Let it GO! Decluttering (simplifying) your life of (people, places or things) success stories?
Replies
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RubyRed427 wrote: »I am drowning in books. I really have to make some tough decisions and donate half of them. Even though, each book I love. They look so new. I was thinking of starting an adult book exchange at work in the teacher’s lounge. But it is one more things to do.. I guess I’ll just donate the books.
I could literally CRY when reading this post. When I first started this LET IT GO and DON'T LOOK BACK adventure in decluttering--one of the first areas of "attack" was books. I said I could "cry" because I had sooooo many books (far more than 1,000...I'm SURE) that I got rid of (gave away, donated, threw away). I have a library in my house. Our home didn't come with a library, I HAD to make one, from one of our rooms and it looks just like a real library. Talk about "drowning" in books--that was me, super big time. I LOVE books and always have, but my "collection" (nice way of saying HOARDING) was absolutely disgusting...so SHAMEFUL/EMBARRASSING it was. I HAD to cry out to God for help, because I LOVED all of my books and getting rid of them was almost liken to giving away some of my BLOOD or something akin to that. Soooooo hard it was, I'm going to say impossible. I cried out to The Lord (in utter humility and helplessness) to help me have the power, the desire, the will to GET RID OF A TON (literally) of these books.
Once I cried out from my spirit for help...BOOM--The Lord answered me, "I Am with you--you are not alone, you not only can do this...you WILL--NOT in your own power/strength, but with Mine" I will show you what and which ones to get rid of" and He did. Once I started/began to fill big ole tall giant sized MOVING BOXES (at least three of them) with books, something happened in/thru me and I started having JOY/FUN filling those boxes up. One of the boxes, a teacher from an inner-city came to pick them up and was SHOCKED and THRILLED at the enormous amount of books I was giving him. He was like "WOW!!!! This is a LOT of books--he actaully looked at me with gratitude but also tried to conceal the SHOCK/almost SORROW (for me) at the sheer overwhelming amount of books/my hoarding in reality. The "shame" was that was just a wee bit of what I had. I gave a TON to the library, to various schools and institutions, and threw away so many--it's a crying shame how much money I lost. But, by The Grace and Mercy of God, I did it! The funny thing is, I "thought" I was "done"...but nope, a few months later, I went back thru them and let go/purged even more. Now, my library is absolutely gorgeous, practical, comfortable dream library and no longer filled to the brim with books, YUCK and overwhelming UGH it was--Thank you JESUS, because it was an unsightly and over-the-top, hoardish MESS--seriously, an absolutely psychotic MESS.6 -
@NewLIFEstyle4ME Yes, I love books so much. And you invest your time reading them and become attached. It’s a magical world to be surrounded by books. And I just can’t do the Kindle thing; I tried. I love the feel of turning a page. I will ask God for help. And I also love the method of “does it bring me joy?” Thanks for your wisdom and wise words. Love you!
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RubyRed427 wrote: »@NewLIFEstyle4ME Yes, I love books so much. And you invest your time reading them and become attached. It’s a magical world to be surrounded by books. And I just can’t do the Kindle thing; I tried. I love the feel of turning a page. I will ask God for help. And I also love the method of “does it bring me joy?” Thanks for your wisdom and wise words. Love you!
My absolute pleasure and I LOVE you too, you darling woman you!
{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}} Please KNOW you are so NOT alone and I'm cheering you on, big time!!!! God is no respecter of persons (He doesn't do the "favoritism" thing--if/since He did it for/thru/with me...He'll do it for and with anyone, He really will and does! YAY YOU and from the top and bottom of my heart, I thank you so much for posting/sharing here. You've helped me (and others) in ways you'll never fully realize in this lifetime, period.
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Hey gang!
Here's a couple of "secrets" to decluttering:
1.) I've said this many, MANY times, but once more...it's NEVER a "I got this" and now my decluttering days are over. NOPE, decluttering is very much akin to "maintenance" in weight blastification. It's a life long deal and a GREAT one at that.
