JUST FOR TODAY ....... One day at a time ..... Daily Commitment Thread for 2018

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  • nickssweetheart
    nickssweetheart Posts: 874 Member
    @Snowflake1968 Having to get new clothes because of a slimmer you is the BEST. Great job!
  • bcTRAI
    bcTRAI Posts: 414 Member
    edited July 2018
    Snowflake1968 wrote: »
    I desperately needed a new bra, I have been putting this off now for a couple months.

    Hey there, try Romantic Notions in Spruce Grove. A bit expensive but they do personalized fittings, the bras are absolutely gorgeous, and if you divide the price by 365 (a year) it's no where near as horrible. Plus... a bra that fits well makes the rest of you look even slimmer! Bonus!
  • Bex953172
    Bex953172 Posts: 4,059 Member
    Snowflake1968 wrote: »
    @Bex953172 this showed up on the top of my quotes for my nightly fb post. I think it was meant for you.bwv3gb4dobya.jpeg

    Hahaha that's amazing!
  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,724 Member
    Bex953172 wrote: »
    Snowflake1968 wrote: »
    Bex953172 wrote: »
    mytime6630 wrote: »
    OK @Bex ---- are you drinking your water!!!!! Diet coach here checking on you today!

    I will be today. Its 6am here. I'm in a bad mood because its 6am. Getting sick of being woken this early by the kids.
    My 4 year old is being a total nightmare, constantly, all day. I can't take it anymore. I've talked to her., shouted at her, put her in her room, put her on the step, pleaded with her, burst into tears begging her to stop and then even her dad got involved basically doing the same thing and she just did not stop.

    Hence the awful day. I just don't know what to do anymore. She doesn't listen to a word I say. Not a word. Or she will for about 30 seconds before I'm having to tell her again.

    Oh honey, what is she doing specifically? Is she the middle child?

    She's the eldest.
    She's got sudden separation anxiety but I find it smothering. Say for example she's in the lounge. If I go use the toilet she will then start screaming for me. Just now she's asked to watch a film in her room that we bought her today, she's been out her room about 20 times just to see if im okay. Which sounds nice right? In a way, but then when she is with me she back chats, I ask her to do anything it's "I don't want to" or "in a minute" or she asks why. Anything I ask her not to do she does do. Like to stop getting right in caseys face, to stop screaming in Marleys face and to stop running around, to stop banging the furniture. As soon as I've told her to stop doing something I'm telling her to stop doing something else. So I think right I'll let them in the garden to play. And she's just in and out, in and out, in and out.
    She always does little things to her sister Marley and Marleys response is to scream full pelt. So I'm. Shouting at her for screaming and then saskia for winding her up.

    And it's just stuff like that, I wouldn't mind it every now and then, that's kids. But it's every day all day.
    What annoys me is she can only have learnt it from me as I'm the main caregiver for all of them (my partner helps obv but I do the majority) and I don't know how to change it all around when she's probably only copying my behaviour. Thing is my behaviour came from being depressed but now I'm not and she's being. Like that thinking that's normal.
    So basically I messed up. I don't know how to fix it and it's just in some massive cycle I don't know how to break.

    Is the separation anxiety new? I think she might just want some attention from Mommy. It's hard having little sisters.

    My oldest daughter had to have everything explained to her before she would do it. She was always accused of being sassy, but I realized it was just her way of trying to understand her world and her place in it. I understand the frustration truly. She made me want to pull my hair out! Her son is exactly the same, so I have my revenge now. LOL I ended up treating her like an adult at a much younger age than I did her sister, but it was because that is how she responded best. She needed the details and the reasons. Her and I had some very deep conversations at a very young age.

    I tried the "because I said so" and it never worked. She needed to have the steps and reasoning laid out for her. For instance: It's time to pick up your toys. Why? Because it's going to be bedtime in 1/2 an hour and if you want time for a story it needs to get done now. I also used the timer and gave lots of warnings. You have 1/2 an hour before you need to pick the toys up. Then 15 minutes then, 10, then 5 then 3, etc. There were times that I would say, I don't have time to explain the steps or reasoning right now but I will once we are done. I kept to this so she would learn to trust me, and know that I would follow through. If she didn't do it she didn't get a story.

