Serious/heavy/deep/real stuff
Replies
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ButterIsGood wrote: »I'm afraid of failure. I don't think I have what it takes to be good at anything. As soon as something becomes challenging, I abandon it. I'm 25 and I feel stuck in my life and its been like this for 4 years now. Feels like my life is a complete waste. Nothing ever changes. I'm terrified of making any moves forward because I don't want to fail or be rejected. But being stuck is also causing me anxiety and depression. Just stuck.
I felt the same for much of my career. Graduated university with an honours degree feeling like I didn't know anything remotely useful. Accepted the first full-time job offered and it took me years to actually feel competent (although, looking back, I was competent, I just didn't see it). It wasn't really my ideal job but applying for something different was scary (rejection!), as was learning a new role and feeling less-than-competent all over again. 32 years later I'm still with the same employer.
Eventually I got promoted to a very different position and found my niche. I love what I do. I love what I do so much that I'm still doing it even though I could have retired two years ago. Challenges are fun and engaging, they're something to stretch my abilities and master. I'm considered an expert in my field and the top performer in my role provincially (not that this is measured very often, it's not a competitive field).
I think the trick is to find something you like so much that you WANT to tackle the challenging parts, because that means you can continue to do what you enjoy, and do it better.5 -
@Christi1979 HUGE hugs to you, what a difficult time for you and your family. I'm sorry.
Thank you. Things have improved so much. That's the thing about difficult times.... you just have to find the strength to push through b/c it does get better.4 -
I keep reading this thread as seriously deep heavy 🙊 stuff2
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Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »I keep reading this thread as seriously deep heavy 🙊 stuff
I keep reading it to my psychiatrist6 -
_DisasterDoll_ wrote: »Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »I keep reading this thread as seriously deep heavy 🙊 stuff
I keep reading it to my psychiatrist
does she say dumb things like my therapist goin on about “are we discussing a real person or one of your apparitions?” 🙄
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sweet_ermengarde wrote: »_DisasterDoll_ wrote: »Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »I keep reading this thread as seriously deep heavy 🙊 stuff
I keep reading it to my psychiatrist
does she say dumb things like my therapist goin on about “are we discussing a real person or one of your apparitions?” 🙄
My brain wizard was awesome, I miss her3 -
_DisasterDoll_ wrote: »Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »I keep reading this thread as seriously deep heavy 🙊 stuff
I keep reading it to my psychiatrist
Audible.com is my therapist 🤷🏽♂️...
Before enlightenment, chop wood carry water...
After enlightenment, chop wood carry water...
Although I know it's just not always that simple tho..
I'm a notorious thinker... 🤷🏽♂️4 -
_DisasterDoll_ wrote: »Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »I keep reading this thread as seriously deep heavy 🙊 stuff
I keep reading it to my psychiatrist
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I am scared that one day I am going to come to not know myself. I am very averse to conflict, I don't have the fight or flight response, I have the freeze response. When in situations of conflict I usually just freeze. It's hard to explain, but I don't put up defences and I also don't take anything being said too seriously. When that happens it also means I don't remember things well because I'm actively trying to be neutral, to just let things glide across my brain like snow over ice. Waiting for it to be over. I don't know why I do this (okay, maybe I do if I think about it). Because I avoid conflict I generally say "yes" to everything. I'm not scared of new things, I actually love new things and I'm not generally not scared of failure. What I'm scared of is what if one day I keep saying "yes" only to realize I should have said "no" for my own happiness and wellbeing? What if it's already happened, but I'm just going merrily along along along and never really know if I am happy or just neutral.
There's a scene in the movie Carol with Cate Blanchett and Ronney Mara that talks about something similar in Ronney Mara's character. When I heard it, I realised that I absolutely could relate. Cate Blanchett's character asks Ronney Mara (with whom she is having an affair) what she is thinking about and Ronney Mara's character responds:
"I should have said "No" to you but I never say "No". And it's selfish because... because I just take everything and I don't know anything. And I don't know what I want. How could I when all I ever do is say "Yes" to everything?"
