At Goal weight, No fireworks!?!

akm0615 · September 2020

Hi Everyone, Could use some reassurance here.

Started my journey Jan 2020 at 145.8 lbs. Set an arbitrary goal to get to 110 lbs. No idea why that number. Probably because I'm, 5'.1". At 44yrs old it felt pretty far fetched. Fast forward to Sept 2020, met my goal and beyond at 109.2 lbs. Went from size 10 to size 2, Large tops to x-small. I see some definition in my muscles.

For some strange reason, I thought I would be super excited, hear all sorts of bells ringing and even fireworks in my head. None of that happened. I feel sad and borderline disappointed. Like something I was so focused on and looking forward to really is a place no different than 5 or 10lbs ago. I'm still focused on recomp. Still working out and eating well. But, really shocked how the weight on the scale had such little impact. What gives??

I'm sorry, I know many of you are working towards your goals and my intension is not to demotivate you in any way. I feel so confused with how I feel right now.

Anyone else experience this, when you reached your goal weight? What did you do to reset your feelings?

Sand_TIger · September 2020

It's an interesting problem - and you have definitely achieved something so I hope I can help in some way. Maybe you are a little underwhelmed because we all kind of act like there will be fireworks and parades and everything when we reach goal weight, at least mentally. It's true - where you are now probably won't feel much different than you felt five or ten pounds ago and it's jarring to realize that. Focusing on recomp is a good idea for sure. Maybe you'll see your amazing achievement a little better if you send your mind back to before you started, and remember how you felt then, how much you wanted to lose the weight?

Just as we started to feel the rewards fairly early on in the weight loss process, I think the goal isn't as clear cut as we might like. I'll probably still have some issues when I get to my goal weight, too. I think it can be kind of a let-down to not have the thrill of seeing the scale go down anymore. The rewards of maintenance/recomp are going to be subtler but still just as real. Hope this made sense and helped even a little.

charmmeth · September 2020

First. Congratulations!

Then: I think it is quite normal to feel a bit flat. You have worked so hard to get to this number, but it is just a number. Your body probably doesn't feel - or perhaps even look - that different from how it did a couple of pounds ago. It may still have lumps and floppy bits that you wish weren't there. (When I arrived a goal a few years ago, I shifted my goal down a few kgs! This time I think I'll aim to stay at my goal +/- 1.5 kgs and get fitter.)

I htink part of the flat feeling is that you know how hard to worked to get here and now you have to figure out how to keep at this weight and not just let it all creep back on. Although you are "there", you are also just starting. For me, that is what people mean when they say they are making a lifestyle change rather than pursuing a number on the scale. (It's a bit like getting married: the wedding day is not the same as the day-in-day-out-ness of marriage.)

And yet: the wedding day is really important too! Can you find a way to celebrate your "hitting your goal day" that sets you up for staying there? Take a photo at least?

HealAndHonor · September 2020

akm0615 wrote: »

Hi Everyone, Could use some reassurance here.

Started my journey Jan 2020 at 145.8 lbs. Set an arbitrary goal to get to 110 lbs. No idea why that number. Probably because I'm, 5'.1". At 44yrs old it felt pretty far fetched. Fast forward to Sept 2020, met my goal and beyond at 109.2 lbs. Went from size 10 to size 2, Large tops to x-small. I see some definition in my muscles.

For some strange reason, I thought I would be super excited, hear all sorts of bells ringing and even fireworks in my head. None of that happened. I feel sad and borderline disappointed. Like something I was so focused on and looking forward to really is a place no different than 5 or 10lbs ago. I'm still focused on recomp. Still working out and eating well. But, really shocked how the weight on the scale had such little impact. What gives??

I'm sorry, I know many of you are working towards your goals and my intension is not to demotivate you in any way. I feel so confused with how I feel right now.

Anyone else experience this, when you reached your goal weight? What did you do to reset your feelings?

I thought I would be VERY happy when I got from 300lbs to 219lbs (September 2016 to June 2017) and that was not the case at all. I gained so much weight back from being depressed and falling into a rabbit hole of junk food. I am now working on myself to get back down as I saw I crept up to 295lbs by late 2018. As of September 11th this year, I am 261.4lbs and August 1st, 2020 I was 268.1lbs.

