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Guys honest opinion : The Belly

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  • Lilloops1985Lilloops1985 Posts: 106Member Member Posts: 106Member Member
    theresa120 wrote: »
    I’ve never had kids, but admire the hell out of people who are strong enough to handle it, so first of all, bravo! 👏

    I’ve grown up with scars and weight fluctuations my whole life.
    I had really low self-esteem, and ended up marrying a DB (now ex-DB 🎉) who only made me feel worse as the years went on. I was terrified to get back into the dating scene when I wasn’t 100% happy with my body and feeling super vulnerable, but decided to give it a shot, just to see how things go.
    I don’t know if I’ve just been lucky, have a knack for spotting/weeding out DBs, or that most guys are just nicer and more respectful than I’m used to, but it has been such a positive, eye-opening experience. Makes me feel like an idiot for not getting out of this toxic relationship sooner.

    Anyway, dating has definitely given me a boost, but I’m also being cautious, because while validation from others feels awesome, I’m learning that self-validation and self-worth is WAY more important. Be happy and confident in who you are, no matter what stage of your life you’re in! It’s not always easy, but it’s totally worth it 😊

    Sending a virtual hug 🤗
  • Lilloops1985Lilloops1985 Posts: 106Member Member Posts: 106Member Member
    I love this thread. What a sincerely cool and brave op and what amazingly legit men (and women) commenting. As someone who was dumped after I did a “dirty dancing” strip tease for a dude because he considered me to posses too much juggle, I totally get the insecurity part even without a c-section scar. Nice to hear all of these perspectives 💟🌟


    Appreciate you sharing your story. Some people can be so cruel. You’re better off.
  • s131951s131951 Posts: 3,344Member Member Posts: 3,344Member Member
    I love this thread. What a sincerely cool and brave op and what amazingly legit men (and women) commenting. As someone who was dumped after I did a “dirty dancing” strip tease for a dude because he considered me to posses too much juggle, I totally get the insecurity part even without a c-section scar. Nice to hear all of these perspectives 💟🌟


    Appreciate you sharing your story. Some people can be so cruel. You’re better off.

    Really, a main point, the right partner/person will love who you are. If you want to get fit or lose weight, for example, they are understanding and supportive, but not controlling.
  • J_NY_ZJ_NY_Z Posts: 1,358Member Member Posts: 1,358Member Member
    This is such a subjective question. Think of the people you know, men and women and the differences in what they are attracted to sexually. You might line up 10 guys with 10 different ideas of what they find attractive in a woman. I understand your concern but your question is flawed from the beginning. I agree with many other posters who are saying that who you are as a person is more important than your midsection. Dating is hard enough, don't make it more difficult by focusing on your self-perceived flaws. When you have a connection with someone you will find that your insecurities will fall away. And, not that it needs to be said but you are spectacular. Period, end of story.
  • kimber0607kimber0607 Posts: 991Member Member Posts: 991Member Member
    seriously I think its all about confidence and how you portray yourself, in simple terms (from my 46 years on this plant)
    men just want to have sex and not be controlled (told what to do)...and have fun..drama free....I really dont think they see things through the same lens that we did

    I went on a date w a guy once good looking..the entire time he spoke down about himself and asked me a million times if I thought he was handsome/good looking...couldnt wait to never see him again
    we all have insecurities....you should eb able to share them w someone you love or are in a relationship with


    ((HUGS))
    edited December 2019
  • JRsLateInLifeMomJRsLateInLifeMom Posts: 1,691Member Member Posts: 1,691Member Member
    Had 1 Csection but was a really bad one! Then surgeries for 3months to repair my insides more (no cosmetic ones).Scary even hubby just stares through it doesn’t care . He’s the guy the one mentioned (Cares about you y what you have to say not appearances) . I knew Women who dated were single who while sun bathing I saw the worst Csection scar y stretch marks yet always had a date. So don’t think normal guys care only superficial ones...let’s leave the superficial ones for the superficial gals! They can nit pick each other’s appearances!”

    Found out this morning someone sent me an article they just found (The 1 out there for hysterectomy to extreme Csections postpartum exercise) It suggested walking which I’m already doing indoors but it also mentioned Exercising bands for arm y stomach rebuilding. Not sure where to buy online or what they look like or how to use one ,but if anyone knows please tell us Gals!!
    I had 4 hip to hip y 1 up y down called a T incision so mines the autopsy looking nightmare if I can be loved you can! Butts full of dimples (stretch marks kindly named as dimples by my Daughter).

    If you find exercises you can have after Csection my goodness let me know!

