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How to deal with comments
RealWorldStrengthLLC
Posts: 552 Member
in Debate Club
I take the whole cutting weight/bodybuilding diet/hitting macros thing pretty seriously and I'm kinda known in my groups for having a cooler full of meals in my truck, eating at certain times, protien shakes etc (yes I know meal timing isn't important. I like it. That's all. That's my reason for it.)
Anyways over thanksgiving, and now over Christmas, or whenever I decide to "cheat", I get comments about what's on my plate, what I'm eating etc. It's *kitten* annoying. It's "Omg you're eating bread" or "you know that's fried right?" Or "he won't eat ham it's too unhealthy" or "omg you're having 2 beers that's a lot of calories"
I probably heard this stuff 20 times in the last day and its damn annoying. I usually don't say anything or if I'm really irritated I say "yup. I do what I want" or something along those lines, nothing confrontational. But boy do I want to fire back. I don't, but I want to.
I don't get this. I don't comment on other peoples food. I don't say "oh, more cake huh?" Or "12 deep fried cheese sticks". It's getting old, really old. I want to say "Yes, I eat ultra lean meats so I can save my dietary fats for eating peanut butter by the table spoon. *kitten* off." When people say stuff like "oh he won't eat that it's not grassfed organic and massaged by monks" I wanna lose my *kitten*. That's not even close to true, the only thing in my fridge right now that organic is the ground elk, and I never even come close to saying stuff like that. I don't really even say anything about my food unless someone asks.
So, the debate is, what is the appropriate way to deal with these sort of comments? I can't be the only one who gets them. Is just being quiet or saying something non confrontational the right answer? Is it ever ok to fire back with a sharp tongue? Sould one try to explain things?
Anyways over thanksgiving, and now over Christmas, or whenever I decide to "cheat", I get comments about what's on my plate, what I'm eating etc. It's *kitten* annoying. It's "Omg you're eating bread" or "you know that's fried right?" Or "he won't eat ham it's too unhealthy" or "omg you're having 2 beers that's a lot of calories"
I probably heard this stuff 20 times in the last day and its damn annoying. I usually don't say anything or if I'm really irritated I say "yup. I do what I want" or something along those lines, nothing confrontational. But boy do I want to fire back. I don't, but I want to.
I don't get this. I don't comment on other peoples food. I don't say "oh, more cake huh?" Or "12 deep fried cheese sticks". It's getting old, really old. I want to say "Yes, I eat ultra lean meats so I can save my dietary fats for eating peanut butter by the table spoon. *kitten* off." When people say stuff like "oh he won't eat that it's not grassfed organic and massaged by monks" I wanna lose my *kitten*. That's not even close to true, the only thing in my fridge right now that organic is the ground elk, and I never even come close to saying stuff like that. I don't really even say anything about my food unless someone asks.
So, the debate is, what is the appropriate way to deal with these sort of comments? I can't be the only one who gets them. Is just being quiet or saying something non confrontational the right answer? Is it ever ok to fire back with a sharp tongue? Sould one try to explain things?
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Replies
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It depends. Usually, I just smile and say, "I budgeted for it," or "a treat isn't a cheat" or "I'm going for/went for a two-hour walk to earn this". BUT I've got the odd people in my circle of acquaintances who seem to think you can't lose weight without sadness and deprivation and if they keep after me about how the chocolate chip cookie on my plate is going to "undo all my progress" I may shoot back with, "Really? One 130-calorie cookie is going to add back 107lbs and two years of work? I don't think so." USUALLY that shuts them up.20
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My response is typically - oh I hadn’t realized I’d hired you to provide me nutritional advice...oh wait, i didn’t32
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Eat with new friends
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I don’t discuss fitness or nutrition socially. Period.19
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^^^ This. Those who matter don't mind...Those who mind don't matter.7
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I don’t discuss fitness or nutrition socially. Period.
