My bf cheated on me
ButterIsGood
Posts: 201 Member
in Chit-Chat
My bf is 36 and I'm 24. We started dating in Feb 2018. 1 week before our anniversary, he said we needed time apart and that " time will heal our relationship"... This came out of nowhere. I just found out today that he sent flowers and chocolate to one of my friends and asked her out and even told her that he can't get her out of his mind. My friend rejected him. She told me to not tell him that she told me about it. She even asked him " why are you doing this? Aren't you hurting your gfs feelings?" And his response was " don't worry about her". I'm so sad right now. My heart is so broken. I just need some people to talk to.
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Replies
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I am not sure a fitness website/forum is the place for lonely/broken hearts stuff...you got some real life pals to offload on? We are a bunch of complete strangers, know nothing about you, etc...there are other websites where you can offload this type of thing...maybe private message some MFP pals about it...37
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nexangelus wrote: »I am not sure a fitness website/forum is the place for lonely/broken hearts stuff...you got some real life pals to offload on? We are a bunch of complete strangers, know nothing about you, etc...there are other websites where you can offload this type of thing...maybe private message some MFP pals about it...
It's the chit chat forum. Pretty much anything goes.
OP, that sucks but guys come and go but friends are forever. At least you know you can count on this one to actually be a friend so....silver lining?
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She came to where she thinks people might be supportive. Go easy man.nexangelus wrote: »I am not sure a fitness website/forum is the place for lonely/broken hearts stuff...you got some real life pals to offload on? We are a bunch of complete strangers, know nothing about you, etc...there are other websites where you can offload this type of thing...maybe private message some MFP pals about it...26 -
I think the whole “don’t tell him” thing is very suspicious. Like why wouldn’t you be asking the person you just spent the last year of your life with, wtf is up. I’d be telling my friend, thank you for informing you, but that you will be bringing it up with him. There are two sides to every story, and every time someone said to me “keep this between us k”, red sirens go off. Don’t take her word as fact until you talk to him. And if it’s true, then ask yourself also, how chummy were they that he thought it was cool to bring her flowers and ask her out.24
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CoffeeAndContour wrote: »I think the whole “don’t tell him” thing is very suspicious. Like why wouldn’t you be asking the person you just spent the last year of your life with, wtf is up. I’d be telling my friend, thank you for informing you, but that you will be bringing it up with him. There are two sides to every story, and every time someone said to me “keep this between us k”, red sirens go off. Don’t take her word as fact until you talk to him. And if it’s true, then ask yourself also, how chummy were they that he thought it was cool to bring her flowers and ask her out.
I believe people in general fear confrontation. Many only do the right thing in s situation like this under the guise of anonymity because they fear being sucked into the drama, and i gaurantee a man getting nailed doing something so underhanded is not gonna go out without a fight, as most do. Sure her friend possibly could have had some nefarious actions, but then my question would be, why say anything at all then?12 -
CoffeeAndContour wrote: »I think the whole “don’t tell him” thing is very suspicious. Like why wouldn’t you be asking the person you just spent the last year of your life with, wtf is up. I’d be telling my friend, thank you for informing you, but that you will be bringing it up with him. There are two sides to every story, and every time someone said to me “keep this between us k”, red sirens go off. Don’t take her word as fact until you talk to him. And if it’s true, then ask yourself also, how chummy were they that he thought it was cool to bring her flowers and ask her out.
I believe people in general fear confrontation. Many only do the right thing in s situation like this under the guise of anonymity because they fear being sucked into the drama, and i gaurantee a man getting nailed doing something so underhanded is not gonna go out without a fight, as most do. Sure her friend possibly could have had some nefarious actions, but then my question would be, why say anything at all then?
This is the person she just spent the last year of her life with. I’d kindly tell my friend that it isn’t going to stay between us. She deserves some answers, either way. Anytime anyone has ever come to me to tell me, so and so said this about you or did this, but please keep it between us, they were either, lying or there was more of the story to tell in which they didn’t want me to find out. It’s silly imo to take one persons word as fact. And I’m not at all saying he didn’t do it, I mean he did just out of the blue take a break from their relationship, which is already odd, but I’m not going to sit there and be like, well friend told me so it must be true, end of story, even if I likely believe them. I want answers.10 -
Move on. Don't look back. If you do you might miss what's right in front of you.21
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CoffeeAndContour wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »I think the whole “don’t tell him” thing is very suspicious. Like why wouldn’t you be asking the person you just spent the last year of your life with, wtf is up. I’d be telling my friend, thank you for informing you, but that you will be bringing it up with him. There are two sides to every story, and every time someone said to me “keep this between us k”, red sirens go off. Don’t take her word as fact until you talk to him. And if it’s true, then ask yourself also, how chummy were they that he thought it was cool to bring her flowers and ask her out.
