What’s a red flag for you?

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Replies

  • George_of_the_Jungle
    George_of_the_Jungle Posts: 3,316 Member
    I see people saying about wanting attention, and about how that’s a red flag. But I honestly feel like when first starting out a relationship, we all need attention for the relationship to flourish. Now after awhile the need for attention will go away.

    Wanting for attention and demanding it are not the same.

    I absolutely want my partner to want my attention, as I want theirs. But they should also understand I have other priorities. Even if giving attention to the other priorities is less desirable than giving attention to them, it has to be done and they need to understand that.

  • rickigageby
    rickigageby Posts: 149 Member
    I see people saying about wanting attention, and about how that’s a red flag. But I honestly feel like when first starting out a relationship, we all need attention for the relationship to flourish. Now after awhile the need for attention will go away.

    Wanting for attention and demanding it are not the same.

    I absolutely want my partner to want my attention, as I want theirs. But they should also understand I have other priorities. Even if giving attention to the other priorities is less desirable than giving attention to them, it has to be done and they need to understand that.

    I never said that I as a person should demand attention over kids or other priorities but I’m saying attention is needed for a relationship to take off or else they feel unwanted and just give up.
  • George_of_the_Jungle
    George_of_the_Jungle Posts: 3,316 Member
    I see people saying about wanting attention, and about how that’s a red flag. But I honestly feel like when first starting out a relationship, we all need attention for the relationship to flourish. Now after awhile the need for attention will go away.

    Wanting for attention and demanding it are not the same.

    I absolutely want my partner to want my attention, as I want theirs. But they should also understand I have other priorities. Even if giving attention to the other priorities is less desirable than giving attention to them, it has to be done and they need to understand that.

    I never said that I as a person should demand attention over kids or other priorities but I’m saying attention is needed for a relationship to take off or else they feel unwanted and just give up.

    To be clear, wanting attention is not a red flag, demanding it is.
  • rickigageby
    rickigageby Posts: 149 Member
    I see people saying about wanting attention, and about how that’s a red flag. But I honestly feel like when first starting out a relationship, we all need attention for the relationship to flourish. Now after awhile the need for attention will go away.

    Wanting for attention and demanding it are not the same.

    I absolutely want my partner to want my attention, as I want theirs. But they should also understand I have other priorities. Even if giving attention to the other priorities is less desirable than giving attention to them, it has to be done and they need to understand that.

    I never said that I as a person should demand attention over kids or other priorities but I’m saying attention is needed for a relationship to take off or else they feel unwanted and just give up.

    To be clear, wanting attention is not a red flag, demanding it is.

    Yes agreed
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
    caco_ethes wrote: »
    Red flags for any type of relationship (not exclusive to people I date/boink/whatever):
    • Any hint at controlling behavior and I'm out - been there, done that. No thanks.
    • Having stupid opinions about women in the workplace or what the role of a woman should/shouldn't be.
    • Needy, obsessive behaviors - Wanting to spend time with me is fine, but don't pester me at my place every day, interrupt my life with your needs and wants and make them sound more important than me getting what needs to be done, done.
    • Wanting constant contact. There will be days where I don't talk to folks. Doesn't mean I hate you, just means I'm busy or I don't particularly want to talk that day.
    • Asking possessive/aggressive questions or engaging in possessive behaviors - had a guy I dated hack into my email to read my emails (from more than a year prior) and then accuse me of sleeping with people or being in love with someone else. Like, no dude.. I'm always at your place or in class, when do I have time to go bang other dudes?
    • Expecting me to *do* something. Anything. Nope. You are your own person and I am mine. If I do something for you, it's because I care about you and want to do that thing for you.
    • If they belittle or demean people either to their face or even worse if it's behind their back, I'm outtie. I don't want to be around someone like that.
    • Drama. If you attract drama of any sort.. I'm out. I ain't got time for that *kitten*.
    • Constantly being late to agreed upon plans without valid reasons. I just assume you don't give a *kitten* about our relationship, so why should I?
    • Weird, off-putting behaviors toward minors. Pretty self explanatory.
    • Having expectations that I should wear makeup or that I should present myself "nicely" at all times because I'm a woman and otherwise, I'm irredeemable without said makeup. *kitten* you, you *kitten*.

    I think with most of the behaviors and observations listed, there's this fine line. Up to that line is ooookay (sort of), but cross it and it's a whole lotta nope from most of us.

    Hugging for use of boink

    It should get more use. Boink, boink, boink. See? Fun to say. :laugh:
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
    smantha32 wrote: »
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    The inability to possess accurate bus fare.

    If she wears the color mauve.

    I look great in Mauve actually.

    is that like a dusty rose?

    A little darker, but close. :)

  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
    Red flag, if she doesn’t like tacos



    Who doesn't like Tacos?
  • ythannah
    ythannah Posts: 4,366 Member
    nooshi713 wrote: »

    Always plays the victim and has a long list of sob stories about what women have done to them

    Good one. Someone who constantly externalizes blame.
  • CoffeeAndContour
    CoffeeAndContour Posts: 1,466 Member
    When I’m texting on my phone and they’re always asking who I’m texting or my phone rings and they want to know who just called. If they want my phone password. Or any other personal information that delves into my privacy.
  • Reckoner68
    Reckoner68 Posts: 2,139 Member
    When I’m texting on my phone and they’re always asking who I’m texting or my phone rings and they want to know who just called. If they want my phone password. Or any other personal information that delves into my privacy.

    ...so I get it, but who was it who called tho?
  • Cutemesoon
    Cutemesoon Posts: 2,646 Member
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  • kam26001
    kam26001 Posts: 2,799 Member
    Cutemesoon wrote: »
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    Must you reveal all the secrets?


    J/k

  • Reckoner68
    Reckoner68 Posts: 2,139 Member
    When she doesn’t appreciate a good nap
  • LiftingSpirits
    LiftingSpirits Posts: 2,207 Member
    kam26001 wrote: »
    Overenthusiasm is a red flag for me.

    If that many things are "Ah-mazing" to you on an hourly basis, then you must have a really sinister grasp of reality and I'm willing to bet our hypothetical children will be plastered all over Facebook doing baby yoga or spilling kale smoothie everywhere as if that were an achievement.

    But....... what's your sign?
  • rickigageby
    rickigageby Posts: 149 Member
    Reckoner68 wrote: »
    When she doesn’t appreciate a good nap

    Serious question who doesn’t appreciate a good nap
  • iMago
    iMago Posts: 8,714 Member
    social media posting about "needing to live her truth", usually right after she just got out of a relationship

    all her exes are "crazy"

    hoop earrings and/or nose piercings

    "im not ticklish"