The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living

A mix of emotions today. We were at the Jersey Shore this weekend to spread the ashes of a good friend on a beach she loved. We had a lot in common we met at industry classes and continuing education seminars over 32 years ago and shared business discussions and also countless hours on a bar stool after meetings. Over 10 years ago I started to have health scares and changed she never really did and her health suffered over the years culminating in a quad bypass 2 years ago last February and eventually having to be on Oxygen full time. She would comment on my fitness and lament the fact sometime that she hadn't joined me. After her heart attack she stopped drinking, couldn't drink the first 2 months she was still hospitalized. The Dr. warned her no more after she went home. Unfortunately too late, and she passed Christmas day.
Some of the people gathered there hadn't seen me in those ten years and walked right by at the beach till I said " no hello" and their jaws dropped 10 years older but 170 pounds lighter. Of course the questions how did you do it. So I said simply put I stopped drinking and eventually started running up to 6 miles a day. You could see it in their eyes as they said OH no that's not for me. I guess they feel its better to have people gather to spread your ashes than to get healthy.
I raise a glass to my friend but its not alcohol I am toasting with

@KeY22yB, thanks for the powerful post--definitely thought provoking. That must have been especially sad for you. Sometimes I (now) think of people like those drinkers you and @RubyRed427 mention and think, "It's not that hard, people, you can do it!" But I know how hard it seems when you are in the midst of it. I feel like I have been given a second chance. I wish everyone could feel the same.

Alcohol has loomed large in my life. My mother and my husband were/are alcoholics. My mother never quit, and it made for a difficult childhood and a very strained relationship after I moved out. My husband started drinking heavily around his 50th birthday, and ended up in rehab. He's been sober now about 10 years. In support, I have stopped drinking too. It wasn't a struggle for me, because I guess the alcoholic gene bypassed me. It's a small price to pay for my husband's sobriety. I miss being able to have a glass of wine with him in the evening, but it's not the end of the world. My daughter in law is an alcoholic too. My stepson seems to be in the stage of "wishing it weren't so".

For all of you, even if you only have 1 day sober on the books, you should be proud of yourself and I salute you for taking a step in the right direction. Stay strong!

RubyRed427 wrote: »

My sister told me once that as long as your sober 99 percent of the time- you’re doing just fine. She says once a year she has a glass of wine but she is a non-drinker in her eyes and mine. It’s all relative.

@RudyRed427.... I want to know what you gifted yourself!!!

I like this idea and think that for some of us, it may resonate deeply. Having X number of days sober now, I feel like it's something that I'm supposed to cling to so I get super nervous when I think about drinking again, and I feel like this nervousness and anxiety is disempowering and harmful to my process. So, I stick with the "I'm probably going to have a beer again someday, but not today." How about this idea? Some of us may be AF while some of us may be SOBER. Let's discuss.

I avoided a fun girls night this weekend because I knew who would be there and exactly what it would be like. The person throwing the gathering is my sometimes-supervisor, and I've had a few very fun nights with her, and next-days when both of us have been sheepish about our bawdy behavior. This is not why I didn't go though. I didn't go because I knew that I'd tell myself I'd only have 2 (okay, 3, no, 4, etc), I'd go beyond my limit, I'd for sure have SO MUCH FUN!, and then I'd drive home drunk. I KNEW this would happen FOR A FACT so.... I chose to not do any of it. I stayed home, made some great food, worked on my house and yard a ton, got my abode settled, slept well, worked out, and felt like sore (in the best way), rested, and full of gratitude. I'm so grateful to be in this place, at this time.

This weekend, we are going to the “islands” here on a lake. It’s like Margaritaville for Ohioans. We will be staying on a boat all weekend; this will involved lots of wine and beers, food, and chatting. Now, the dilemma is I’m the only one who will be sober. The others will drink a bunch and then we go to the little bars. So, I will try to be a good sport and smile my way through the weekend. I hope I can keep a good attitude and not feel resentful. I do know that the mornings on a boat will be so much better without a hangover.

Then, I will have to repeat this the following weekend. Same islands but with different people (equally hard drinkers)....
I’ll try to be a good sport and see the positives. I survived a sober weekend in Nashville and had no regrets. Still had a lot of fun! Wishing everyone a “successful sober September”. Say that three times!