Bad day yesterday & 2 dinners planned today
Replies
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I've struggled with this exact issue -- how to deal with ongoing professional commitments/events/socials/dinners/meetings with food etc. while trying to diet -- for decades. What a PITA. A lot of companies pride themselves on throwing great spreads, which means truly excessive foods and calories, non-stop, sometimes for days if it's a conference.
There is no easy solution, but here's what I came up with one day. I looked around and took careful note of what the thin and in shape / athletic people were eating (and not eating). Then I did what they did.
It was soooooo eye opening. Unbelievable! Here's what I found: in shape, athletic people order healthy food, eat a reasonable portion, have a drink, and ... stop. No seconds, no fattening desserts. Their main focus is on the social experience, not what they'll be shoveling into their mouths. So that's mainly what they do - talk and listen, not eat. It sounds stupid, but it never really occurred to me that there are people who go to, say, gigantic, delicious food buffets with their friends, take one plate of food, mainly the healthier stuff, eat it, and then they're done.
Admittedly, emulating this behavior has worked better some times more than others, and I remain what I've always been, a person who's either binging or one step from the precipice of a binge and holding myself back by sheer willpower, which sometimes craters in the moment. But I do manage to act like a thin person sometimes - will literally ask myself "What would an in-shape, athletic person eat right now?" and then I eat that.
This is such a great point. I think especially for those of us who grew up in situations where restaurant meals were rare only on special occasions, your brain is wired to see a business function as "free food!" "fun food!" so an opportunity to go nuts and treat ourselves. Reprogramming your brain that this is now a regular part of my life and not a special occasion can be a tough transition.
You can't just lose weight. You have to lose the habits and the mindset of the person who gained it. If you don't you will either fail or regain.
One of the mistakes I made while gaining my weight was to make mundane things "special" with food. The problem, of course, is that if everything is special nothing is special and you are just eating too much for the sake of doing it.
To get where I need to go "special" has to be rare and keeping it that way will mean I will enjoy it more anyway. I do have to know when to let my foot off the gas because I still have to live life and I do not want to feel overly deprived. It is all about finding balance. It takes time to figure that out.
This is so true. Food alone does not make an event special. Food can be special, or the event itself can be special regardless of the food.
I also define "special" narrowly. For food to be special, it has to be something I want that I cannot get whenever I want it. Cookies from the grocery store are not special. I do not have to eat them right now because I can get them whenever. Cookies baked by my friend who bakes all the time might be special if I want to eat them. My mom's cookies that I only get once or twice a year are definitely special.
Right. A 13 course tasting is not something I have ever done. I would consider that special. If I was doing that though I would be very resistant to having anything else special around it. It is kind of like having a coupon book with a number of things that can be exceptions. I don't have a book because I think I am at a point that being mindful means I know when something fits on the balance scale. I would naturally have a coupon for Christmas but it would be absurd to have one for Groundhog's day. Just like you have a coupon for mom's cookies but not one for store bought. For me a cookie from the store, if I wanted it, would have to fit into my normal system. I probably wouldn't even consider that worthy of using banked calories. For something like the tasting I would consider that using a coupon marked miscellaneous or wildcard.4 -
I've struggled with this exact issue -- how to deal with ongoing professional commitments/events/socials/dinners/meetings with food etc. while trying to diet -- for decades. What a PITA. A lot of companies pride themselves on throwing great spreads, which means truly excessive foods and calories, non-stop, sometimes for days if it's a conference.
There is no easy solution, but here's what I came up with one day. I looked around and took careful note of what the thin and in shape / athletic people were eating (and not eating). Then I did what they did.
It was soooooo eye opening. Unbelievable! Here's what I found: in shape, athletic people order healthy food, eat a reasonable portion, have a drink, and ... stop. No seconds, no fattening desserts. Their main focus is on the social experience, not what they'll be shoveling into their mouths. So that's mainly what they do - talk and listen, not eat. It sounds stupid, but it never really occurred to me that there are people who go to, say, gigantic, delicious food buffets with their friends, take one plate of food, mainly the healthier stuff, eat it, and then they're done.
