The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living

donimfp · May 2019

@lorrainequiche59, first of all I’m sending you hugs because it’s obvious how upsetting this is for you. This is my suggestion:

First of all, realize that you have past issues that make this particularly freaky for you so you may be taking this more personally than maybe some others would. I myself am in camera every second that I’m at work ( in a classroom in a locked down facility) so I’m used to going into a closet to adjust my bra strap or whatever.

I would advise you to assume the best. Maybe these guys got the camera to check in their dog when he’s alone or because they saw a scary story or advertisement about burglars or whatever and have just gotten used to it and forgot to even mention it to you.

Then by all means ask them about it when they get home and tell them it freaked you out so you turned it off. Maybe you’ll all have a good laugh when they explain. Or maybe you’ll learn your relationship isn’t as good as you thought. But right now when you don’t know, try to just be peaceful and not let the “what if’s” drive you nuts

I do not mean to minimize your anxiety. You have every right to your feelings! I just hope you can minimize your own suffering until the actual facts come out.

whitpauly · May 2019

Morning friends, Lorraine,I know you have prior feeling of being spied on so you're probably more sensitive to it then most of us would be but my opinion is that it's their house and if they want to monitor what goes on when they're not home for their peace of mind so be it,most of us love our fur babies as much as our real babies so I understand why they have cameras

I wouldn't care(unless there was one in the bathroom

) Feeling Foo Foo,I get that overwhelming urge! I've almost felt foggy headed and almost blacked out in a way on my quest to go get alcohol,not sure the biology behind it but it's STRONG! Glad you resisted and are building those sober muscles! Waves to all and have a great AF day!

Yellowstone1983 · May 2019

@lorrainequiche59 I agree with donimfp.. While it's definitely something to be discussed upon their return, know that your previous traumatic experience will undoubtedly color this experience.. How could it not? But, you'll have a much better idea of how much of your emotions are fueled by past experience versus present experience after you address your feelings with them directly. I would also make sure things are addressed in person, as it will lessen the possibility of misinterpretation when you are face to face.. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this! I'm sure it was a very violating ordeal..

lloydrt · May 2019

In the past, Friday nights were always pizza and wine. I truly loved pizza and drinking , it was traditional for Friday nights..............well, last night, I really, really wanted pizza....big time.........My wife made one and gave me just one slice........thats it. I m really trying to lose these last 25 lbs. Funny thing though...........I really craved the pizza but never........never once even thought of the wine. Actually, I never, never crave alcohol. Only sweets or pasta, of which I have for the most cut out.........seems I only crave sweets and pasta, but never ever wine

and there are 2 bottles in the fridge. She drinks on the weekend and has NO problem with alcohol.....just wanted to pass this on. I know there are a few of you guys who are fighting the cravings, but hang in there. Soon you wont even give it a thought. I know addiction is rough, just want to say that it does get easier. Well, for me it has and again, I know we are all different, but Im in a good place with my cravings..........now, just to lose this last 25 lbs.....I ve lost over 100 lbs, no thanks to drinking that put me in that place.............best wishes,

Sunshinelinzee · May 2019

Bah - so I posted a whole reply and it didn’t actually post so if it eventually turns up apologies for that. Here goes again for Lorraine! First I’m so sorry you had a bad neighbor experience - no one wants to feel like they are being watched. I don’t really like being on camera and while I understand that I’m going to be on camera at work 100% of the time being filmed by a neighbor would be different. All that said - I also 100% have security cameras in my home. We are in a suburban/city setting now but we would have them in the middle of nowhere. They are in the basement, near sensitive or valuable storage places, main living space and looking at doors. In the past I’ve also had them outside the doors looking at the property. They are motion sensored and send alerts to our phone and we can also check in via an app. At no time would I EVER point them at a neighbor - it’s just rude. Anyway - people have cameras for a number of reasons- we like that we will be able to see if we have something like a basement flood while away, or would have evidence of a package thief or a break in (or more likely the amazon delivery person throwing the packages 20 feet from the road to the front steps breaking everything... true story) We’ve had them for fun to watch wildlife in the yard or the cats during the day or to catch garden pests at night. I will say that when I’ve had pet sitters staying before I’ve informed them about the cameras and told them where they are... ie don’t walk naked here but that’s me and I know it’s because I’m a woman, our house sitters have been women and I’m sensitive to it. My husband probably wouldn’t think twice about it.

