Why do people give up?

Successful weight loss is extremely difficult. The success rate is quite low.

In the past I have given up when I felt really kicked around by life. For example, when I ruptured my ACL and couldn’t exercise, when I was in a lot of pain from lupus, when I had to move home to help care for my father after his stroke, when my husband got his dream job but then the company went bankrupt after we had made plans for the money we were going to be making. Feeling like life is unfair and so it’s not fair that I can’t eat whatever I want to and at least get some pleasure out of that. The other factor was wanting to eat the same way my husband eats (and left to himself he eats like a child.)

What changed this time was a diabetes diagnosis which was discovered when I was in the hospital with an ovarian torsion caused by a giant tumor. The tumor turned out to be benign but I was very, very sick and the stress sent my blood sugar through the roof. I had blurred vision, my extremities hurt, and I lost twenty-five pounds in a month because my stress hormones were completely blocking my insulin from metabolizing food. It became very clear to me that I needed to get my diabetes under control or I was going to die. So I went home from the hospital and changed literally everything about my life.

Some people on the forum say that small, gradual changes to diet and lifestyle work best. Well, maybe they do for those people, but that is not what I did. I changed everything. I knew that I couldn’t continue to live a stress-filled life where food was my primary source of comfort and pleasure. I got a new job and said goodbye to the boss who made me cry with frustration and their evil payroll company which made me beg them to send my check every month while I wondered if they would get around to it before my bills came due. I told my husband that about five different things he does, or fails to do, had happened for the last time. These were big, long-standing problems which had caused trouble in our marriage for decades. I completely redid my kitchen, patio, living room, and bedroom, so that my house was much more pleasant to live, eat, and cook in. I looked for new activities to enjoy that weren’t going out to eat. I started walking, then running, and lifting weights, and being active every day. And I figured out a way of eating which I enjoy which is much more healthy.

Four years on, I am normal BMI with normal a1c levels, controlled by diet and exercise. I run races and even win my age group at local 5Ks sometimes. I can deadlift and squat my body weight. I used to be a person who couldn’t easily walk to the mailbox. My husband is now a friend and supporter instead of a source of stress. I like most things about my life, and when I want to do something to self-comfort in times of stress, I dance to music instead of eating. It’s better this way, so why would I go back?

I think a lot of people try to change too much too fast. Taking away everything you love and going all in can often times backfire. I have friends on here who have done that, and never let themselves have a treat, and exercise an incredible amount, so that they've got these huge 800-1000 deficits every day, and don't eat any of that back. They're hungry and they're unhappily missing "treats." It's just too much to be able to keep up as a lifestyle change. And to keep the weight off, it's GOT to be a lifestyle change.

I think gradual changes to tweak both exercise and food is the way to go. Improve one habit, then another, and then another until you're at a place that gets you to a healthy weight, and makes you happy and keeps you satisfied. And then keep that up for life! Don't do anything you're not going to be willing to do for the rest of your life!