Admittedly, emulating this behavior has worked better some times more than others, and I remain what I've always been, a person who's either binging or one step from the precipice of a binge and holding myself back by sheer willpower, which sometimes craters in the moment. But I do manage to act like a thin person sometimes - will literally ask myself "What would an in-shape, athletic person eat right now?" and then I eat that.
This is such a great point. I think especially for those of us who grew up in situations where restaurant meals were rare only on special occasions, your brain is wired to see a business function as "free food!" "fun food!" so an opportunity to go nuts and treat ourselves. Reprogramming your brain that this is now a regular part of my life and not a special occasion can be a tough transition.
You can't just lose weight. You have to lose the habits and the mindset of the person who gained it. If you don't you will either fail or regain.
One of the mistakes I made while gaining my weight was to make mundane things "special" with food. The problem, of course, is that if everything is special nothing is special and you are just eating too much for the sake of doing it.
To get where I need to go "special" has to be rare and keeping it that way will mean I will enjoy it more anyway. I do have to know when to let my foot off the gas because I still have to live life and I do not want to feel overly deprived. It is all about finding balance. It takes time to figure that out.
This is so true. Food alone does not make an event special. Food can be special, or the event itself can be special regardless of the food.
I also define "special" narrowly. For food to be special, it has to be something I want that I cannot get whenever I want it. Cookies from the grocery store are not special. I do not have to eat them right now because I can get them whenever. Cookies baked by my friend who bakes all the time might be special if I want to eat them. My mom's cookies that I only get once or twice a year are definitely special.
Right. A 13 course tasting is not something I have ever done. I would consider that special. If I was doing that though I would be very resistant to having anything else special around it. It is kind of like having a coupon book with a number of things that can be exceptions. I don't have a book because I think I am at a point that being mindful means I know when something fits on the balance scale. I would naturally have a coupon for Christmas but it would be absurd to have one for Groundhog's day. Just like you have a coupon for mom's cookies but not one for store bought. For me a cookie from the store, if I wanted it, would have to fit into my normal system. I probably wouldn't even consider that worthy of using banked calories. For something like the tasting I would consider that using a coupon marked miscellaneous or wildcard.
I’ve never done a 13 course tasting either. That in itself would be a special event. I would probably bank some calories for it, but not try to restrict myself during the meal because I literally never eat that way and might never eat that way again.1 -
I've struggled with this exact issue -- how to deal with ongoing professional commitments/events/socials/dinners/meetings with food etc. while trying to diet -- for decades. What a PITA. A lot of companies pride themselves on throwing great spreads, which means truly excessive foods and calories, non-stop, sometimes for days if it's a conference.
There is no easy solution, but here's what I came up with one day. I looked around and took careful note of what the thin and in shape / athletic people were eating (and not eating). Then I did what they did.
It was soooooo eye opening. Unbelievable! Here's what I found: in shape, athletic people order healthy food, eat a reasonable portion, have a drink, and ... stop. No seconds, no fattening desserts. Their main focus is on the social experience, not what they'll be shoveling into their mouths. So that's mainly what they do - talk and listen, not eat. It sounds stupid, but it never really occurred to me that there are people who go to, say, gigantic, delicious food buffets with their friends, take one plate of food, mainly the healthier stuff, eat it, and then they're done.
Admittedly, emulating this behavior has worked better some times more than others, and I remain what I've always been, a person who's either binging or one step from the precipice of a binge and holding myself back by sheer willpower, which sometimes craters in the moment. But I do manage to act like a thin person sometimes - will literally ask myself "What would an in-shape, athletic person eat right now?" and then I eat that.
This is such a great point. I think especially for those of us who grew up in situations where restaurant meals were rare only on special occasions, your brain is wired to see a business function as "free food!" "fun food!" so an opportunity to go nuts and treat ourselves. Reprogramming your brain that this is now a regular part of my life and not a special occasion can be a tough transition.