2.) Here's the deep deal...STOP bringing/buying more "stuff" in. At the very least, if you/we bring more stuff in, we MUST get rid of something(s) first, period--no exceptions.
3.) KNOWING we're NOT alone. There are so very many people struggling and battling with this most important "issue/problem/situation/burdensome/adversely effecting-affecting our lives and the lives of those around us with super ultra YUCK.
4.) HURRY and FEAR and EMBRACING hopelessness is of the
and when (NOT IF, BUT WHEN) these deceptive but super real "feelings" rear their vicious and counter-productive vile heads up in y/our hearts, minds/thoughts, rebuke and reject them IMMEDIATELY and replace them with taking your time and doing it right and righteously and give yourself over to positive and joyous "self-talk" again IMMEDIATELY and practice doing this all the time, daily.
{{{{{{{{{ LOVE AND HUGS }}}}}}}}}}}} TO YOU ALL!!!!!!6 -
NewLIFEstyle4ME wrote: »On the LET IT GO and DON'T LOOK BACK weight blastification front:
Wow....just WOW! No major blastification on the scale, but the inches loss--YES-YES-YES!!!!!!!
Neck down-.5 inches
Hips down-.5 inches
Chest down-.5 inches
Butt down -1 inch
Arms down -.5 inches
Thighs down-.5 inches
Shoulders down -2 inches
That's a 5.5 inch blastification and HUGE inches off of my entire body. The biggest news is my shoulders! The other day, I put on a top (a new-ish top--size large) that was just way too big in the shoulders, and was actually drooping weirdly off of my shoulders. I just chalked it up to another one bites the dust from my clothes/wardrobe (being too big and that I must get rid of), but when I was measured today and saw the big ole inch loss from all over, but especially my shoulders I thought A-HA, that's why that top looked so, ummm, big/weird on my shoulders. I'm thrilled, so very humbled and THRILLED at the same time.
All those inches gone! Yay you! Its truly amazing the difference, even when the scale doesn't move much. I'm celebrating your joy!2 -
Wow. There are some impressive stories on here! I love the decluttering of inches too! I never thought of it that way.
I started decluttering a little over a year ago and feel a need for clutter-free space in my house now. But I have to respect my husband and his things too. It's a struggle finding a happy medium sometimes. So, I am starting with my things and the things I can control, like my closet, makeup drawer, dresser, sewing room, etc. The next step is going to be the basement which has a lot of 'our' stuff. So that will be a little harder...more give and take. But that will be a huge accomplishment if I can get it where I would like it. We will gain about 900 sq ft of livable space if we can clean it up down there. The other half of the basement has his tool bench and other "man cave" things that I don't care about.
I also have it in my head to do a digital declutter....photos, emails, documents, etc. That one feels pretty overwhelming so we'll see when I start that one.
Thanks for sharing your stories and ideas. Very inspiring!10 -
PackerFanInGB wrote: »Wow. There are some impressive stories on here! I love the decluttering of inches too! I never thought of it that way.
I started decluttering a little over a year ago and feel a need for clutter-free space in my house now. But I have to respect my husband and his things too. It's a struggle finding a happy medium sometimes. So, I am starting with my things and the things I can control, like my closet, makeup drawer, dresser, sewing room, etc. The next step is going to be the basement which has a lot of 'our' stuff. So that will be a little harder...more give and take. But that will be a huge accomplishment if I can get it where I would like it. We will gain about 900 sq ft of livable space if we can clean it up down there. The other half of the basement has his tool bench and other "man cave" things that I don't care about.
I also have it in my head to do a digital declutter....photos, emails, documents, etc. That one feels pretty overwhelming so we'll see when I start that one.
Thanks for sharing your stories and ideas. Very inspiring!