I dont generally discuss it, but when an alarm on my phone goes off and I go out to my truck and bring in a Tupperware of chicken and vegetable chips people tend to ask questions. Or when they see a huge change...I went from obese, to obese but noticeably strong, to somewhere around just built big in the last 8 months.6 -
Don't talk about your diet even in general terms.7
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L1zardQueen wrote: »Don't talk about your diet even in general terms.
This has been my approach. I have not had comments or advice about my eating.
I don't say I am eating particular food because it has fewer calories, more protein, is healthier, etc. The most I say is that I like or don't like something or I'm hungry/not hungry.
I did not drastically change my diet or develop unusual eating habits or a different schedule just have different portion sizes and more vegetables on my plate so maybe no one has noticed.
If someone said something I'd probably just say I am doing what works for me and change the subject. I've learned with other life choices that it isn't worth the energy to explain/defend or get mad with people who are just against someone doing something because it is different.8 -
youcantflexcardio wrote: »I don’t discuss fitness or nutrition socially. Period.
I dont generally discuss it, but when an alarm on my phone goes off and I go out to my truck and bring in a Tupperware of chicken and vegetable chips people tend to ask questions. Or when they see a huge change...I went from obese, to obese but noticeably strong, to somewhere around just built big in the last 8 months.
Sounds like you go to considerable effort to be sure everyone around you is involved in your diet. Can’t be too surprising when comments follow.36 -
youcantflexcardio wrote: »I don’t discuss fitness or nutrition socially. Period.
I dont generally discuss it, but when an alarm on my phone goes off and I go out to my truck and bring in a Tupperware of chicken and vegetable chips people tend to ask questions. Or when they see a huge change...I went from obese, to obese but noticeably strong, to somewhere around just built big in the last 8 months.
Sounds like you go to considerable effort to be sure everyone around you is involved in your diet. Can’t be too surprising when comments follow.
Yeah? How is following a bodybuilding diet and meal timing making sure everyone else is involved? Kinda hard not to eat around people when I eat at 2, 4, 6, 8, and 1030. So *kitten* what if I carry a cooler full of prepped meals in my truck.
Seriously, what would you reccomend? I lift, go home, prep my meals, put it in my truck, and then go do whatever I planned to do that day. Am I supposed to go hide in my truck to eat and not eat in front of other people? Its not about flaunting or involving anyone, I like my meal timrd the way I have them and I don't usually deviate once I've planned my food for the day. The most I've ever involved anyone is grilling a steak and that's only at my parents, my uncle who lifts' house, or my friend who is also into lifting and eats a similar diet - and none of them have ever made a comment about anything.9 -
I suspect your friends can see that the comments get to you, which makes it even more fun to make those comments: Sometimes people are like that, when an old friend seems to be behaving eccentrically.
Best would be to find a way for their comments not to get to you, just maintain a Zen-like serenity internally, and merely shrug (at most) in reply. If it isn't fun to needle you, they'll eventually stop doing it.
Second best would be to become a better actor, and simulate the external signs of Zen-like calm even though you're actually pretty ticked off, then just shrug (at most) in reply.
I'd guess that there's no clever remark you can make, or aggressive threat you can make, that's going to have any material effect on their behavior. Trying to get other people to change their behavior usually has poor success; changing my own reaction to it just takes making the decision to do it. Other people saying stupid stuff (that's not threats or somesuch) is their problem; it doesn't have to be mine.youcantflexcardio wrote: »I don’t discuss fitness or nutrition socially. Period.
I dont generally discuss it, but when an alarm on my phone goes off and I go out to my truck and bring in a Tupperware of chicken and vegetable chips people tend to ask questions. Or when they see a huge change...I went from obese, to obese but noticeably strong, to somewhere around just built big in the last 8 months.
This is very unusual behavior. You've made it evident (alarm, trip to the truck, special food eaten in front of others). People will notice and comment.
