Dating in 2011 Seriously

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Replies

  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
    I see. Goodluck with finding all of that ladies

    All of what though? This is what she asked for:
    polite, respectful, not a cheat

    and the opposite of this:
    I mean a guy who doesn't stick up for himself, doesn't go for what he wants in life and cries when you have an arguments.

    It's hardly excessive is it? She essentially is asking for a guy with a bit of backbone.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    I see. Goodluck with finding all of that ladies

    It's out there. All it takes is a bit of testosterone, and good upbringing. While I agree guys like that are a rarity today...they do exist.

    Agreed, a good upbringing counts for so much! I have met men like this, unfortunately they seem to be taken! I don't think it is too much to ask for at all.

    Yep..taken, or jaded to the point of being a recluse from all the times he's been burned lol.

    And msf74, for the record...you've got first runner up on the internet thing. I agree with you completely.
  • BondBomb
    BondBomb Posts: 1,781 Member
    Its amusing to me how many 'men want' and 'women want' posts there are here.
    I don't want the same thing as every other woman here just because we are women. That's just stupid. Just like all men are not pigs.
    What people don't get is that they are the common factor in all of these scenarios. If you think all women are *****es it's because you are doing something to attract *****es. If you think all men are pigs same thing.
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member

    And msf74, for the record...you've got first runner up on the internet thing. I agree with you completely.

    Runner up? Runner up? How very dare you Mr Anderson:

    theinternet.jpg
  • Its amusing to me how many 'men want' and 'women want' posts there are here.
    I don't want the same thing as every other woman here just because we are women. That's just stupid. Just like all men are not pigs.
    What people don't get is that they are the common factor in all of these scenarios. If you think all women are *****es it's because you are doing something to attract *****es. If you think all men are pigs same thing.

    So basically, because I am attracting men who are bed-hoppers/abusive etc, I therefore am too? I think not.

    I do however understand what you mean about lumping together men and women and assuming we all want the same thing. I was only writing what I (and other women I know) want in a man, should have phrased it better, my bad :P
  • BondBomb
    BondBomb Posts: 1,781 Member
    Its amusing to me how many 'men want' and 'women want' posts there are here.
    I don't want the same thing as every other woman here just because we are women. That's just stupid. Just like all men are not pigs.
    What people don't get is that they are the common factor in all of these scenarios. If you think all women are *****es it's because you are doing something to attract *****es. If you think all men are pigs same thing.

    So basically, because I am attracting men who are bed-hoppers/abusive etc, I therefore am too? I think not.

    I do however understand what you mean about lumping together men and women and assuming we all want the same thing. I was only writing what I (and other women I know) want in a man, should have phrased it better, my bad :P

    Actually that wasn't directed at you. Sorry if it seemed that way. But my experiences dating have been good and bad. I have been very lucky and had some great relationships with men that I am still friends with. I'm recently divorced so I would rather eat my own eyeballs that start dating again. But I have friends who are cheated on by every girl they date. I also have a cousin that has been abused by every man she has dated or married. There is something wrong when everyone you choose is toxic. But it's not because all men or all women are that way. It's because all of your choices are the same.
  • BondBomb
    BondBomb Posts: 1,781 Member
    Scoobie I don't know you at all but any man that would cheat on you must be insane. I just saw your pic and you are beautiful.
    One thing I noticed about my choices. I will probably catch some crap for saying this. I do better when I date down when it comes to looks. I have to be the hot one in the relationship lol
  • hewhoiscd
    hewhoiscd Posts: 1,029 Member
    It's not that difficult to figure out what a woman expects. Just read her body language and pay attention to what she does when you do something.

    If she is racing me to the door, I let her win the race and she can open it. If she holds back a bit, then I open it. If she sits in the car after you get out, go around and open the car door for her...don't just stand there wondering why she's still in the car :laugh: If you are going through an open doorway, always let her go first (unless there is a security issue)...but pay attention to how she reacts and adjust your future actions accordingly. If she grabs the check as soon as (or before) it hits the table let her pay her half. If she hesitates for even a fraction of a second, pay for it all. Any time she isn't doing something you expect her to do, then do it yourself. Any time you do something for her and you get any sort of negative vibe, next time let her do it. On the pick her up at her place or meet her there thing...just ask her, "Would you like me to pick you up or would you prefer to meet there?"

    Pretty simple, it's not rocket science, lol. Just pay attention to her.

    On the flip side. If she is constantly giving mixed signals, like she hangs back at the door and then scowls at you when you open it. End the date as soon as you politely can, then lose her number :laugh:
  • Its amusing to me how many 'men want' and 'women want' posts there are here.
    I don't want the same thing as every other woman here just because we are women. That's just stupid. Just like all men are not pigs.
    What people don't get is that they are the common factor in all of these scenarios. If you think all women are *****es it's because you are doing something to attract *****es. If you think all men are pigs same thing.