I've started the digital decluttering. I do pics by the month. I do 15 minutes at a time. If its a big file, I copy the keepers into a new folder. That way I can go back later and continue where I left off. That's on my pc. Good luck, you're already doing great!3 -
NewLIFEstyle4ME wrote: »[...] decluttering is very much akin to "maintenance" in weight blastification. It's a life long deal and a GREAT one at that.
I LOVE that!!!!
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Decluttering can be part of cleaning. Today when doing the dishes, I also cleaned the area where our cooking oils and spreads stand.
I also found and recycled a large empty box in one of the kitchen cupboards. Yay, some more space!
You're right. Since I found this thread, I've become more aware of what I look at while cleaning. The things I have become aware of surprise me because I've looked at them for years.
Yes!
Today I'm in the process of washing curtains that I don't think have been washed in 25 years.
Threw out (recycled bottles) dozens of long-expired spices from the kitchen cupboard too.
Some tins of spice were even going rusty!8 -
Decluttering can be part of cleaning. Today when doing the dishes, I also cleaned the area where our cooking oils and spreads stand.
I also found and recycled a large empty box in one of the kitchen cupboards. Yay, some more space!
You're right. Since I found this thread, I've become more aware of what I look at while cleaning. The things I have become aware of surprise me because I've looked at them for years.
Yes!
Today I'm in the process of washing curtains that I don't think have been washed in 25 years.
Threw out (recycled bottles) dozens of long-expired spices from the kitchen cupboard too.
Some tins of spice were even going rusty!
This summer I moved my spices from a cupboard to a drawer. I threw out so many spices! I'm trying to remember to mark the year of purchase on the bottoms, when I buy new. That way maybe I won't still have them in 10 years.
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I am a hoarder but have got better.
I got rid of all my fat clothes few years back as didnt want to fit in them again and my style has changed since i now have more choices. They all went to cancer research charity shop
I had to move earlier this year and had british heart foundation charity make two trips to pick up toys, clothes, books and dvds. The video cassettes were binned as i doubt anyone uses them anymore.
It does feel satisfying and once done you actually dont miss the stuff at all.
What i am interested in is how you guys deal with toxic pity party type people. Dont want help with a solution just want to moan. This is what i want to deal with this year. I am someone who can listen and listen until my ears are chewed off and this makes it worst. This is not someone i can ignore.5 -
Decluttering can be part of cleaning. Today when doing the dishes, I also cleaned the area where our cooking oils and spreads stand.
I also found and recycled a large empty box in one of the kitchen cupboards. Yay, some more space!
You're right. Since I found this thread, I've become more aware of what I look at while cleaning. The things I have become aware of surprise me because I've looked at them for years.
Yes!
Today I'm in the process of washing curtains that I don't think have been washed in 25 years.
Threw out (recycled bottles) dozens of long-expired spices from the kitchen cupboard too.
Some tins of spice were even going rusty!
Girrrrrrlllllllll, you got me both cracking up AND provoking me to think once again. WOW--I just appreciate you so much. "Haven't washed the curtain in maybe 25 years--ya say?!!???? There you go again, helping me to "see" somethings/some areas I've ignored and/or NEVER thought of. PLUS your sharing give me and MANY others such hope and encouragement that we are so not alone in this struggle/battle. I LOVE that!!!!
I'm sitting here typing looking at some curtains that I too have NEVER washed these curtains since I purchased them some years ago too--duh and wow. I don't have many curtains around here, but the ones I have, have NEVER been taken down and washed/cleaned. THANK YOU BELOVED FOR always helping me (and MANY others reading but not commenting) "discover" new areas of "attack & conquer" in this wonderful deal of decluttering. You've proven once again that this business of decluttering is NEVER a "I got this or all done", nope. Plus I'm going to wash these curtains and have FUN with the N.E.A.T. exercising of ironing them and dancing while I do.
{{{{{{ Super HUGS }}}}}}}}NewLIFEstyle4ME wrote: »[...] decluttering is very much akin to "maintenance" in weight blastification. It's a life long deal and a GREAT one at that.
I LOVE that!!!!
Me too girlfriend, me too!
