Less Alcohol - JUNE 2020 - One Day at a Time

@Doxmum It is really hard right now to feel like we have any control and also coming to the realization that things have been much worse for decades than many realized. That's awesome you participated in a protest--that IS taking some control. Growing up and living most of my life in the South...having family in both rural areas and metro (Houston, Atlanta)...I've seen quite a bit.

It's odd--but last week I wanted to drink because in a strange way, I feel like that would be an act of control while trying to cope with lack of control--kinda. So I get the bottle.

@whitpauly I'm sorry about frustrations with family--so hard on top of everything else. Hang in there.

@MissMay Corn Dog Frenzy--love it! That would be a great name for a band! I'm not even sure patios are open yet in Portland.

Great streak, @globalhiker ! I'm so thankful the wine devil visits me less often these days. Though when he DOES visit, it's like he's been at a seminar to perfect his smooth talking and influencing skills.

I am Dawn. Turning 60 in September.
I live in SE BC, Canada.
I started on this thread November 28.18 - at that time I was having drinks every day. That first AF day was very hard! I vowed to have 1AF day per week to start, then progressed to 2AF days per week etc.
My goal now (that is working for me) is 16-20 AF days per month. I have been keeping within that since last October. I am comfortable and happy with that goal.
I have never ever been able to exceed 3 drinks or I throw up. There is moderation for you : - P

I log in here every day with a running calendar/journal of the month at a glance. It helps me.

Monday June 01.20 - AF
Tuesday June 02.20 - AF - Very long, very stupid day, my first back working for a company that I loathe. This is why i always designated Tuesdays as my drinks days in the past. However, I am coming toward the end of a 100 day weight challenge thread, and that is my motivation to stay "dry" for at least the next 5 days. In the previous round of it I lost 1.7 pounds in 100 days. Hoping to lose 2 pounds this time. (I know, painfully slow, but better than gaining, and it really does get more difficult to lose weight with aging.)
Wednesday June 03.20 - AF - Really wanted drinks after working hard in my yard. Didn't.
Thursday June 04.20 - AF - Ditto to yesterday, really really wanted a couple of drinks. I hate being back to work, and thought a couple of drinks tonight would relax me. Hanging tough to hopefully lose another 0.02 pounds over the next few days.
Friday June 05.20 - Having a couple of drinks. My last half hour digging and planting seeds was raining. I decided there and then that I would have a few drinks tonight. My weight was up 2 pounds today for no reason, so sacrificing having drinks really didn't appeal to me today. I have had my half a drink from my freezer lol, and have just poured a second. It is nice for me. Watching "Caribbean Life" on HGTV where they are always having yummy looking cocktails, and I am happy to not be white knuckling it resisting having some drinks today. All good : - )
Saturday June 06.20 - Hadn't planned on a drinks day, started out at a friend's place (who is a wine drinker) with water, and then caved. First time to have 2 drinks days in a row since the beginning of the pandemic. I will get back on track.

4AF day out of 6 days so far.

Correction to yesterday's AF count: 13/17 on Take a Break. I made it through last night AF - whew! Checking in here & being able to wite about how I'm feeling in the moment helps immensely. Each morning I wake up with the intention not to drink and when I look at the numbers I've been mostly successful (76%). Agree with @dawnbgethealthy,

Better together. One Love.

Children are born pure and loving. Hate is something they are taught. I'm a child of the segregated South...integration in schools was the new law, but blithely ignored until after I graduated. When I was 5, and just starting 1st grade, I made the mistake of asking my mother why the "colored" girls a half mile down the road took a different bus, and didn't go to my school. I had never met them, I just knew they were there. My mother's answer was to grab my chin and scream into my face " You WANT to go to school with N****** ??" My mother tended to scream a lot, so my automatic reply was "No, of course not!!" Until I got a job at 17, I had never had occasion to interact with a person of another race. Imagine my surprise when I found out that most of them were just like me, except, as my new boss said, "WE just got baked a little longer..." It took years for me to wean myself away from what I learned at my mother's knee, but I'm glad I did it. My daughters grew up without prejudice because they didn't hear it at home, no matter how I personally felt at the time.

I'm wondering, are all the current cries for, and promises of, "change" going to amount to anything more than just another "Our hearts and prayers are with you" moment ?? Easily said, quickly forgotten...again. I hope not.

Meanwhile, I'm drinking again. Not much. No half bottle a night stuff. Funny thing, wine doesn't taste as good as it used to. Maybe I just got a bad year.