Along similar lines, I don't like talking about my feelings because I don't know them very well so this is some scary *kitten* for me to post. Really hope no one I actually know is reading this . . . POSTING AND HOPEFULLY NO REGRETS.9 -
I am scared that one day I am going to come to not know myself. I am very averse to conflict, I don't have the fight or flight response, I have the freeze response. When in situations of conflict I usually just freeze. It's hard to explain, but I don't put up defences and I also don't take anything being said too seriously. When that happens it also means I don't remember things well because I'm actively trying to be neutral, to just let things glide across my brain like snow over ice. Waiting for it to be over. I don't know why I do this (okay, maybe I do if I think about it). Because I avoid conflict I generally say "yes" to everything. I'm not scared of new things, I actually love new things and I'm not generally not scared of failure. What I'm scared of is what if one day I keep saying "yes" only to realize I should have said "no" for my own happiness and wellbeing? What if it's already happened, but I'm just going merrily along along along and never really know if I am happy or just neutral.
There's a scene in the movie Carol with Cate Blanchett and Ronney Mara that talks about something similar in Ronney Mara's character. When I heard it, I realised that I absolutely could relate. Cate Blanchett's character asks Ronney Mara (with whom she is having an affair) what she is thinking about and Ronney Mara's character responds:
"I should have said "No" to you but I never say "No". And it's selfish because... because I just take everything and I don't know anything. And I don't know what I want. How could I when all I ever do is say "Yes" to everything?"
Along similar lines, I don't like talking about my feelings because I don't know them very well so this is some scary *kitten* for me to post. Really hope no one I actually know is reading this . . . POSTING AND HOPEFULLY NO REGRETS.
You misspelled 'Defenses'.
Wanna fight about it ?
.... and when I say 'fight', I mean thumb-wrestle.
.8 -
I just need to put this in the universe because holding onto it is making my heart heavy..
Trying to find a person that I can ride and die with in a culture that's all about frivolous encounters and hookups is a special kind of hell. I know my value and what I expect from people and I'm not willing to budge on any of it.. I'd rather be alone than to accept garbage. It's to the point where id rather give up than to keep looking..14 -
RockingWithLJ wrote: »I just need to put this in the universe because holding onto it is making my heart heavy..
Trying to find a person that I can ride and die with in a culture that's all about frivolous encounters and hookups is a special kind of hell. I know my value and what I expect from people and I'm not willing to budge on any of it.. I'd rather be alone than to accept garbage. It's to the point where id rather give up than to keep looking..
It's always felt like that, even way back when I was in that time of my life. It takes so much trial and error, a thick skin, and a huge amount of luck.
I firmly believe in that cliche of there being someone for everyone. Both my dds met someone serious through online dating. One of my dds has stayed with the guy for many years; you wouldn't believe how good they match and seem to get along. Who knows what their future holds.
My other dd was in her relationship for several years, it worked until it didn't.
It wasn't either of their first serious relationships.
I went through several 'loves'(or so I thought) before I got married. I'm still married but it's all changed between us now. Relationships evolve over time. We're more like house mates than anything.
You definitely don't need to accept anything just to be with someone. You need to find what you love in life, whether it's hiking, running, skiing, movies, beer/wine tastings, church, volunteering, etc. and you'll meet friends with similar tastes. If it grows, great. If not, you'll have good friends.
It might feel impossible finding someone honest, kind, loving, and all the positive qualities most of us look for, but when you least expect it......
Good luck!!! Find yourself first.
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Motorsheen wrote: »I am scared that one day I am going to come to not know myself. I am very averse to conflict, I don't have the fight or flight response, I have the freeze response. When in situations of conflict I usually just freeze. It's hard to explain, but I don't put up defences and I also don't take anything being said too seriously. When that happens it also means I don't remember things well because I'm actively trying to be neutral, to just let things glide across my brain like snow over ice. Waiting for it to be over. I don't know why I do this (okay, maybe I do if I think about it). Because I avoid conflict I generally say "yes" to everything. I'm not scared of new things, I actually love new things and I'm not generally not scared of failure. What I'm scared of is what if one day I keep saying "yes" only to realize I should have said "no" for my own happiness and wellbeing? What if it's already happened, but I'm just going merrily along along along and never really know if I am happy or just neutral.