You have been working for these people for a long time and the camera is out in the open - not hidden in a teddy bear or something. I think you should just be honest and ask them - maybe in a way where it’s from a safety concern or ‘I noticed the cameras, have they’re been break ins in the area? Do I need to be worried while house sitting?’ And I also think it’s ok to tell them you are not comfortable with it.

Also I wouldn’t worry if the actual camera is marketed as a nanny cam - ours probably are too - honestly we just bought the most affordable ones that do what we want them too.

lorrainequiche59 · May 2019

FeelinFooFoo wrote: »

lorrainequiche59 wrote: »

@FeelinFooFoo thanks. Yes, I definitely need to address this for MY peace of mind. As far as the security end of things, these people leave their doors unlocked at all times even when they are out of the country or gone for other extended times. In fact, they gave me the only key awhile back because I do NOT like leaving the doors unlocked when I leave & they have never asked for it back. So, I'm thinking security isn't a huge concern for them.

I think the fact you have worked with these people for 10+ years would lead you to believe they have no trust issues with you. Maybe they just like to be able to check on the dog when they are out of the home. Perhaps they installed it for another reason that you are unaware of. Only other reason would be that they are spying on you. Do you think they are the type of people who would want to do that?

I would hate it. I would be thinking of a time I picked my nose and that was caught on camera ! Hope you resolve this issue with them. x

HAHAHA My niece said the exact same thing about picking her nose...LOL NO I absolutely do not think she, in particular, would spy on me. I for sure want to think that it was installed for the dog, but find it odd that they would do that. Anyway, I have trust issues. Especially with men, so my spidey senses engaged for sure when I spotted the camera. In addition, my experience with my former neighbor was very traumatic for a few reasons & that's why I asked for feedback so I could get a more objective view. Actually, throughout today I had some residual feelings, re: my wacko neighbor, surface because this triggered some stuff for me.

Thank you for replying & providing a more balanced view. I hope that I am assured when I confront her about the camera. I think I need to raise the issue & I'm trying to not fret about it until then. There is the next door neighbor that will attend to the dog if needed so perhaps they did it with him in mind...who knows...until I talk to them, I need to let it go for now. Thanks again

lorrainequiche59 · May 2019

My daughter, got home late last eve, & was told by a neighbor that her other neighbor right next to her died from an alcohol related fall while she was on her trip. It must have happened when I was at work. My daughter moved there in the fall of last year and described her as a "nice drunk." Apparently, her husband came home & found her in a pool of blood. Because it was alcohol related there is an ongoing investigation.

So sad for her husband. What a tragedy. A tragedy that can easily happen. I shared with my dtr that one time after a few drinks, I turned around quickly & ended up losing my balance & hitting my head on the corner of a wall resulting in a goose bump on my noggin...I was alone at the time & it could have been much worse because I did kind of catch myself before connecting with the wall. Would it have happened anyway if I hadn't had a few drinks? Likely the drinks disoriented me and I remember being so ashamed that I lost control and thinking how much worse it could have been. She reminded me of a time when she was a teen spending the weekend with her Dad and he fell down the stairs & put his head through the wall.

Too bad they don't paint this part of the drinking pic in their alcohol ads hmmmm!!

RubyRed427 · May 2019

@lorrainequiche59 I find it creepy. I would have liked them to be upfront and say “You know we bought a camera to keep an eye on the place; we just wanted you to know. “ I just don’t like that they did that.
But like FooFoo says, hear their side of the story. So sorry that ruined a good day!

RubyRed427 · May 2019

Have you seen the new Netflix movie “Wine Country” ; it’s about a bunch of women who go to wine country. I watched some of it but it’s not that funny. Plus they are drinking wine in every scene, and I kept thinking if that was me drinking, my head would be in the toilet by midnight. Not crazy about that movie for many reasons. I didn’t finish it. Maybe I’m judging it too harshly.

RubyRed427 · May 2019

Today I was irritable. The reality of moving is setting in my mind. I was thinking how a wine would calm me down. But the craving and thought passed. I am getting the keys to my apartment this week and will move a bunch of things. Tonight, my daughter is at her senior prom. So, I am really happy for her. And equally happy to be sober and experienced the evening taking pictures of the kids with all the other parents. Wishing everyone a calm weekend!