    She needed consistency but I am a very "go where the wind takes me" type of person so I had to help her to adapt to that. I think it has helped her as an adult. She still asks why and tries to find answers before doing something, but she is open to trying new things. These traits were just part of her personality, I had to learn to adapt to her and not expect her to be what my "dream child" was but to embrace her for who she is. When she is a teenager and being asked to do things by peers you will be thankful for this.

    Her sister was the total opposite, would just shrug and do whatever anyone asked of her. I thought this was great until she was a teen and then would do the same with her friends. She was my early drinker, school skipper, went and got a job after I told her no. She is a people pleaser and will put her own needs behind everyone else's so she doesn't disappoint them. In grade 5 she went missing for over 5 hours, we found her on a city bus riding around with another girl also in grade 5 that was skipping school because she was being bullied. Our daughter didn't think it was safe for this other little girl to do it alone so joined her. I have seen her do so much for so many and then watch her cry because she is overwhelmed and tired from taking others problems as one of her own. It was a completely different experience raising her, we learned not to over ask of her and had to teach her to stand up for herself and that it was OK to say no.

    Each of your girls will be different, you will not be able to do the exact same things with all of them. As long as your rules, values, morals and care is consistent with each of them you are winning. You just have to find what works for each of them and how their personality affects how they learn.

    The bright side is, the best thing you can do for your children is love them unconditionally, make sure their needs are met, and teach them and guide them. You are doing all of that! You wouldn't be worried if you weren't a good mom.

  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,724 Member
    PhedraJD wrote: »
    @bex953172 I am so sorry she is stressing you out. I am normally a lurker, and find everyone inspiring, but thought I would stop in because I understand your frustration. Take my advice for whatever it is worth. Now that she is a little older the reward chart might be very helpful. (She can probably, understand the consequences better now.) She might be having a hard time adjusting to having a new sister around, and less of mom’s attention. Maybe if she is having a good day (start out small on expectations, maybe she just did her chores), she can pick a reward such as 10 minutes cuddle time with mom, a story read from mom or dad, an extra few minutes to splash around in the tub, a game of Ring around the Rosies, or helping mom in the kitchen, set her on the counter, scoot a chair she can stand on, she can hold the bowl, or mix something. You can work up to bigger rewards for say having 3 or 4 good days in a row. Picnic in the living room, a pillow fight, Bubbles in the back yard, coloring with mom and dad.

    Sometimes they just need a time out (over stimulation, being tired can cause crankiness and not willing to listen.) Does she take a nap, or just have quiet time, where she just needs to lay down with a book or a stuffed animal. (She might be at that stage where naps aren’t worth the fight.)

    And sometimes they just need to be in time out, where mom walks away and ignores her tantrum. I was a single mom when my youngest hit the terrible 3, 4, and 5’s. She threw killer temper tantrums. Sometimes I would have to hold her with my legs and arms around here because she would kick and hit. I would try putting her in the bathroom as time out she would kick the walls and scream so loud. I was sure the neighbors would call child welfare on me, so I never left her in there long enough to make a difference. Finally, when I had someone around I could trust with my kids (hopefully dad can help) I would put her in time out, and leave the house. This gave me a chance to escape the stress, and let her know that her tantrums were not going to get my attention anymore. My partner could just ignore her screaming and set her back on her time out spot, without it killing him emotionally. He would just text me when she was done and I would come home. It took a few times (5-6), but the tantrums became fewer and fewer. Now she rarely has a tantrum. We also taught her ways to handle her anger as well, such as breathing and counting to ten to help her calm down. If she was able to calm herself from her tantrum she was praised for it. As she has gotten older, we have shown her that bad behavior leads to us not being able to do fun things with her.

    Now it has been over a year since she threw anything close to a tantrum, and usually I can just tell her her behavior or attitude is crossing the line.

