Serious/heavy/deep/real stuff
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toriann319 wrote: »I have always been shy in person, but very “out there” online. To be able to just randomly start talking to someone in person, I’d pass out before I even got the chance to say “hello”.
I’ve ALWAYS used humor, wit and a hellacious sense of humor as my wingman, my escape, a cover-up. I’d be lying if I said I’ve lived a hard life, because I haven’t. I’ve just simply made it hard on myself by letting my anxiety take over who I really think I could be. In all actuality, I’m a simple southern girl with social and obsessive anxiety, depression, ODC, germophobia and wear my heart on my sleeve while still building walls around my emotions. An entire disaster, if you ask me. 😂
Honestly, this place has made me overcome a few fears, as crazy as that sounds. When I first started, I wanted to make friends, but I didn’t want to talk to anyone first. I could never be the first to start a conversation. Even if it meant simply typing out a few words, my mind would be overflowing with a thousand questions; “What if they don’t reply?” “What if it’s annoying to just immediately start talking to them?” “Should I say something funny or just introduce myself?” “What if I say something to offend them because it was just funny to me?” “Is this too much to say in one message?”... and the list goes on. Eventually I psych myself out and just wait for someone to talk to me first, no matter how much I am dying to know everything about them. Here, I’ve learned that people are here to support one another, to interact with one another, and to bring out the positive and best in all situations. I’ve never had a close knit family so the “family” I have gained here is absolutely amazing. I’ve slowly realized that it’s okay to comment on every one of their posts to spread a positive word and support them reaching for their goals, it’s okay to message someone every day to ask how their day is going because you truly care, it’s okay to continue asking questions to keep a conversation alive for days, even weeks, because the interaction is what keeps us accountable and motivated. No one has ever made me feel annoying for checking in daily, no one has ever made me feel out of place for participating in forum shenanigans, no one has ever made me feel like I’ve completely inconvenienced their day by saying hello.
I saw where someone stated that she doesn’t let anyone get to know her, because she feels that once they know her, they can hurt her... and that statement hit different because I know. I completely understand. I’ve always been one on a search to find “needy” people, to find people who need help, who need a shoulder, ear or piece of advice. I’ve always been a sucker for someone who opens up to me and tells me everything about them, right down to the roots. I, however, have never let anyone who’s like-minded, find me, probably the most needy one in the bunch. 😂
It’s great to find people who can relate to you, it oftentimes makes you feel less alone in the world, even if they may be on the complete opposite side of it. 😉 All I know is that I’ve made relationships and connections with people here that I hope last a while. I’m alone more than I am with anyone else, so having that conversation about your day, or about who you are, or being able to dive in to someone else’s interests makes it that much easier to make the time well spent, move along faster. 🥰
I think you're pretty awesome and I'm glad you're here. 😊
Double ditto on his comment
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My family grew up in a place and time when people were still feeding bears along the roadsides. Bears are very smart but they started living for their food rewards. If you didn't feed them something they would look through your car window and pull your wipers off. If they became angry they could knock tempered glass out of your vehicle in two shakes.
The bears became accustomed to entertaining themselves with playfoods and living for the food rewards. That's all they wanted to do and it destroyed their quality of life. These food reward people encounters were almost the bane of their existence.
Some order out of all of that chaos had to be imposed.
Entertaining myself with playfoods and living for the food rewards did the same thing to me. I'm not going out like that.5 -
Diatonic12 wrote: »My family grew up in a place and time when people were still feeding bears along the roadsides. Bears are very smart but they started living for their food rewards. If you didn't feed them something they would look through your car window and pull your wipers off. If they became angry they could knock tempered glass out of your vehicle in two shakes.
The bears became accustomed to entertaining themselves with playfoods and living for the food rewards. That's all they wanted to do and it destroyed their quality of life. These food reward people encounters were almost the bane of their existence.
Some order out of all of that chaos had to be imposed.
Entertaining myself with playfoods and living for the food rewards did the same thing to me. I'm not going out like that.
