The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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Hi all
Sorry @RubyRed427 sometimes these things dont agree with us. Ive tried a lot of antidepressants and all unfortunately had a side effect I just couldn't live with. Call the doc and try again maybe? Hopefully you can catch up on some rest this weekend tgif.
Thank you @lorrainquiche59 I love reading your posts. I sometimes question whether Im an alcoholic or just someone who made bad decisions. Idk either way Ive learned enough now to know better for myself.
My anxiety is very high this week as well. Hate it
Have a happy friday2 -
@RubyRed427 Very disappointing. You have one of the best attitudes so I think an occasional down day is allowed. One of the most frequent things people have brought to my attention is that I tend to be too hard on myself and I think you may have that issue also. Sleep is vital for every one of our functions. I went years without good quality sleep, so I can relate. Hopefully you stay clear of any sickness. If I were a Dr. I would prescribe you some self care this weekend...do some kind things for yourself!!
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@RubyRed427 my heart breaks for your cousin. I have more fun sober than I ever did drinking.
@lorrainequiche59 I had a very hard time identifying as an alcoholic in the beginning as well. I thought I was exempt because I still had my husband, family, job, house, etc.... But then when I tried to stop at just one bottle (yes not one glass but a bottle) of big beefy red wine I was awful and wanted more. I would usually drink 3-4 bottles in a sitting on the weekends and Wednesday and Thursday at least 2. I had to take sleeping pills to get me to stop at one bottle of wine on Friday and Saturday night the weekend of my controlled drinking experiment. That Sunday the wheels came off and that's when I was finally able to diagnose myself an alcoholic. It took me months to be OK in admitting I was an alcoholic because I just didn't feel like the alcoholic mold (homeless, no teeth, no job, family, etc). Just have the willingness today to just stay sober. More will be revealed. If you haven't already the chapter More About Alcoholism was a life saver for me when I was newly getting sober.5 -
@tifano It doesn't really matter to me what label is attached to a drinking problem. I know I definitely have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and no desire to pick it up again, so that's all I'm concerned about. I definitely agree with taking each day as it comes, so today, no thank you. I love being sober and free from depending on alcohol to lift my mood. I love being able to get in my car at a moment's notice & drive sober. I love so many things about my life without alcohol in it.
You mentioned something in your post about the "controlled drinking experiment." I read that in the Big Book and there is an AA FB group and someone on there suggested that...but WHY on earth would that be a suggestion? Especially if the question is whether a person is an alcoholic or not...why would anyone 'risk' drinking again just so they can say, "yep, I know I'm an alcoholic now!!" If someone has successfully given up alcohol, why encourage them to drink again just to label them. What IF they are an alcoholic and that experiment is a slippery slope into years of continued, hard-core drinking for that person? Doesn't make any sense to me. I've been sober well over a year, & I don't feel the need to "prove" anything. The only thing I feel like I need to do is to continue to do all of the things that helped me to stop in the first place and then continue to do those things in order to remain sober. AA is not that for me. It obviously has helped some to clean up their life, and that is wonderful, but it hasn't helped everyone. What is good for one person isn't necessarily good for the next. I'm glad for you but it's not for me. THAT I know.
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Hi everyone. @RubyRed427, I hope you have a lovely self care weekend. You’ve navigated some huge changes. It has looked almost effortless from my outside view and of course not even Wonder Woman can go through such big changes without some time to recoup.
Glad to report that being AF really helps my issues with tinnitus. Busy writing my screenplay. Maybe next year at this time. . .6 -
lorrainequiche59 wrote: »@tifano It doesn't really matter to me what label is attached to a drinking problem. I know I definitely have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and no desire to pick it up again, so that's all I'm concerned about. I definitely agree with taking each day as it comes, so today, no thank you. I love being sober and free from depending on alcohol to lift my mood. I love being able to get in my car at a moment's notice & drive sober. I love so many things about my life without alcohol in it.
You mentioned something in your post about the "controlled drinking experiment." I read that in the Big Book and there is an AA FB group and someone on there suggested that...but WHY on earth would that be a suggestion? Especially if the question is whether a person is an alcoholic or not...why would anyone 'risk' drinking again just so they can say, "yep, I know I'm an alcoholic now!!" If someone has successfully given up alcohol, why encourage them to drink again just to label them. What IF they are an alcoholic and that experiment is a slippery slope into years of continued, hard-core drinking for that person? Doesn't make any sense to me. I've been sober well over a year, & I don't feel the need to "prove" anything. The only thing I feel like I need to do is to continue to do all of the things that helped me to stop in the first place and then continue to do those things in order to remain sober. AA is not that for me. It obviously has helped some to clean up their life, and that is wonderful, but it hasn't helped everyone. What is good for one person isn't necessarily good for the next. I'm glad for you but it's not for me. THAT I know.
