Is the idea that we should gain just a little as we age a fallacy?

When my mom's cancer went to her brain, we (reluctantly) put her in a nursing home. Her roommate was a very large woman - 300+#. Staff had to use a cherry picker to get her in and out of the bed and into a wheelchair. Why, oh why, would anyone say it is better to gain weight in our golden years?

Is the idea that we should gain just a little as we age a fallacy?

You might think thata person who reflect on themself as a 300-pound that it would be with disdain or pity. Hell no. The longer one is thin, though, the more the miss the gifts of living in a body so big that people often turned away. It may sound strange to some, but here are five things some miss about the old, obese self:

1. Power

Being fat gave them natural physical strength. As a thin person, One has to go out of there way to be strong. Despite daily strength training oneis nowhere near as powerful as they used to be. Once upon a time they could confidently lift a couch into and out of a moving truck (a U-Haul, not a truck in motion — being fat never did give anyone super powers). Today, most labor under the weight of heavy things. They miss the natural, organic strength that they used to take for granted, the sheer power born of moving under the weight of ones own fat day after day.

2. Comfort

At bedtime one can lie down in a sea of pillows. A husband/ or wife might laughs at them, but one needs all those pillows because one has spent most of their life in a large, soft body. When they are lying on there side, the feeling of knee bone on knee bone is enough to keep them up all night; Most hug a pillow to compensate for the generous expanse of tummy the arms are used to rest on. They haven’t slept on there stomach in over a decade because they lost the nice, round belly that softened the space between my spine and the bed. Also, they could write a whole post about how awful it feels to sit on a hard surface with a bony butt. Tail bones and hard seats: never the two should meet.

3. Perspective

When one is fat they understood that most weight changes are fleeting and insignificant. At 300 pounds, they wore clothes forgiving enough to accommodate ten pounds lost or gained, so they didn’t think much of it. Sadly, some going from a size 6 to an 8 can make them nuts in a way that going from a size 26 to a 28 just never did. They miss the freedom they once had from noticing and obsessing over Every. Single. Pound.

For some obese woman they experience the world every day in a body that was judged, undervalued, demonized, mocked, feared, despised, and avoided. Those awful experiences gave them more empathy, more character, more personality, and a broader, richer and more inclusive perspective than lifelong thinness ever could have (back off, deep and interesting lifelong-skinny women — I’m speaking for all of us here). They also have a much more meaningful appreciation for my health and the body they have today, and they sure as hell will never take it for granted. Not to mention the deep respect they automatically have for every person they meet who doesn’t fit the (white, straight, middle-class, able-bodied) mold.

4. Friendships

Starting and maintaining friendships was easier whensome are fat. Women/men rarely see themselves as a rival and are less self-conscious than they are around others in today's society. One's larger body can make it easier for other peers to let their guard down and be themselves. Because they felt less-than when they were fat, some was way more forgiving and accommodating, and others often edited themself for maximum social appeal.

Friendships today are more likely to feel prepiered with insecurities. Confident and candid, strong and outspoken, today many represent the real them, and, at times, ruffle the feathers of the sort of people they spent their early life catering to. The friendships that remains require real, sometimes uncomfortable heart-to-heart discussions, and true open-mindedness; they can be exhausting. When they had a long, hard day, they miss the easy, comparatively effortless friendships of yesteryear.

5. Presence

Finally, there’s the weird disconnect between the size of one in our minds and the size of everone else — The physical body — in the world. The “me” in our brains is big. There voice is big. There feelings are big. There attitude is big. Ten years ago, all that bigness was reflected in everyones body — fat, round, impossible to miss. Now, everyones personality and everyones body feel mismatched, like ones mind is walking around in shoes several sizes too small. They miss feeling like a cohesive whole. They miss inhabiting the grander space they once did.

I don't think we need to go out of our way to gain weight, but having a 'bumper'/not being a super low BMI exists for a reason.

I'm 29 and in the last year I've had an emergent appendectomy and my father died. It took 7lbs from me I didn't really have to lose. I'm 5'11ish and I went from 145 > 138 > currently 140.

To go through all that when I'm older but without the bolster of youth? I don't know if I would have made it out as well as I did. It's not to say I agree with gaining 20lbs and calling it 'health', I just think that we should be careful about where we situate ourselves in terms of our body composition.

I am at the lower end of my BMI at 46. I am pretty fit and healthy but a bit more muscle mass would not go astray. I weigh less now than I ever have since childhood as I had been overweight most of my life. My biggest concern is if I get sick that I only have a couple of kilos in reserve until I am underweight which could delay recovery. However, I believe I am less likely to get sick because I am fitter and healthier than the average person in my age bracket. Ideally I think a few extra kilos as a buffer would be an advantage but I see no advantage of being heavier than the top end of my BMI range.

CarvedTones wrote: »

cwolfman13 wrote: »

kimny72 wrote: »

Also, if I could be pedantic for a moment though isn't there a difference between vanity lbs and being overweight? And isn't there a difference between "it's bad to be underweight" and "it's good to be a bit overweight"?

At 5'4 I have been maintaining at @ 125 which is right around the middle of the healthy weight range for my height. If I dropped all the way down to 110, that would be underweight and probably not the best place to be in my 70s if longevity is a goal. But I could gain 10 vanity lbs putting me at 135 and still not be "overweight".

I'd also guess older folks who are in fact overweight would be more likely to take to heart the idea that the extra weight is protective, simply because it sounds better than "I never figured out how to lose it like I wanted to"

Most of the stuff that I've read addresses BF% rather than weight with higher levels of BF% being ideal as we age, but they're all still in the healthy BF% range and not overly fat.

Here's the chart that was created using the research done by Jackson and Pollock...

Love the chart; love, love, love! I am 59 and the admittedly suspect handheld device said I am 20.5%. I am planning to drop another 5 from my current weight, which I have been maintaining at and one reason is to get under 20%. The chart isn't convincing me not to do that though; thee is also a small amount of fat hangin around just above the beltline that I hope is affected (I know I can't spot reduce, but it is the last really obvious spot).

Ooohhh, I hate hate hate the chart! I’m 53, teetering over 18.5 BMI, under 19%BF (navy formula). I’ve been +/- the same wt since college but may have more lean mass since I started weight lifting a few years ago. I fantasize about doing bulk-cut to end up with 5 lb more lean with the same fat pounds. Which, obviously, would put me at an even lower BF.... like that of a 20 year old. The chart depresses me terribly. It makes me wonder if I’m just in denial about hopes/expectations at my age. It makes me wonder if I could ever really gain LMB with weight lifting, if it’s all downhill from here.

VanVanDiane wrote: »

https://www.nhs.uk/news/obesity/bmi-and-survival-in-older-people/

An interesting response from the NHS here...

By looking at 70+, they've left out a bunch of people who've already died of things that are higher risk when overweight (CV events, cancer, complications of poorly-managed diabetes . . . ).

My doctor prefers that her older female patients be borderline normal/overweight (BMI 25-27). She is mostly concerned with bone loss and believes a little extra weight is beneficial. There is some research to support this view. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4016235/