Many of us have gone through the major weight loss/fitter look route in a few-month period. Sometimes there were comments, but my experience has been that people lose interest, and those comments die down, when they get used to the new me. The unusual eating behavior may be a different matter; I wouldn't know. I got a few comments about my ordering sandwiches without a bun sometimes, but people quickly lost interest and don't mention it any more, but that's a less-unusual thing, I think.21 -
My weird daily routine of carrying prepped meals - I don't mind discussing it - I guess I can see how it is a bit strange. To me it's really not strange at all, it's just something that people with serious fitness goals often do. I was around it plenty in the military, and even though back then I mostly counted cals in my head or just ate as much as I possibly could (dirty bulking, really fun, kinda miserable too), I did dabble in meal preps, and I never even blinked when someone's alarm went off and they pulled out a Tupperware. Tons of people do it. Athletes. Bodybuilders. Strongmen. Soldiers. Cyclists. I never even thought it was strange when I went back to it full time.
My weird habit aside - why is it socially acceptable for people to say "omg you're having bread and beer in the same meal" or "she can't have bacon she's too healthy", or just comment on someone's cutting/bulking "healthier" food choices in general but if anyone were to say "like you need 4 donuts" all *kitten* would break loose and its seen as insulting?4 -
youcantflexcardio wrote: »youcantflexcardio wrote: »I don’t discuss fitness or nutrition socially. Period.
I dont generally discuss it, but when an alarm on my phone goes off and I go out to my truck and bring in a Tupperware of chicken and vegetable chips people tend to ask questions. Or when they see a huge change...I went from obese, to obese but noticeably strong, to somewhere around just built big in the last 8 months.
Sounds like you go to considerable effort to be sure everyone around you is involved in your diet. Can’t be too surprising when comments follow.
Yeah? How is following a bodybuilding diet and meal timing making sure everyone else is involved? Kinda hard not to eat around people when I eat at 2, 4, 6, 8, and 1030. So *kitten* what if I carry a cooler full of prepped meals in my truck.
Seriously, what would you reccomend? I lift, go home, prep my meals, put it in my truck, and then go do whatever I planned to do that day. Am I supposed to go hide in my truck to eat and not eat in front of other people? Its not about flaunting or involving anyone, I like my meal timrd the way I have them and I don't usually deviate once I've planned my food for the day. The most I've ever involved anyone is grilling a steak and that's only at my parents, my uncle who lifts' house, or my friend who is also into lifting and eats a similar diet - and none of them have ever made a comment about anything.
You don't have to hide. But clearly you made sure people knew why you were eating what you were eating, or they wouldn't have all this information about what you will or won't eat. Just eat. Don't make your dietary choices a point of discussion. If someone asks why you're eating so often, just shrug, or at most say, "it's just how I like to eat." Nothing about how you're doing it as part of your quest for some optimal level of fitness.
And coupled with your other thread about how outrageous it was that a friend suggested after you shared info about a health challenge that you might be overdoing it, you seem to have a tendency to overreact to things other people say. You can't control what other people say, only how you react to it. What good are you doing yourself with a rage reaction?18 -
lynn_glenmont wrote: »youcantflexcardio wrote: »youcantflexcardio wrote: »I don’t discuss fitness or nutrition socially. Period.
I dont generally discuss it, but when an alarm on my phone goes off and I go out to my truck and bring in a Tupperware of chicken and vegetable chips people tend to ask questions. Or when they see a huge change...I went from obese, to obese but noticeably strong, to somewhere around just built big in the last 8 months.
Sounds like you go to considerable effort to be sure everyone around you is involved in your diet. Can’t be too surprising when comments follow.
Yeah? How is following a bodybuilding diet and meal timing making sure everyone else is involved? Kinda hard not to eat around people when I eat at 2, 4, 6, 8, and 1030. So *kitten* what if I carry a cooler full of prepped meals in my truck.