You got this. If you ever need someone to talk to, my inbox should be open! I want you to know that it's definitely worth celebrating you got to your goal. My current goal is to focus on what is working for me, not a number on a scale, or how much I eat, but, how I feel. I see my salt today is very high, but, I also learned I was eating very low salt for so long my body was giving me bad attacks of small almost like seizure attacks.

Keep working on yourself mentally and physically. Also seeking the help of a professional for coping with 'loss' would help too. I heard some people say, 'What they don't tell you is, it's like you carry around a security blanket and someone takes it from you, you feel like you can be strong, but, it's hard and you just need someone to be there who will listen.'

BarkingLeaf · September 2020

I would imagine that it's because the goal was arbitrary.

It may be worthwhile to examine why you wanted to lose weight. What the initial reason for the plan was. And then why was that important to you?

If WHAT you wanted to be healthier, WHY did you want that?

If WHAT you wanted to feel better about yourself, WHY would you want that?

If WHAT you wanted more energy, WHY would you want that?

My guess is that you don't feel good about meeting your goal because you met your WHAT goal but not your WHY goal.

If you can identify what it is that's propelling you to do this, I think you'll be able to set and meet a goal that does set off those fireworks and addresses the WHY. You may need some other's input to really identify what it is you want, though, maybe even a few counseling sessions, and that's very normal and a good thing to give yourself.

BennieJetzzzz · September 2020

If I were you I would check why you started to lose weight in the first place. You might have put too much expectation on how fulfilling reaching your goal was going to be. You should be happy though because you've lost so much weight and are now healthier for it, you don't have extra weight to drag around, you aren't as tired as you always were, and are disciplined in your eating habits! Your new healthy lifestyle may not be a huge event in the grand scheme of things, but it's defiantly something to be happy about and celebrate because moving forward things will only get better! hope you keep it up!

tuckerrj · September 2020

Yeah I had the feeling that all of my cares and woes would melt away once I hit my goal weight and had a BMI of 30 (overweight). Sadly, my problems still existed, except that now I could buy my clothes at a regular store and not the Big & Tall Men's catalog (like KINGSIZE). I decided that I needed to be closer to normal at BMI 25 and have made my way down to a 26 and have decided that I like the way I look & feel. So I'll be staying there for a while. The congratulations and "Wow you've lost weight" kind of greetings from friends and acquaintances is good enough for me. Oh and all my blood work numbers (cholesterol, A1C, glucose, etc.) are in the normal range, too. Win, win!!!

akm0615 · September 2020

Thank you everyone! Yes, you are absolutely right. I have been so focused on the "What" that "Why" never occurred to me.

I have had sciatica for 13yrs now and in January, I was sick of it, sick of the pain. Couldn't deal with in anymore. Sugar was the poison that inflamed it. Haven't had any flareups since the one in January 2020 that made me take control. That is the "Why".
I couldn't keep up with my then 12yr old. Now we wear the same size 2 jeans and I can run harder and further along side a 13yr old athlete. That is the "Why".
I couldn't do push-up even on my knees when I started in January. Now I can do 25 regular push-ups. That is the "Why".
Before, exercise wasn't even a word I wanted to hear about. Now, I look forward to it. I get antsy when I don't get to workout. I love how it makes me feel to get a good workout. That is the "Why".

I'm sure this list can go on... But, I will need to stop sobbing first. Thank you all, you have no idea, how much this means to me. I promise to stay focused on all the "Why's".

MaltedTea · September 2020

Glad you came around, because at 35+ pounds, I'll have my proxy throw up some fireworks if you decide not to in the future...

KeriA · September 2020

Congratulations on making it to your goal weight!

I do not think that 110 is such an arbitrary goal for your height. It depends upon your frame. 110 is right in the middle of the healthy range for your height. I have a small frame so I might decide once I get to a healthy range to go on the low side. My daughter should maybe even be a little above the range. You know you.