You can't just lose weight. You have to lose the habits and the mindset of the person who gained it. If you don't you will either fail or regain.
One of the mistakes I made while gaining my weight was to make mundane things "special" with food. The problem, of course, is that if everything is special nothing is special and you are just eating too much for the sake of doing it.
To get where I need to go "special" has to be rare and keeping it that way will mean I will enjoy it more anyway. I do have to know when to let my foot off the gas because I still have to live life and I do not want to feel overly deprived. It is all about finding balance. It takes time to figure that out.
This is so true. Food alone does not make an event special. Food can be special, or the event itself can be special regardless of the food.
I also define "special" narrowly. For food to be special, it has to be something I want that I cannot get whenever I want it. Cookies from the grocery store are not special. I do not have to eat them right now because I can get them whenever. Cookies baked by my friend who bakes all the time might be special if I want to eat them. My mom's cookies that I only get once or twice a year are definitely special.
Right. A 13 course tasting is not something I have ever done. I would consider that special. If I was doing that though I would be very resistant to having anything else special around it. It is kind of like having a coupon book with a number of things that can be exceptions. I don't have a book because I think I am at a point that being mindful means I know when something fits on the balance scale. I would naturally have a coupon for Christmas but it would be absurd to have one for Groundhog's day. Just like you have a coupon for mom's cookies but not one for store bought. For me a cookie from the store, if I wanted it, would have to fit into my normal system. I probably wouldn't even consider that worthy of using banked calories. For something like the tasting I would consider that using a coupon marked miscellaneous or wildcard.
I did a 12 course Japanese Tasting Menu at a new Mitchelin star place in town and worked in a couple of high end restaurants that do these too, to be honest they are usually very rich but very tiny dishes, chances are the meal itself isn't going to make any drastic difference to calories vs a normal restaurant meal or a slightly higher calorie meal at home, it's the wine pairings that are likely to tip the calories over (in my case it was the Sake).
I don't think in the OPs case the 13 course meal is the issue, it's the other dining out with drinks the rest of the time.9 -
I want to thank you all for the reality check. I am very grateful for the honesty.
There’s truly nothing I can say defend my actions. A lot to take in and put into action.13 -
100togo2020 wrote: »I want to thank you all for the reality check. I am very grateful for the honesty.
There’s truly nothing I can say defend my actions. A lot to take in and put into action.
You don't have to defend anything, just keep an open mind and keep learning
That's all any of us can do. 10 -
Nothing to defend. But I'll dogpile on you needing to step back a moment and reality check.
I was checking out the Brown's social house menu the other day. Nothing *as served by default without modifications* was less than 1k Cal. Before drinks. Without a basket of bread. For any main dish. Even the starters were there/almost there.
My two spaghetti factory dinners in January (starter salad no dressing for one, starter soup for the other, one entre with pasta and chorizo tomato sauce, one with pasta and beyond meat Bolognese, one scoup of spumoni ice cream, mini loaf sourdough bread and butter, zero drinks) logged in as just over and just under 2500. The mini loaf is almost 800 with the butter. Mini is relative.
Actually the fish and chip place (two pieces lightly battered pink salmon @ 209g, chips @ 193, coleslaw dry without dressing (not logged), side bun (62g), 10g butter, 64g ketchup, with scale at the table, no drinks) at 1300 Cal was cheaper
Your restaurant meal estimations are OFF.
You *can* eat and drink everything and anything and meet your goals.
You *cannot* eat and drink everything and anything at *ANY* quantity and *ALL the time* and meet your goals.
There are only so many calories in a budget that can go towards less nutritional / optional extras.
Take care.8 -
100togo2020 wrote: »I want to thank you all for the reality check. I am very grateful for the honesty.
There’s truly nothing I can say defend my actions. A lot to take in and put into action.
I can only speak for myself but I place zero judgement on you. I only want to help. I made loads of mistakes early on. I still make them now. If perfection were required to lose weight I am not sure anyone would get it done.