    Hubby my 3rd marriage so only 5yrs in! My 2nd husband cheated on me cause I got fat looking (I was pregnant found out after a still birth he proposed to mistress same day so picked myself up I divorced him! ) . I’ve been huge y thin with now hubby he loves me during both! I’m in my 40’s now so was single at your age.
    edited December 2019
  • J_NY_ZJ_NY_Z Posts: 1,358Member Member Posts: 1,358Member Member
    @Lilloops1985 From your comment above - " Although sometimes I do feel maybe I am way harder on myself than I should be." Yes, absolutely. We all need to be kinder to ourselves.
  • Sunshine_And_SandSunshine_And_Sand Posts: 1,320Member Member Posts: 1,320Member Member
    I’ve had 2 c-sections. My husband hasn’t shown any indication that he minds the scar. My first was early (almost 12 weeks) because of HELLP syndrome. It was a really emotional time, as it is for most of us. At one point I pouted about the appearance of the scar and the belly that hadn’t went down yet and that I wanted to get back to my exercise routine because I was still “so fat”. DH said something like, you just had a kid and worry about that for a little while first. He was right of course, and I decided at that point that I just didn’t have time to worry about that for a while when my sweet little NICU premie was the current priority. A guy who doesn’t support you like that is really not worth it.
  • JRsLateInLifeMomJRsLateInLifeMom Posts: 1,691Member Member Posts: 1,691Member Member
    Sunshine y sand - my belly back when he was 1 1/2yrs old (yes gigantism he’s a big big boy) will be 3yrs old soon in March so much taller now than he was back then. This was when he was tiny. Only pic that shows my belly I really avoided me being in fotos but took some so I don’t have regret later about not having pics. My hubby didn’t run from this been past a year 1/2 that said a lot that words couldn’t say!
    0wuak763c019.jpeg

    kocwwzmy4m03.jpeg

    Found this on sale just bought me one fingers crossed it gets here faster! Maybe it can go under the tree! Under Armor night sale them too http://www.walmart.com/ip/Black-Mountain-Products-Resistance-Band-Set/47346081
  • jjpptt2jjpptt2 Posts: 4,882Member Member Posts: 4,882Member Member
    It's just 1 part of you, and a very superficial one at that.

    Can it be part of a first impression? Yes.
    Is it a significant factor in the overall scheme of things? Not usually.

    Keep in mind that different people like different things.
    Also keep in mind that you're asking this question in a fitness and weight loss community - the data may be skewed.
    edited December 2019
  • MrAcavanoMrAcavano Posts: 163Member Member Posts: 163Member Member
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    I will say I think it's eye-roll-worthy all the judging people are doing of people who are judgmental of belly fat. Why is your judgement better than their judgement???

    Relationships are all about finding people who value what you have to offer and who don't care about what you can't offer. Know your strengths, know your weaknesses, then look for people whose values/priorities line up with those things. If you find a bad fit, that doesn't make them an *kitten*... it makes them a bad fit for you.

    I’m with you about finding the right fit but judging someone on something they have no control over like scars from a c section and judging them for being a superficial a-hole is not the same thing.

    Original poster don’t worry. The men who will be bothered by your scars will be long gone when they find out you have kids. Lol. I know - I dated after divorce and saw the heels of many women running away when they found out I had two toddlers. The right people are out there. I found mine and I’m now remarried. :)
  • vanityy99vanityy99 Posts: 1,388Member Member Posts: 1,388Member Member
    You ever heard of them stories about a girl being cheated on or left for the mediocre, or below chick?

    Looks won’t keep a man.
  • vanityy99vanityy99 Posts: 1,388Member Member Posts: 1,388Member Member
    MrAcavano wrote: »
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    I will say I think it's eye-roll-worthy all the judging people are doing of people who are judgmental of belly fat. Why is your judgement better than their judgement???

    Relationships are all about finding people who value what you have to offer and who don't care about what you can't offer. Know your strengths, know your weaknesses, then look for people whose values/priorities line up with those things. If you find a bad fit, that doesn't make them an *kitten*... it makes them a bad fit for you.

    I’m with you about finding the right fit but judging someone on something they have no control over like scars from a c section and judging them for being a superficial a-hole is not the same thing.

    Original poster don’t worry. The men who will be bothered by your scars will be long gone when they find out you have kids. Lol. I know - I dated after divorce and saw the heels of many women running away when they found out I had two toddlers. The right people are out there. I found mine and I’m now remarried. :)

    Why does that make them superficial though? People are bad for having preferences?? Like a sneeze or a cough you can’t control what turns you on.

  • KosmosKittenKosmosKitten Posts: 7,382Member Member Posts: 7,382Member Member
    vanityy99 wrote: »
    MrAcavano wrote: »
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    I will say I think it's eye-roll-worthy all the judging people are doing of people who are judgmental of belly fat. Why is your judgement better than their judgement???

    Relationships are all about finding people who value what you have to offer and who don't care about what you can't offer. Know your strengths, know your weaknesses, then look for people whose values/priorities line up with those things. If you find a bad fit, that doesn't make them an *kitten*... it makes them a bad fit for you.