    So basically, because I am attracting men who are bed-hoppers/abusive etc, I therefore am too? I think not.

    I do however understand what you mean about lumping together men and women and assuming we all want the same thing. I was only writing what I (and other women I know) want in a man, should have phrased it better, my bad :P

    Actually that wasn't directed at you. Sorry if it seemed that way. But my experiences dating have been good and bad. I have been very lucky and had some great relationships with men that I am still friends with. I'm recently divorced so I would rather eat my own eyeballs that start dating again. But I have friends who are cheated on by every girl they date. I also have a cousin that has been abused by every man she has dated or married. There is something wrong when everyone you choose is toxic. But it's not because all men or all women are that way. It's because all of your choices are the same.

    Yeah I can see where you are coming from. I have had some good experiences but mostly bad. The thing is, is that they all seem so perfect at first. It is only when you have fallen hook line and sinker that their true colours come out. Maybe I fall for them too quickly. Maybe that is the case with your friends and cousin too? It is a shame, sometimes I wish I was born 20 years earlier!
    My mum got married to my Dad when she was 17 and they are still besotted with each other now. :love:
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member

    And msf74, for the record...you've got first runner up on the internet thing. I agree with you completely.

    Runner up? Runner up? How very dare you Mr Anderson:

    theinternet.jpg

    Haha, well, how many ties for 'Winner of the Internet' can one hand out in a day?
    There is something wrong when everyone you choose is toxic. But it's not because all men or all women are that way. It's because all of your choices are the same.

    In a way...this is very, very true. There are things we're attracted to, both consciously and subconsciously. For me...in the past...it was women that needed my help. That needed support and a person to 'save' them (opposite of the whole 'bad boy' syndrome, eh?). Their 'need'...was something I simply found impossible to walk away from. It basically pushed every button I have that corresponded to how I was taught to treat women growing up. They should be respected, protected, and treated with dignity and kindness. I was taught to hold them like a priceless, paper thin glass egg...with all my strength, but without crushing. As I've said, seeing a woman that didn't deserve her upbringing was impossible for me to turn from (even if they seemed normal, I picked up on this subconsciously). Talk about a dismal failure there. You can't save someone else (particularly if they're unwilling to make the effort to save themselves)...they invariably just pull you down to where they are, and it ends with the destruction of everything you've built, when you build on them.
  • Scoobie I don't know you at all but any man that would cheat on you must be insane. I just saw your pic and you are beautiful.
    One thing I noticed about my choices. I will probably catch some crap for saying this. I do better when I date down when it comes to looks. I have to be the hot one in the relationship lol

    Aw thank you! and hahahaha that is awesome! I must admit the best relationships I have had have been with the more average looking (and slightly nerdy) guys! :P
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    Scoobie I don't know you at all but any man that would cheat on you must be insane. I just saw your pic and you are beautiful.
    One thing I noticed about my choices. I will probably catch some crap for saying this. I do better when I date down when it comes to looks. I have to be the hot one in the relationship lol

    Aw thank you! and hahahaha that is awesome! I must admit the best relationships I have had have been with the more average looking (and slightly nerdy) guys! :P

    This is probably true both ways. The problem is...genetically we're programmed to find the most fit, most attractive mate. Yes, our intellect can overcome that...but it isn't really the same in the end I think.

    Nice catch 22 eh?
  • BondBomb
    BondBomb Posts: 1,781 Member
    Crisanderson i would love for someone to rescue me. I don't need anything in particular though. I have the same malfunction. I always thought with my ex...if I can help him he will see how much i love him and love me back the same way. Sucka! He just accepted my help and then when I needed him he bailed. I will never make that mistake again.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    Crisanderson i would love for someone to rescue me.

    Yeah, me too lol.

    There was something I was told once though...that made absolute, utter sense. It came from the wierdest direction too.

    See if it makes sense to you:
    "The biggest mistake I see people make when it comes to relationships is, they rely on other people to make their own problems better. Hoping a man will "save" you, or a girl will "complete" you is ridiculous. If you need saving, save yourself. You'll be better/stronger/wiser for it. If you need to be completed, then don't fall in love, *kitten*. Would YOU want someone to hand you half a heart? Fix yourself and you'll have more to offer. Everyone has more strength than they believe....most people have just been conditioned to think they don't since birth. Open your eyes. You'll see it."

    And there you are people. The answer to life and love...in a nutshell.

    .
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
    Confused.com because women all want . 'bad boys' and get easily bored with the nice ones who do the chivalry thing. By the time they hit there 30's and some even 40's and they've been pimped out more than xzibit and his 'rides', they usually come back with a couple of kids in tow and expect you to be there.

