Doom, Despair, and Agony on Me! (aka a whine thread)
Replies
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@bmeadows380
You could also consider leaving your deficit at 750 and eating maintenance 2 days a week. Still drops you to 1 pound per week but if you did a plan where you split up the days so you never had to go more than 4 days before your next maintenance day it might allow you to get back in the habit of delaying gratification.
I also hate to keep saying it but it also sounds like your scale number motivation is not holding because it is a number and not even your final number. I want to finally see onederland and after I lose the 20 pounds of water weight from my vacation (my whine) I probably will but my connection to it is minimal. I was 201 before I left and when I see 199 it won't feel that much different than 201. It has some meaning because I fought with it as a teen and it will feel good to finally win that battle (a million years later) but it is unlikely to translate to an NSV. I am not close enough to downsize in clothing yet, I doubt I will gain additional freedom I do not currently have, and I doubt I will get a new or expanded ability. Sometimes 2 pounds is the final step towards an NSV but even then it is the NSV that matters.
If you did a gratitude journal about your weight loss I would hope it would contain something other than pages of numbers.
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@bmeadows380
You could also consider leaving your deficit at 750 and eating maintenance 2 days a week. Still drops you to 1 pound per week but if you did a plan where you split up the days so you never had to go more than 4 days before your next maintenance day it might allow you to get back in the habit of delaying gratification.
I also hate to keep saying it but it also sounds like your scale number motivation is not holding because it is a number and not even your final number. I want to finally see onederland and after I lose the 20 pounds of water weight from my vacation (my whine) I probably will but my connection to it is minimal. I was 201 before I left and when I see 199 it won't feel that much different than 201. It has some meaning because I fought with it as a teen and it will feel good to finally win that battle (a million years later) but it is unlikely to translate to an NSV. I am not close enough to downsize in clothing yet, I doubt I will gain additional freedom I do not currently have, and I doubt I will get a new or expanded ability. Sometimes 2 pounds is the final step towards an NSV but even then it is the NSV that matters.
If you did a gratitude journal about your weight loss I would hope it would contain something other than pages of numbers.
@NovusDies
The 2 days at maintenance may be a better idea; at the very least, Sunday at maintenance with Sunday dinners being what they are would be good. Maybe balance it out with Wednesday as the other day, though I'm not sure how that will play with Thursday weigh-ins. Maybe use Thursday instead......
I suppose I'm trying to control my inner toddler who doesn't care what realistic is, they want it and they want it right now and delayed gratification doesn't even compute! I have a hard time leaning on the NSVs since they've slowed down as well - water weight not only adds to the scale but it messes up measurements, too. I am losing in some places but not over all like I was before, and all my bloodwork levels are normal - I just got the results - so this isn't much NSV there either.
Gratitude journal? What's that? lol
though 20 lbs?!!!! I know I'd freak out if I gained that much in water weight!
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bmeadows380 wrote: »@bmeadows380
You could also consider leaving your deficit at 750 and eating maintenance 2 days a week. Still drops you to 1 pound per week but if you did a plan where you split up the days so you never had to go more than 4 days before your next maintenance day it might allow you to get back in the habit of delaying gratification.
I also hate to keep saying it but it also sounds like your scale number motivation is not holding because it is a number and not even your final number. I want to finally see onederland and after I lose the 20 pounds of water weight from my vacation (my whine) I probably will but my connection to it is minimal. I was 201 before I left and when I see 199 it won't feel that much different than 201. It has some meaning because I fought with it as a teen and it will feel good to finally win that battle (a million years later) but it is unlikely to translate to an NSV. I am not close enough to downsize in clothing yet, I doubt I will gain additional freedom I do not currently have, and I doubt I will get a new or expanded ability. Sometimes 2 pounds is the final step towards an NSV but even then it is the NSV that matters.
If you did a gratitude journal about your weight loss I would hope it would contain something other than pages of numbers.