For some reason - and in all seriousness - this seems like it could be a great plot for a Lars von Trier film. The analogy is engaging.1 -
A month ago the doctors told me my husband had a stroke. Two days later they tell me it wasn't a stroke, it's a large brain tumor. Three weeks ago they removed the brain tumor (he's healing up well!) and then told us it was malignant but not brain cancer. After a whole bunch of test they have narrowed it down to a neuroendocrine cancer that has metastasized to several areas. I have been caring for him and trying to keep up with my job (who knew I could do so much work from the hospital?).
But sometimes I need to take off my Super Woman cape and I can come here and look at pretty pictures and funny memes or read witty, funny or interesting conversations. It's my break from what I'm up against. I was surprised to read in this thread that other people use it as a break too. Makes me feel less alone in my thoughts.
i hear you so loudly on this. when something obscure health wise arises out of nowhere ,and an initial diagnosis is made, that is alone enough to deal with. then upon further testing more serious maladies rear their ugly head, it's a complete faceplant. i'm so sorry that you and your husband are going through this. i also had a rare condition occur in a very fast timeline and through months of tests, was eventually diagnosed with stage four lymphoma. i have a great medical team supporting me and i hope your husband does also also. if you ever need to vent or would like a new friend - please feel free to add me. my thoughts and vibes go out to you and your husband/family
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Miss_Chiev0us wrote: »MiNinaLisa wrote: »Miss_Chiev0us wrote: »Even if I'm 4 months in remission. Every day I feel like this, like something is pressing up against the back of my head as someone whispers in my ear.
"Sssshhhhh.... don't turn around. Just listen. I am holding a gun against the back of your head. I'm going to keep it there. I'm going to follow you around like this every day, for the rest of your life."
"I'm going to press a bit harder, every so often, just to remind you I'm here, but you need to try your best to ignore me, to move on with your life. Act like I'm not here, but don't you ever forget... one day I may just pull the trigger... or maybe I won't.
I have kind of learned to live with this the best way I can by living my best life everyday. Some days are just harder than others. Thankfully I've had really great days for a few months now.
i adore your attitude and i'm happy to know you. thank gob for the really great days. seriously...
I adore yours and so happy to have you and to have had you there for me through my hard times. Je t'aime ma chérie. Xox
we will always have a connection T. i'm so proud of how far you've come and your tenacious spirit. you are a force to be reckoned with , and deserve nothing but the best that i KNOW your new life will bring you. je t'aime trop aussi, mon coeur
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y’all ever think back to something you’ve done like some old memory just floats through your brain randomly and u are just horrified with some *kitten* u did, or the person u used to be ?
this happens to me and like i will literally start walking away from where’ve i am, like i think i can physically get away from the memory, or i will even accidentally say out loud “no” like i can stop my former self
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I've read each of the posts on this thread. I'm sending so much love to each of you going through challenges right now. My heart goes out to you and those concerned in each situation.
2020 started with my niece's funeral. I live a long way from my sister (my niece's mum) and the rest of my family, and as a result of world events haven't been able to visit to help give in-person support for my sister or to unite in our grief. My body is still recovering from the trauma leading up to and of my niece's death, as it was a stressful time.
It's definitely shaken my core beliefs and will probably take a while to adjust. But as a result I have posted less frequently on my MFP status, as I'm not feeling as 'light and fluffy' as social media often demands, or particularly 'inspiring and motivational', which tended to be what I was posting before.