I posted my response to you before I read your post about it’s ok to not like AA. I couldn’t delete my response
It’s totally ok to not like AA and it doesn’t own the monopoly on recovery/alcohol free living.
I only shared based on what I thought you were saying about if you truly were and alcoholic or not. Sorry for sharing.
This will likely be the last post I ever share. I love the sober life. I’ve been sober for 7 years in AA. I probably shouldn’t have ever said anything as such. I’m truly sorry if I offended anyone that was never my intention.
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@Tifano Please never apologize for sharing. I'm not offended by what you said at all. I am sincerely curious about the logic behind the "controlled drinking experiment" because it is the 3rd time I've run across that. All I'm saying is it doesn't make sense to me. Hope you are ok 1
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lorrainequiche59 wrote: »@Tifano Please never apologize for sharing. I'm not offended by what you said at all. I am sincerely curious about the logic behind the "controlled drinking experiment" because it is the 3rd time I've run across that. All I'm saying is it doesn't make sense to me. Hope you are ok
I am ok. I was a little hurt and felt a little attacked yesterday but I also was very tired and lacking sleep so my feelers where a little sensitive.
All I can really share is my logic so know when I share this that this is only my experience and I’m not speaking on behalf of anyone in AA
For several years before I stopped drinking I knew it was becoming a big problem and if I didn’t stop all the things that I cherished most were going to be gone.
One of my best friends from my 20’s was my best drinking buddies. Our husbands would ask us to keep it in check and we never did. She drank a lot more than me but we both drank a lot. My husband and I started a family, she divorced from her husband and we parted ways.
Fast forward to the new age of FB and we reconnected on FB. I knew she had serious issues due to her drinking and legal issues as well. She was always a depressive type of person and on FB she would talk about how good she felt physically and emotionally. Just things like how beautiful the morning was, smell of bacon, just genuinely could tell she was full of joy. Needless to say I was not full of joy and it was at this time that my drinking was escalating. For several years I watched her on FB and just wanted that joy and happiness for myself. I also knew she was sober.
I finally reached out to her and said how did you do it. She shared more of what she endured to get sober (psych wards, jails, treatment) and that she’s in AA. Needless to say I wanted none of AA because I didn’t ever go to jail, psych or treatment. So we kept in touch for several years off and on through FB only because I was too ashamed to meet her face to face.
Fast forward about another 3 years I’m in deep in my road to alcoholism. Finally I become willing to try something different and I meet my friend for a meeting. I loved the buzz in the rooms of AA. M-Th I’d play along as a memeber of AA but then Friday would hit and I’d celebrate a week of not drinking and drink. By Sunday every weekend I was a physical (hangovers mainly) and emotional hot mess. Of course I didn’t have a sponsor and I’m just using my friend to talk to.
By Friday I would talk to my friend and just say I don’t think I am an alcoholic and she finally said “Tiffany we don’t get many visitors in the rooms but there could always be an exception. You might just be a heavy drinker. I think the only way you’re going to determine if you are an alcoholic or not is to try to control your drinking. Try to just drink a glass or two of wine and that’s it. See how you do and really assess how you feel emotionally and physically.”
So that night (Friday) Ibought a bottle of really good wine because I was going to drink it as wine is intended to be drank and not chugged. I was going to re-cork it too after only 2 glasses. Needless to say the bottle was gone in 30 minutes. Pissed off I took sleeping pills to get me to bed and not drink. That was my idea of controlled drinking. Saturday I bought another bottle determined to try again. I didn’t start drinking until 7 but all day all I could think about was my big beefy red best friend. My house was never cleaner. I opened the bottle, again determined to drink wine like a lady and between glasses drink water and make it last. Also only have 2 glasses. The bottle was gone in 60 minutes. Again pissed off and sleeping pills. Sunday woke up and I was fired up. I was happy but I also knew in my mind I was not going to control my drinking. I was going to drink as I wanted to drink. We went to a BBQ for my nieces birthday. By this point my entire family knows I’m trying to rein in my drinking because it’s an issue. That afternoon we were over to my parents and my dad has a lot of liquor in his house because if he wants a cocktail he wants to make it. So I was sneaking drinks, drinking with my family and I was hammered. On the way home I made my husband stop and buy me a bottle of wine. He’s upset, my kids are crying because I’m drunk. My family is upset with me. I don’t care I need what I need. Sitting alone that night in the dark I knew I was truly an alcoholic and that if I didn’t change and get help the consequences were coming and they were going to come quickly. That was on 08/12/12 and thankfully today my sobriety date is 08/13/12.
I needed the controlled drinking experiment to really show me who I was and what I was becoming.