@NovusDies
The 2 days at maintenance may be a better idea; at the very least, Sunday at maintenance with Sunday dinners being what they are would be good. Maybe balance it out with Wednesday as the other day, though I'm not sure how that will play with Thursday weigh-ins. Maybe use Thursday instead......
I suppose I'm trying to control my inner toddler who doesn't care what realistic is, they want it and they want it right now and delayed gratification doesn't even compute! I have a hard time leaning on the NSVs since they've slowed down as well - water weight not only adds to the scale but it messes up measurements, too. I am losing in some places but not over all like I was before, and all my bloodwork levels are normal - I just got the results - so this isn't much NSV there either.
Gratitude journal? What's that? lol
though 20 lbs?!!!! I know I'd freak out if I gained that much in water weight!
A gratitude journal is a worthy experiment for you. With the some of the depression you feel and the self focused negativity an idea that might improve one or both is, imo, as important as how fast you lose weight right now. Perhaps it is even a higher priority. Appreciation for where I am and a strong feeling of defending it are very compelling for me. Whether I deserve to be where I am or not it is REMARKABLE and I do not want to lose any of it to anything other than age. I consider it a blessing and it is one I am excited to share to others as much as I am able.
An idea that is not a good fit for you can spawn an idea that is a better fit. Experimentation provides grist for the mill.6 -
I've tried gratitude journals but I'm just not the journaling type, I can't wrap my head around it but....Someone had an idea that worked for me. Every morning/evening write down three things that were good that day/yesterday. That's all, just a list no thoughts, emotions, or feeling, just a list. That's kind of a journal but the list aspect made it more palatable in my mind.3
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Last night my boyfriend broke his only pair of glasses.
This morning the cat broke a vase.
One of my teeth hurts. As does my lower back because I stood too much yesterday.
I am cranky. Possibly TOM, but possibly just related to the pain.
And, referencing #1, Boyfriend is bored and wants to tell me all about his book.
We have an appointment with the eye doctor at 3:45 this afternoon. I may not survive til then.5 -
I've tried gratitude journals but I'm just not the journaling type, I can't wrap my head around it but....Someone had an idea that worked for me. Every morning/evening write down three things that were good that day/yesterday. That's all, just a list no thoughts, emotions, or feeling, just a list. That's kind of a journal but the list aspect made it more palatable in my mind.
@papayahed
Nice. You took something and reframed it in a way that makes sense to you. That is the core of what I would like everyone to learn here. I have yet to find anyone/anything with the exact answers I found for myself. I have found parts in different places and I have found things similar but no total solution. I do not pretend to have the answers for everyone either. I throw out ideas and hope that something helps or it can be changed to something that will help. However, if an idea I suggest fails altogether with the right mindset that could still be useful information. I know for a fact that as of right now that things like high fat diets, 6 meal a day plans, frozen/prepared meal plans, meal replacements as a plan instead of an option, and who knows what else are not workable for me so there is no reason to go down any of those paths.. Because I believe in maximum flexibility I do not rule out meal replacements and I do use them but not generally when I have time and a kitchen to fix a normal meal. I will also occasionally eat a frozen meal but I can't do it daily for multiple meals.
In my studies I have also come across a daily system of just answering the following 3 questions:
1) What surprised you?
2) What inspired you?
3) What moved you?
I have tried to answer these questions but you are meant to have 3 different answers and I get in my head about classifications. I can often consider all 3 of my answers able to fit in any of them so then I am trying to decide which answer is weighted more towards one of the questions. Some pretty smart people developed the questions so I assume most are able to do it without getting anal about it.1 -
bmeadows380 wrote: »This week has just been hard. I've been working from home for the past 6 months and I thought I had convinced myself that so long as I was working remotely, I would be able to stick it out at this job. (I took this job in December and realized pretty quickly that it was nothing like what was described in the interview and not at all a good fit for me.) Working from home alleviated some of the stress and it helped that I was home with my dogs all day, able to go for lunchtime walks, etc. But this week I just completely broke down, crying on the couch every day, wondering why I'm wasting my life at this job. Previous job stress was 100% the cause of my weight gain and I really struggled to stay on my diet this week. Add to that some minor depression over being 28 and single, plus a little burnout over keeping up with the housework of a constantly "lived in" house, and I was just very down. Trying to get out of my fast food and cookies habits of this week and turn things around to start fresh for the week to come.