Thank you for creating a space here to acknowledge what's going on under the surface for people on their MFP journeys.13 -
I'm afraid of failure. I don't think I have what it takes to be good at anything. As soon as something becomes challenging, I abandon it. I'm 25 and I feel stuck in my life and its been like this for 4 years now. Feels like my life is a complete waste. Nothing ever changes. I'm terrified of making any moves forward because I don't want to fail or be rejected. But being stuck is also causing me anxiety and depression. Just stuck.13
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sweet_ermengarde wrote: »y’all ever think back to something you’ve done like some old memory just floats through your brain randomly and u are just horrified with some *kitten* u did, or the person u used to be ?
this happens to me and like i will literally start walking away from where’ve i am, like i think i can physically get away from the memory, or i will even accidentally say out loud “no” like i can stop my former self
So much yes. And I will obsess over it and be anxious/humiliated/ragey all over again and start thinking about how the people who “witnessed” said event prolly also think about it and how pathetic/embarrassing/etc. I was and then will want to crawl in a hole and die.10 -
MiNinaLisa wrote: »A month ago the doctors told me my husband had a stroke. Two days later they tell me it wasn't a stroke, it's a large brain tumor. Three weeks ago they removed the brain tumor (he's healing up well!) and then told us it was malignant but not brain cancer. After a whole bunch of test they have narrowed it down to a neuroendocrine cancer that has metastasized to several areas. I have been caring for him and trying to keep up with my job (who knew I could do so much work from the hospital?).
But sometimes I need to take off my Super Woman cape and I can come here and look at pretty pictures and funny memes or read witty, funny or interesting conversations. It's my break from what I'm up against. I was surprised to read in this thread that other people use it as a break too. Makes me feel less alone in my thoughts.
i hear you so loudly on this. when something obscure health wise arises out of nowhere ,and an initial diagnosis is made, that is alone enough to deal with. then upon further testing more serious maladies rear their ugly head, it's a complete faceplant. i'm so sorry that you and your husband are going through this. i also had a rare condition occur in a very fast timeline and through months of tests, was eventually diagnosed with stage four lymphoma. i have a great medical team supporting me and i hope your husband does also also. if you ever need to vent or would like a new friend - please feel free to add me. my thoughts and vibes go out to you and your husband/family
Super huge hugs to you and thank you! You are right, it all happened so fast I still don't have my bearings.
My heart goes out to you for what you are dealing with, sending positive vibes your way.1 -
_DisasterDoll_ wrote: »sweet_ermengarde wrote: »y’all ever think back to something you’ve done like some old memory just floats through your brain randomly and u are just horrified with some *kitten* u did, or the person u used to be ?
this happens to me and like i will literally start walking away from where’ve i am, like i think i can physically get away from the memory, or i will even accidentally say out loud “no” like i can stop my former self
So much yes. And I will obsess over it and be anxious/humiliated/ragey all over again and start thinking about how the people who “witnessed” said event prolly also think about it and how pathetic/embarrassing/etc. I was and then will want to crawl in a hole and die.
you don't have to do that. you can start forgiving yourself right now. we've ALL of us had moments like that. i've had more than i care to remember, and i've forgiven myself for all my *kitten* things i've done. because it's life and we did what we did at that particular moment. change starts from within. i beat myself up for so many things i did, i apologized to who i had to yet still i felt guilt. within the past few years my life changed drastically and realized i had to let a lot of *kitten* go. you can do this. everyone can. don't wait as long as i did, please. 8 -
sweet_ermengarde wrote: »y’all ever think back to something you’ve done like some old memory just floats through your brain randomly and u are just horrified with some *kitten* u did, or the person u used to be ?
this happens to me and like i will literally start walking away from where’ve i am, like i think i can physically get away from the memory, or i will even accidentally say out loud “no” like i can stop my former self
Probably every day and especially when I’m trying to sleep.ButterIsGood wrote: »I'm afraid of failure. I don't think I have what it takes to be good at anything. As soon as something becomes challenging, I abandon it. I'm 25 and I feel stuck in my life and its been like this for 4 years now. Feels like my life is a complete waste. Nothing ever changes. I'm terrified of making any moves forward because I don't want to fail or be rejected. But being stuck is also causing me anxiety and depression. Just stuck.
