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Have you been both overweight and underweight?
Replies
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I have never been overweight. My highest weight was 132 lbs at 5'5.5" in 2007 at age 35, but most of my adult life I weighed between 116-122. However, I was very underweight for six years, from 2008-2014. Lowest weight was 90 lbs, and stayed under 100 lbs for years. People openly asked if I had cancer as if somehow that is perfectly acceptable to ask. In truth i had anorexia nervosa and later with binge/purge subtype and orthorexia as well as exercise addiction. I'd have rather said I have cancer as it's more "acceptable" and people understand it and feel bad for you. Anorexia is seen as a vanity problem which is so far removed from the truth. People just don't think that someone in their upper 30s and 40s can have anorexia as it is still seen as a teenagers problem. I used to get compliments on how tiny I was for a while and comments like "I wish I had your problem". What you can't SEE is I have very very low bone density, fractures, had heart arrhythmias and electrolyte imbalances, muscle loss (including from heart), anemia, vitamin deficiencies, and constant mental anguish. I exercised very hard and long but due to not eating enough and low weight it damaged my body instead of helping it. So now I am healthier but paying the price with constant joint issues, bone issues, hormone problems. I go to the gym but feel ashamed at how little I can do compared to others because my knees are so bad and it's too risky for my back to lift heavier weights now. Last year I hauled several 40 lb packs over wilderness terrain and had painful back spasms for weeks after. I have to fight to keep my bones from crumbling further and I am only 46.
I used to get so mad when people would compliment me when I was starving myself and a low weight. All they want to see is thin and it doesn't matter if it's healthy or how you got there. Honestly I got to 90 lbs on 1200-1300 calories per day, more than many people here eat to lose weight (and I am post surgically menopausal with hypothyroidism), but was exercising 2-3 hours per day intensively six days per week. Exercise is so highly valued that no one sees how that much exercise can damage a person when they are restricting intake and have so little to burn. I'd have done better if more people told me I looked awful and to gain weight, instead of reinforcing my beliefs that thin was desirable. I was seen as disciplined, full of self control, fit. Such a joke.
And yet here I am at 112-113 lbs for the last four years, terrified of gaining more weight so I stay strict with diet but try to be healthy. I rarely get compliments anymore but no one criticizes my body either so I guess I shouldn't complain. I still have a huge perception problem with my body, see a whale staring back, while logically I know I have to keep fighting to do everything I can to be healthier because my life is already cut short by osteoporosis at such a young age. I'm not going to be one of those people in their 90s running marathons.
And as a dancer, I still experienced fat shaming even when barely 100 lbs when I was a teen. I was told to lose 10 lbs and that I was getting hips and a butt (I was hitting puberty late at age 16) which is a no no for a ballet dancer. It was awful. I had the "wrong body type".
I also watched my mother who was obese for years get shamed in front of me when I was a child and I am sure that rubbed me the wrong way deep inside for years to come.26 -
lporter229 wrote: »JellyyBeanz wrote: »What do you think is more offensive, people commenting about you being too big or people commenting about you being too skinny? I’m neither overweight or underweight but I don’t think “skinny shaming” could ever compare to the abuse that fat kids and adults receive. Being skinny is still praised worldwide and even if you wanted to change that, gaining weight is much easier than losing it. What are your thoughts?
Wow, my gut reaction is to call this statement just plain ignorant, but since you posted this in the debate section, I will accept it as your opinion and respectfully disagree. I have been very underweight as a result of illness (Crohn's Disease) and gaining weight was not "much easier", it was downright impossible. Being underweight is not desirable nor is it praised. Having been on the opposite end of the spectrum as well (slightly over weight), I can tell you that people find it much more acceptable to comment on a person's weight when they are underweight vs. overweight. I have dealt with comments from friends and acquaintances who did not care to educate themselves about my situation, ranging from how I looked sickly (well, duh), could stand to gain a few pounds and even accusations of an eating disorder. As mentioned above, comments about a person's body can be hurtful regardless of the situation and are best kept to oneself.
I could have written this post. I've been dealing with Crohn's since I was 16 (I'll be 32 in March), and always struggled with keeping weight on. It really does a number on you when people keep commenting on how you're all bones, how fragile and breakable I am.8 -
debrakgoogins wrote: »When I was young, I was so skinny that my nickname was Olive Oil or Twiggy. (If you're too young to know who they are, google it.) I am 5'9" and my highest weight until I became pregnant was 118. Later in life, I weighed 100 pounds more than that. Comments on my weight bothered me more when I was underweight. I'm older, wiser and have thicker skin now plus I am not afraid to give it right back. I lacked the confidence to speak up for myself when I was young.