    Ladies 'you can't have your cake and eat it to'.

    (I'm in for a whole world of ****).

    There is definitely a lot of truth in the saying that nice guys finish last.
    So be it,even though it can hurt,in the long run I can still hold my head high.
  • I guess I am just old fashioned or maybe because I grew up in a small town in Illinois. I can't believe how these guys act according to everything I have been reading.
    I have always been pretty shy and wouldn't even think of presuming things like sex on a first date. Guys should be thrilled to get a hug or kiss. lol The age of chivalry is apparently dead. I always feel out of touch because I am such a romantic. Bring a girl a little token of affection on the first date (a flower, small stuffed animal, book of poetry, etc.). Doesn't have to be anything over the top. Put a smile on her face at the beginning of the date. Don't think of what you are going to get out of it. Even if all you get is a few hours of friendship and dinner/movie, etc., it was more fun than sitting at home alone. lol
    I think because one of my brothers has been married 3 times and my father was married 5 times that it makes me a lot more interested in finding the right one, not finding anyone. I know way too many people whor are in relationships or got married beacuse they are so co-dependent and cannot bear life without someone.
    I hope I find the right woman someday and can grow old together, but if it doesn't happen I'll be fine. I want a partner, an equal, a best friend AND a lover. Best of luck to you all!! Hope all your dreams come true. Everyone deserves to be truly happy and not settle.
    Troy

    Hey Troy: Thanks for the vote of confidence... and i totally agree with what you said... I want all the same stuff, to include; someone that I can't live without and who brings out the best in me...

    Have a great monday...

    illy
  • bmqbonnie
    bmqbonnie Posts: 836 Member
    I despise the ranting about nice guys. IME, if you have to say you're a nice guy, you probably aren't and often there isn't much else to offer there either. I'm noticing on dating sites that "i'm a nice guy" almost always accompanies rants about being tired of the games, how all the girls in X city are stuck up, etc. Bitter, much? That kind of stuff makes me click "not interested" REAL fast. Like someone else said, look at the common factor here. Fix yourself first.

    That goes for the ladies too. If you say all men are pigs, well, you aren't going to get very far.

    As far as chivalry goes, ITA that it isn't a sure sign that the guy is wonderful. In fact, that stuff is the last thing I look at. I appreciate those gestures and get that the guy is trying to be polite and impress me, but really I can open my own dam door, drive my own car, take my own seat, and take my own jacket off. I am much more concerned as to whether the guy has a sense of humor, is fun to be around, is respectful, interesting, and whether we click.
  • datzun
    datzun Posts: 198
    I've been single for the better part of a decade. The last date I went on (about a year ago), the girl was the one pushing for a quick hookup. No thanks, I was looking for a real connection. Girls in Atlanta do seem to just be looking for a hookup. Oh well, I'll just stay single.
  • bmqbonnie
    bmqbonnie Posts: 836 Member
    Girls in Atlanta do seem to just be looking for a hookup.

    See, I don't get this kind of thinking that people of a specific gender act a specific way in a given town. People do conduct themselves a little differently in a big city vs a small town, and there may be minor cultural differences between the south vs east coast vs the panhandle. But I do not believe that women in Atlanta are just looking for a hookup, women in Denver are stuck up, men in San Francisco are self absorbed, etc. I see this so much. Generalizations are stupid and will get you nowhere. Any given area is going to have a pretty rich variety of people. I bet if you move away from Atlanta you are still going to have very similar problems.

    Though I admit, there seems to be an epidemic of mustaches in northern Minnesota lol.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
    I despise the ranting about nice guys. IME, if you have to say you're a nice guy, you probably aren't and often there isn't much else to offer there either. I'm noticing on dating sites that "i'm a nice guy" almost always accompanies rants about being tired of the games, how all the girls in X city are stuck up, etc. Bitter, much? That kind of stuff makes me click "not interested" REAL fast. Like someone else said, look at the common factor here. Fix yourself first.

    That goes for the ladies too. If you say all men are pigs, well, you aren't going to get very far.

    As far as chivalry goes, ITA that it isn't a sure sign that the guy is wonderful. In fact, that stuff is the last thing I look at. I appreciate those gestures and get that the guy is trying to be polite and impress me, but really I can open my own dam door, drive my own car, take my own seat, and take my own jacket off. I am much more concerned as to whether the guy has a sense of humor, is fun to be around, is respectful, interesting, and whether we click.

    If you were posting about what I said please understand that I was not ranting but making an observation (somewhat vindicated by your comment "often there isn't much else to offer there either").
    I am a nice guy and that can be attested to,if that isn`t exciting or interesting enough then I guess I can`t help it.
    Just remember that when the fun guy treats you like crap or like he owns you.