Sunshinelinzee · May 2019

@lorrainequiche59 I hope you are feeling less stressed out today about the cameras! @FellinFooFoo I've had a couple of cravings like that - don't give in! You can do it! @RubyRed427 I just saw the preview of this on Netflix - I'm not sure I would have paid too much attention to it a couple of weeks ago. I didn't watch anything beyond the clip but really it just made me feel sad.

So the last couple of days have been challenging and I've had some cravings. I was home from work on Friday and did some spring cleaning (ugh the windows) so we wouldn't have to spend the weekend cleaning. I was home, alone and left to my own devices. This is historically a time when I would 'day drink' the chores away in the past and it was absolutely on my mind. I was able to make a conscious decision to not. Yesterday I started out feeling great - up early, out and got the shopping done, danced around the kitchen doing meal prep...Fine. Afternoon came and it was time to get out and enjoy the sunshine in the garden/yard...also a prime time that I'd fill up and take a drink outside with me. My husband was out, and there I was alone again and left to my own devices. I consciously said no. I just thought of the 3AM wakeup that I know would come later and how terrible I would feel physically and emotionally and that helped me push past the thoughts and cravings.

I think what I am realizing is that - even though I was doing things I like (ok no one really likes washing windows - but in general I don't hate cleaning) and even though I was busy I think I was still a little bored and lonely - does that even make sense? I don't know - I'm thinking about joining a club or something to add a little bit more social activity to my life that is completely unrelated to and completely separate from my job. I don't particularly mind being alone... I'm an only child with not a lot of family and we do not have children....but when I'm alone that seems to be when I want to drink - like the alcohol is the one keeping me company. Honestly my job is centered around our customers - literally all of them - and it's very social and very loud and I'm also the boss so someone always needs something. I love it but it's not personally social - it's work - and historically I really love my alone time because it's a break from all of that noise - I didn't always drink through it and I can't pinpoint when that changed. I guess what I'm saying is it's time to make some non-work friends. We had a few sets of friends before we moved - but unfortunately they are now a few hours away.

Anyway on the positive - I made it through the weekend sober so far. My eating has also been on point and I've been highly active. All of that combined and I've lost my few pounds I've been fluctuating + 3 new ones this week. With my big picture goal being weightloss this is extremely motivating to stay the course. Without the alcohol I've basically been able to put in 110% every day towards that goal and I'm seeing it paying off.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day.

AF Day 13
AE Day 4

lorrainequiche59 · May 2019

RubyRed427 wrote: »

Have you seen the new Netflix movie “Wine Country” ; it’s about a bunch of women who go to wine country. I watched some of it but it’s not that funny. Plus they are drinking wine in every scene, and I kept thinking if that was me drinking, my head would be in the toilet by midnight. Not crazy about that movie for many reasons. I didn’t finish it. Maybe I’m judging it too harshly.

Yes I saw the ad and didn't even bother playing the trailer....the title alone & the little clip they provide was enough for me to assume that wine would be glorified through the entire movie. While I was drinking would I have watched it? Likely! I just find the wine scenes in movies trigger a bit on a longing in me so I'm better off not watching.

Julie, I'll be thinking about you in the upcoming weeks. I'm glad you are getting in a bit early and can start moving a few things over...I really think it will help you're mind to get in gear and have a bit of a taste for your new space & the new direction your life is going. You have such a good attitude about things so you'll will do great once the dust settles. Moving in itself is difficult, one of the top stressors in life, but in your current situation there is another edge to this for you, so my heart goes out to you. Big life change for you

lorrainequiche59 · May 2019

@Sunshinelinzee Like others have said, if you can get yourself through the tough craving days, they get farther & fewer between to the point where it's not so much part of your life anymore...I LOVE this stage where I consider myself a non drinker and I rarely get cravings now. YAY!!

I can relate to the drinking to take the edge off the loneliness and the boredom AND the stress and....LOL Then loneliness was a biggie for me and I "think" what the alcohol did was make me not care that I was lonely. I also like alone time and because I am solo, I spend lots of time alone. I think you're ideas of creating a social circle outside of work by joining a group of some sort is a great idea. You've got this !!

lorrainequiche59 · May 2019

Thank you for everyone's comments on my drama LOL

It is still creepy to me, likely based on residual feelings from the past, BUT I have decided that I am going to think of it in these terms: If they really wanted to spy on me, the camera would have been hidden. Rather than impute bad motives, I am going to "assume" they have it for a reason that is none of my business and IF there is another device hidden somewhere, OH WELL. I have nothing to hide and am not running around in my undies this time so nothing to fear LOL And when I do mention it, I am keeping it quite simple: "I unhooked the camera cause I was creeped out!!"