^^^THIS. We could be twins.
My obese mom used to try to force feed me protein powder as a kid because I was so underweight, and I couldn’t get the stuff down. I could (and did) eat anything I wanted up til my mid 30’s and never put on weight. She would constantly harp on how thin I was. But, because she and her siblings starved after her dad abandoned them in the early 50’s, she always kept a *kitten* ton of sweets and snacks in the house (not to mention her private stash) and encouraged us to help ourselves. I remember eating oranges, cut in half, smothered in sugar, with sweet tarts in the middle, and a side of Little Debbie’s. But it was healthy because it was an orange.
I worked in our family business from the age of 17, and later, when I would try to lose weight after having kids, she would bring in sacks and sacks of all my favorites, leave them in the kitchen or in the front office by my desk “for the customers” and claim, “oh I bought these but didn’t like them”.
I’m not blaming her. Outright gluttony, no “off switch”, passivity, and relinquishing the rights to my time and personality to her was my own problem, but she did everything she could to control my life, right down to trying to control my weight and my relationship with kids and husband.
In retrospect, I feel sincerely sorry for her. Her traumatic childhood colored everything she did in her life, and ultimately had a massive effect on the rest of us, but finally having enough of it all, and walking away from the negativity was the best thing I ever did for myself. The bitterness, the need to control, the hostility, the jealousy all just warped her. I loved her endlessly, but you can’t love someone like that as much as they need. I wish my dad, siblings and nephew had the strength to walk away, too, but they are still stuck on a hamster wheel that has devolved to Springer-like drama.
I am 56, and the last seven years of my life have been my happiest, healthiest, most peaceful and secure ever. If anyone out there hears themselves in my story, put the negative person out of your life. No matter how much you love them, some people are just toxic, and life is just to damn short for it, and your health is a precious gift.15 -
Oh crap. That was a thread killer, wasn’t it? Like I said, no off switch, in so many ways, lol.5
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I have been a healthy weight, overweight and underweight (when I was a low income student).
When I was overweight, I got fat shamed by one person, ONCE.
When I was underweight, I had family members gossiping behind my back saying I was anorexic. I knew I was underweight, I was trying to gain weight, but didn’t have the money. My parents asked me why I was so thin, I told them, so they bought me food until I could afford it myself.
When I was a healthy weight when I was in my 20’s, I was hounded at every meal when with other people that I was too skinny and should eat more, put some weight on, you’re anorexic, etc. It made me anxious about eating around people because I got fed up with being harassed just for eating.
When I was a healthy weight, I had lots of people tell me I wasn’t a real woman, I was an unhappy *kitten*, etc. And guys seemed to feel entitled to tell me all my body flaws, usually complaining that my bottom was fat.
When you’re doing everything in your power to be healthy and you are, and you still get fat shamed as a young person, that is soul crushing. It makes you feel like you will never be good enough.
And now, I’m 45 and a healthy weight, I haven’t been fat shamed or skinny shamed, and I’m so happy. My past experience of skinny and fat shaming made me anxious about losing my weight, but I did it anyway. I love being old and invisible.
Edited to add: it’s never ok to body shame anyone and it hurts everyone equally.10 -
I have never been overweight. My highest weight was 132 lbs at 5'5.5" in 2007 at age 35, but most of my adult life I weighed between 116-122. However, I was very underweight for six years, from 2008-2014. Lowest weight was 90 lbs, and stayed under 100 lbs for years. People openly asked if I had cancer as if somehow that is perfectly acceptable to ask. In truth i had anorexia nervosa and later with binge/purge subtype and orthorexia as well as exercise addiction. I'd have rather said I have cancer as it's more "acceptable" and people understand it and feel bad for you. Anorexia is seen as a vanity problem which is so far removed from the truth. People just don't think that someone in their upper 30s and 40s can have anorexia as it is still seen as a teenagers problem. I used to get compliments on how tiny I was for a while and comments like "I wish I had your problem". What you can't SEE is I have very very low bone density, fractures, had heart arrhythmias and electrolyte imbalances, muscle loss (including from heart), anemia, vitamin deficiencies, and constant mental anguish. I exercised very hard and long but due to not eating enough and low weight it damaged my body instead of helping it. So now I am healthier but paying the price with constant joint issues, bone issues, hormone problems. I go to the gym but feel ashamed at how little I can do compared to others because my knees are so bad and it's too risky for my back to lift heavier weights now. Last year I hauled several 40 lb packs over wilderness terrain and had painful back spasms for weeks after. I have to fight to keep my bones from crumbling further and I am only 46.
