This is me...broken.

GirlMomOf3
GirlMomOf3 Posts: 4 Member
in Introduce Yourself
Hi!! I’m Christina, 25 years old. My entire life I have struggled with weight gain. In 5th grade, I wore size 14 in juniors jeans. I would lose weight, just to gain it back. I was severely bullied in high school. I became a stress eater which is why I could never lose weight. I just eat and eat and eat. Until here I am, 240 pounds and disgusted with myself. I can’t look in the mirror. I went through a divorce four years ago. I was married to a man that reminded me how disgusting I was because I lost my cute 170 pound body when I got pregnant with my first daughter. Then I got pregnant with girl #2.... then I was 234... I was gross. So gross. He used to make sure I knew that.
Now in a new relationship with someone who tells me I’m beautiful, I still hear “you’re fat”...

I just want to feel pretty. I want to feel accomplished. I want to feel healthier. I want to be free from all the mental abuse that I put myself through because of my weight.

If you want to be friends, please add me! I could use new friends on the journey with me!

Replies

  • AmberGlitterSparkles
    AmberGlitterSparkles Posts: 699 Member
    I have been through a lot of similar struggles. If you ever need to talk I’m here.
  • GirlMomOf3
    GirlMomOf3 Posts: 4 Member
    Thank you ! I appreciate that!
  • shedsports10
    shedsports10 Posts: 39 Member
    Welcome, no one should ever have to treated like that. It sounds like you are with someone that seems to love you for you are inside and out. I found that weight loss is a life change. And seems you are on the right path.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    My heart cries for you that you have such a critical inner voice. Of course you are a beautiful person. My wish is that you undertake this weight loss exercise as an exciting and enjoyable opportunity, loving yourself now and for all you will be.
  • tinkerbellang83
    tinkerbellang83 Posts: 9,129 Member
    edited June 2018
    GirlMomOf3 wrote: »
    Hi!! I’m Christina, 25 years old. My entire life I have struggled with weight gain. In 5th grade, I wore size 14 in juniors jeans. I would lose weight, just to gain it back. I was severely bullied in high school. I became a stress eater which is why I could never lose weight. I just eat and eat and eat. Until here I am, 240 pounds and disgusted with myself. I can’t look in the mirror. I went through a divorce four years ago. I was married to a man that reminded me how disgusting I was because I lost my cute 170 pound body when I got pregnant with my first daughter. Then I got pregnant with girl #2.... then I was 234... I was gross. So gross. He used to make sure I knew that.
    Now in a new relationship with someone who tells me I’m beautiful, I still hear “you’re fat”...

    I just want to feel pretty. I want to feel accomplished. I want to feel healthier. I want to be free from all the mental abuse that I put myself through because of my weight.

    If you want to be friends, please add me! I could use new friends on the journey with me!

    You are not and were never disgusting or gross, you were just married to someone who was disgusting if that was how he made you feel! Neither are you fat, you have fat and you can lose it.

    Sounds like you have a lot of issues around your body image, and you should seriously consider therapy to work through that because losing weight alone doesn't necessarily quiet the voice in your head or make you happy.

    Best of luck with your journey and remember to love yourself, if you can't do it for yourself, do it for your daughters.





  • annaskiski
    annaskiski Posts: 1,212 Member
    edited June 2018
    You're on the path to a healthier you!

    Be patient, be flexible, Choose to be happy. (put turds behind you)

    Focus on the future...
  • OHammykins
    OHammykins Posts: 98 Member
    @GirlMomOf3 You have come to the right place! And your first step should be to teach yourself how to love yourself. I know it sounds difficult or nearly impossible but you can do it. If you learn to love yourself, everything else becomes easier... "I'm making a healthy dinner because I care about and love myself and want to do something that's good for me" etc.

    It can be slow but try to find something you like about yourself everyday and compliment yourself on it. I had to adopt a "fake it til you make it" attitude when I wad beginning. I would say I liked my arms or legs even though I didn't really believe it. Gradually over time I did start to believe it.

    You can do this.
  • annaskiski
    annaskiski Posts: 1,212 Member
    OHammykins wrote: »
    @GirlMomOf3 You have come to the right place! And your first step should be to teach yourself how to love yourself. I know it sounds difficult or nearly impossible but you can do it. If you learn to love yourself, everything else becomes easier... "I'm making a healthy dinner because I care about and love myself and want to do something that's good for me" etc.

    It can be slow but try to find something you like about yourself everyday and compliment yourself on it. I had to adopt a "fake it til you make it" attitude when I wad beginning. I would say I liked my arms or legs even though I didn't really believe it. Gradually over time I did start to believe it.

    You can do this.

    Just wanted to add, this really works....YOU ARE WONDER WOMAN..

    Now go out there and make it true..
  • daneejela
    daneejela Posts: 461 Member
    I will tell you something, and I might sound harsh, but I say it because I think it could be helpful.

    You had a bad experience like many people had. Sooner you let go of those experiences, sooner you'll be free of it.
    You could be bullied for numerous reasons, one of them is even if you are a better achiever then your mates.
    Life sucks sometimes. Don't let those past experiences pull you back.
    You have two kids! In my opinion, that solely is a great achievement!

    And don't tell to yourself that you are a stress eater or comfort eater or whatever eater. It's just something you did in your past. Now you have support and you also have found this forum and you have all the tools you need to change your habits.

    Good luck!

  • karenascott702
    karenascott702 Posts: 2 Member
    Hi Christina.....Lets flip that, You're 25 and I'm 52. I'm also frustrated and disguised that I have gain so much weight over the years. Im 200+ and counting also. I just love to eat. All the time, even when I'm not hungry. When I'm watching TV, every commercial I'm in the fridge. My sister introduced me to this app. WE CAN DO THIS...#girlPOWER. I'm proud that you decided to take control of your life at a young age. Never allow anyone to define you on the content of your weight.

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