Sharing time... Before I Lost Weight: My Revelation
kerrilucko
Posts: 3,852 Member
in Chit-Chat
I had this realization yesterday that before I lost weight, I was really scared. I wasn't scared of failing, I wasn't scared of excess skin and I wasn't scared of giving up foods I love. I was scared that underneath all that fat I was ugly. How shallow of me, it struck me that I was afraid I'd lose all that weight and expect so much change... and that it wouldn't happen. I worried that I'd lose weight only to discover that underneath it all there were even more major flaws that couldn't be helped. I wondered if I'd want the fat back to cover the imperfections beneath it.
I've always been the fat girl... ALWAYS. I was the fat friend that my girlfriends came to for a shoulder to cry on, or to complain about boyfriends. I was never the girl that got asked out, or told she was pretty. It just was never me. When I was 12, my sister developed an eating disorder and got obsessively thin, I did the opposite and got bigger, as though I were eating her portions. Later, I tried it her way. I stopped eating almost completely when I could help it. I lost weight quickly, but gave up, hungry, after a few months. I never really felt like I could change, so I never really tried to.
I let my fiance take some photos of me this past weekend, to showcase some more progress. When I uploaded them to the computer I was shocked! Not only was I so much thinner than I thought, but I was pretty as well. I don't want that to come out sounding vain, because I am truly the least vain person I know, but for the first time in my life I was WHOLEY and COMPLETELY satisfied with what I saw of myself in a photo. Many of you will know exactly what I mean, and how huge it is for someone like me. Imagine NEVER seeing a version of yourself that you like in a photo, and then suddenly, miraculously, seeing a crop of photos, all from different angles and poses, and realizing that you love yourself.
Anyway I wanted to share this, for those of you starting out, or struggleing. Take a photo. You might not think the last 10 lbs you lost were worth much but try it. dress up, do your makeup, and have someone snap a picture, you might surprise yourself. :flowerforyou:
I've always been the fat girl... ALWAYS. I was the fat friend that my girlfriends came to for a shoulder to cry on, or to complain about boyfriends. I was never the girl that got asked out, or told she was pretty. It just was never me. When I was 12, my sister developed an eating disorder and got obsessively thin, I did the opposite and got bigger, as though I were eating her portions. Later, I tried it her way. I stopped eating almost completely when I could help it. I lost weight quickly, but gave up, hungry, after a few months. I never really felt like I could change, so I never really tried to.
I let my fiance take some photos of me this past weekend, to showcase some more progress. When I uploaded them to the computer I was shocked! Not only was I so much thinner than I thought, but I was pretty as well. I don't want that to come out sounding vain, because I am truly the least vain person I know, but for the first time in my life I was WHOLEY and COMPLETELY satisfied with what I saw of myself in a photo. Many of you will know exactly what I mean, and how huge it is for someone like me. Imagine NEVER seeing a version of yourself that you like in a photo, and then suddenly, miraculously, seeing a crop of photos, all from different angles and poses, and realizing that you love yourself.
Anyway I wanted to share this, for those of you starting out, or struggleing. Take a photo. You might not think the last 10 lbs you lost were worth much but try it. dress up, do your makeup, and have someone snap a picture, you might surprise yourself. :flowerforyou:
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Replies
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I had this realization yesterday that before I lost weight, I was really scared. I wasn't scared of failing, I wasn't scared of excess skin and I wasn't scared of giving up foods I love. I was scared that underneath all that fat I was ugly. How shallow of me, it struck me that I was afraid I'd lose all that weight and expect so much change... and that it wouldn't happen. I worried that I'd lose weight only to discover that underneath it all there were even more major flaws that couldn't be helped. I wondered if I'd want the fat back to cover the imperfections beneath it.
I've always been the fat girl... ALWAYS. I was the fat friend that my girlfriends came to for a shoulder to cry on, or to complain about boyfriends. I was never the girl that got asked out, or told she was pretty. It just was never me. When I was 12, my sister developed an eating disorder and got obsessively thin, I did the opposite and got bigger, as though I were eating her portions. Later, I tried it her way. I stopped eating almost completely when I could help it. I lost weight quickly, but gave up, hungry, after a few months. I never really felt like I could change, so I never really tried to.
I let my fiance take some photos of me this past weekend, to showcase some more progress. When I uploaded them to the computer I was shocked! Not only was I so much thinner than I thought, but I was pretty as well. I don't want that to come out sounding vain, because I am truly the least vain person I know, but for the first time in my life I was WHOLEY and COMPLETELY satisfied with what I saw of myself in a photo. Many of you will know exactly what I mean, and how huge it is for someone like me. Imagine NEVER seeing a version of yourself that you like in a photo, and then suddenly, miraculously, seeing a crop of photos, all from different angles and poses, and realizing that you love yourself.
Anyway I wanted to share this, for those of you starting out, or struggleing. Take a photo. You might not think the last 10 lbs you lost were worth much but try it. dress up, do your makeup, and have someone snap a picture, you might surprise yourself. :flowerforyou:0 -
kerri! let me be the first to say you are...
AMAZINGLY PRETTY, BEAUTIFUL REALLY!
in so many, many ways! my
is happy for you! congrats ~ your pics are fab! 0 -
kerri! let me be the first to say you are... AMAZINGLY PRETTY, BEAUTIFUL REALLY!
in so many, many ways! my is happy for you! congrats ~ your pics are fab! 0 -
so much so i posted twice! whoopsie! :blushing:0
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OH, Karri! I'm so happy for you! :drinker:
I looked at your new pics yesterday, and I must say you look GREEEEEAAAAATTTT! I can't wait to feel the same way about my body... Thanks for keeping our hopes up and being so honest! You're awesome lady! :drinker: :flowerforyou: :smooched: :glasses: :happy: 0 -
You are beautiful! Aww, what a touching story. Thanks for sharing :happy: :flowerforyou:0
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Kerri,
Thank you so much for that post. You really hit the nail on the head for me. What if under all this fat, the person there isn't all that great?
You are a beautiful woman inside and out. Good for you!0 -
Yep, you're definately a hottie! :bigsmile:
Wonderful progress!! :flowerforyou:0 -
Kerri - You really are a cutie. I wish I could have the same satisfaction with myself that you have found. I'm sure it's an amazing feeling, and I'm happy for you. Just think of how great you'll feel, walking down the aisle and knowing that you look so gorgeous on the most exciting day of your life! :flowerforyou:0
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That was such a nice post- so honest! I am so glad that you feel the way you do! While I was reading the post, I was thinking,"What is she talking about? Her profile picture is gorgeous!" You've done a great job! Congrats and keep up the work of maintaining your healthy weight
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I totally understand what you're talking about. I've always been the fat girl too. My sisters don't have an eating disorder or anything but they are both thin and beautiful. I always think that if I lose the weight I'll still be the ugly one. I don't really have as many insecurities now though. I've only lost about 10 pounds but I'm already having more confidence. I've kind of noticed that if you're healthy, you're going to be beautiful. I've never seen an ugly healthy person to be honest.0
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