The trick is not to get down on yourself. Remain as objective as you can and learn from it. Every lesson learned from a few too many calories is a cheap lesson if it ultimately helps gets you to a goal and maintain it for years to come.6 -
Adding to @PAV8888's point... you will eventually get a feel for logging certain types of food from restaurants. In the meantime you should throw out a caution flag for a restaurant lunch that is under 800 calories for something from the normal portion of the menu. That is just the entree. There will be plenty of cases where it naturally falls lower and many more where it will be MUCH higher. The caution flag is just for you to go back over it again and do some more research to be sure you have it right. My flags are more specific based on the menu but I still do this. If I am expecting 1300 calories and it is 1100 or less or 1500 or more I dig back into it and try to verify it another way.2
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100togo2020 wrote: »I want to thank you all for the reality check. I am very grateful for the honesty.
There’s truly nothing I can say defend my actions. A lot to take in and put into action.
I'm going to chime in with the others. There's nothing to defend. You don't owe anyone anything here.
I sometimes travel for work, and tbh on those trips I usually throw my budget completely away and eat as I please. I've had some pretty great meals. But I have to work extra hard when I get back to normal!2 -
Well, got on the scale this morning... I’ve gained FOUR lbs. LOVELY! All the progress I was making, goneeee.
Thank you all again. It’s time to regroup and start all over again.6 -
100togo2020 wrote: »Well, got on the scale this morning... I’ve gained FOUR lbs. LOVELY! All the progress I was making, goneeee.
Thank you all again. It’s time to regroup and start all over again.
A four pound gain that happens overnight is almost guaranteed to be water/waste fluctuation, not fat. You would have to eat 14,000 calories over maintenance to gain 4 pounds of fat.5 -
100togo2020 wrote: »Well, got on the scale this morning... I’ve gained FOUR lbs. LOVELY! All the progress I was making, goneeee.
Thank you all again. It’s time to regroup and start all over again.
A four pound gain that happens overnight is almost guaranteed to be water/waste fluctuation, not fat. You would have to eat 14,000 calories over maintenance to gain 4 pounds of fat.
Yep this. Don't extra restrict today, just eat how you were and carry on. Even little over/under cycles can turn into bigger problems or at the very least prolong the "wave."3 -
100togo2020 wrote: »Well, got on the scale this morning... I’ve gained FOUR lbs. LOVELY! All the progress I was making, goneeee.
Thank you all again. It’s time to regroup and start all over again.
There’s no need to regroup and start over - you just continue on. The “Starting over” mindset will get you every time.
The best advice I received early on was this - if you were driving from NY to LA and you took a wrong turn and ended up in Texas, you wouldn’t go back to NY and start driving again, you would just get back on the right route and keep driving.14 -
100togo2020 wrote: »Well, got on the scale this morning... I’ve gained FOUR lbs. LOVELY! All the progress I was making, goneeee.
Thank you all again. It’s time to regroup and start all over again.
One bowl of restaurant soup will have me up two pounds the next day because of the sodium - don’t fret, it’s almost certain you didn’t really eat 14,000 calories over your maintenance levels yesterday, which is what it would take to gain four pounds of fat! Give it a few days and I bet it comes right off.
I wanted to add, if you need to eat out a lot, it’s helpful to start visiting places with tasty, helpful options instead of cheap pizza and drinks. I focus on fish places with grilled fish, and some locally-owned ethnic restaurants here also have inexpensive low calorie options. It’s much easier when you aren’t fighting the menu! Also, don’t be afraid to make your needs known: I have the waiter remove the bread or chips after my husband gets what he wants. You don’t have to let restaurants make it so easy to overeat!4 -
As already mentioned: nothing to apologize for.
The need to regroup is in reference to you rethinking your approach and options.
Not in reference of doubling down and starting up again.
Over restricting super hard and overindulging super hart will get you nowhere good... and will get you there super fast.
You have to put some limits into place. Limits in terms of how much you restrict and how much you overindulge and limits on the frequency.
You've described a structural problem that you have to think through: caloric value of drinks and food and frequency all combined = a lot of optional calories you have to handle to the degree that they can't be handled
(without even more issues) during the rest of your week.
