, they just get immediately defensive and start arguing back because you’ve just insulted them. It’s those people with a know-it-all kind of attitude to giving advice that really struggle to understand that if you want people to take your advice you need to tailor the way you give it to each individual, instead of just spewing the same stuff to different people and expecting them all to react with overwhelming praise for you and your genius.
Tdlr: it doesn’t matter if your facts are correct, if your attitude sucks no one cares what you have to say.
It's very rare I've come across advice given in such a way that it's confrontational or accusational, culturally different sometimes yeah, I think more often it's people assuming there's a tone in a reply that there is not and is more to do with the reader than the writer. Not everyone is great at getting their point across in a straight-forward way but I don't think that means they have an attitude problem. Nor do I think any of the regular posters are here looking for praise, just trying to pass on the benefit of their own experiences.
In fact the only time I see it getting confrontational is when someone is a repeat poster is given great advice, ignores it and then comes back with the same question a few months later expecting different answers or when someone is trying to argue that magic pills and potions work.
“Well actually science finds hypothyroidism’s effect on your TDEE to actually not be that significant so it may just be that you’re eating to much”
Or they can say
“Actually thyroid doesn’t affect metabolism that much so stop using that as an excuse when you’re clearly eating too much.”
The latter is clearly confrontational and nothing to do with tone - you’ve outright accused that person of looking for excuses.
That’s obviously an example I just created, but I don’t believe that all fault lies within how the person chooses to imply tone. There are many genuine threads with people who have, through no fault of their own, been misinformed about something to do with weightloss - and more often than not I witness people go into those threads and begin their posts with accusations and criticism instead of understanding and re-education. It frustrates me no end and I hate that people leave the forums feeling like they’ve been attacked for making steps towards bettering themselves.
It’s okay if you disagree, but from my experiences this is what I’ve noticed.
Edit: that is to say I’m not accusing everyone of this - and I’m not accusing ‘the regulars’ of looking for praise. I’m saying I’ve seen SOME do this. I acknowledge that the majority of the community are genuinely kind and helpful.
Except that if someone is looking for validation/help making excuses instead of advice, they'll still claim that the second comment is an attack on their condition. EVEN when the person offering the advice has the same syndrome/condition.7 -
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Agreed. It can be very frustrating when they seriously will not acknowledge even part of the answer you give as possibly being accurate, or at the least ask more questions.2
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If someone posts asking about diet advice for their under active thyroid a person can saytinkerbellang83 wrote: »I agree that some people are like that but I don’t think that the blame always lies with the asker. There are a lot of people here who are notoriously *kitten* at knowing how to give advice. The things they’re saying might be true but their attitudes are confrontational and accusational - meaning that most people don’t really hear the advice, they just get immediately defensive and start arguing back because you’ve just insulted them. It’s those people with a know-it-all kind of attitude to giving advice that really struggle to understand that if you want people to take your advice you need to tailor the way you give it to each individual, instead of just spewing the same stuff to different people and expecting them all to react with overwhelming praise for you and your genius.
Tdlr: it doesn’t matter if your facts are correct, if your attitude sucks no one cares what you have to say.
It's very rare I've come across advice given in such a way that it's confrontational or accusational, culturally different sometimes yeah, I think more often it's people assuming there's a tone in a reply that there is not and is more to do with the reader than the writer. Not everyone is great at getting their point across in a straight-forward way but I don't think that means they have an attitude problem. Nor do I think any of the regular posters are here looking for praise, just trying to pass on the benefit of their own experiences.
In fact the only time I see it getting confrontational is when someone is a repeat poster is given great advice, ignores it and then comes back with the same question a few months later expecting different answers or when someone is trying to argue that magic pills and potions work.
“Well actually science finds hypothyroidism’s effect on your TDEE to actually not be that significant so it may just be that you’re eating to much”
Or they can say
“Actually thyroid doesn’t affect metabolism that much so stop using that as an excuse when you’re clearly eating too much.”