I believe people in general fear confrontation. Many only do the right thing in s situation like this under the guise of anonymity because they fear being sucked into the drama, and i gaurantee a man getting nailed doing something so underhanded is not gonna go out without a fight, as most do. Sure her friend possibly could have had some nefarious actions, but then my question would be, why say anything at all then?
This is the person she just spent the last year of her life with. I’d kindly tell my friend that it isn’t going to stay between us. She deserves some answers, either way. Anytime anyone has ever come to me to tell me, so and so said this about you or did this, but please keep it between us, they were either, lying or there was more of the story to tell in which they didn’t want me to find out. It’s silly imo to take one persons word as fact. And I’m not at all saying he didn’t do it, I mean he did just out of the blue take a break from their relationship, which is already odd, but I’m not going to sit there and be like, well friend told me so it must be true, end of story, even if I likely believe them. I want answers.
Im not saying avoiding confrontation is right, im saying its human nature and not odd for someone to say in a case where they dont want to get sucked into the drama. I think its also foolish of people to think they deserve answers. The dude broke up with her and tried to get with her friend.....theres your answer. If she wants to delve into it deeper with her friend so be it, the book is closed on the dude. I look at a friends word with how much trust equity has been built up over the years. There are some people i dont trust anything they say, and there are the select few i would trust my life to. I think that also plays a part in how trusting a friend is and how much you need to question.14 -
Idk... younger years, there’s been friends intermingled with bfs.
Yay for your friend telling you, however being that bold sending stuff to her work and asking her out? mmmm either he’s beyond stupid, or she’s not as much as a friend that you think she is. Did you see evidence or just what she shared. She could feel guilty, in a role she played with talking to your bf.
I went through a female feeling guilty, crying about my bf and how he lied to me ect. I ended the relationship and also, pushed our friendship to this chick can’t really be trusted. She ended up “smashing” him years later and shared that with me. I’m pretty sure in those teen years, they were both “guilty parties”. Peep the red flags..
OP, I’d want to know all the facts from both parties and be done with it all, since she placed your feelings into it all.
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CoffeeAndContour wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »I think the whole “don’t tell him” thing is very suspicious. Like why wouldn’t you be asking the person you just spent the last year of your life with, wtf is up. I’d be telling my friend, thank you for informing you, but that you will be bringing it up with him. There are two sides to every story, and every time someone said to me “keep this between us k”, red sirens go off. Don’t take her word as fact until you talk to him. And if it’s true, then ask yourself also, how chummy were they that he thought it was cool to bring her flowers and ask her out.
I believe people in general fear confrontation. Many only do the right thing in s situation like this under the guise of anonymity because they fear being sucked into the drama, and i gaurantee a man getting nailed doing something so underhanded is not gonna go out without a fight, as most do. Sure her friend possibly could have had some nefarious actions, but then my question would be, why say anything at all then?
This is the person she just spent the last year of her life with. I’d kindly tell my friend that it isn’t going to stay between us. She deserves some answers, either way. Anytime anyone has ever come to me to tell me, so and so said this about you or did this, but please keep it between us, they were either, lying or there was more of the story to tell in which they didn’t want me to find out. It’s silly imo to take one persons word as fact. And I’m not at all saying he didn’t do it, I mean he did just out of the blue take a break from their relationship, which is already odd, but I’m not going to sit there and be like, well friend told me so it must be true, end of story, even if I likely believe them. I want answers.
Im not saying avoiding confrontation is right, im saying its human nature and not odd for someone to say in a case where they dont want to get sucked into the drama. I think its also foolish of people to think they deserve answers. The dude broke up with her and tried to get with her friend.....theres your answer. If she wants to delve into it deeper with her friend so be it, the book is closed on the dude. I look at a friends word with how much trust equity has been built up over the years. There are some people i dont trust anything they say, and there are the select few i would trust my life to. I think that also plays a part in how trusting a friend is and how much you need to question.