I relate, reminds me of a children’s story about a tree with leaves that represented paths in life. The person just sits under the tree until all the leaves “opportunities “ are gone because they have a time limit. I think the moral is to not wait and make a choice while the choice is available.5 -
ElTriste1973 wrote: »Social media helps us present ourselves to the world without the struggles, defects, inadequacies and vulnerability of real life. As humans we need to show that vulnerability to others . That is what makes us humans and why we develop strong ties with others. I am grateful for all the stories shared in this thread.
verdad, hombre.2 -
@ButterisGood That yayhoo did a number on your head. None of that is true. You're stunning and beautiful but beyond that you've got a sweetness and goodness that's going to carry you forward into the rest of your life.
I think you're wonderful and the sky is not the limit for you. There's infinity. It goes on forever.
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Diatonic12 wrote: »@ButterisGood That yayhoo did a number on your head. None of that is true. You're stunning and beautiful but beyond that you've got a sweetness and goodness that's going to carry you forward into the rest of your life.
I think you're wonderful and the sky is not the limit for you. There's infinity. It goes on forever.
Thank you. I've been trying to slowly get unstuck in this phase in my life. Just need to be okay with failure if it happens2 -
sweet_ermengarde wrote: »y’all ever think back to something you’ve done like some old memory just floats through your brain randomly and u are just horrified with some *kitten* u did, or the person u used to be ?
this happens to me and like i will literally start walking away from where’ve i am, like i think i can physically get away from the memory, or i will even accidentally say out loud “no” like i can stop my former self
Yikes, I find myself doing that way too often. Thinking back to mistakes I made in my life, which is silly really, because it's not like we can change the past.
Too many negative emotions and time wasted on it. I always felt, no matter what happened, I was the one responsible; it must've been my fault(like I always acted alone??), must be my guilty conscience. Sometimes those thoughts will wake me up in the middle of the night and I become obsessed by them. 5 -
ButterIsGood wrote: »I'm afraid of failure. I don't think I have what it takes to be good at anything. As soon as something becomes challenging, I abandon it. I'm 25 and I feel stuck in my life and its been like this for 4 years now. Feels like my life is a complete waste. Nothing ever changes. I'm terrified of making any moves forward because I don't want to fail or be rejected. But being stuck is also causing me anxiety and depression. Just stuck.
Take a small step out of your comfort zone and learn to love yourself, laugh a lot and live your life! Just one small step at a time and pretty soon the successes will multiple and your confidence levels will allow you to try new things more often. YOU can do this. We all fail sometimes. We all learn from our mistakes. AND we all feel stuck at times. Just keep moving forward, whether it's by inches or a mile, each day.
I tend to stay in the house, in my comfortable little cocoon, where I feel safe and cannot make mistakes or be a failure at anything. Then I look out at the world passing me by and realize all that I'm missing. So please, take 1 step out of your comfort zone and soon you'll feel as if you can do it more freely. I have a 29 yo dd who always holds her head high and appears to be the epitome of confidence. I asked her once how she got all the confidence in our family( no one else seems to have it 
). She told me she acts the part. Maybe pretending will get you to the feeling real part.
Don't let anyone else define who you want to be; that is for you to find for yourself. And enjoy life along the way.
Many years ago, I got to a point in my life where I really didn't care what happened to me. My dear friend talked me into flying to Florida for a week. Everything in me said no. But they bought me a ticket anyways and I went(my dd age 13 at the time had been invited so it made it a bit easier). I had never flown due to being afraid. Then my dear friend insisted we go parasailing; okay being terribly afraid of heights and water, I again said no. But she got me up there somehow. It was amazing and I'll always remember the experience. Just last summer of 2019, my dd and her bf convinced me to fly to Iceland with them. Again, my brain was screaming nononono, but I went and am glad I did. Lots of mistakes along the way and feeling like a buffoon but it was so worth it.
So take that step outside of your comfort zone.
Just one more thing.....Nature helps. Honestly. Who can climb to the top of a mountain, or sit on the edge of an ocean and not be in awe of our world? It is truly be
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@Christi1979 HUGE hugs to you, what a difficult time for you and your family. I'm sorry. 2
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