Can't find a"why"! Help!

My weird why?

I sat through an autopsy once, and the coroner described the deceased as an "obese female" very clinically. I thought, then and there, that if anyone ever did an autopsy on me I did not want to be recorded as an obese female.

Unorthodox enough? :laugh:

My husband and I are the same height and it annoys me that his perpetually maintained weight is my goal weight.

As I look around me at friends my age +/- 10 years (I'm 63), they are a mix of mostly either artists/craftspeople or athletes (rowers). The artists are much more likely to be sedentary and obese. At a similar age, compared to the healthy-weight women among the athletes, they also:

* Have more negative health conditions (diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, etc.)
* Take more medications (which often interact with each other, to their detriment)
* Require more surgeries, and recover from them much more slowly and painfully
* Need to completely avoid certain foods because of medications or health conditions, at the risk of serious consequences (faintness, heart palpitations, blood sugar disturbances, "dumping syndrome" i.e., diarrhea if too much fat eaten, and more).
* Can't do fun things that require lots of walking or stairs (art festivals, sports events or music at stadiums, etc.)
* Need more help from family or paid workers with routine chores like yard work, flipping the mattress, moving furniture, interior painting or other minor home improvements requiring mobility, etc.).
* Experience more falls and related injuries
* Are sick more often from routine viruses and such, often get sicker, require more time to recover

By contrast, the athletes can still do pretty much whatever fun things they want; eat the occasional very-indulgent meal (drinks, desserts, deep-fried things) with no negative consequences other than maybe a tiny scale jump; are overall healthier (and quite possibly happier).

A very specific case in point: One of my artist friends and one of my rower friends each needed hip replacement surgery. The artist, who was I believe about 64 at the time, spent extra time in the hospital with an infection, then stayed in an in-patient rehab for a couple of weeks. It took months for her to reach what will probably be her maximum recovery, but she's still (couple of years later) using a cane. The rower's surgery was on July 1 this year. Four weeks to the day later, and 5 days after her 73rd birthday, she was back on the river rowing with me. (She stayed overnight in the hospital, used a walker for a couple of days, then just walked carefully after that until she felt like her range of motion and balance were normal). She's back to full activity now: You'd never know she had surgery a couple of months back.

Another story: I went out to dinner with a group of the craftspeople. Of 14 women, most around my age, probably only about 1/4 of them were able to get onto the high chairs (hightop table) without difficulty. A couple of them needed physical help from others to do it. Most made it, with a little struggle. Several reported pain afterward from cut-off circulation or not being able to get their feet on the chair-rung for comfort while eating. I think perhaps one of this group had an unavoidable physical problem (from an auto accident); the rest have just been very inactive, and are obese.

I truly care about and value all of these people as friends. It breaks my heart to see women my age struggling with simple things, knowing that it could've been different. For some of those with issues, it isn't even totally too late now - just more difficult - but they don't even believe improvement is possible.

Experiencing things like this, with people I care about: That helps me understand what I need to do if I want the best possible odds of being strong, healthy, active, and living independently for as long as possible. It's an important part of my motivation: Doing what I can to help future Ann have a fun, happy life. It's an investment.

If you don't take care of yourself when you're younger, things start going south fast in middle age. I'm 47, and I thought I was doing moderately well at taking care of myself, but I need to do better. Hence, I'm here on MFP now.

I know people in their 70s and 80s. Some of them are quite healthy and vibrant, others are very aged and unhealthy. I know illness can strike anyone at any time, but it appears to me that the ones who did more to take care of themselves are doing better as they age. KInd of along the lines of what AnnPT77 is saying.

Don’t do it. It isn’t written anywhere that you can’t be 40lbs overweight. Live your life and enjoy your kids. Losing weight takes effort and concentration. It’s ok if your attention is on other things. Quit nagging yourself and move on.

But beware. The difference between gaining 10 lbs per year and losing 10 is a couple hundred calories per day. A 100 calorie deficit you lose 10 but 100 calorie surplus and you’re gaining 10. Point being that if you’re in the habit of over doing it, the gains can keep coming until there is a real problem. Keep an eye on it.

Sometimes you pick up a few “why” answers after you start losing the weight. After the first 15 lbs, I noticed one day that I was sudddnly able to move faster and wasn’t out of breath while chasing my 13 year old son around the house in Nerf war battles. I didn’t know how much I would enjoy that until after it happened. I didn’t anticipate the joy in improving my health in a way that enriched playing with my kids.

Or try this- piece of paper, line down the middle. Put the reasons you want to lose weight on one side. Reasons you don’t on the other.

Spend some time on it. Give it day or 2 to think it over. There’s no due date. And put down everything, even things that sound frivolous or silly. Right now on the “want to” side you seem to have this vague nagging voice telling you that you should want to lose weight. Maybe there’s something more there. Maybe not. Give it a try.

Awesome Momma!

So maybe, for now, your goal isn’t to lose weight while you enjoy your life and take care of those babies. Maybe your goal can simply be to maintain/not gain. Maybe your goal can be to continue or find a good way to exercise and keep in shape.

I have 3 kids (24, 19, 17) I was always somewhat overweight, but wasn’t troubled by it Then I found myself heading toward 50 with 75+ pounds to lose. I looked back and realized that it slowly crept on- even just 2 pounds/year turns into 50 over 25 years! I hid from family pictures, I sat and watched my kids play instead of joining them, and saddest for me was the example of bad habits I had shown them.

So just before my 49th birthday I set out to lose 75 pounds by my 50th. I came close and still have 5 to go- but I feel so much better then I did at 30!

What I wish I could do over when I was a young mom:
*Get outside and moving with the babies! On the walking/bike trails I see moms with wagons and baby carriers and jogging strollers and I wish I had known to do that. (My neighborhood is not good for walking/biking)
* Find a sport or hobby that the family can do together, for many many years. Even just if I had planned “Sunday walks” or park day picnic lunches to establish the habit of being active and together- SO important as the kids get older and their activities begin to take over.
*Eat balanced and healthy but not freak out about all sugar or deli meat or whatever. I got to a point where I felt like every food had something terrible so if I couldn’t eat/feed my children “perfectly” (which seemed to change daily- I couldn’t keep up with the latest dos and don’ts) I would just give up and go with cheap easy junk.
* Take care of myself- basic stuff like showers, clean clothes that fit, quick daily grooming and regular haircuts. So I feel ready for anything and don’t have to hide from pictures and people.

ENJOY THESE YEARS! But also set the stage to enjoy the future years as well ❤️