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NewLIFEstyle4ME wrote: »On the LET IT GO and DON'T LOOK BACK weight blastification front:
Wow....just WOW! No major blastification on the scale, but the inches loss--YES-YES-YES!!!!!!!
Neck down-.5 inches
Hips down-.5 inches
Chest down-.5 inches
Butt down -1 inch
Arms down -.5 inches
Thighs down-.5 inches
Shoulders down -2 inches
That's a 5.5 inch blastification and HUGE inches off of my entire body. The biggest news is my shoulders! The other day, I put on a top (a new-ish top--size large) that was just way too big in the shoulders, and was actually drooping weirdly off of my shoulders. I just chalked it up to another one bites the dust from my clothes/wardrobe (being too big and that I must get rid of), but when I was measured today and saw the big ole inch loss from all over, but especially my shoulders I thought A-HA, that's why that top looked so, ummm, big/weird on my shoulders. I'm thrilled, so very humbled and THRILLED at the same time.
All those inches gone! Yay you! Its truly amazing the difference, even when the scale doesn't move much. I'm celebrating your joy!
You are such a major darling Snoo. ALWAYS being such an encouragement to me and so many others, Thank you beloved! Also I LOVE when you say "I'm celebrating your joy"...I just LOVE that term and way of thinking so much.Decluttering can be part of cleaning. Today when doing the dishes, I also cleaned the area where our cooking oils and spreads stand.
I also found and recycled a large empty box in one of the kitchen cupboards. Yay, some more space!
You're right. Since I found this thread, I've become more aware of what I look at while cleaning. The things I have become aware of surprise me because I've looked at them for years.
Yes!
Today I'm in the process of washing curtains that I don't think have been washed in 25 years.
Threw out (recycled bottles) dozens of long-expired spices from the kitchen cupboard too.
Some tins of spice were even going rusty!
This summer I moved my spices from a cupboard to a drawer. I threw out so many spices! I'm trying to remember to mark the year of purchase on the bottoms, when I buy new. That way maybe I won't still have them in 10 years.
I love how you cleaned and replaced the storage space for your spices from the cabinet to the drawers--how cool.
Sometime ago, earlier this year, I thoroughly cleaned inside of my cabinets and tossed out so many old spices, and old cabinet goods it aint even funny. My spices are now in cute boxes, organized and labeled to/with the ones I use most frequently to the ones I use less often. Totally organized, neat and clean and CUTE honey. I super mega ULTRA love your marking the year on the ones that don't have expiration dates (or even the ones that do), to know when to trash them or begin using them more frequently before they go bad. By the grace of God, our children have caught the "decluttering bug" and they all regularly "sanitize (that's what we call it)" the cabinets and the fridge/stove now without being asked. Nothing short of a miracle it is.
That's another HUGE benefit to decluttering for yourself...it's contagious and sooner or maybe much later, your loved ones WILL catch on--it will just take time and with absolutely positively NO NAGGING, NO SAD-SACKING, NO FUSSING OR NO STANK "ATTITUDES" from you/us as we do our decluttering thing. It may take a long time (if ever--for our loved ones to join the decluttering thang), but as we "DO IT Y/OURSELF and WITH A BIG OLE GENUINE SMILE on your mug as we do it, WITHOUT AN OUNCE OF BITTERNESS NOR SELF-PITY, NOR ANY OF THAT YUCK AND UGH MESS from us.--good things will begin to happen in and thru us, our homes and in/thru/to our loved ones as well, because we're doing this for us/ourselves mainly, and because we can (and some of us are doing it for the Glory & Honor of God--giving Him ALL the credit/praise because we KNOW it's really Him who is working in and thru us, and as a form of humility/self-discipline and gratitude/thankfulness for what we've been blessed with/given by taking good care/keeping things neat and orderly of all the "stuff" we have ) and for the real/deep love (of/for ourselves, our environment and them/our loved ones we live with) and to just ALWAYS be a blessing to ourselves and them as well, even if they NEVER help, that's their loss, not ours--FOR REAL. I'm telling you, I'm speaking from personal experience. It's NOT hard as we think...what makes it hard is "how" we think about it (loved ones not helping us in decluttering). I'm not talking about necessarily cleaning up their mess or decluttering their stuff. That's up to them and if they never join/get on the decluttering bandwagon, we are to count it ALL JOY anyway and be glad that they are not helping us, because of their NOT helping us, we get to/are learning patience, humility, real love and MERCY to/for them--them NOT helping us is teaching us "lessons" we could/would never learn otherwise. Look how long it took/takes us to "get-it".