She's a friend I truly trust. She told me she doesn't want to start drama but is only telling me because she thinks I should know. She rejected him and even threw out the flowers and chocolate he got her. He gave her the silent treatment for a few days but talked to her yesterday about how he can't stop thinking about her and how much her rejection hurt him. Today he messaged me asking if I want the valentines day gift he had ordered for me before he had asked for time out. I said no and that I'm coming to get my own stuff this week from his place. He was shocked by this. Asking me why I was planning to do that. I told him " you've told me before that all things done in the dark will come into the light" and that I didn't love him anymore. He started acting stupid at this point hence I know he was trying to keep this whole thing hidden. With his " what are u talking about???". At the end of the convo he said " so you're giving up on me like everyone else has??" All I've done for the past year is love him and support his decisions and been there for him. This just hurts too much10 -
TheRoadDog wrote: »Move on. Don't look back. If you do you might miss what's right in front of you.
What he said.. you're attractive lady shouldn't have problem finding the right one.1 -
36 year old man behaving like that - absolutely pathetic. All the red flags are there - harden your heart and move on - your precious youth does not last long, even though now you probably can't see that. Dump this garbage.
Your man you will be with is out there somewhere. This is not him.9 -
ButterIsGood wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »
She's a friend I truly trust. She told me she doesn't want to start drama but is only telling me because she thinks I should know. She rejected him and even threw out the flowers and chocolate he got her. He gave her the silent treatment for a few days but talked to her yesterday about how he can't stop thinking about her and how much her rejection hurt him. Today he messaged me asking if I want the valentines day gift he had ordered for me before he had asked for time out. I said no and that I'm coming to get my own stuff this week from his place. He was shocked by this. Asking me why I was planning to do that. I told him " you've told me before that all things done in the dark will come into the light" and that I didn't love him anymore. He started acting stupid at this point hence I know he was trying to keep this whole thing hidden. With his " what are u talking about???". At the end of the convo he said " so you're giving up on me like everyone else has??" All I've done for the past year is love him and support his decisions and been there for him. This just hurts too much
Run, don't walk. Move on.1 -
"She's a friend I truly trust. She told me she doesn't want to start drama but is only telling me because she thinks I should know. She rejected him and even threw out the flowers and chocolate he got her. He gave her the silent treatment for a few days but talked to her yesterday about how he can't stop thinking about her and how much her rejection hurt him. Today he messaged me asking if I want the valentines day gift he had ordered for me before he had asked for time out. I said no and that I'm coming to get my own stuff this week from his place. He was shocked by this. Asking me why I was planning to do that. I told him " you've told me before that all things done in the dark will come into the light" and that I didn't love him anymore. He started acting stupid at this point hence I know he was trying to keep this whole thing hidden. With his " what are u talking about???". At the end of the convo he said " so you're giving up on me like everyone else has??" All I've done for the past year is love him and support his decisions and been there for him. This just hurts too much[/quote]
He is showing narcissistic tendencies and gas lighting you. Run and don't look back. I've been through it and what you are headed for, if you stay, is a world of pain and life long PTDS.17 -
Go with your gut kid , it usually right - people will always show you who they are - believe their actions not their words - the hurt will fade with time - good luck3
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ButterIsGood wrote: »My bf is 36 and I'm 24. We started dating in Feb 2018. 1 week before our anniversary, he said we needed time apart and that " time will heal our relationship"... This came out of nowhere. I just found out today that he sent flowers and chocolate to one of my friends and asked her out and even told her that he can't get her out of his mind. My friend rejected him. She told me to not tell him that she told me about it. She even asked him " why are you doing this? Aren't you hurting your gfs feelings?" And his response was " don't worry about her". I'm so sad right now. My heart is so broken. I just need some people to talk to.
F that looser5 -
CoffeeAndContour wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »I think the whole “don’t tell him” thing is very suspicious. Like why wouldn’t you be asking the person you just spent the last year of your life with, wtf is up. I’d be telling my friend, thank you for informing you, but that you will be bringing it up with him. There are two sides to every story, and every time someone said to me “keep this between us k”, red sirens go off. Don’t take her word as fact until you talk to him. And if it’s true, then ask yourself also, how chummy were they that he thought it was cool to bring her flowers and ask her out.