The latter is clearly confrontational and nothing to do with tone - you’ve outright accused that person of looking for excuses.
That’s obviously an example I just created, but I don’t believe that all fault lies within how the person chooses to imply tone. There are many genuine threads with people who have, through no fault of their own, been misinformed about something to do with weightloss - and more often than not I witness people go into those threads and begin their posts with accusations and criticism instead of understanding and re-education. It frustrates me no end and I hate that people leave the forums feeling like they’ve been attacked for making steps towards bettering themselves.
It’s okay if you disagree, but from my experiences this is what I’ve noticed.
Edit: that is to say I’m not accusing everyone of this - and I’m not accusing ‘the regulars’ of looking for praise. I’m saying I’ve seen SOME do this. I acknowledge that the majority of the community are genuinely kind and helpful.
So if it's rare why even bring it up?8 -
^^^^ Yep. So much knowledge here, and I am continually learning, even after 100lbs lost (weighing beans, eating sweet potato skin). More annoyed by the spreading of woo than "dumb" questions. I think many people are often posting in earnest why they think they are eating 1200 calories and not losing weight. There's enough incorrect information in the world and in the MFP database to lead a person to believing that if they had never before step foot into the forums.4 -
Ay, it’s okay if you disagree with me but you don’t need to pick apart semantics just to prove me wrong. I didn’t say it was rare, I said it wasn’t the majority.VintageFeline wrote: »
If someone posts asking about diet advice for their under active thyroid a person can saytinkerbellang83 wrote: »I agree that some people are like that but I don’t think that the blame always lies with the asker. There are a lot of people here who are notoriously *kitten* at knowing how to give advice. The things they’re saying might be true but their attitudes are confrontational and accusational - meaning that most people don’t really hear the advice, they just get immediately defensive and start arguing back because you’ve just insulted them. It’s those people with a know-it-all kind of attitude to giving advice that really struggle to understand that if you want people to take your advice you need to tailor the way you give it to each individual, instead of just spewing the same stuff to different people and expecting them all to react with overwhelming praise for you and your genius.
Tdlr: it doesn’t matter if your facts are correct, if your attitude sucks no one cares what you have to say.
It's very rare I've come across advice given in such a way that it's confrontational or accusational, culturally different sometimes yeah, I think more often it's people assuming there's a tone in a reply that there is not and is more to do with the reader than the writer. Not everyone is great at getting their point across in a straight-forward way but I don't think that means they have an attitude problem. Nor do I think any of the regular posters are here looking for praise, just trying to pass on the benefit of their own experiences.
In fact the only time I see it getting confrontational is when someone is a repeat poster is given great advice, ignores it and then comes back with the same question a few months later expecting different answers or when someone is trying to argue that magic pills and potions work.
“Well actually science finds hypothyroidism’s effect on your TDEE to actually not be that significant so it may just be that you’re eating to much”
Or they can say
“Actually thyroid doesn’t affect metabolism that much so stop using that as an excuse when you’re clearly eating too much.”
The latter is clearly confrontational and nothing to do with tone - you’ve outright accused that person of looking for excuses.
That’s obviously an example I just created, but I don’t believe that all fault lies within how the person chooses to imply tone. There are many genuine threads with people who have, through no fault of their own, been misinformed about something to do with weightloss - and more often than not I witness people go into those threads and begin their posts with accusations and criticism instead of understanding and re-education. It frustrates me no end and I hate that people leave the forums feeling like they’ve been attacked for making steps towards bettering themselves.
It’s okay if you disagree, but from my experiences this is what I’ve noticed.
Edit: that is to say I’m not accusing everyone of this - and I’m not accusing ‘the regulars’ of looking for praise. I’m saying I’ve seen SOME do this. I acknowledge that the majority of the community are genuinely kind and helpful.
So if it's rare why even bring it up?
That said, I’m pleased that you yourself seem to have had a positive experience with the forums here and I hope that you can spread that to others.
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