Maybe you realize that reaching goal weight isn't really the real goal here. It sounds to me you may have reached the real goal even before you reached your goal weight. Did you have times before you met your goal that you felt joy and accomplishment as you lost weight and got fitter? I suspect you did. I hope you did because to get to your goal weight you should have learned how to eat in a healthy sustainable way. If not then you still need to do this. If so you may have met your goal before you met your goal weight. Maintenance is not really much different than losing. That is your new goal. Hopefully you reached your goal weight by eating healthy foods you enjoy and starting to enjoy the increased activity and strength. Frankly you still need to have some joy in the foods you eat. Some people lose by eating in a unsustainable way. Then they gain it back. So the real goal is continuing or finding a sustainable relationship with food that isn't overly punitive and joyless. We should eat mostly for health but it is something we do everyday from 2-5 times a day. Enjoy your success but now the game has changed and it is to maintain what you achieved. Wearing a size 2 isn't the goal. It is an added benefit. You haven't come to the end of the road. You have come to a somewhat easier and definitely much more healthy path that you now want to make be right for you for the rest of your life. Now the joys are smaller but continue each day if you keep it up.

charmmeth · September 2020

From what you say, your life has changed: the number on the scale is really not as important.

akm0615 · September 2020

@MaltedTea LOL I got you! Fireworks and all...

@KeriA Agree 100%. I did meet my goals way before the weight goals. Just was oblivious, busy chasing a number. Yes, I cook and love to. So, eating has been the best part. Getting creative everyday. Falling in love with exercise is a big one too.

So pumped for the recomp goals. At 22.5% bodyfat today. Focused on taking that to a lower level sounds so much more fun than a number on the scale.

ntrlwmn17 · September 2020

congrats. i will eat a piece of cake for you. sorry you don't see fireworks. i guess because there's nothing else for you to do but maintain, maybe the fire is gone.

akm0615 · September 2020

@ntrlwmn17
There is still fire. I promise. Just a different kind. I just needed to reset my expectations. Thanks to all the amazing peeps here that helped me tremendously. I was just very confused since I had this gif that I had created in my head about all the things that would happen when I saw 110lbs on the scale. It wasn't realistic. We are never done creating a better life. It will always be a work in progress. Body, mind and soul, keep working on it...

briscogun · September 2020

akm0615 wrote: »

Hi Everyone, Could use some reassurance here.

Started my journey Jan 2020 at 145.8 lbs. Set an arbitrary goal to get to 110 lbs. No idea why that number. Probably because I'm, 5'.1". At 44yrs old it felt pretty far fetched. Fast forward to Sept 2020, met my goal and beyond at 109.2 lbs. Went from size 10 to size 2, Large tops to x-small. I see some definition in my muscles.

For some strange reason, I thought I would be super excited, hear all sorts of bells ringing and even fireworks in my head. None of that happened. I feel sad and borderline disappointed. Like something I was so focused on and looking forward to really is a place no different than 5 or 10lbs ago. I'm still focused on recomp. Still working out and eating well. But, really shocked how the weight on the scale had such little impact. What gives??

I'm sorry, I know many of you are working towards your goals and my intension is not to demotivate you in any way. I feel so confused with how I feel right now.

Anyone else experience this, when you reached your goal weight? What did you do to reset your feelings?

I think it's because you realized that hitting the number on the scale isn't the end. It's not a finish line where you run through, win the prize, and then go back to what you were doing. It's just a signpost along the journey.

The weight on the scale is how the previous lifestyle manifested itself. Now you have a new lifestyle, and maintaining that is the new goal. Or even improving on it by doing your recomp. The finish line shifted within you. It's not just about the weight on the scale anymore. You have new goals that you acquired while you were losing!

Enjoy the accomplishment! If it were easy everyone would do it, right? But enjoy the new chapter as well!

akm0615 · September 2020

Thank you @briscogun Very eloquently said. Appreciate it.

springlering62 · September 2020

I’ve hit three or four different goals I never, ever in my wildest fantasies thought I could make. No fireworks, not even a hug or slap on the back from family.

I think we get so wrapped up in our goal, we simply assume that rest of the world is all consumingly invested in our goal, too.

What’s helping me is a wonderful piece of wisdom I picked up from another MFP’er a while back.

They said something to the effect of “I have to treat maintenance like I’m always ten pounds away from goal”.

I’ve found that the be very powerful, and it helps me to feel like I continue to have a goal.

sljohnson1207 · September 2020

Many folks express this same feeling as you are now. I think a lot of times, our minds take much longer to catch up than our bodies did to lose the weight. Maybe we don't quite recognize the accomplishment yet. Set intention to focus on the accomplishment of it. Maybe that will help.

Diatonic12 · September 2020

It's not bragging if it's true. There comes a time when our families and friends no longer give two hoots about any of this. All of the compliments will fade away.

Motivation and willpower are based on emotions and these limited resources run out. Momentum will take you all the way to your dream weight and beyond. If you're going to live like the Champion that you are you must go on living like one in your own heart.