{{{{{{{{ Hugs }}}}}}}}}}} 1 -
PackerFanInGB wrote: »Wow. There are some impressive stories on here! I love the decluttering of inches too! I never thought of it that way.
I started decluttering a little over a year ago and feel a need for clutter-free space in my house now. But I have to respect my husband and his things too. It's a struggle finding a happy medium sometimes. So, I am starting with my things and the things I can control, like my closet, makeup drawer, dresser, sewing room, etc. The next step is going to be the basement which has a lot of 'our' stuff. So that will be a little harder...more give and take. But that will be a huge accomplishment if I can get it where I would like it. We will gain about 900 sq ft of livable space if we can clean it up down there. The other half of the basement has his tool bench and other "man cave" things that I don't care about.
I also have it in my head to do a digital declutter....photos, emails, documents, etc. That one feels pretty overwhelming so we'll see when I start that one.
Thanks for sharing your stories and ideas. Very inspiring!
{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}}} Thank you too Packer, for contributing so tremendously to this thread--YAY YOU and US too!
Girl...that "digital decluttering" is so real and good for you and thank you for mentioning it. What I do is weekly "declutter my digital stuff", because if I didn't---ummmmm, UGH, emails, and digital "stuff" gets wayyyyy over my head. If I don't go thru my digital stuff at least weekly, if I wait for say a month...it's close to terrifying how much "stuff" collects. It's also WONDERFUL seeing everything in files/folders and easily accessible. I want to emphasize, I'm so NOT naturally organized, I've LEARNED to live/be this way...if I/we can and are doing this, anyone can--FOR REAL! It just takes time and practice and practice makes BETTER not necessarily perfect.
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Therealobi1 wrote: »I am a hoarder but have got better.
I got rid of all my fat clothes few years back as didnt want to fit in them again and my style has changed since i now have more choices. They all went to cancer research charity shop
I had to move earlier this year and had british heart foundation charity make two trips to pick up toys, clothes, books and dvds. The video cassettes were binned as i doubt anyone uses them anymore.
It does feel satisfying and once done you actually dont miss the stuff at all.
What i am interested in is how you guys deal with toxic pity party type people. Dont want help with a solution just want to moan. This is what i want to deal with this year. I am someone who can listen and listen until my ears are chewed off and this makes it worst. This is not someone i can ignore.
First and foremost, THANK YOU ever so much for contributing to this thread and {{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}
IF you use three big ole "guns" in killing this matter, I know it will not only work, but help this person (and YOU) big time too. What are these "guns/weapons" I speak of?????!!!!?????
1.) FEARLESSNESS
Ya know, fear and fearlfulness are big ole deceptive cowardly lions (lie-ons). Fear to do the "right thing", because it's embarrassing, scary/intimidating, everyone else does it this way and if I don't I'll be rejected or laughed at, etc., fear is the YUCK that holds us back from so much good---ugh, just a big ole LIE/deception. Of course, we need "fear" to keep us from doing foolish stuff (like walking down a dark/dangerous alley alone, or putting our hands in fire and other dangerous stuff, of course fear is there to protect us...but in these cases, it's really NOT fear keeping us from doing self-destructive and/or putting ourselves in harms way--that's WISDOM, disquised as/looking like fear.
You must utterly forsake fear in dealing with this person, period.
