22 Days ago, in the middle of the night, I waddled to the bathroom. I did my business and looked into the mirror as I washed my hands. Out of breath and miserable, I yelled, "Stop!". I looked deep into my eyes and yelled it again. I got closer to the mirror, "What are you doing?", I said with tear-filled eyes. I stood there, just mean mugging myself. Upset and just done, I pulled myself together and waddled back to my bed.
I struggled to get in the right position, so as not to die from being suffocated by my own fat. I closed my eyes and could feel the four double cheeseburgers, fries, pizza, taco sub and what every else I ate that day just sitting there in my stomach, pushing on all my organs. It was a reminder that bingeing is so not worth it in the end. I laid there depressed, alone, morbidly obese, and ready for the day to be over. I remember drifting off to sleep with the image of my eyes in the mirror looking back at me. They had been filled with so much pain, anger, sadness, and tears.
Morning came quickly. Something was different, but could not pinpoint it. I was content, somewhat happy, and determined. Something clicked in my mind that made starting a new lifestyle easy and necessary. I knew deep in my soul and in the furthest part of my mind that it was now or never. Never being the alternative, death.
I reached for my phone and called the mother of my child, who also happens to be my ex, my friend, and my current caregiver. I told her I was ready and needed to start today. I asked her to go shopping at this place in town called Power Plate Meals (PPM). They prepare healthy meals that are ready to go or frozen. They just so happened to be having a $5 per frozen meal special that week. I had her get me twenty some to get started.
The for two and a half weeks I eat 2 PPM, 1 cooked meal, and dried fruit for snacks a day. The PPM' averaged anywhere from 350 - 450 in calories. They were also high in protein. They were amazing! I was not sure if it was them or the connection in my head that was making me not hungry. The meal I cooked was normally two Egg and Ham English Muffins. My total calories for the day were 1600 - 2200. I was getting through the days without hunger.
Now being 613 pounds, I can eat like 3,400ish calories in a day to lose the 2 pounds a week. But with the type of food, I had been eating that was not going to happen. I was too full! So I just keep doing what was feeling right. I was drinking tons of water as well. Each day I felt lighter and healthier. It was getting easier to waddle around and stand up. I also have lymphedema of the legs. My right leg has a very large edema mass. My left leg is not as big. Both Legs are at the stage that is not reversible, but parts of the legs of started shrinking.
Due to the cost of the PPM (Not on sale $8-$10 each), I have since had to come up with my own meals. With the help of my caregiver, I create the low calorie, high protein, and of course low-cost recipes. She prepares and portions them, so all I have to do is heat them up. I do help where I can when making meals, any movement is exercise.
So now I'm eating three of my Home Made Power Plate Meals (HMPPM) a day. The best part of starting with PPM is that the containers they come in are reusable. So it feels like I'm still doing them and it's very convenient. The HMPPM calorie range is 300 - 500. They are also high in protein. I am working at getting the sodium down in each meal as well, but one thing at a time. My Crust-less Pot Pie is huge and filling and comes in at a whopping 300 calories!
Ok, well that is my story up to now. It's Day 22 and I'm feeling amazing. I don't know how much I have lost but it feels and looks like 30-40 pounds. I have an appointment on the 27th of September, 2018. I am so excited to go. Not sure if I'm more excited that I will be getting out of my house that I have been a prisoner in for the past nine months or seeing how much I have lost. I have come to learn that it can't be about the number. We put so much stress on ourselves because of that number. It needs to be about the way you feel.
I know I'm only 22 days in, but something is different this time around. I have woke up every day feeling better. Feeling like my life is worth living. I wake up every morning excited to be alive. Being able to move around without almost passing out from not being able to breathe. I know I'm still 500 some pounds, but every pound I drop gives my body a break from caring around over half a ton of fat.
I plan to update my story as my Journey to The Healthier Me continues...