Seriously, what would you reccomend? I lift, go home, prep my meals, put it in my truck, and then go do whatever I planned to do that day. Am I supposed to go hide in my truck to eat and not eat in front of other people? Its not about flaunting or involving anyone, I like my meal timrd the way I have them and I don't usually deviate once I've planned my food for the day. The most I've ever involved anyone is grilling a steak and that's only at my parents, my uncle who lifts' house, or my friend who is also into lifting and eats a similar diet - and none of them have ever made a comment about anything.
You don't have to hide. But clearly you made sure people knew why you were eating what you were eating, or they wouldn't have all this information about what you will or won't eat. Just eat. Don't make your dietary choices a point of discussion. If someone asks why you're eating so often, just shrug, or at most say, "it's just how I like to eat." Nothing about how you're doing it as part of your quest for some optimal level of fitness.
And coupled with your other thread about how outrageous it was that a friend suggested after you shared info about a health challenge that you might be overdoing it, you seem to have a tendency to overreact to things other people say. You can't control what other people say, only how you react to it. What good are you doing yourself with a rage reaction?
Kinda hard for them not to know what you eat when you share a kitchen and a fridge
As far as rage reactions - the only the "pushing myself" thing prompted that. Probably the first time I've exploded like that in 9 months. More often than not I roll my eyes and don't say anything.
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lynn_glenmont wrote: »youcantflexcardio wrote: »youcantflexcardio wrote: »I don’t discuss fitness or nutrition socially. Period.
I dont generally discuss it, but when an alarm on my phone goes off and I go out to my truck and bring in a Tupperware of chicken and vegetable chips people tend to ask questions. Or when they see a huge change...I went from obese, to obese but noticeably strong, to somewhere around just built big in the last 8 months.
Sounds like you go to considerable effort to be sure everyone around you is involved in your diet. Can’t be too surprising when comments follow.
Yeah? How is following a bodybuilding diet and meal timing making sure everyone else is involved? Kinda hard not to eat around people when I eat at 2, 4, 6, 8, and 1030. So *kitten* what if I carry a cooler full of prepped meals in my truck.
Seriously, what would you reccomend? I lift, go home, prep my meals, put it in my truck, and then go do whatever I planned to do that day. Am I supposed to go hide in my truck to eat and not eat in front of other people? Its not about flaunting or involving anyone, I like my meal timrd the way I have them and I don't usually deviate once I've planned my food for the day. The most I've ever involved anyone is grilling a steak and that's only at my parents, my uncle who lifts' house, or my friend who is also into lifting and eats a similar diet - and none of them have ever made a comment about anything.
You don't have to hide. But clearly you made sure people knew why you were eating what you were eating, or they wouldn't have all this information about what you will or won't eat. Just eat. Don't make your dietary choices a point of discussion. If someone asks why you're eating so often, just shrug, or at most say, "it's just how I like to eat." Nothing about how you're doing it as part of your quest for some optimal level of fitness.
And coupled with your other thread about how outrageous it was that a friend suggested after you shared info about a health challenge that you might be overdoing it, you seem to have a tendency to overreact to things other people say. You can't control what other people say, only how you react to it. What good are you doing yourself with a rage reaction?
For someone who was in the military, you seem to be VERY prickly about what people say to you. The majority of my co-workers, and my husband, are prior military, and I can't imagine any of them getting so bent out of shape about this as to go complain about it to a bunch of strangers online.
YOU are making choices that set you apart from what is "normal." You don't try to hide it. To some degree, you flaunt it (despite your arguments, I think pretty much everyone on this thread is with me on this one). Then you act all like, "nooooooooooo, don't give me that attention." Seriously dude? I too keep a meal prep cooler in my vehicle and eat at more or less set times daily (I say "more or less" because as a patrol officer, I can't dictate our call volume or when the SHTF, so have to be somewhat flexible with it). If someone ever says anything about it, I roll with it and don't go like, "oh, interwebz, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy do people pick on me for being virtuous and healthy?" Either learn to roll with random comments from people whose opinions really shouldn't concern you at all, or find a way to make your CHOSEN lifestyle a little less visible.