2.) HONESTY
Honestly is ALWAYS the best policy (for me it is for sure). When you give the death-blow to fear, you MUST deal with this person with honesty. Example: Hey boo, you know I love you right? Do you love me? If so, you will not only listen/hear me on what I'm about to share with you, but you MUST begin to stop taking advantage of me, because your constant complaining/murmuring/gossiping/ and over all constant negativity is literally wearing me out. Also, it's no longer fun hanging out and communicating with you because your negatively is adversely affecting me and it's contagious and I no longer want us to have this type of relationship and communication. I love you, this is why I'm telling you this. I love you and I love me too, and it may take some time, but this way of communication must stop, period. I say that you're taking advantage of me and a lot of this is my fault for being fearful to let you know how I really feel. IF you love me, you will make a real hard effort to stop this verbal vomiting on/with me, period.
Because I've allowed this for so long, it may take some time to change/stop. So, from this day forth, when/as you begin to share the toxic and downer stuff with me, I'm going to stop you immediately and re-direct the conversation. If you choose not to, and choose to continue this type of negatively with me, it's going to destroy our realationship. Stuff like that.
3.) LOVE
We've been taught/programmed/brain-washed/mind-controlled/trained all of our lives (from cradle to grave) via Hollywood, TV, music, social programming and the media in general, the news, education to call good evil and evil good and define FOR us what "love" is. Real LOVE is not going along to get along, real love NOT a feeling--it's a tough minded, no nonsense, protection of what right vs. what's wrong and a whole lot more. Real love is ALWAYS honest, humble and fearless. Real love does not and will not call good evil and evil good-ever. Real love takes the chance that being honest and true/real may cause one to literally lose everything and it's ready, willing and able to do just that, no matter what the majority thinks and says about it. Real love truly cares so much that again, it's willing to LOSE in order to really win.
That's just some of my thought, I'm so interested and hope others will chime in on this important matter too!
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NewLIFEstyle4ME wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »I am a hoarder but have got better.
I got rid of all my fat clothes few years back as didnt want to fit in them again and my style has changed since i now have more choices. They all went to cancer research charity shop
I had to move earlier this year and had british heart foundation charity make two trips to pick up toys, clothes, books and dvds. The video cassettes were binned as i doubt anyone uses them anymore.
It does feel satisfying and once done you actually dont miss the stuff at all.
What i am interested in is how you guys deal with toxic pity party type people. Dont want help with a solution just want to moan. This is what i want to deal with this year. I am someone who can listen and listen until my ears are chewed off and this makes it worst. This is not someone i can ignore.
First and foremost, THANK YOU ever so much for contributing to this thread and {{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}
IF you use three big ole "guns" in killing this matter, I know it will not only work, but help this person (and YOU) big time too. What are these "guns/weapons" I speak of?????!!!!?????
1.) FEARLESSNESS
Ya know, fear and fearlessness are big ole deceptive cowards lions (lie-ons). Fear to do the "right thing", because it's embarrassing, scary/intimidating, everyone else does it this way and if I don't I'll be rejected or laughed at, etc., fear is the YUCK that holds us back from so much good---ugh, just a big ole LIE/deception. Of course, we need "fear" to keep us from doing foolish stuff (like walking down a dark/dangerous alley alone, or putting our hands in fire and other dangerous stuff, of course fear is there to protect us...but in these cases, it's really NOT fear keeping us from doing self-destructive and/or putting ourselves in harms way--that's WISDOM, disquised as/looking like fear.
You must utterly forsake fear in dealing with this person, period.
2.) HONESTY
Honestly is ALWAYS the best policy (for me it is for sure). When you give the death-blow to fear, you MUST deal with this person with honesty. Example: Hey boo, you know I love you right? Do you love me? If so, you will not only listen/hear me on what I'm about to share with you, but you MUST begin to stop taking advantage of me, because your constant complaining/murmuring/gossiping/ and over all constant negativity is literally wearing me out. Also, it's no longer fun hanging out and communicating with you because your negatively is adversely affecting me and it's contagious and I no longer want us to have this type of relationship and communication. I love you, this is why I'm telling you this. I love you and I love me too, and it may take some time, but this way of communication must stop, period. I say that you're taking advantage of me and a lot of this is my fault for being fearful to let you know how I really feel. IF you love me, you will make a real hard effort to stop this verbal vomiting on/with me, period.