There's a scene in the movie Carol with Cate Blanchett and Ronney Mara that talks about something similar in Ronney Mara's character. When I heard it, I realised that I absolutely could relate. Cate Blanchett's character asks Ronney Mara (with whom she is having an affair) what she is thinking about and Ronney Mara's character responds:
"I should have said "No" to you but I never say "No". And it's selfish because... because I just take everything and I don't know anything. And I don't know what I want. How could I when all I ever do is say "Yes" to everything?"
Along similar lines, I don't like talking about my feelings because I don't know them very well so this is some scary *kitten* for me to post. Really hope no one I actually know is reading this . . . POSTING AND HOPEFULLY NO REGRETS.
You misspelled 'Defenses'.
Wanna fight about it ?
.... and when I say 'fight', I mean thumb-wrestle.
.
Well...technically
So now we don’t need to fight about it 😜. However, just because I don’t like fighting doesn’t mean a good thumb war can’t come in handy from time to time (see what I did there...)8 -
Motorsheen wrote: »I am scared that one day I am going to come to not know myself. I am very averse to conflict, I don't have the fight or flight response, I have the freeze response. When in situations of conflict I usually just freeze. It's hard to explain, but I don't put up defences and I also don't take anything being said too seriously. When that happens it also means I don't remember things well because I'm actively trying to be neutral, to just let things glide across my brain like snow over ice. Waiting for it to be over. I don't know why I do this (okay, maybe I do if I think about it). Because I avoid conflict I generally say "yes" to everything. I'm not scared of new things, I actually love new things and I'm not generally not scared of failure. What I'm scared of is what if one day I keep saying "yes" only to realize I should have said "no" for my own happiness and wellbeing? What if it's already happened, but I'm just going merrily along along along and never really know if I am happy or just neutral.
There's a scene in the movie Carol with Cate Blanchett and Ronney Mara that talks about something similar in Ronney Mara's character. When I heard it, I realised that I absolutely could relate. Cate Blanchett's character asks Ronney Mara (with whom she is having an affair) what she is thinking about and Ronney Mara's character responds:
"I should have said "No" to you but I never say "No". And it's selfish because... because I just take everything and I don't know anything. And I don't know what I want. How could I when all I ever do is say "Yes" to everything?"
Along similar lines, I don't like talking about my feelings because I don't know them very well so this is some scary *kitten* for me to post. Really hope no one I actually know is reading this . . . POSTING AND HOPEFULLY NO REGRETS.
You misspelled 'Defenses'.
Wanna fight about it ?
.... and when I say 'fight', I mean thumb-wrestle.
.
Well...technically
So now we don’t need to fight about it 😜. However, just because I don’t like fighting doesn’t mean a good thumb war can’t come in handy from time to time (see what I did there...)
DEFENSE
Also. Vitamin is pronounced V-Eye-Ta-Men
not: Vit-a-Men
Let's see, what else?
Behavior (drop the 'u', it doesn't belong, no more than the added 'e' on 'Center(e)'
And while we're at it, 'Whilst' isn't a real word.
Why are the above true? .....because we say so.
3 -
Motorsheen wrote: »Motorsheen wrote: »I am scared that one day I am going to come to not know myself. I am very averse to conflict, I don't have the fight or flight response, I have the freeze response. When in situations of conflict I usually just freeze. It's hard to explain, but I don't put up defences and I also don't take anything being said too seriously. When that happens it also means I don't remember things well because I'm actively trying to be neutral, to just let things glide across my brain like snow over ice. Waiting for it to be over. I don't know why I do this (okay, maybe I do if I think about it). Because I avoid conflict I generally say "yes" to everything. I'm not scared of new things, I actually love new things and I'm not generally not scared of failure. What I'm scared of is what if one day I keep saying "yes" only to realize I should have said "no" for my own happiness and wellbeing? What if it's already happened, but I'm just going merrily along along along and never really know if I am happy or just neutral.