    When my girls were teenagers, I was at a yard sale and saw a big picture with a monkey riding a bicycle, it said "Attitude is Everything". I hung it right at the top of the stairs so they had to see it every time they went stomping up to their room in anger at me. They never found the humour in that picture until they were grown up. LOL
  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,724 Member
    Bex953172 wrote: »
    PhedraJD wrote: »
    @bex953172 I am so sorry she is stressing you out. I am normally a lurker, and find everyone inspiring, but thought I would stop in because I understand your frustration. Take my advice for whatever it is worth. Now that she is a little older the reward chart might be very helpful. (She can probably, understand the consequences better now.) She might be having a hard time adjusting to having a new sister around, and less of mom’s attention. Maybe if she is having a good day (start out small on expectations, maybe she just did her chores), she can pick a reward such as 10 minutes cuddle time with mom, a story read from mom or dad, an extra few minutes to splash around in the tub, a game of Ring around the Rosies, or helping mom in the kitchen, set her on the counter, scoot a chair she can stand on, she can hold the bowl, or mix something. You can work up to bigger rewards for say having 3 or 4 good days in a row. Picnic in the living room, a pillow fight, Bubbles in the back yard, coloring with mom and dad.

    Sometimes they just need a time out (over stimulation, being tired can cause crankiness and not willing to listen.) Does she take a nap, or just have quiet time, where she just needs to lay down with a book or a stuffed animal. (She might be at that stage where naps aren’t worth the fight.)

    And sometimes they just need to be in time out, where mom walks away and ignores her tantrum. I was a single mom when my youngest hit the terrible 3, 4, and 5’s. She threw killer temper tantrums. Sometimes I would have to hold her with my legs and arms around here because she would kick and hit. I would try putting her in the bathroom as time out she would kick the walls and scream so loud. I was sure the neighbors would call child welfare on me, so I never left her in there long enough to make a difference. Finally, when I had someone around I could trust with my kids (hopefully dad can help) I would put her in time out, and leave the house. This gave me a chance to escape the stress, and let her know that her tantrums were not going to get my attention anymore. My partner could just ignore her screaming and set her back on her time out spot, without it killing him emotionally. He would just text me when she was done and I would come home. It took a few times (5-6), but the tantrums became fewer and fewer. Now she rarely has a tantrum. We also taught her ways to handle her anger as well, such as breathing and counting to ten to help her calm down. If she was able to calm herself from her tantrum she was praised for it. As she has gotten older, we have shown her that bad behavior leads to us not being able to do fun things with her.

    Now it has been over a year since she threw anything close to a tantrum, and usually I can just tell her her behavior or attitude is crossing the line.

    Thank you for this! So nice of you to come out of lurking to message me.
    I feel like a rubbish parent half the time. I constantly worry I'm going to mess them up. I always seem to do things wrong

    Parenting is the hardest job you will ever have. I personally think if you think it's a breeze and you're mastering it, you aren't doing it right. However, you won't mess them up, you care and love them. You'll defend them, guide them and coach them. They'll know that they can come to you for anything and everything and you'll have their back, that is winning at parenting.
  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,724 Member
    mytime6630 wrote: »
    Bex953172 wrote: »

    See this is where I've gone wrong. The TV is on all day. It's just background noise. The films are the special treats. They don't really have special toys. They just use all their toys.
    I will turn the TV off sometimes so they will use their toys but they mostly use both in the day but if they start slobbing about watching it all day I turn it off.

    I think the "special" toys would work perfectly then! Sometimes just a new toy, or a new pack of crayons or notebook ... something different! Do you have "dollar stores" where you live? Here we do, and everything only cost $1.00 ... yes, their cheap stuff, but great entertainment for a little one.
    Or ... maybe a special movie or something they don't get to see much. But ... it could also be just being cooped up. I was that way yesterday LOL!!! It has been SO hot here .... even though I get out ... there is nothing like being outside to play! Hang in there .... and vent whenever you want!

    and you STOP thinking you are a bad parent, and are messing up. You are a great mommy!!!