My daughter & grandson are coming here for dinner tonight so I'm excited to see them. I haven't been able to pin them down since they've been back. I'm looking forward to hugs.

I hope everyone has a lovely, relaxing (productive if need be) day

whitpauly · May 2019

Morning all, Lorraine have a nice visit with your daughter and grandson,how old is he? Everyone is getting through the ugly cravings/thoughts beautifully

wonder why some days are so hard but the rest are a breeze for us? Annoying really,wishes for a happy AF day!

lorrainequiche59 · May 2019

whitpauly wrote: »

Morning all, Lorraine have a nice visit with your daughter and grandson,how old is he? Everyone is getting through the ugly cravings/thoughts beautifully wonder why some days are so hard but the rest are a breeze for us? Annoying really,wishes for a happy AF day!

My youngest grandson is 11 and apparently has some kind of social life because he opted out of dinner tonight to spend time with a new friend at his family's trailer.

I'm happy for him, but sad a bit for me. It happens when they get older...Granny isn't as exciting as friends are now. At the same time, it is a normal transition for him to gravitate toward his peers so that is that!! My daughter & I had a nice catch up & a lovely dinner. She kept saying how good it was. I love to cook for people especially my family

@JenT304 Nice to hear you & your daughter had a good visit too.

Sunshinelinzee · May 2019

Good Morning AF Friends!

This weekend was by far the worst with cravings - first ignoring the Friday 'ritual', then combating boredom and loneliness and then on Sunday to an argument with DH that had an alcohol escape in the front of my mind - but it passed. I listened to This Naked Mind on Audible this weekend - the book just made me feel like I was looking in a mirror as my path to where I am no is very similar. It gives me hope.

SO here I am - it's day 14 and the start of my 3rd week AF. I was easily up early, had a lovely 6am walk and got all my 'morning stuff' done. I used to joke that I had a whole day before most people have had coffee and over the last couple of years I really lost that part of myself but I'm feeling it coming back. Now to dig into my Monday at work and try to put this big terrible project that I'm still working on to bed.

Everyone have a wonderful AF Monday!

Ke22yB · May 2019

Wednesday is my 11th anniversary of becoming AF and I was looking forward to a concert at Garden State Arts Doo Wop and then an early dinner with some friends I was very upbeat. Saturday I had an experience that really took my mood and turned it upside down.
We were driving back from Hilton Head after a two week vacation and got a message to call one of my best friends. He has been telling me he sobered up and " maybe had an occasional wine" . It was 5 in the afternoon and he answered the phone so drunk he couldn't speak didn't know what day it was, was yelling at me for not answering the phone even though I was calling him. He had no idea what we were talking about and eventually screamed I am hanging up " I am really ffed up". I spoke to some others and they told me he never stopped drinking and was lying to me for quite some time. He would call me when sober or ask me to call in the morning. I spoke to him this morning and he doesn't remember anything about the call but told me when I have some wine I can handle it but Vodka really messes me up. I asked him why he was telling me he stopped drinking and just said I misunderstood him he said he stopped drinking vodka most of the time but still drank wine.
It just shows how insidious drinking can be and not only do we fool ourselves but lie to others.
While on vacation I ran 5 to 6 miles on Hilton Head every morning as the sun was coming up and it was peaceful and beautiful and really spiritual. Everyday there is a small reminder of how I benefit by being AF

Thistimeisit · May 2019

Hello.... looking for a support group to lose weight, but more important to stay alcohol free. I'm on day 20 after about a two year bender. I have lost 14 pounds so far, but I know that will slow drastically going forward, now that all the bloating is gone. I have around 150 pounds to lose! I just have to stay on track ... eat better and avoid alcohol all together. Thanks!

lagoscarrie · May 2019

@Thistimeisit Welcome! I think if you can go 20 days AF you can do anything! I have found the changes in my life to be so profound that losing weight is the least of it. Good luck on your journey and on discovering your New Self!

The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living

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