The structural change has to happen within the context of your eating out and entertainment budget.
The mechanics problem of your 4 lbs is easy: your best course of action is to continue with a moderate deficit as if nothing has happened.
Playing catch up and using excessively restrictive deficits will make things worse.
Giving up will make things worse.
When I was eating at a substantial deficit, I would not have done my recent restaurant meals within that time span without modifications to what I ordered.
Or I would have done so in the context of a vacation or Christmas break where I was expecting at best to maintain.
If restaurant eating were inevitable and I needed to control calories, I would politely but ruthlessly specify exactly what I wanted to rest and how I wanted it cooked.
Doesn't mean I would get it but I would at least try!!!
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Work travel with lots of restaurant meals is hard. Not gonna lie. The hardest working boss I ever had traveled hard - around the world for over a month at a time, never in same place more than 2-3 days, highly scheduled (I.e. all meals were work meals with customers and/or employees). I learned a lot from him. He had several travel rules, most learned the hard way. Many stories.
Anywhoo, about food his travel habit was fresh fruit at breakfast (because it maybe the only time all day you can get it), salad for lunch (lowest calorie option he could get), and regional specialty at dinner. Moderating alcohol is a huge help in getting a handle on calories.
Best to you, OP. It will take some adjustment, but it can be done.4 -
Rest = eat
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100togo2020 wrote: »I was doing so good until yesterday... I had a bad lunch. I tried logging the whole thing but let’s just say, 3 margaritas, 2 slices pizza, plus bread bread bread. I was over 1,000 calories feels like. I tracked it, it shows about 480.
Today- I have two dinners. I will def limit my intake and calories at the first one. 2nd dinner, it’s 13 course, small portions but I wouldn’t even know how to log that in. I am so close to cancelling but I feel bad my friend made reservations and already paid etc. Of course, there will be a lot of wine.
I don’t know how other professionals handle it. I have a lot of lunches and dinners- that’s what makes me stop every time. Struggle is real!
Yup - I go to a lot of bars and restaurants to chat with neighbors and our work friends. There is always a healthier choice you can make! Do it for your mental and physical health!
When there is a lot of wine - I do one glass wine then the next seltzer ... try it! And seltzer can be in a wine glass 😉2 -
Adding to @PAV8888's point... you will eventually get a feel for logging certain types of food from restaurants. In the meantime you should throw out a caution flag for a restaurant lunch that is under 800 calories for something from the normal portion of the menu. That is just the entree. There will be plenty of cases where it naturally falls lower and many more where it will be MUCH higher. The caution flag is just for you to go back over it again and do some more research to be sure you have it right. My flags are more specific based on the menu but I still do this. If I am expecting 1300 calories and it is 1100 or less or 1500 or more I dig back into it and try to verify it another way.
He does that by sending me pictures and making me guesstimate the calories!
I think my original guess with one of the Spaghetti Factory ones was 'a lovely meal with your Dad, and therefore no calories'. Apparently that was wrong. There was also much conversation over the amount of pasta. We did eventually agree that 2500 seemed a good estimate (me: total guess; @PAV8888: basing it on estimated cups). 5 -
@100togo2020
I gained 2.2 pounds yesterday. I had lunch out at a restaurant. I selected grilled fish and a 2 sides of steamed broccoli. I chose to drink some black coffee and water with it. My entire meal was under 450 calories. I finished yesterday comfortably inside of my calorie goal and I had nearly 20k steps between exercise and just moving about.
It was a textbook day for weight loss. I did everything right. The scale still went up 2.2 pounds. However, not one ounce of it was fat. I know this from experience.
Read this:
https://physiqonomics.com/the-weird-and-highly-annoying-world-of-scale-weight-and-fluctuations/
I also know from experience that the real damage happens between the moment you erroneously conclude that you failed and the moment you actually start over. That is when you might start thinking like I once did that it didn't matter if you eat all the food because you are starting over soon. For me soon was never soon and I did regain weight and it usually came with friends.
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