    My brother had what I thought we "perfect" kids. I remember once saying to my mom that his kids were so good ... they would sit on the couch like little angels, while my kids were running around screaming, picking on each other, having tantrums if they didn't get what they wanted, etc etc.

    My mom told me that NO ... his kids were not normal kids. A normal kid does what mine were doing .... testing their limits, having tantrums to see if you will give into their demands, picking on each other. This is just a normal part of growing up... so you have normal kids - they are just testing you to see what they can get away with, might be just bored, etc.

    And please don't ever let my situation with my daughter scare you. Parenting has absolutely nothing to do with what we are dealing with ... my daughter had mental illness in her genes, and no matter what we did, it was unavoidable. So please do not ever let that scare you ... you are doing a great job! Parenting is absolutely the hardest job in the world .... so give yourself lots of credit!

    I 100% agree with your Mom. I find those quiet well behaved kids a little worrisome.
  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,724 Member
    jeschepp wrote: »
    Today I tried a workout video (The Biggest Loser Workout) because the weather was terrible for the 3rd day in a row and I'm bored with my stationary bike. It kicked my butt!! I made it through but oh boy did I feel all the muscles I haven't been using (most of my workouts have been walk/jogging or biking.) Had a some thoughts this week around "is this worth it" and "it's taken a month to lose 5 pounds how long will the whole 40 I want to lose take." This left me a little defeated and wanting to give up. Mostly I just told those voices to shut up, womanned up, and did what I need to do to continue this journey. Sometimes it's just hard, ya know. It took me like 10 years to put this weight on, it will take time to work off. This is not a diet, it's a life change. Anyway, that's where I've been this week. Thanks for *listening* as always.

    For today:
    House chores-½ points
    30 minutes exercise ✅
    Meet 1200 net calories, counting exercise ✅
    Track food and exercise ✅
    Water challenge-80 oz. ✅
    Add one page to bullet journal-did one last night
    Set weekend plans including 1-month reward!!! ✅-dude this is going to be pizza. I, who usually ate pizza weekly (easily) has not had pizza in a month. It is time!
    DISHES ✅
    Post here for accountability ✅

    For tomorrow:
    Self-care
    House chores
    30 minutes exercise
    Meet 1200 net calories, counting exercise
    Track food and exercise
    Water challenge-80 oz.
    Post here for accountability

    I think I need to start doing something that uses all of my muscles too. The walking just isn't enough I don't think. Boy do I hear you, about is it worth it? I have been struggling since mid June, having a hard time staying on track and just getting anywhere. My weight keeps fluctuating between 2-3 pounds and not moving. However, the tape measure is showing improvement. Every time I think of giving up I log in here and see I'm not alone and if no one else is giving up neither will I.

    We can do this! We just need to get our stubborn on!
  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,724 Member
    bcTRAI wrote: »
    Snowflake1968 wrote: »
    I desperately needed a new bra, I have been putting this off now for a couple months.

    Hey there, try Romantic Notions in Spruce Grove. A bit expensive but they do personalized fittings, the bras are absolutely gorgeous, and if you divide the price by 365 (a year) it's no where near as horrible. Plus... a bra that fits well makes the rest of you look even slimmer! Bonus!

    Thanks, I will have a look at them!
  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,724 Member
    Saragirl2 wrote: »

    Happy Friday!

    Walked short walk w/DH. I'll probably walk again as it didn't seem to do much for me.
    Pretrack food as much as possible.
    Stay under calorie deficit.
    Drink water.
    Stop by a seasonal market to buy veggies & nectarines (very popular with DS & DH.
    Stock up on protein bars. Going to try Quest for a change.
    Decide on 2 recipes for a cookout this Saturday & shop for ingredients.
    Get house ready for company.
    Make appt with GI. Think I may be allergic to something.

