Saboteurs
Replies
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Yes good topic OP! Cliche’s abound here. I generally responded with something like “hey you can have mine too and gain that extra pound”...or “it’s not on my plan” or something similar. I used “you can have that sugar salt and fat all you want” to great success. And that one helped remind me of why I wasn’t going to have it as it made it much less appealing! Like another said, most of the time was not something Worth it anyway. (Couple of tomes it was and a couple of times I had it...like homemade strawberry cake). Anyway with most around me it was more joking type taunts/offers in a workplace and some really do justify their eating it because, (aforementioned cliches) “everyone is doing it”. “Misery loves company”, etc. After some weight loss success it got WAY easier to fend off the offers! And it got Way easier for food pushers to slack up probably from guilt. Some jokers would still push hard if they brought something special. Hey I like to make good food of all kinds and I like sharing it with others so I’m a food pusher as well.
Yes, the way I moderate the baked goods I make is to give most of it away. I don't want to be an obnoxious food pusher, so was relieved when my neighbor complained I wasn't sending enough cookies over, lol. Apparently one chocolate cherry chunk cookie is just a tease.5 -
I can pretty much make "no, thank you" work . . . on broken-record repeat, in a pleasant tone of voice; on repeat # 3 (if it goes that far) looking the person right in the eye, unblinking, not looking away, smiling, but continuing to repeat.
Socially, I have a very large personal preference - which others need not share - for staying on the high road, which means being polite and pleasant, especially in settings that aren't one-on-one. (That's not about avoiding witnesses , it's about recognizing that other people like to save face.)
This rest of this comment, I'm not aiming at OP, because I don't see the signs in the OP, but more just riffing on past threads on related topics.
As a little ol' granny-type woman who likes to see people succeed with their weight goals, I always worry about someone who comes on with very strong, absolutist (more than OP) complaints about saboteurs, saying they can't lose weight because people push treats at the office, or their spouse puts treat foods on the counter, or whatever.
For myself, at least, I'm a firm believer that the best return on my time/effort/energy investment comes from focusing on the parts of a situation I can control, or at least have good odds of influencing. Other focuses are likely to be mostly a waste of my time, other than a few minutes thought about what my non-negotiable obstacles are, and how I'm going to get around or over them. (This is not just about weight and nutrition for me; it's somewhere near the core of my general life philosophy.)
For nutrition and body weight, I have pretty close to absolute control over what I put in my mouth and swallow. That's the final control. If I do that, I made a choice to do it.
After that, everything else is about practicalities (where do I eat, when, who cooks, who picks the menu, etc.), or about getting along with others.
Clearly, life is complicated, so the above is presented a bit black and white for clarity, but that's the gist. Just my approach, just my opinions.12 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »paperpudding wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »paperpudding wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »You have the right attitude about this! Lose those toxic people in your life, you'll be better off.
Well that seems a little extreme - as well as impractical.
most people dont want to lose their family,friends, work colleagues over this.
and most people are not being toxic - they are trying to be nice and some of them get carried away and overstep the mark.
Practice a polite but firm and closed No - dont get drawn into excuses, justifying, counter arguements.
No, I'm trying to lose weight, end of story
(or I'm diabetic, gluten intolerant etc - but only if you are)
Those people called OP miserable to not wanting to eat what they offered. Toxic people are toxic. They can be family and or friends or coworkers.
If people don't have your best interests at heart, why keep them around? Being family does not give you a pass to be crappy. 🤷🏼♀️
Usually relationships with people are more nuanced than that and people don't want to fall out with their family over this and they can't just remove all their work colleagues.
Better approach: learn to say a closed No.
And after no doesn't work... and further unnecessary comments occur. It's ok to move on from people.
And as far as work goes, there is always HR if someone feels it's their job to be the food police.
But mostly people dont want to move on from people - they like their family and this food pushing is just one thing about a person, they dont want to move on from them
and sure you could go to HR at work - but I think situation would have to be pretty extreme for that
like I said, that approach seems extreme to me - and mostly impractical.
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paperpudding wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »paperpudding wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »paperpudding wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »You have the right attitude about this! Lose those toxic people in your life, you'll be better off.
Well that seems a little extreme - as well as impractical.
most people dont want to lose their family,friends, work colleagues over this.
and most people are not being toxic - they are trying to be nice and some of them get carried away and overstep the mark.
Practice a polite but firm and closed No - dont get drawn into excuses, justifying, counter arguements.
No, I'm trying to lose weight, end of story
(or I'm diabetic, gluten intolerant etc - but only if you are)
Those people called OP miserable to not wanting to eat what they offered. Toxic people are toxic. They can be family and or friends or coworkers.
If people don't have your best interests at heart, why keep them around? Being family does not give you a pass to be crappy. 🤷🏼♀️
Usually relationships with people are more nuanced than that and people don't want to fall out with their family over this and they can't just remove all their work colleagues.
Better approach: learn to say a closed No.
And after no doesn't work... and further unnecessary comments occur. It's ok to move on from people.
And as far as work goes, there is always HR if someone feels it's their job to be the food police.
But mostly people dont want to move on from people - they like their family and this food pushing is just one thing about a person, they dont want to move on from them
and sure you could go to HR at work - but I think situation would have to be pretty extreme for that
like I said, that approach seems extreme to me - and mostly impractical.