There's a scene in the movie Carol with Cate Blanchett and Ronney Mara that talks about something similar in Ronney Mara's character. When I heard it, I realised that I absolutely could relate. Cate Blanchett's character asks Ronney Mara (with whom she is having an affair) what she is thinking about and Ronney Mara's character responds:
"I should have said "No" to you but I never say "No". And it's selfish because... because I just take everything and I don't know anything. And I don't know what I want. How could I when all I ever do is say "Yes" to everything?"
Along similar lines, I don't like talking about my feelings because I don't know them very well so this is some scary *kitten* for me to post. Really hope no one I actually know is reading this . . . POSTING AND HOPEFULLY NO REGRETS.
You misspelled 'Defenses'.
Wanna fight about it ?
.... and when I say 'fight', I mean thumb-wrestle.
.
Well...technically
So now we don’t need to fight about it 😜. However, just because I don’t like fighting doesn’t mean a good thumb war can’t come in handy from time to time (see what I did there...)
DEFENSE
Also. Vitamin is pronounced V-Eye-Ta-Men
not: Vit-a-Men
Let's see, what else?
Behavior (drop the 'u', it doesn't belong, no more than the added 'e' on 'Center(e)'
And while we're at it, 'Whilst' isn't a real word.
Why are the above true? .....because we say so.
Yo look, I come from a confused place. I know how many kilometres it is to Timmy’s, but I don’t know how many centimetres tall I am. I weigh my food in grams but my body in pounds. Celsius makes more sense but only for weather cause if I’m baking WTF is 175C, I set the oven to 350F.
But your military budget is WAY higher than mine so my defences (😜) would not withstand your attack. So you can spell defence with an “s” and colour without a “u”. I won’t stop you or tell you it’s wrong. 😌4 -
I am scared that one day I am going to come to not know myself. I am very averse to conflict, I don't have the fight or flight response, I have the freeze response. When in situations of conflict I usually just freeze. It's hard to explain, but I don't put up defences and I also don't take anything being said too seriously. When that happens it also means I don't remember things well because I'm actively trying to be neutral, to just let things glide across my brain like snow over ice. Waiting for it to be over. I don't know why I do this (okay, maybe I do if I think about it). Because I avoid conflict I generally say "yes" to everything. I'm not scared of new things, I actually love new things and I'm not generally not scared of failure. What I'm scared of is what if one day I keep saying "yes" only to realize I should have said "no" for my own happiness and wellbeing? What if it's already happened, but I'm just going merrily along along along and never really know if I am happy or just neutral.
There's a scene in the movie Carol with Cate Blanchett and Ronney Mara that talks about something similar in Ronney Mara's character. When I heard it, I realised that I absolutely could relate. Cate Blanchett's character asks Ronney Mara (with whom she is having an affair) what she is thinking about and Ronney Mara's character responds:
"I should have said "No" to you but I never say "No". And it's selfish because... because I just take everything and I don't know anything. And I don't know what I want. How could I when all I ever do is say "Yes" to everything?"
Along similar lines, I don't like talking about my feelings because I don't know them very well so this is some scary *kitten* for me to post. Really hope no one I actually know is reading this . . . POSTING AND HOPEFULLY NO REGRETS.
Get out of my head!1 -
Motorsheen wrote: »Motorsheen wrote: »I am scared that one day I am going to come to not know myself. I am very averse to conflict, I don't have the fight or flight response, I have the freeze response. When in situations of conflict I usually just freeze. It's hard to explain, but I don't put up defences and I also don't take anything being said too seriously. When that happens it also means I don't remember things well because I'm actively trying to be neutral, to just let things glide across my brain like snow over ice. Waiting for it to be over. I don't know why I do this (okay, maybe I do if I think about it). Because I avoid conflict I generally say "yes" to everything. I'm not scared of new things, I actually love new things and I'm not generally not scared of failure. What I'm scared of is what if one day I keep saying "yes" only to realize I should have said "no" for my own happiness and wellbeing? What if it's already happened, but I'm just going merrily along along along and never really know if I am happy or just neutral.
There's a scene in the movie Carol with Cate Blanchett and Ronney Mara that talks about something similar in Ronney Mara's character. When I heard it, I realised that I absolutely could relate. Cate Blanchett's character asks Ronney Mara (with whom she is having an affair) what she is thinking about and Ronney Mara's character responds:
"I should have said "No" to you but I never say "No". And it's selfish because... because I just take everything and I don't know anything. And I don't know what I want. How could I when all I ever do is say "Yes" to everything?"