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lynn_glenmont wrote: »youcantflexcardio wrote: »youcantflexcardio wrote: »I don’t discuss fitness or nutrition socially. Period.
I dont generally discuss it, but when an alarm on my phone goes off and I go out to my truck and bring in a Tupperware of chicken and vegetable chips people tend to ask questions. Or when they see a huge change...I went from obese, to obese but noticeably strong, to somewhere around just built big in the last 8 months.
Sounds like you go to considerable effort to be sure everyone around you is involved in your diet. Can’t be too surprising when comments follow.
Yeah? How is following a bodybuilding diet and meal timing making sure everyone else is involved? Kinda hard not to eat around people when I eat at 2, 4, 6, 8, and 1030. So *kitten* what if I carry a cooler full of prepped meals in my truck.
Seriously, what would you reccomend? I lift, go home, prep my meals, put it in my truck, and then go do whatever I planned to do that day. Am I supposed to go hide in my truck to eat and not eat in front of other people? Its not about flaunting or involving anyone, I like my meal timrd the way I have them and I don't usually deviate once I've planned my food for the day. The most I've ever involved anyone is grilling a steak and that's only at my parents, my uncle who lifts' house, or my friend who is also into lifting and eats a similar diet - and none of them have ever made a comment about anything.
You don't have to hide. But clearly you made sure people knew why you were eating what you were eating, or they wouldn't have all this information about what you will or won't eat. Just eat. Don't make your dietary choices a point of discussion. If someone asks why you're eating so often, just shrug, or at most say, "it's just how I like to eat." Nothing about how you're doing it as part of your quest for some optimal level of fitness.
And coupled with your other thread about how outrageous it was that a friend suggested after you shared info about a health challenge that you might be overdoing it, you seem to have a tendency to overreact to things other people say. You can't control what other people say, only how you react to it. What good are you doing yourself with a rage reaction?
For someone who was in the military, you seem to be VERY prickly about what people say to you. The majority of my co-workers, and my husband, are prior military, and I can't imagine any of them getting so bent out of shape about this as to go complain about it to a bunch of strangers online.
YOU are making choices that set you apart from what is "normal." You don't try to hide it. To some degree, you flaunt it (despite your arguments, I think pretty much everyone on this thread is with me on this one). Then you act all like, "nooooooooooo, don't give me that attention." Seriously dude? I too keep a meal prep cooler in my vehicle and eat at more or less set times daily (I say "more or less" because as a patrol officer, I can't dictate our call volume or when the SHTF, so have to be somewhat flexible with it). If someone ever says anything about it, I roll with it and don't go like, "oh, interwebz, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy do people pick on me for being virtuous and healthy?" Either learn to roll with random comments from people whose opinions really shouldn't concern you at all, or find a way to make your CHOSEN lifestyle a little less visible.
Damn.
Way to call me out on being a little *kitten*. Did not really stop to think about it. I am being a a whiny *kitten* lately.
Not sure what got into me. I'll stop now. 100% serious.22 -
youcantflexcardio wrote: »lynn_glenmont wrote: »youcantflexcardio wrote: »youcantflexcardio wrote: »I don’t discuss fitness or nutrition socially. Period.
I dont generally discuss it, but when an alarm on my phone goes off and I go out to my truck and bring in a Tupperware of chicken and vegetable chips people tend to ask questions. Or when they see a huge change...I went from obese, to obese but noticeably strong, to somewhere around just built big in the last 8 months.
Sounds like you go to considerable effort to be sure everyone around you is involved in your diet. Can’t be too surprising when comments follow.
Yeah? How is following a bodybuilding diet and meal timing making sure everyone else is involved? Kinda hard not to eat around people when I eat at 2, 4, 6, 8, and 1030. So *kitten* what if I carry a cooler full of prepped meals in my truck.