While I didn’t have the consequences I was not a good wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, employee. All the consequences that I felt labeled an alcoholic were waiting for me unless I changed and got help. So here I am. 7 years sober in AA and I have a life a million times more than I ever thought possible. I’ve walked through A LOT of life in the last 7 years too. I’ve endured breast cancer and came out on the other side healthier than ever today. My youngest child is severely autistic and we’ve had to make some big choices for him and just other life events. So my life is still life but I can get through it so much better because I work the steps around everything in my life and I have an amazing life today.
Sorry for the novel I just felt I really needed to share.15 -
@tifano That is quite a story. Thank you for sharing that. I understand from what you wrote that you were "still" drinking when you decided to try to control your drinking as an experiment. That is different than what was suggested to me on the AA FB site. You weren't sober for a length of time, you were still struggling to stop drinking. That was my point. I've been sober since May 2018...successfully sober. So, again my question, "why on earth would I risk drinking again?" just to "prove" one way or the other whether or not I'm an alcoholic? The only reason I even questioned whether I may be an alcoholic is because as I was sitting in the AA meetings and everyone was identifying as an alcoholic, I was not. So, that is where my questioning began. Am I or aren't I?
Like I said earlier I don't really care what the label is, but from what I understand to be true AA is for alcoholics, not for people who have other issues with alcohol. What I understand from the Big Book is that alcoholism is different than heavy drinking or habitual drinking...it is a different beast entirely. Several times on the AA site people would say, "There's no shame in admitting your an alcoholic." and I definitely agree with that, but there is also no shame in admitting I am schizophrenic, BUT I am not schizophrenic. So why would I agree with something I don't believe to be true.
The bottom line for me though is a comment I read that summed it up and that was advice to read 2 specific questions in the first paragraph on page 44 in short #1 not being able to stop entirely when you want to OR #2 not being able to control the amount you drink (absolutely no control from the stories I've read and even from your experience)...and then pay attention to your gut. My gut said Nope not me. At the same time, I definitely developed a heavy drinking habit, but the stories in the Big Book and others do not resonate with me. So that's where I am with this.
Thank you for clearing up the "controlled drinking experiment." It does make sense if you are struggling with quitting and still insisting that you don't really have a problem. I know I definitely have a problem and that I cannot drink normally, but that doesn't mean I'm an alcoholic, so to go to AA would not be a helpful resource for me. I have other avenues of support that are very helpful to me and this thread is one of them. Thank you again for sharing your story. I hope you continue to share here.
P.S. No apologies here for MY novel...everyone knows I'm a wordy bird!
Chirp Chirp...........chirp!! Notice that I didn't say, "quack" ... well maybe a little quacky at times. 2 -
lorrainequiche59 wrote: »@tifano That is quite a story. Thank you for sharing that. I understand from what you wrote that you were "still" drinking when you decided to try to control your drinking as an experiment. That is different than what was suggested to me on the AA FB site. You weren't sober for a length of time, you were still struggling to stop drinking. That was my point. I've been sober since May 2018...successfully sober. So, again my question, "why on earth would I risk drinking again?" just to "prove" one way or the other whether or not I'm an alcoholic? The only reason I even questioned whether I may be an alcoholic is because as I was sitting in the AA meetings and everyone was identifying as an alcoholic, I was not. So, that is where my questioning began. Am I or aren't I?
Like I said earlier I don't really care what the label is, but from what I understand to be true AA is for alcoholics, not for people who have other issues with alcohol. What I understand from the Big Book is that alcoholism is different than heavy drinking or habitual drinking...it is a different beast entirely. Several times on the AA site people would say, "There's no shame in admitting your an alcoholic." and I definitely agree with that, but there is also no shame in admitting I am schizophrenic, BUT I am not schizophrenic. So why would I agree with something I don't believe to be true.
The bottom line for me though is a comment I read that summed it up and that was advice to read 2 specific questions in the first paragraph on page 44 in short #1 not being able to stop entirely when you want to OR #2 not being able to control the amount you drink (absolutely no control from the stories I've read and even from your experience)...and then pay attention to your gut. My gut said Nope not me. At the same time, I definitely developed a heavy drinking habit, but the stories in the Big Book and others do not resonate with me. So that's where I am with this.
Thank you for clearing up the "controlled drinking experiment." It does make sense if you are struggling with quitting and still insisting that you don't really have a problem. I know I definitely have a problem and that I cannot drink normally, but that doesn't mean I'm an alcoholic, so to go to AA would not be a helpful resource for me. I have other avenues of support that are very helpful to me and this thread is one of them. Thank you again for sharing your story. I hope you continue to share here.
P.S. No apologies here for MY novel...everyone knows I'm a wordy bird! Chirp Chirp...........chirp!! Notice that I didn't say, "quack" ... well maybe a little quacky at times.