June 4/7 & Take a Break 13/18. I caved this evening. @anglilacs: Glad you're finding the TAB podcasts useful. I fell asleep listening to them last night to keep me from drinking. Didn't work tonight. That said, I will still listen. Not feeling any guilt/shame for drinking as I'm definitely not binging. Just feeling RAGE. The trigger this evening was watching the first half of a PBS Frontline special on the Obama administration (God I miss civil discourse and respect for science/professionalism). It addressed his presidency, pros & cons; the divisions that began in the country aided & abetted by Breitbart News, talk radio and Fox; and how it all lead to the election of the scary-orange-clown. The next half will be on the Cheeto-head himself. I don't think I'll be able to watch it. Or I may start day-drinking, for reals.
@forestdweller1: Wow! You have done an amazing amount of personal growth and development to be where you are considering your family of origin. The memory and behavior tracks that are formed in our brains when we are children are almost impossible to overcome. And not raising your children that way? All I can say is, "I'm totally not worthy."
@dawnbgethealthy: What you said above!!!

BTW, in my 25 years in the operating room doing anesthesia, and 10 years before that in an ICU. All of us bleed the same. I didn't have to learn different anatomy & physiology for different races.

Better & Stronger Together. One Love.
(Now back to my wine)

4 drinks/7days. That creative wine devil presented me with Ruffino Orvieto 2018 white wine and I could not say no.

Quite good for a blend of two different grapes. Better than Italian Pinot Grigos I thought. On the plus side, I spaced it out with 2 at lunch, one before dinner and the last with dinner. Then I dumped what was remaining so I'd minimize hangover today. I woke up feeling fine, no stuffiness. I drank along with my husband and not as a reaction to any specific emotion or situation.

If I drink more than two in a row, I do start to get queasy so I guess that stopped me. Suppose it's my body's way of telling me to stop.

On the downside, I did not follow my rule to drink only at celebrations. Oh well. Today is a new day and there are no planned drinks for the foreseeable future. Bye bye wine devil....

I am Dawn. Turning 60 in September.
I live in SE BC, Canada.
I started on this thread November 28.18 - at that time I was having drinks every day. That first AF day was very hard! I vowed to have 1AF day per week to start, then progressed to 2AF days per week etc.
My goal now (that is working for me) is 16-20 AF days per month. I have been keeping within that since last October. I am comfortable and happy with that goal.
I have never ever been able to exceed 3 drinks or I throw up. There is moderation for you : - P

I log in here every day with a running calendar/journal of the month at a glance. It helps me.

Monday June 01.20 - AF
Tuesday June 02.20 - AF - Very long, very stupid day, my first back working for a company that I loathe. This is why i always designated Tuesdays as my drinks days in the past. However, I am coming toward the end of a 100 day weight challenge thread, and that is my motivation to stay "dry" for at least the next 5 days. In the previous round of it I lost 1.7 pounds in 100 days. Hoping to lose 2 pounds this time. (I know, painfully slow, but better than gaining, and it really does get more difficult to lose weight with aging.)
Wednesday June 03.20 - AF - Really wanted drinks after working hard in my yard. Didn't.
Thursday June 04.20 - AF - Ditto to yesterday, really really wanted a couple of drinks. I hate being back to work, and thought a couple of drinks tonight would relax me. Hanging tough to hopefully lose another 0.02 pounds over the next few days.
Friday June 05.20 - Having a couple of drinks. My last half hour digging and planting seeds was raining. I decided there and then that I would have a few drinks tonight. My weight was up 2 pounds today for no reason, so sacrificing having drinks really didn't appeal to me today. I have had my half a drink from my freezer lol, and have just poured a second. It is nice for me. Watching "Caribbean Life" on HGTV where they are always having yummy looking cocktails, and I am happy to not be white knuckling it resisting having some drinks today. All good : - )
Saturday June 06.20 - Hadn't planned on a drinks day, started out at a friend's place (who is a wine drinker) with water, and then caved. First time to have 2 drinks days in a row since the beginning of the pandemic. I will get back on track.
Sunday June 07.20 - AF - Feeling back on track, I think that I just wanted to be self-indulgent for a couple of days. Next planned drinks day is Wednesday.
Monday June 08.20 - AF - Browsing holiday trips for my 60th, could be a pipe dream, who knows if travel will be possible in September. Watching too much HGTV (Caribbean Life, Bahamas Life, Mexico Life, Mediterranean Life, Beach Hunters etc.) and getting wanderlust.

6AF day out of 8 days so far.