I used to get so mad when people would compliment me when I was starving myself and a low weight. All they want to see is thin and it doesn't matter if it's healthy or how you got there. Honestly I got to 90 lbs on 1200-1300 calories per day, more than many people here eat to lose weight (and I am post surgically menopausal with hypothyroidism), but was exercising 2-3 hours per day intensively six days per week. Exercise is so highly valued that no one sees how that much exercise can damage a person when they are restricting intake and have so little to burn. I'd have done better if more people told me I looked awful and to gain weight, instead of reinforcing my beliefs that thin was desirable. I was seen as disciplined, full of self control, fit. Such a joke.
And yet here I am at 112-113 lbs for the last four years, terrified of gaining more weight so I stay strict with diet but try to be healthy. I rarely get compliments anymore but no one criticizes my body either so I guess I shouldn't complain. I still have a huge perception problem with my body, see a whale staring back, while logically I know I have to keep fighting to do everything I can to be healthier because my life is already cut short by osteoporosis at such a young age. I'm not going to be one of those people in their 90s running marathons.
And as a dancer, I still experienced fat shaming even when barely 100 lbs when I was a teen. I was told to lose 10 lbs and that I was getting hips and a butt (I was hitting puberty late at age 16) which is a no no for a ballet dancer. It was awful. I had the "wrong body type".
I also watched my mother who was obese for years get shamed in front of me when I was a child and I am sure that rubbed me the wrong way deep inside for years to come.
This is so heartbreaking. I'm so glad you were able to get help and hope that you continue to make progress repairing your body. Even though this thread is about people making unwanted comments, I think so many people are AFRAID to make any sort of comment on someone else's body that people like you fall through the cracks. Just this week alone both myself and another MFP friend noticed women runners in the gym that looked anorexic. But there's no way I'm going to go up to a stranger and tell them they look sick and need to gain weight. I would hope that person's loved ones would have a sensitive, caring talk with them however.
I've never been overweight, but I have been underweight for very short periods of time. I hung out for most of my life barely on the normal side of the underweight/normal weight BMI. That meant that in times of sickness, like food poisoning or something, I would dip down into the underweight range. I felt I looked sickly and too thin in those instances, but no one ever commented. And I went back to my normal weight fairly quickly.
I've never really had people comment on my weight, but I'm very oblivious to most things and also assume the best of intentions from people's remarks, rather than the worst. I think the most I've ever gotten was from a coworker with no filter who would tell me that tight jeans are not flattering on my big thighs and that I look better in skirts. Or my husband trying to diplomatically tell me I have a lot of muscle and he prefers less.3 -
I am fortunate to have never experienced fat shaming (highest weight was just above normal BMI) Now that I'm thin and lean at a 19 to 19.5 BMI I am skinny shamed almost daily, mostly at work. It surprises me that I am at a perfectly normal BMI and society deems it abnormal. Today's chiding comment from a colleague was I should eat more to heal my lingering sinus infection. Yesterday another colleague rolled their eyes and commented about my size 2 pants when I politely turned down a treat. I don't discuss my weight or my clothes size or my fitness routine with others and yet it is perceived as an apparent acceptable topic for comment.9
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I was anorexic and now am overweight. Being skinny shamed I think was more tolerated by people around me. It was more socially acceptable. Although being anorexic I was more sensitive to talk of my weight and I never thought myself skinny even at my lowest weight. So when skinny shamed I still saw it as being fat shamed.9
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I would be careful to separate between concern and being "skinny-shamed."
I recall in college (when most of us were normal to thin and admired thinness) being quite concerned about a suitemate who lost a lot of weight rather rapidly (to a point of being scarily thin). Other suitemates expressed concern that she might be having some troubles and nudged me to talk to her too. I was uncomfortable doing so -- basically I was uncomfortable getting into what seemed personal -- but I was worried and felt guilted into it rather than be uncaring, and asked her if she was okay, and got a sharp and angry response. It taught me that it was better to mind my own business unless it was someone closer (I'd still try to talk to a sister or daughter or close friend or so on, of course), but she acknowledged later that she had been struggling with a relapse of an eating disorder.
None of us were shaming her.3 -
When I was underweight people talked about my body.
When I was overweight people talked about my body.