@amart4224
Oh, honey, I completely sympathize *hugs* when I started my first job out of college, I knew within the first week it wasn't a good fit for me, but I had been told that you had to tough it out for 2 years because "everyone feels that way". Well, I can tell you that I was even more sure after 3 miserable years in that job that it wasn't for me, and I wished I had started looking for something else long before that.
My current job is also a major source of my stress, but I'm not sure what to do about it, even though I've been wracking my brain for 13 years now on the issue. I need a whole sale career change, but that's not easy and frankly, I still have no idea what it is I'd be interested in doing; I've got a long, long list of career fields I DON'T want to do, but still can't figure out what would best suit me, and now I"m to the age where changing is too late.
I won't give you any platitudes about still being single at 28, either, because I've been there and am still there. I can just wish you well and hope you find a perfect match for you soon; meanwhile, I'm dealing with being 40 and still single and being forced to face the fact that perhaps I'm just not suited for relationships. I"m giving eharmony a try, though I'm cringing at the cost, because I was hoping that perhaps a pay-to-use service might have better quality candidates since you have to pony up good money, but so far, nope. I chatted with a few guys back in the summer, but the conversations fizzled out, and the one that I liked pretty well ended within a month because of irreconcilable worldviews. Otherwise, its been pretty much dead. The candidates within a close mileage of me are not good at all and completely incompatible with me. I am talking to one gentleman right now, but we are very far apart and while I'm enjoying the conversation because we have a lot in common - including worldviews - the distance is a big hindrance. Plus he likes the city and I like the country, so while I'm enjoying the talking, I'm also not expecting much to come of it.
I told myself since eharmony makes you sign up for a certain period and there are no rebates - if you sign up for a year, you're going to pay for that entire year, so since I'm already paying for it, I'd keep it going for that year, but I'm not renewing it after that time is up. If I can't get a good lead in that year's time, then I've told myself that's my answer on whether or not I"m meant for a relationship. I'm already working on psyching myself for a future as a single person......
I'm cringing at the price, really - it really does feel like a waste of money, but since everyone kept telling me "oh, you should try it" I thought that I probably should at least give it a serious effort one time before calling it quits; that way I could at least tell those people that I did try and it didn't pan out.
@amart4224
@bmeadows380
.....and all of the LL folks......
I believe in love.
In my first marriage of 18 years I was in love and then I and my kids endured 15 years of abuse...... before divorcing and spending the next 12+ years in court (another story).
Now I am 12 years into my second marriage, kids are all grown and out of the house. I was in love when I married for the second time. Today I am no longer in love with my husband and haven't been for the last six years.
This information isn't meant to be anything other than background to my statement: I believe in love and although I have dated, married, and experienced many facets of romantic love, I am still hopeful there is love for each and every one of us.
Due to my age and experiences with romantic love I am no longer focused on spending my life with a partner. What I do focus on are aspects of love that are not romantic, whether it is enjoying my dogs, a walk in the fall sunshine, volunteering, mentoring, or being with family and friends.
For me, finding things that bring me joy is often akin to feelings of love and those are the experiences I currently seek.
Much like making the path to losing weight as easy as possible, consider making your life and yourself as easy as possible to enjoy opportunities as they present themselves.
Be well.
Hugs.3 -
The good news is I have lost 7.6 pounds in 2 days. The bad news is I have lost 7.6 pounds plus electrolytes in 2 days.