    I’m with you about finding the right fit but judging someone on something they have no control over like scars from a c section and judging them for being a superficial a-hole is not the same thing.

    Original poster don’t worry. The men who will be bothered by your scars will be long gone when they find out you have kids. Lol. I know - I dated after divorce and saw the heels of many women running away when they found out I had two toddlers. The right people are out there. I found mine and I’m now remarried. :)

    Why does that make them superficial though? People are bad for having preferences?? Like a sneeze or a cough you can’t control what turns you on.

    There's a difference between having a preference for someone who is a certain body type and shaming others who don't meet that definition of attraction for you. The problem is that for a lot of people, they can't keep their *kitten* opinions to themselves and let it be widely known that they either look down on people who don't meet their standard for "type" or that that person should be made to feel shame over their body attributes, some of which can't be changed.

    They are superficial if they are willing to shame another person (often a stranger) who doesn't "hold up" in their eyes. If they keep their opinions to themselves unless asked, then cool. Not superficial per that alone.
  • vanityy99vanityy99 Posts: 1,388Member Member Posts: 1,388Member Member
    vanityy99 wrote: »
    MrAcavano wrote: »
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    I will say I think it's eye-roll-worthy all the judging people are doing of people who are judgmental of belly fat. Why is your judgement better than their judgement???

    Relationships are all about finding people who value what you have to offer and who don't care about what you can't offer. Know your strengths, know your weaknesses, then look for people whose values/priorities line up with those things. If you find a bad fit, that doesn't make them an *kitten*... it makes them a bad fit for you.

    I’m with you about finding the right fit but judging someone on something they have no control over like scars from a c section and judging them for being a superficial a-hole is not the same thing.

    Original poster don’t worry. The men who will be bothered by your scars will be long gone when they find out you have kids. Lol. I know - I dated after divorce and saw the heels of many women running away when they found out I had two toddlers. The right people are out there. I found mine and I’m now remarried. :)

    Why does that make them superficial though? People are bad for having preferences?? Like a sneeze or a cough you can’t control what turns you on.

    There's a difference between having a preference for someone who is a certain body type and shaming others who don't meet that definition of attraction for you. The problem is that for a lot of people, they can't keep their *kitten* opinions to themselves and let it be widely known that they either look down on people who don't meet their standard for "type" or that that person should be made to feel shame over their body attributes, some of which can't be changed.

    They are superficial if they are willing to shame another person (often a stranger) who doesn't "hold up" in their eyes. If they keep their opinions to themselves unless asked, then cool. Not superficial per that alone.

    Did the OP say she was criticized for her belly from a dude? I must’ve missed that post I only read page one.

  • KosmosKittenKosmosKitten Posts: 7,382Member Member Posts: 7,382Member Member
    vanityy99 wrote: »
    vanityy99 wrote: »
    MrAcavano wrote: »
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    I will say I think it's eye-roll-worthy all the judging people are doing of people who are judgmental of belly fat. Why is your judgement better than their judgement???

    Relationships are all about finding people who value what you have to offer and who don't care about what you can't offer. Know your strengths, know your weaknesses, then look for people whose values/priorities line up with those things. If you find a bad fit, that doesn't make them an *kitten*... it makes them a bad fit for you.

    I’m with you about finding the right fit but judging someone on something they have no control over like scars from a c section and judging them for being a superficial a-hole is not the same thing.

    Original poster don’t worry. The men who will be bothered by your scars will be long gone when they find out you have kids. Lol. I know - I dated after divorce and saw the heels of many women running away when they found out I had two toddlers. The right people are out there. I found mine and I’m now remarried. :)

    Why does that make them superficial though? People are bad for having preferences?? Like a sneeze or a cough you can’t control what turns you on.

    There's a difference between having a preference for someone who is a certain body type and shaming others who don't meet that definition of attraction for you. The problem is that for a lot of people, they can't keep their *kitten* opinions to themselves and let it be widely known that they either look down on people who don't meet their standard for "type" or that that person should be made to feel shame over their body attributes, some of which can't be changed.

    They are superficial if they are willing to shame another person (often a stranger) who doesn't "hold up" in their eyes. If they keep their opinions to themselves unless asked, then cool. Not superficial per that alone.

    Did the OP say she was criticized for her belly from a dude? I must’ve missed that post I only read page one.

    I don't think she specifically mentioned that she was criticized for it, but other posters in here have mentioned it. That people are shallow. Then again, I know plenty of women who would shame other women for the same things men do.

    The sound advice is that if they are willing to shame or belittle a person over appearance, then they aren't a worthwhile human being to have in your life.

    I meant my statement in general to yours and the person you were responding to. There's a lot of disagreement from folks not because people have preferences (because that's fine), but for shaming people over your preferences to the point that they have no self-esteem.

    Sorry for the confusion.
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