Tap into momentum. @springlering62 has tapped into momentum. I have every confidence in that momentum that keeps moving her forward. She's not going to eat it all back or let any of it slip away. She's a fighter and each of us must keep fighting for our own health and overall well being.

This is serious business and it's complex.

I admire those who have a normal relationship with food and exercise. It's second nature for them and they don't seem to spend one minute out of any day thinking or working on things that we do. Someone came to my house and asked me why my goal weight was plastered on the 'fridge, hiding behind every door inside the closets. I dunno, I dunno.

I took all of that multi-cr@p down. If you have photos of athletes, celebrities around your house they all become a blur. You walk right by that motivational material and look right through them. It loses all of its luster and meaning for you because it is not you.

'Normal' people don't plaster anything anywhere. They wring everything they can out of life with their bodies and minds. They keep moving forward and looking forward waaaay into the future. No constant stops and starts. No throwing the towel in. Their feelings are not hurt from lack of compliments at the gym.

There's reason and emotions. If you can take the emotions out of it and tap into momentum and reason, you'll maintain your dream weight for the rest of your life. Long term weight stability. Permanent weight stability.
'Normal' people have that and I want it, too.

MiNinaLisa · September 2020

i share this sentiment. i lost 20 lbs and have been in maintenance for 3 years. i still have a tummy, my clothes do fit better tho, but the volume left my face and well AND we won't talk about the skin sag.

i did this for my health and to feel better. and even tho i acknowledge i'll never have the perfect body - i don't feel the need to strive for it anymore. nobody's body is 18 forever. it's an achievement, yes - but now to maintain. if you can do that - you'll be just fine

cwolfman13 · September 2020

akm0615 wrote: »

Hi Everyone, Could use some reassurance here.

Started my journey Jan 2020 at 145.8 lbs. Set an arbitrary goal to get to 110 lbs. No idea why that number. Probably because I'm, 5'.1". At 44yrs old it felt pretty far fetched. Fast forward to Sept 2020, met my goal and beyond at 109.2 lbs. Went from size 10 to size 2, Large tops to x-small. I see some definition in my muscles.

For some strange reason, I thought I would be super excited, hear all sorts of bells ringing and even fireworks in my head. None of that happened. I feel sad and borderline disappointed. Like something I was so focused on and looking forward to really is a place no different than 5 or 10lbs ago. I'm still focused on recomp. Still working out and eating well. But, really shocked how the weight on the scale had such little impact. What gives??

I'm sorry, I know many of you are working towards your goals and my intension is not to demotivate you in any way. I feel so confused with how I feel right now.

Anyone else experience this, when you reached your goal weight? What did you do to reset your feelings?

This is pretty common...many people think that hitting some arbitrary number on the scale is going to be some kind of life changing experience...in most cases it is not...at least in regards to the number itself, and especially when you're talking about the difference between hitting that number or 5 or 10 Lbs difference.

I lost 40 Lbs overall...as weight loss goes, probably my most euphoric time was in the middle...going from 220 to 200 there wasn't a substantial difference in either my appearance or physique...200-190 was probably the most substantial and hitting 190 was the only time I can recall high fiving myself or anything like that as that is where I saw the most difference in my actual appearance. Going from 190-180 was a slog...I did lose a bit more of my gut, but really I was the same happy at 190 as I was at 180.

Fortunately, I didn't really have a goal weight...I stopped at 180 namely because I was just done and at a point where I had a reasonably good physique for an almost 40 year old and really, I had achieved what I set out to achieve which was namely to reverse a lot of nasty blood work and hypertension and as a former competitive athlete, to get my fitness back.

I could have continued to lose a bit more weight and get leaner...maybe a 6 pack or at least a 4 pack...but was that really going to make any difference in my life? Not really. Would that be some great accomplishment in my mind? Not really.

My real satisfaction came with getting all of those healthy issues under control and my blood work in the optimal range, knowing I had substantially increased the odds of me being around longer for my young boys. Also being able to roll around with them and wrestle and put them on my back when I did pushups and stuff like that...I could play and rough house with them without feeling like I was going to die. I could go out on long bike rides and come home and feel great and still have the energy to go mow the lawn or whatever. I never got a ton of satisfaction from the scale...it was all those other things.

At Goal weight, No fireworks!?!

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