    @Bex953172 something that helped me through some challenging times when my kids were younger was a technique called "Magic 1-2-3". A teacher/friend recommended it. I tried to read the book but ended up borrowing the video from our library. I noticed a huge improvement!! My husband wouldn't jump on board & even though the technique recommends that parents/caregivers all practice it at the same time, it still worked with just me. Even my 14 yr old still responds to it (rarely need it at that age). It allowed me to handle things calmly and not always be yelling. Occasionally, I would also watch Super Nanny for a little inspiration too lol. You're doing great. I used to get myself down because I would compare myself to others. I still have to remind myself that this robs me and my children of our own happiness. Kids thrive in structure and they learn to appreciate their "free time".





    I used that Magic 1-2-3 too, now my daughter uses it with her children. It's a good one. My girls were too old when Supernanny came out but I watched that show religiously, she was awesome.
  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,724 Member
    junodog1 wrote: »
    junodog1 wrote: »
    JFT Thursday
    :( Stick to the planned foods - July challenge
    :/ Work - write up procedure for processing deceased team member payments
    :star:Call Mom
    :star: Walk - get 10K steps (Weather permitting lightning will keep me indoors)

    Jeez, I keep the list simple and still don't get it done. I'm in a funk because my husband and brother are trolling each other online. They think it's funny. TBH I am bothered by two things, one that it will get out of hand and someone will actually angry and two that it reflects badly on me. My logical brain tells me they are two grown ups and to keep myself out of it. But my soul is not happy. So yesterday I ate a rather big bag of peanut M&Ms. Nothing logical about that but it made me feel better for a while. I was also very behind on sleep which lowers my threshold for bu||*kitten*. I got home last night, was overly angry at my husband (in my head) so I went straight upstairs and laid down to decompress. Ended up napping and woke up in the dark. When I did get up I left for a walk, which was the right thing to do and that helped clear my head a little - and I got my 10K steps. For my work item - well a 'fire' broke out and I had to spend the day on that.


    JFT Friday
    First off let me say TGIF I am ready for a weekend
    • Stick to the food plan
    • Stay in the green for calories
    • Plan the weekends meals - include those beautiful litte red skined potatoes from Aldis
    • 10K Steps
    • Be productive at work (I would like to go home feeling like I got something of value accomplished.)

    One day and so many posts to read! I'll have to do that at lunch or later.

    I can understand how you think that this will escalate. I don't get the whole trolling for fun thing. Hopefully they stop to give you some peace of mind soon.
  • PhedraJD
    PhedraJD Posts: 1,392 Member
    Bex953172 wrote: »

    Thank you for this! So nice of you to come out of lurking to message me.
    I feel like a rubbish parent half the time. I constantly worry I'm going to mess them up. I always seem to do things wrong

    No problem. No way can you be a "rubbish" parent. It is quite evident that you love them.

    They have a home, with loving parents, a place to sleep, food on the table, and clothes on their back. Everything else is just gravy!

    My mom (who I think is the most amazing woman in the world.) raised 4 girls, a step daughter and a step son. Told me all you can do is love them, and make the best decisions you can at that time with the information you have on hand.

    I also took a parenting class when my oldest, now 18, was just 2. I learned there are only 3 rules that kids really need to follow. Nothing that hurts themselves, nothing that hurts others, and nothing that hurts their environment. (you can make almost any house rule fit under these.) If they don't they probably don't need to be a rule.

    Pick your battles, what is worth fighting with your kids? Can they learn from natural consequences? IE Eat your lunch..I don't wanna. Okay, then nothing to eat until the next meal. No fighting, put the food in the fridge. They go hungry until the next meal, reheat food and give to them (Or let them have what you made for the next meal)
    They will get hungry, eventually they will understand that if they are hungry they need to eat. Mom isn't going to keep making food and snacks for them between meals.

    Another put your coat on.. Nope. Okay. They go outside and get cold, they complain about it. I'm sorry I told you to put your coat on, you chose not to do it, so now you get to be cold. (only if it is safe to let them go cold.)

    Hopefully, any of the advice, stories help. But just remember you love them, and they know you love them. I also remember as I got older my mom telling me, I love you, but I sure don't like you or your behavior right now.

    My favorite is when my kids tell me they don't like me/hate me. I look at them say it is okay. I love them still, but it isn't my job to make them like me. I must be doing it right. When they become adults we can be friends.

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