For me personally I would never suggest someone who’s not had a drop of alcohol for over a year to try the contolled drinking experiment. There have been many people in my AA community who had 10 years plus sobriety who no longer believed they were an alcoholic and could be a normal drinker. Needless to say they aren’t drinking as a normal person would. Like you mentioned before it will likely lead to years of drinking and a slippery slope.
I’m glad you’ve found what works for you and your AF life ❤️2 -
Hello, haven't posted in a while, but do come here daily to read how people are coming along.I really appreciate all the thoughts and posts, it really helps me
......long story short, we went to a party, small get together for a group of friends that we have known for a while.......Well, most of them drank socially, just 2 to 3 drinks for the time of the get together, about 3 hours, so they were fine..........Unfortunately, there are 2 that drink more than that is considered socially...........well then she has to bring up politics, and for the most, they are all about the same in regards to thinking about politicians..........sadly, I'm not on the same page.......well, I learned a quick lesson quick
Don't try to argue or negotiate with a person who had 5 - 6 glasses of wine..........the amount she drank while we were there......... I did notice when they came, she seemed to have had some already..............
shes been involved with various political groups and after she hits the sauce, she is ALWAYS right about what she thinks ........and proceeds to get up on her soap box and dictate what who is the best politician , etc..........She has a PHD, so she is smart, book smart that is, but shes declining on being respectful of others who differ with her.
Well, this lady has been hitting the sauce for years now and we both are at the point its not worth going to if shes going to be there we are now going to avoid her.........shes a feminist as well, I don't think she likes men, but she had a hard upbringing where her father abandoned her and her step father was abusive..............
I think I may try to talk to her.........when shes not drinking,
but for all the people here that are working on giving up alcohol, or have stopped, I ll bet you are more pleasant to be around. Again, I know lately, politics are a touchy issue, but once she starts her drinking, she gets on her high horse and is very dismissive, belittling and dismissive of people who don't share her views........so, guess what I'm trying to say is that its no fun to be around a drunk and try to have a normal conversation
another reason why I really am glad I have stopped drinking........best wishes to you all, and keep up the good fight.............Lloyd9 -
Thank you, Lloyd. We appreciate your comments.
I ran across this today.
https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/addiction/ss/slideshow-alcohol-body-effects1 -
Whoever clicked "disagree" on my comment, you can explain yourself, please.6
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@JenT304, you raise a good point about that new "Disagree" button! It makes you have to wonder what precisely is being disagreed with. Maybe somebody thinks you didn't "run" across it but "walked" across it? Maybe they think you ran across it yesterday rather than "today." Maybe they think we don't appreciate Lloyd's comments? Maybe they disagree with the content of the link you posted?
You'll probably never know. That's why I agree with whoever said the "Disagree" button seems pointless (maybe it was you). If we disagree with something, and we want to express said disagreement, wouldn't it be better just to post the nature of that disagreement in a civilized manner? Like the "Woo" button, I'd try to just ignore those clicks.
Have a great day, everyone. I'm having a good one so far despite the resident crickets in my ear.5 -
@JenT304 person who disagreed was probably one of those trolls who hide behind a screen.2
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@JenT304 Thank you for the article...I was surprised about it affecting a person's hearing, but I think it was related to the part of the brain that alcohol affects. YES, the disagree button may be a hot spot, but if it was intentional, it was a coward who's just trying to be annoying...nothing in your comment was disagreeable other than for someone who doesn't want to acknowledge the role alcohol plays in damaging our body perhaps.
@lloydrt I found it highly annoying being around drunks when I was drinking so I can imagine how much more annoying when sober. I haven't had to deal with that since I stopped drinking so am thankful. I have been around ones who've had too much to drink, but it brought out the fun side of them and they were just silly not obnoxious.
Hope everyone is doing well
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I dunno how I feel about the disagree button 🤔 I certainly don't think anybody should be using it in this or the less alcohol thread cuz these are supportive threads meant to boost people trying to better themselves by quiting drinking or at least cutting back,who can disagree that less alcohol is a good thing for a person? Anyhoo things are going ok in my neck of the desert🌵feel a bit melancholy that summer is just about done with but nothing I can do about it,waves to the gang and wishes for a fab AF day ❤️8
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I agree with aroze, just like Facebook it's easy to hit one of those by accident.. the disagree button that is3
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Morning all,yup maybe just a slip of the finger on the disagree button I accidentally like stuff on FB that I didn't mean to all the time,had a drinking dream last night and woke up in my dream feeling terrible! That dread and sick feeling will never go away so why bring it on with booze? Great motivation to stay away from the junk,waves to all and wishes for a great AF day for us all❤️5
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