I believe people in general fear confrontation. Many only do the right thing in s situation like this under the guise of anonymity because they fear being sucked into the drama, and i gaurantee a man getting nailed doing something so underhanded is not gonna go out without a fight, as most do. Sure her friend possibly could have had some nefarious actions, but then my question would be, why say anything at all then?
This is the person she just spent the last year of her life with. I’d kindly tell my friend that it isn’t going to stay between us. She deserves some answers, either way. Anytime anyone has ever come to me to tell me, so and so said this about you or did this, but please keep it between us, they were either, lying or there was more of the story to tell in which they didn’t want me to find out. It’s silly imo to take one persons word as fact. And I’m not at all saying he didn’t do it, I mean he did just out of the blue take a break from their relationship, which is already odd, but I’m not going to sit there and be like, well friend told me so it must be true, end of story, even if I likely believe them. I want answers.
Im not saying avoiding confrontation is right, im saying its human nature and not odd for someone to say in a case where they dont want to get sucked into the drama. I think its also foolish of people to think they deserve answers. The dude broke up with her and tried to get with her friend.....theres your answer. If she wants to delve into it deeper with her friend so be it, the book is closed on the dude. I look at a friends word with how much trust equity has been built up over the years. There are some people i dont trust anything they say, and there are the select few i would trust my life to. I think that also plays a part in how trusting a friend is and how much you need to question.
Yeah, no. It’s great you have friends like that, but that’s not me. I don’t blindly trust anyone but myself. And anyone who I do trust to a great extent would never even consider asking me to keep it between us, because we’re friends, and friends support one another. They don’t pass on some info and then duck out to avoid drama. Like hell I’d ask my friend to keep it between us. I hate drama but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to confront if it means I can help a friend out. And they weren’t done. They were on a break as OP said and it seems she agreed to it, or she wouldn’t be making this post. So yeah, she does deserve answers. And it’s up to her if she so chooses to seek them out or not. But she isn’t foolish if she thinks she deserves them. We don’t always get what we want but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t seek out the answers. Regardless as she’s said after I responded she’s done with him, so she’s made her decision and it’s a good one, I think. He wasn’t worth her time the second he needed timeout.
But this friend. There’s question marks.
OP, I wish you the best. Your heart hurts now but it will feel better. Keep busy, cry when you need to cry, surround yourself with people who love you. I’m sorry someone hurt you. It’s his loss, really.13 -
CoffeeAndContour wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »I think the whole “don’t tell him” thing is very suspicious. Like why wouldn’t you be asking the person you just spent the last year of your life with, wtf is up. I’d be telling my friend, thank you for informing you, but that you will be bringing it up with him. There are two sides to every story, and every time someone said to me “keep this between us k”, red sirens go off. Don’t take her word as fact until you talk to him. And if it’s true, then ask yourself also, how chummy were they that he thought it was cool to bring her flowers and ask her out.
I believe people in general fear confrontation. Many only do the right thing in s situation like this under the guise of anonymity because they fear being sucked into the drama, and i gaurantee a man getting nailed doing something so underhanded is not gonna go out without a fight, as most do. Sure her friend possibly could have had some nefarious actions, but then my question would be, why say anything at all then?
This is the person she just spent the last year of her life with. I’d kindly tell my friend that it isn’t going to stay between us. She deserves some answers, either way. Anytime anyone has ever come to me to tell me, so and so said this about you or did this, but please keep it between us, they were either, lying or there was more of the story to tell in which they didn’t want me to find out. It’s silly imo to take one persons word as fact. And I’m not at all saying he didn’t do it, I mean he did just out of the blue take a break from their relationship, which is already odd, but I’m not going to sit there and be like, well friend told me so it must be true, end of story, even if I likely believe them. I want answers.
Im not saying avoiding confrontation is right, im saying its human nature and not odd for someone to say in a case where they dont want to get sucked into the drama. I think its also foolish of people to think they deserve answers. The dude broke up with her and tried to get with her friend.....theres your answer. If she wants to delve into it deeper with her friend so be it, the book is closed on the dude. I look at a friends word with how much trust equity has been built up over the years. There are some people i dont trust anything they say, and there are the select few i would trust my life to. I think that also plays a part in how trusting a friend is and how much you need to question.
