WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR APRIL 2020

So, Thursday last, big virtual meeting with entire fund development department, including grants (me), individual giving/annual giving (my boss), major gifts people (one manager and one director), the chief in charge of our department, and the CEO. The intent was to put in place a reasonable revenue prediction for the remainder of our fiscal year.

Grants was, as usual, last, and was, as usual, already the largest percentage of revenue received year to date for the department. But, after going through my entire list of $3.3 million in outstanding grants (grants which have been applied for, but have not yet given their decision), my bosses boss and the CEO decided together that only one grant out of the 15 of them would actually be likely to come in, diminishing that list to $30,000. And, after looking at what I have to accomplish for the next few months, told me none of those would be likely to come in either.

Not sure they really hear themselves when they talk. They just told me that 99% (literally) of what I've done for the last six months was not worth doing, and my entire plan for the next few months isn't worth doing either. Without, I might note, any suggestion or hint as to what I should be going instead. My brain keeps hammering at me that this has all been, and will continue to be completely futile.

I do not do well with futility as a driving factor (not sure anyone does).

Look, I get realism, I genuinely do. I understand that the history they know of these grantors is what they're basing their projections on, and I know that basing revenue projections on grants is always a crapshoot. Foundations, governments and United Way grant committees are fickle beasts, to the largest extent.

However, there are ways they could have said this that would have at least made me feel that my job is worth doing. I'm not saying I need to have my hand held, but at least have the decency to LIE, and tell me I haven't wasted my time and their money for this entire year.

For those who tend to think the worst, no I don't think they're going to lay me off, as they achieved their paycheck protection loan, and if they did, would have to rehire me at end of June anyway. Not worth the paperwork. And bluntly, if they did lay me off, I would actually make more on unemployment (the dole) through the months of June than my current paycheck, due to the federal $600 per week addition to the state's 55% of my pay.

Time for me to go find my poor trampled ego. Last I saw, it was in the fetal position under the couch.

Work rant over. You may now return to your regularly scheduled programming.