It felt the same. Just different kinds of comments.4 -
funjen1972 wrote: »I am fortunate to have never experienced fat shaming (highest weight was just above normal BMI) Now that I'm thin and lean at a 19 to 19.5 BMI I am skinny shamed almost daily, mostly at work. It surprises me that I am at a perfectly normal BMI and society deems it abnormal. Today's chiding comment from a colleague was I should eat more to heal my lingering sinus infection. Yesterday another colleague rolled their eyes and commented about my size 2 pants when I politely turned down a treat. I don't discuss my weight or my clothes size or my fitness routine with others and yet it is perceived as an apparent acceptable topic for comment.
This is the unfortunate reality when over 70% of the adult US population is overweight or obese; "normal" by BMI standards is now more of an exception and considered abnormal. I was actually talking with my wife about this Monday night; she's ~3 months postpartum and back at her pre-pregnancy weight, though not necessarily all the way back to her pre-pregnancy body in her eyes, but pretty much looks the same in clothes as she did before. As she started back to work this week she's been getting comments to the effect of "Did you even have a baby? LOL!" and it certainly bothers her.
source: https://www.niddk.nih.gov/health-information/health-statistics/overweight-obesity
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I've been both obese and underweight. When I was obese, I would get compliments from women and picked on by men. When I was underweight, I would get compliments from men and picked on by women.10
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I’m a 6’ male, and most of my adult life I have been around 195-210, with fairly athletic build. I wouldn’t have fallen into a healthy BMI range but nobody would have considered me overweight. About 9 years ago I developed an obsession with long distance running, and over the course of a year my weight ended up at 170lbs. I was now considered within a normal BMI, but I can tell you I heard so many negative comments, I even had friends ask me if I was using drugs. Fast forward to last year I was now very overweight at approximately 260lbs and had been for the last 3-4 years. I can tell you in that time I never heard one negative comment about my weight.
Now I am getting my health back in order and have lost 35lbs, I ran into some friends last week and the first thing they said was I hope you don’t go getting unhealthy and skinny like you did before. Now these are people that never said anything when I was overweight, when my doctor advised me I was a heart attack waiting to happen.
Long story short, is people have opinions and you will never change that. I’m already anticipating the opinions when I hit my goal weight of 190, but I will not let their ignorance sway me from making the right decisions with my health.10 -
KrazyKrissyy wrote: »I've been both obese and underweight. When I was obese, I would get compliments from women and picked on by men. When I was underweight, I would get compliments from men and picked on by women.
Such a great way to put it.1 -
I have been both underweight and overweight. When I was underweight, I constantly got comments I needed to gain weight, eat more, etc. Then, I became overweight and when family members I had not seen in 3 years dcame to my wedding, they became very concerned for my well being. So the comments were not as mean as they were when I was skinny. It was more like complete shock and them trying to wrap their minds around me being overweight. Now that I have started to lose weight, my mother is back with the "don't lose too much weight" comments. My goal weight is actually the range at which I got complimented for (145-150 lbs).1
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I’d say that it’s impossible to say one is worse as a blanket statement as it depends so much on different factors (e.g your own values or perceptions, the context it’s being said in, societal values, life stage etc).0
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I have been underweight, healthy and I'm currently obese. When I was underweight and healthy people were constantly telling me to eat. When I was in high school teachers would monitor my food intake and call my parents to let me know if I ate or not. It caused me to spend the lunch in the bathroom and it did not encourage me to eat.
Now that I'm obese no one has said one word to me. I am looking at getting to a healthy weight again, but I would say both underweight and overweight are unhealthy. One just is more accepted, from my experience. Maybe because being overweight is more common?2 -
I think as a general rule it is rude to comment negatively on someone's body in any way. It can be hurtful, it can be awkward and it can make that person uncomfortable. Also you don't know anyone's specific situation. It is not always easier to gain weight than it is to lose weight.2
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During high school and most of college I was underweight. After graduating I moved in with my in-laws a few states south, while we saved for a house. They are all overweight, and I was expected to eat meals with them and clean my plate. It wasn’t a healthy environment, and I gained about 35lbs, putting me into the overweight category. I will attest that I received way more comments from in-laws and acquaintances about being “too skinny” than being overweight. I think it is more socially acceptable to comment when someone is thin vs overweight, the latter being viewed as rude. The comments didn’t bother me really, as I would rather be skinny than fat. Since moving into our own home, I’ve dropped 25lbs. Few more to go, but happy to be a normal weight again.3
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Lean or fat...
no one has been dumb enough to get in my face about one or the other.
Probably for the best.
(For them) 😉
3
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