Yeah, no. It’s great you have friends like that, but that’s not me. I don’t blindly trust anyone but myself. And anyone who I do trust to a great extent would never even consider asking me to keep it between us, because we’re friends, and friends support one another. They don’t pass on some info and then duck out to avoid drama. Like hell I’d ask my friend to keep it between us. I hate drama but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to confront if it means I can help a friend out. And they weren’t done. They were on a break as OP said and it seems she agreed to it, or she wouldn’t be making this post. So yeah, she does deserve answers. And it’s up to her if she so chooses to seek them out or not. But she isn’t foolish if she thinks she deserves them. We don’t always get what we want but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t seek out the answers. Regardless as she’s said after I responded she’s done with him, so she’s made her decision and it’s a good one, I think. He wasn’t worth her time the second he needed timeout.
I agree with this. If you're going to open your mouth about something, then OWN it. If you're going to be a wuss, then keep your mouth shut.7 -
CoffeeAndContour wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »CoffeeAndContour wrote: »I think the whole “don’t tell him” thing is very suspicious. Like why wouldn’t you be asking the person you just spent the last year of your life with, wtf is up. I’d be telling my friend, thank you for informing you, but that you will be bringing it up with him. There are two sides to every story, and every time someone said to me “keep this between us k”, red sirens go off. Don’t take her word as fact until you talk to him. And if it’s true, then ask yourself also, how chummy were they that he thought it was cool to bring her flowers and ask her out.
I believe people in general fear confrontation. Many only do the right thing in s situation like this under the guise of anonymity because they fear being sucked into the drama, and i gaurantee a man getting nailed doing something so underhanded is not gonna go out without a fight, as most do. Sure her friend possibly could have had some nefarious actions, but then my question would be, why say anything at all then?
This is the person she just spent the last year of her life with. I’d kindly tell my friend that it isn’t going to stay between us. She deserves some answers, either way. Anytime anyone has ever come to me to tell me, so and so said this about you or did this, but please keep it between us, they were either, lying or there was more of the story to tell in which they didn’t want me to find out. It’s silly imo to take one persons word as fact. And I’m not at all saying he didn’t do it, I mean he did just out of the blue take a break from their relationship, which is already odd, but I’m not going to sit there and be like, well friend told me so it must be true, end of story, even if I likely believe them. I want answers.
Im not saying avoiding confrontation is right, im saying its human nature and not odd for someone to say in a case where they dont want to get sucked into the drama. I think its also foolish of people to think they deserve answers. The dude broke up with her and tried to get with her friend.....theres your answer. If she wants to delve into it deeper with her friend so be it, the book is closed on the dude. I look at a friends word with how much trust equity has been built up over the years. There are some people i dont trust anything they say, and there are the select few i would trust my life to. I think that also plays a part in how trusting a friend is and how much you need to question.
Yeah, no. It’s great you have friends like that, but that’s not me. I don’t blindly trust anyone but myself. And anyone who I do trust to a great extent would never even consider asking me to keep it between us, because we’re friends, and friends support one another. They don’t pass on some info and then duck out to avoid drama. Like hell I’d ask my friend to keep it between us. I hate drama but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to confront if it means I can help a friend out. And they weren’t done. They were on a break as OP said and it seems she agreed to it, or she wouldn’t be making this post. So yeah, she does deserve answers. And it’s up to her if she so chooses to seek them out or not. But she isn’t foolish if she thinks she deserves them. We don’t always get what we want but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t seek out the answers. Regardless as she’s said after I responded she’s done with him, so she’s made her decision and it’s a good one, I think. He wasn’t worth her time the second he needed timeout.
But this friend. There’s question marks.
OP, I wish you the best. Your heart hurts now but it will feel better. Keep busy, cry when you need to cry, surround yourself with people who love you. I’m sorry someone hurt you. It’s his loss, really.
I have not survived this long by blindly trusting anyone. I did not say that now, nor would i ever. But i know people, and they are largely non confrontational. And i also would be hesitant to judge somebodys relationship with their friend as a stranger. I also believe comparing how you and your friends are to her situation isnt helpful because they are not you, and its not about you, its about them. I think talking to her about the people involved is more helful then talking about what your friends, my friends, or anybody elses friends are like. The more helpful questions would be, if she felt she "deserved" them...how close are with you with your friend? Why would she want to stay anonymous? Why would this dude reach out like that? Its about the people involved, not us. I would handle it differently as well, but that isnt gonna maje any of them different people that will act as i or you would.14
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