@Chef_Barbell mentioned toxic people in her first reply. You know, the ones who continually violate your boundaries. If the people in the OP's life were sincere in calling her miserable when she turned something down, that's pretty nasty. (Even if they meant to be funny, it's not funny.)
So yes, people do need to protect themselves from toxic relationships, which can take various forms, including cutting those people out.7 -
yes, sure in extreme cases - thats what I said too.
But in most cases, no, I dont think that is the answer.
anyway thats enough from me.2 -
If someone literally called me names for saying no thanks I would definitely reevaluate if I wanted to be around them.4
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One has to make room for new people in ones life. People who repeatedly make me feel bad can still be good people, and they can have good friends - just not me. I would not hesitate to move on. And, let them move on.3
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If someone literally called me names for saying no thanks I would definitely reevaluate if I wanted to be around them.
Exactly this...kshama2001 wrote: »paperpudding wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »paperpudding wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »paperpudding wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »You have the right attitude about this! Lose those toxic people in your life, you'll be better off.
Well that seems a little extreme - as well as impractical.
most people dont want to lose their family,friends, work colleagues over this.
and most people are not being toxic - they are trying to be nice and some of them get carried away and overstep the mark.
Practice a polite but firm and closed No - dont get drawn into excuses, justifying, counter arguements.
No, I'm trying to lose weight, end of story
(or I'm diabetic, gluten intolerant etc - but only if you are)
Those people called OP miserable to not wanting to eat what they offered. Toxic people are toxic. They can be family and or friends or coworkers.
If people don't have your best interests at heart, why keep them around? Being family does not give you a pass to be crappy. 🤷🏼♀️
Usually relationships with people are more nuanced than that and people don't want to fall out with their family over this and they can't just remove all their work colleagues.
Better approach: learn to say a closed No.
And after no doesn't work... and further unnecessary comments occur. It's ok to move on from people.
And as far as work goes, there is always HR if someone feels it's their job to be the food police.
But mostly people dont want to move on from people - they like their family and this food pushing is just one thing about a person, they dont want to move on from them
and sure you could go to HR at work - but I think situation would have to be pretty extreme for that
like I said, that approach seems extreme to me - and mostly impractical.
@Chef_Barbell mentioned toxic people in her first reply. You know, the ones who continually violate your boundaries. If the people in the OP's life were sincere in calling her miserable when she turned something down, that's pretty nasty. (Even if they meant to be funny, it's not funny.)
So yes, people do need to protect themselves from toxic relationships, which can take various forms, including cutting those people out.
And this...wilson10102018 wrote: »One has to make room for new people in ones life. People who repeatedly make me feel bad can still be good people, and they can have good friends - just not me. I would not hesitate to move on. And, let them move on.
And definitely this... 🤷🏼♀️2 -
I’ve been saying something for a while now that works for me “ no thanks- I’ve already exceeded my daily and lifetime allotment of (cake, pie etc).”
It seems to stop people in their tracks and reminds me that I am doing this by choice- not being forced.
I honestly believe that people are actually afraid of losing a friend when you change your habits radically. They want their own comfort and don’t intentionally want to sabotage your efforts- it’s just they feel threatened by your willpower.4 -
Onedaywriter wrote: »I’ve been saying something for a while now that works for me “ no thanks- I’ve already exceeded my daily and lifetime allotment of (cake, pie etc).”
I love that and am going to shamelessly steal it.
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Life seems to center SO much around celebrations, sharing, friendships, gifts, and SO much of that centers around food, of course. What's up with that? People want to feed other people, they want their food to be accepted and liked. Some don't have a clue what else to do when others need something so they make food. Food is the essence of life in many more ways than merely sustenance. It shows others we care.
But some people don't accept no, thanks very easily. Depending on your relationship with that person is how you get your point across. Most of the time I'll just tell them no thanks, I *REALLY* don't want any right now. It usually shuts them up. Although my sister will keep offering stuff to me and she, of all people, knows better because we're so much alike. If we eat one, it's really hard for us to stop without eating the whole box.
It's definitely irritating.
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I cracked it with one person this weekend. When cake was mentioned I said that I'd lost 34lbs up to now and I felt that I was on on a roll. I wasn't missing cakes etc. at all but that I knew that if I ate one piece I'd want more. This particular person has the same problem...one is never enough....so understood and stopped pushing me. I said that it wouldn't bother me if she had some but she chose not to.7
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Yeah. There may be some diabetic person out there who can eat their protein first and then have just three bites of cake. I do not work like that. I go bananas and shove things into my face like a possessed woman and then OOPS my blood sugar is sky high so I find it easier to just not go there in the first place. It's less painful to cut those things out than to tease the craving which strengthens it.3
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"That doesn't look like something I want to eat" or "I don't want to eat something that smells like that." Try variations to those depending on what kind of person you are, what kind of person the other person is, how many times you've already said no, and how mean you want to be.
I've found that commenting on the smell is the best way to stop the food pushers. But I'm a lot more blunt than most, and a lot of people would consider that too mean.0 -
Don't worry about what people say or them understanding you. This applies in all areas of life. It's nice to be understood, but it doesn't always happen.1
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