Because I've allowed this for so long, it may take some time to change/stop. So, from this day forth, when/as you begin to share the toxic and downer stuff with me, I'm going to stop you immediately and re-direct the conversation. If you choose not to, and choose to continue this type of negatively with me, it's going to destroy our realationship. Stuff like that.
3.) LOVE
We've been taught/programmed/brain-washed/mind-controlled/trained all of our lives (from cradle to grave) via Hollywood, TV, music, social programming and the media in general, the news, education to call good evil and evil good and define FOR us what "love" is. Real LOVE is not going along to get along, real love NOT a feeling--it's a tough minded, no nonsense, protection of what right vs. what's wrong and a whole lot more. Real love is ALWAYS honest, humble and fearless. Real love does not and will not call good evil and evil good-ever. Real love takes the chance that being honest and true/real may cause one to literally lose everything and it's ready, willing and able to do just that, no matter what the majority thinks and says about it. Real love truly cares so much that again, it's willing to LOSE in order to really win.
That's just some of my thought, I'm so interested and hope others will chime in on this important matter too!
Thank you so much for responding great ideas for me and hopefully others. I am definately going to reuse some of this. It has to be done as it is so draining. I need to be able to nip it in the bud much quicker until the message is heard.
Thanks1 -
Adventures of/in taking one's time and doing it right/righteously front:
lost 0.8 lbs since last weighing in! Newlifestyle4me's lost 69.6 lbs so far.
Well--y'all's lil (literally ) ole friend over here is down 70lbs!!! Wellllll...it's technically down 69.6lbs, but good ole Mfp says 70lbs, so who am I to argue?!? Just wee ounces away from the 140's--YAY!!!!!! 10 -
Therealobi1 wrote: »NewLIFEstyle4ME wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »I am a hoarder but have got better.
I got rid of all my fat clothes few years back as didnt want to fit in them again and my style has changed since i now have more choices. They all went to cancer research charity shop
I had to move earlier this year and had british heart foundation charity make two trips to pick up toys, clothes, books and dvds. The video cassettes were binned as i doubt anyone uses them anymore.
It does feel satisfying and once done you actually dont miss the stuff at all.
What i am interested in is how you guys deal with toxic pity party type people. Dont want help with a solution just want to moan. This is what i want to deal with this year. I am someone who can listen and listen until my ears are chewed off and this makes it worst. This is not someone i can ignore.
First and foremost, THANK YOU ever so much for contributing to this thread and {{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}
IF you use three big ole "guns" in killing this matter, I know it will not only work, but help this person (and YOU) big time too. What are these "guns/weapons" I speak of?????!!!!?????
1.) FEARLESSNESS
Ya know, fear and fearlessness are big ole deceptive cowards lions (lie-ons). Fear to do the "right thing", because it's embarrassing, scary/intimidating, everyone else does it this way and if I don't I'll be rejected or laughed at, etc., fear is the YUCK that holds us back from so much good---ugh, just a big ole LIE/deception. Of course, we need "fear" to keep us from doing foolish stuff (like walking down a dark/dangerous alley alone, or putting our hands in fire and other dangerous stuff, of course fear is there to protect us...but in these cases, it's really NOT fear keeping us from doing self-destructive and/or putting ourselves in harms way--that's WISDOM, disquised as/looking like fear.
You must utterly forsake fear in dealing with this person, period.
