Less Alcohol - APRIL 2020 - One Day at a Time

Hey everyone, I'm in for April. It's inspiring reading the stories of those who have been here and at this a while.

My goal is to drink less in 2020. I haven't really determined what that means. Before this year began I was a daily drinker. I'm glad I made this commitment to myself because with everything else going on in the world right now, it is tempting to drink to numb everything.

Here's my yearly tally so far:
Jan: 23 days AF
Feb: 16 days AF
Mar: 22 days AF
Total for 2020: 61/91 days AF

Looking at my totals, I'm realizing 2/3 of the time I am AF. That is pretty amazing for me, but somehow it still seems like too much to drink 1/3 of the time. I didn't come into this with any hard and fast goals, so I am not sure what to do about numbers. I'm just going to keep on doing what I'm doing for now, although I am a little concerned about my habits because during the last half of March, while I only had a handful of drinking days, a couple of them were days where I had a lot of drinks. So it seems I'm using my drinking day to overindulge- like once I have a drink I might as well have 6. I've got to work on this, and focus on moderation. I would like to keep alcohol in my life and just be moderate about it.

My April goal is at least 20 days AF.

My goal this month is to expect more of myself. Raise the bar. Because I've proven to little me that it is possible...and because it feels damn good to not drink most days of the month and look better in the mirror

I'm in! Great to see familiar and new faces.

I'm taking a break. 31 days now. Done this a few times (many times actually), but I feel like each time, I gain a little wisdom and I'm a feeling a little more fed up with feeling sick.

I've been grumpy as Hell this week--a feeling I used to rarely feel because as soon as I slightly felt it (I'm a NICE girl--I don't get grumpy), I'd drink it away (and then sometimes let it out when ripped and not remember). This is how I used to handle any uncomfortable feeling, including anxiety, sadness/depression, and anger.

It helps a little to yell out I WANT WIIIIIIINE! And then I just unapologetically let my grump be. You can make dinner. I'm going to watch my show in the bedroom. I've gone 30 #$%^$%^ days without wine and I've lost only ONE pound and gained a pound of zits on my face!!!

I know everyone's feeling at minimum anxiety right now, but probably lots of other uncomfortable feelings. I just encourage you to challenge yourself at least one time this week to, when you reach for a drink, ask yourself if you're trying to avoid feeling a feeling, and if so, put the drink back and let yourself feel it. The following is a bad analogy to convey how I compare feeling a feeling vs. drinking a feeling away:
Feeling a feeling is like waxing--it hurts like Hell, can be messy and take a little time, but then feels really smooth for a long time.
Drowning a feeling with alcohol is like shaving--no pain at all,super easy, fast, and it feels somewhat smooth, but doesn't last long.

Eldest daughter's MIL is at the end time of her decade long terminal illness. Daughter & DH left to spend her last days with her. 12 hours into their journey they got word that they would be stopped at the Maine state line and required to quarantine for 14 days. This meant that they would miss her last days, and probably her funeral, if those are still allowed. A relative offered to drive several hours down to the state line to walk across Maine tags for their truck so they could go be with her. MIL's husband got wind of this plan and announced that even if her son managed to get onto the Island, he would not be allowed in the house.
Back to Louisiana, to set up some Skypes , even though she is not really aware of what is happening around her.
Dear SIL is handling this by reaching out to friends who are not in the best of health, and Daughter is planning a months-long visit to Louisiana for me [and Catpuccino] for as soon as this craziness is over.
I'll probably be missing my Grandson's 16th birthday celebration in mid May because my state will be in a stay-home order still, and I don't trust ex-SIL's judgement in inviting guests.
Sigh...life sucks right now, but my mantra has always been..."If life hands you lemons, make lemonade". Please pass the sugar...
Sheet is still on antique wine rack...Geeze, I SO want to pull a cork and insert a straw....Not happening, I'm stronger than that.
For now.
Thank you @MissMay for keeping this thread going and being so encouraging !!

April 1st was a planned drinking day. I regret it. Sitting here with my alka-seltzer nursing a bad headache. Not worth it. I decided I am changing my goal for this month- won't drink the rest of the month, period. I was feeling so good and so happy before I polished off a bottle of Kim Crawford and a bag of chips - mindlessly - while watching back to back news on TV. Not a repeat......

Lots of sadness here, I'm sorry... This definitely is a difficult time. I think March was harder for me than what April will be, at least this is my hope. I had my last sips of wine on March 22nd and March 23rd was my deceased grandma's birthday so I just kind of picked that as a date to reset. I'm taking one day at a time, one month at a time. But I'd love to make it a whole year. I do not want to live an alcohol free life, not my goal. But I want something different at the moment, maybe an extended break from drinking. We'll see what happens...

On a happy note, I ran 8.2 miles yesterday. I do get addicted and I didn't want to stop. But I have kids and a husband and had to come back home. I'm going to run this weekend, a long hard completely exhausting run. For me right now this is the most freeing and liberating act I can do. When I'm out there, I can pound out my frustrations and anger and better figure out how to deal with life's problems.

I wish all of us a great month. Love yourself, whatever that means for you as an individual.

As usual, I am going to try for 16-20 AF days for the month.
I had 18AF days for January
I had a surprising (and record setting for me) 21AF days for the short month of February!
18AF days for March
Onward to April : - )

Wednesday April 01 - AF

1AF day out of 1 day so far : - )

Good morning!

Here we are into April already.

@forestdweller1 that is so sad about your daughter and her husband, my heart goes out to them. What anguish. This is such a hard time.

@globalhiker I'm sorry you don't feel well today, and I admire your new goal of no more alcohol this month. I agree that there is little sense in having drinking days planned if we overdo it. That has been my problem as well. And the back to back news binge makes it feel worse I am sure. I'm trying to avoid the news.

@LoveyChar I am glad you have the freedom running brings! I am not a great runner but it is my exercise of choice lately, and as been for about 6 months. I inherited a treadmill from a friend who moved out of town and I wasn't sure about it, but now I love it. I prefer to run outdoors but I live in a very rainy/windy climate and have two little kids that sometimes prevent me from just dashing out the door. The tread allows me to just hop on it and get a quick run in whenever I need it.

So far in April I've not had any drinking days. My goal is at least 20 non-drinking days.

Apr 1: AF

So far in April: 1/1 days AF

forestdweller1 wrote: »

@Beka3695 ...It's hard to believe that your medic daughter will not be able to find childcare within the large caring military family. Of course, nothing will replace a loving grandmother.
Your heart says "Go" but your head must say "No". The scarey part is unknowingly bringing the virus to your daughter's home.

She is on a large base, too. There is one on base daycare. She has been on that wait list since she became pregnant. They knew before I did 😝. She is on every other list out there, too. But most of the daycares are closed.

With her working in a military hospital, we are more afraid she will bring it home to us and not so much us bringing into her home. Luckily her hospital has no overnight beds, at least at the moment they don’t. But the serve as a massive walk-in clinic and pharmacy to a huge population of active military and retirees.

All we can do is pray, quarantine, and sanitize!!!!

As usual, I am going to try for 16-20 AF days for the month.
I had 18AF days for January
I had a surprising (and record setting for me) 21AF days for the short month of February!
18AF days for March
Onward to April : - )

Wednesday April 01 - AF
Thursday April 02 - AF - Felt like having drinks, but really determined to get back to at least 2AF days in between.

AF day out of 2 days so far