Seriously, what would you reccomend? I lift, go home, prep my meals, put it in my truck, and then go do whatever I planned to do that day. Am I supposed to go hide in my truck to eat and not eat in front of other people? Its not about flaunting or involving anyone, I like my meal timrd the way I have them and I don't usually deviate once I've planned my food for the day. The most I've ever involved anyone is grilling a steak and that's only at my parents, my uncle who lifts' house, or my friend who is also into lifting and eats a similar diet - and none of them have ever made a comment about anything.
You don't have to hide. But clearly you made sure people knew why you were eating what you were eating, or they wouldn't have all this information about what you will or won't eat. Just eat. Don't make your dietary choices a point of discussion. If someone asks why you're eating so often, just shrug, or at most say, "it's just how I like to eat." Nothing about how you're doing it as part of your quest for some optimal level of fitness.
And coupled with your other thread about how outrageous it was that a friend suggested after you shared info about a health challenge that you might be overdoing it, you seem to have a tendency to overreact to things other people say. You can't control what other people say, only how you react to it. What good are you doing yourself with a rage reaction?
For someone who was in the military, you seem to be VERY prickly about what people say to you. The majority of my co-workers, and my husband, are prior military, and I can't imagine any of them getting so bent out of shape about this as to go complain about it to a bunch of strangers online.
YOU are making choices that set you apart from what is "normal." You don't try to hide it. To some degree, you flaunt it (despite your arguments, I think pretty much everyone on this thread is with me on this one). Then you act all like, "nooooooooooo, don't give me that attention." Seriously dude? I too keep a meal prep cooler in my vehicle and eat at more or less set times daily (I say "more or less" because as a patrol officer, I can't dictate our call volume or when the SHTF, so have to be somewhat flexible with it). If someone ever says anything about it, I roll with it and don't go like, "oh, interwebz, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy do people pick on me for being virtuous and healthy?" Either learn to roll with random comments from people whose opinions really shouldn't concern you at all, or find a way to make your CHOSEN lifestyle a little less visible.
Damn.
Way to call me out on being a little *kitten*. Did not really stop to think about it. I am being a a whiny *kitten* lately.
Not sure what got into me. I'll stop now. 100% serious.
THAT'S THE SPIRIT!!! Now go eat a nice steak (nothing over medium, preferably medium-rare or less) and then go pound some weights. LIFE IS GOOD.17 -
I have a chronic illness which means my diet is quite restricted and people often comment, saying things like, should you really be eating that? It can be really annoying but I find saying something like, thank you for your concern but you really don't need to worry about me, or, even better, making a joke out of it, effectively shuts them up.5
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youcantflexcardio wrote: »I don’t discuss fitness or nutrition socially. Period.
I dont generally discuss it, but when an alarm on my phone goes off and I go out to my truck and bring in a Tupperware of chicken and vegetable chips people tend to ask questions. Or when they see a huge change...I went from obese, to obese but noticeably strong, to somewhere around just built big in the last 8 months.
Why? Is the alarm distracting?
I bring lunch most days (it's healthy, but its not like anyone really notices or cares what I eat unless I make a big thing of it). Lots of other people in my office bring lunch and bring healthy stuff, even.
When I lost weight people noticed and some asked what I was doing. If they seemed really interested or expressed they were trying to lose weight or had done it in the past I generally would engage in a conversation about it. If it was just casual, I'd laugh and say "eat less, work out more." One guy was being weird about it, so I said "kickboxing."
I don't find I get comments on what I eat, but I don't make a big thing of it.3 -
I'm just curious, why set an alarm to pick up Tupperware from your truck? Cant you put the food in the fridge?
I have health problems, bring my own food everywhere. I just use a thermos, or put it in the fridge until I'm ready to eat. Or I bring a small cooler. Set the alarm on vibrate so it's not as noticeable. Just my 2 cents.7
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