2.) HONESTY
Honestly is ALWAYS the best policy (for me it is for sure). When you give the death-blow to fear, you MUST deal with this person with honesty. Example: Hey boo, you know I love you right? Do you love me? If so, you will not only listen/hear me on what I'm about to share with you, but you MUST begin to stop taking advantage of me, because your constant complaining/murmuring/gossiping/ and over all constant negativity is literally wearing me out. Also, it's no longer fun hanging out and communicating with you because your negatively is adversely affecting me and it's contagious and I no longer want us to have this type of relationship and communication. I love you, this is why I'm telling you this. I love you and I love me too, and it may take some time, but this way of communication must stop, period. I say that you're taking advantage of me and a lot of this is my fault for being fearful to let you know how I really feel. IF you love me, you will make a real hard effort to stop this verbal vomiting on/with me, period.
Because I've allowed this for so long, it may take some time to change/stop. So, from this day forth, when/as you begin to share the toxic and downer stuff with me, I'm going to stop you immediately and re-direct the conversation. If you choose not to, and choose to continue this type of negatively with me, it's going to destroy our realationship. Stuff like that.
3.) LOVE
We've been taught/programmed/brain-washed/mind-controlled/trained all of our lives (from cradle to grave) via Hollywood, TV, music, social programming and the media in general, the news, education to call good evil and evil good and define FOR us what "love" is. Real LOVE is not going along to get along, real love NOT a feeling--it's a tough minded, no nonsense, protection of what right vs. what's wrong and a whole lot more. Real love is ALWAYS honest, humble and fearless. Real love does not and will not call good evil and evil good-ever. Real love takes the chance that being honest and true/real may cause one to literally lose everything and it's ready, willing and able to do just that, no matter what the majority thinks and says about it. Real love truly cares so much that again, it's willing to LOSE in order to really win.
That's just some of my thought, I'm so interested and hope others will chime in on this important matter too!
Thank you so much for responding great ideas for me and hopefully others. I am definately going to reuse some of this. It has to be done as it is so draining. I need to be able to nip it in the bud much quicker until the message is heard.
Thanks
My pleasure and here's to cheering you on! Also, please KNOW that in doing this you will not only be helping yourself, but helping your loved one as well, for sure--it may not seem like it according to popular opinion, but with you doing this in utter fearlessness, complete and utter humble/meek honesty and REAL love--change will happen, it just may take a some time ("they" say, "times heals all wounds and wounds all heals")--but it may not take as much time as one thinks, it may work out for you sooner rather than later too, especially if you operate in a I mean business attitude/spirit!1 -
My mother is my inspiration. Her house is clutter free, and it always has been. She has the motto that you always put away what you use. So, when you open her “junk” drawer, there are some index cards, a roll of tape, scissors and a few pens. The negative thing is when I got married, my husband was so messy and likes piles, it was really hard on my psyche because it made me so nervous and uncomfortable to live with a mess. 23 years later, it still stinks to live like that, although I think he has gotten better. I think some people “like” to have a mess around them- just like we like neatness and order, some like mess and surplus. He covers the counters with stuff, and I clear them off or shove them aside in a huge pile. The only other issue I see is that my mom probably overdoes it. But I think that’s how her brain is wired to be extremely neat and clean. My children are a mix of both; neat and orderly but not too much or not obsessively. Just sayin’7
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What i am interested in is how you guys deal with toxic pity party type people. Dont want help with a solution just want to moan. This is what i want to deal with this year. I am someone who can listen and listen until my ears are chewed off and this makes it worst. This is not someone i can ignore. [/quote]
This is my husband. I am working on the following 1. I don't need to internalize or personalize whatever is being said. If he feels better by venting and feeling someone hears it, okay, but I will brush it off. 2. Reframing the issue as part of bigger picture and reflect it back. (Last 3 weeks he's been mad at a coworker but this is same person he aligns with at work and realized it yesterday so decided to make nice.) 3. Realize that over time every issue usually will resolve and keep voicing that belief.
My happy news: Have a couple shoeboxes full of old photos. So stuck a bunch in everyone's Christmas cards, which was fun to sort and figure who would enjoy.6
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