Calorie Counter

You are currently viewing the message boards in:

Husbands' Quotes

icandoiticandoit Posts: 4,163Member Member Posts: 4,163Member Member
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrup ther.

Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks.

A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "I wish I had your will power."

Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife Wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying.

Replies

  • icandoiticandoit Posts: 4,163Member Member Posts: 4,163Member Member
    I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

    I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrup ther.

    Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

    The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

    In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

    Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

    What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks.

    A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "I wish I had your will power."

    Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.

    Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
    Dad: That happens in every country, son.

    A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife Wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

    The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

    First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
    Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

    How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.

    Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

    If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

    Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."

    A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
    And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying.
  • nightangelstarsnightangelstars Posts: 337Member Member Posts: 337Member Member
    Then don't get married if it's so terrible. There's no law that says you have to get hitched. God knows I'd think twice.
  • icandoiticandoit Posts: 4,163Member Member Posts: 4,163Member Member
    :noway: :ohwell:
  • His_KellyHis_Kelly Posts: 248Member Posts: 248Member
    well... I thought they were funny :smile:
  • Healthier_MeHealthier_Me Posts: 5,600Member Member Posts: 5,600Member Member
    Yowza....
    It was funny to me Renee!:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    ~Joanna:flowerforyou:
  • cmriversidecmriverside Posts: 28,836Member Member Posts: 28,836Member Member
    .......ah, hindsight. We bash them, they bash us. We love them, they love us.

    I heard a comedian say recently,"Married or single. Which is better? Single and lonely - or married and annoyed?"

    Some truth there :laugh:

    :heart: to all the good ones.

    Cheryl
  • MontanaGirlMontanaGirl Posts: 1,251Member Member Posts: 1,251Member Member
    That was FUNNY!!! Thanks for the laugh - I saw a billboard the other day -

    My wife and I had words last night but
    I didn't get to use mine!

    :laugh:

    Thanks for a Monday a.m. laugh!!
Sign In or Register to comment.