Along similar lines, I don't like talking about my feelings because I don't know them very well so this is some scary *kitten* for me to post. Really hope no one I actually know is reading this . . . POSTING AND HOPEFULLY NO REGRETS.
You misspelled 'Defenses'.
Wanna fight about it ?
.... and when I say 'fight', I mean thumb-wrestle.
.
Well...technically
So now we don’t need to fight about it 😜. However, just because I don’t like fighting doesn’t mean a good thumb war can’t come in handy from time to time (see what I did there...)
DEFENSE
Also. Vitamin is pronounced V-Eye-Ta-Men
not: Vit-a-Men
Let's see, what else?
Behavior (drop the 'u', it doesn't belong, no more than the added 'e' on 'Center(e)'
And while we're at it, 'Whilst' isn't a real word.
Why are the above true? .....because we say so.
Now see? It's reasons like this that we're currently fighting over aluminum (pronounced by some as..."Ah-loo-MIN-ee-um" but that's another ball of wax...pronounced by some as "Wh-azk-its").
Let's all drive to the border and air hug it out.2 -
Motorsheen wrote: »Motorsheen wrote: »I am scared that one day I am going to come to not know myself. I am very averse to conflict, I don't have the fight or flight response, I have the freeze response. When in situations of conflict I usually just freeze. It's hard to explain, but I don't put up defences and I also don't take anything being said too seriously. When that happens it also means I don't remember things well because I'm actively trying to be neutral, to just let things glide across my brain like snow over ice. Waiting for it to be over. I don't know why I do this (okay, maybe I do if I think about it). Because I avoid conflict I generally say "yes" to everything. I'm not scared of new things, I actually love new things and I'm not generally not scared of failure. What I'm scared of is what if one day I keep saying "yes" only to realize I should have said "no" for my own happiness and wellbeing? What if it's already happened, but I'm just going merrily along along along and never really know if I am happy or just neutral.
There's a scene in the movie Carol with Cate Blanchett and Ronney Mara that talks about something similar in Ronney Mara's character. When I heard it, I realised that I absolutely could relate. Cate Blanchett's character asks Ronney Mara (with whom she is having an affair) what she is thinking about and Ronney Mara's character responds:
"I should have said "No" to you but I never say "No". And it's selfish because... because I just take everything and I don't know anything. And I don't know what I want. How could I when all I ever do is say "Yes" to everything?"
Along similar lines, I don't like talking about my feelings because I don't know them very well so this is some scary *kitten* for me to post. Really hope no one I actually know is reading this . . . POSTING AND HOPEFULLY NO REGRETS.
You misspelled 'Defenses'.
Wanna fight about it ?
.... and when I say 'fight', I mean thumb-wrestle.
.
Well...technically
So now we don’t need to fight about it 😜. However, just because I don’t like fighting doesn’t mean a good thumb war can’t come in handy from time to time (see what I did there...)
DEFENSE
Also. Vitamin is pronounced V-Eye-Ta-Men
not: Vit-a-Men
Let's see, what else?
Behavior (drop the 'u', it doesn't belong, no more than the added 'e' on 'Center(e)'
And while we're at it, 'Whilst' isn't a real word.
Why are the above true? .....because we say so.
Now see? It's reasons like this that we're currently fighting over aluminum (pronounced by some as..."Ah-loo-MIN-ee-um" but that's another ball of wax...pronounced by some as "Wh-azk-its").
Let's all drive to the border and air hug it out.
These air hugs..... do they include 'air reach-arounds' ??3 -
We've been doing air hugs for months and it's getting old. Can't we cheat just once?
And I honestly don't mind the disagree-ers but clearly some people push the button because they lack a sense of humour. Oh is that with a 2nd u or without?3 -
i quit this one job i had and its for the best, bc i like teaching way better and its less stressful but *kitten* *kitten* *kitten* i can hear the voices in my head of my family telling me i’m throwing away opportunities and yelling about me about my potential
we dont even talk anymore and they still haunting me9
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