Feeling very discouraged, destructive

sabrinaserpentina
sabrinaserpentina Posts: 2 Member
in Motivation and Support
I was anorexic as a teen/young adult but I grew out of it with encouragement from my then-boyfriend now-husband. After several years of not counting calories and basically eating whatever, whenever I’ve swung the other way and gained 50 pounds. Husband is not so encouraging anymore and “is not attracted to heavy women.”
I got back on this app a few days ago after a big fight to try to do something to get myself back together but eating feels like an all-or-nothing activity to me. I can fast or binge but I can’t seem to eat like a normal person while counting calories. I know three days of restricted eating doesn’t make me anorexic again but its the only way I know how to lose weight.
Maybe no one will see this post, mentions of eating disorders are probably against the rules, but I could use some love and motivation tonight, even if it’s just from a few faceless strangers on the internet.

Replies

  • healingnurtrer
    healingnurtrer Posts: 217 Member
    You are worth taking care of yourself. You are worthy of love and acceptance, no matter your size/ mental health. I personally have found a lot of help from meeting with counselors. It can be intimidating and takes a lot of effort but can be very worth it to get the skills you need to make decisions, cope, and feel better. I'd recommend it and possibly marriage counseling if that's a possibility.
  • corinasue1143
    corinasue1143 Posts: 7,467 Member
    I’m sorry it hurts. Take care of yourself. Hugs.
  • cbihatt
    cbihatt Posts: 319 Member
    Don’t let your husband put pressure on you to lose weight. It will only make your struggle more difficult, and that sounds like the last thing you need right now.

    I think you should start simple by eating what you want and just recording it on the app. Do it for a week without trying to restrict your calorie intake at all. After you see how much you are eating, you can make small changes to slowly reduce the amount of calories you are eating. Small changes like one serving instead of two, or substituting fruit or vegetables for a snack instead of potato chips or ice cream.

    You don’t have to be overly restrictive and you don’t have to be perfect. Spend some time looking through open diaries on MFP and see what other people are eating. It may help you.

    The most important thing is that you need to take it slow. Don’t expect to lose weight overnight. And if you feel yourself slipping into disordered eating, please seek professional help.
  • missysippy930
    missysippy930 Posts: 2,577 Member
    Unconditional love is something most people want. I’m truly sorry if your husband is giving you a hard time about your weight. We can only fix ourselves.

    It’s a great time to be alive! We have unlimited information at our fingertips.

    Make a plan. Weigh and measure your food/beverages. Move more. Stay at a calorie deficit, and you will succeed!

    Best of luck to you, because you are worth every bit of the effort that it takes!
  • cheryldumais
    cheryldumais Posts: 1,907 Member
    I can't imagine the pain you are feeling right now. You deserve to be happy and healthy. Take your time and set reasonable goals. Losing 1 pound a week would probably be the safest. Let MFP set your calorie goal and you need to eat all of the calories it assigns you. This will be a learning curve for someone who has struggled like you have. I think seeing a counsellor who specializes in eating disorders would be well worth your time especially since hubby is not able to help this time. Remember there is nothing bad about you. Everyone struggles with something and many struggle with food. You are not alone. Hang in there and take your time losing.
  • phx92
    phx92 Posts: 87 Member
    I’m so sorry that you are hurting and that your husband isn’t being supportive of you.

    It’s amazing that you were able to come through your eating disorder and enjoy your life without having that over your head! You should feel really proud of yourself for that.

    It’s hard for a lot of people to lose weight in a healthy way but with all of the added challenges you are going through you might want to talk to your doctor (or a dietician or mental health professional) just to make sure that you don’t slip back into bad habits and to get some help finding the best path to lose weight if that is something you want to do

    Make sure you keep your expectations realistic, it is a slow process to do it the healthy way. I agree with the poster above who said to just try logging what you eat without worrying about changing your habits, just to get used to it. You can set your goal to maintenance for a bit.

    If you do feel comfortable working on losing with the app, I would set the goal reasonably (.5-1lb) and try to get as close to that as possible every day. You don’t want to try and aim for huge deficits, just a steady pace that will lead to results over time. It could turn out that calorie counting isnt for you or that you need additional support to make it work for you.

    Your health and mental well being are more important than your weight. Please add me or reach out if you ever want someone just to talk to

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