I am going to have to push my doctor on my next visit to see if there is a better solution to this ridiculous vacation water weight gain other than just giving up on the notion of letting loose a little bit. I am pleased that my normal is now a calorie controlled existence. I accept that it is what I need to do now and I hope I accept that it is what I need to do for forever. My compromise is a relaxing to a alternate set of rules around holidays and vacations. I consider it a good thing to be in a surplus and my energy levels being as high as they can be so I can feel my best as long as the surplus is not over-the-top. I do not want to be dragging around and have it diminish a trip or a holiday. The slight weight gain is a price I am willing to pay. However, the water weight gain is a very high price to pay when it exceeds 10 pounds or so. I am growing tired of paying the water bill and it sucks knowing it is happening while I am away. I can feel it even if I can't see it on the scale until I return.3 -
I've tried gratitude journals but I'm just not the journaling type, I can't wrap my head around it but....Someone had an idea that worked for me. Every morning/evening write down three things that were good that day/yesterday. That's all, just a list no thoughts, emotions, or feeling, just a list. That's kind of a journal but the list aspect made it more palatable in my mind.
@papayahed
Nice. You took something and reframed it in a way that makes sense to you. That is the core of what I would like everyone to learn here. I have yet to find anyone/anything with the exact answers I found for myself. I have found parts in different places and I have found things similar but no total solution. I do not pretend to have the answers for everyone either. I throw out ideas and hope that something helps or it can be changed to something that will help. However, if an idea I suggest fails altogether with the right mindset that could still be useful information. I know for a fact that as of right now that things like high fat diets, 6 meal a day plans, frozen/prepared meal plans, meal replacements as a plan instead of an option, and who knows what else are not workable for me so there is no reason to go down any of those paths.. Because I believe in maximum flexibility I do not rule out meal replacements and I do use them but not generally when I have time and a kitchen to fix a normal meal. I will also occasionally eat a frozen meal but I can't do it daily for multiple meals.
In my studies I have also come across a daily system of just answering the following 3 questions:
1) What surprised you?
2) What inspired you?
3) What moved you?
I have tried to answer these questions but you are meant to have 3 different answers and I get in my head about classifications. I can often consider all 3 of my answers able to fit in any of them so then I am trying to decide which answer is weighted more towards one of the questions. Some pretty smart people developed the questions so I assume most are able to do it without getting anal about it.
@NovusDies
I really honestly have no earthly idea how to answer those questions. But I struggle to answer most "feels" questions. I'm not sure how much a benefit gratitude journaling would do for me, either, simply because I would struggle to connect emotionally to the words on the paper. I can list several things that I am grateful for, but I struggle with analyzing the feeling of "grateful" and am afraid that while I can list them, getting myself to deeply grab them and "believe them" is a whole other kettle of fish....1 -
The good news is I have lost 7.6 pounds in 2 days. The bad news is I have lost 7.6 pounds plus electrolytes in 2 days.
I am going to have to push my doctor on my next visit to see if there is a better solution to this ridiculous vacation water weight gain other than just giving up on the notion of letting loose a little bit. I am pleased that my normal is now a calorie controlled existence. I accept that it is what I need to do now and I hope I accept that it is what I need to do for forever. My compromise is a relaxing to a alternate set of rules around holidays and vacations. I consider it a good thing to be in a surplus and my energy levels being as high as they can be so I can feel my best as long as the surplus is not over-the-top. I do not want to be dragging around and have it diminish a trip or a holiday. The slight weight gain is a price I am willing to pay. However, the water weight gain is a very high price to pay when it exceeds 10 pounds or so. I am growing tired of paying the water bill and it sucks knowing it is happening while I am away. I can feel it even if I can't see it on the scale until I return.
If you can find out what causes that sort of extreme gain, I'd be very interested in knowing the answer. Is it something unique to your body or is it something that may be a consequence of losing large amounts of weight? In any case, I can't even imagine having to deal with that - you've got much more fortitude than I can dream of
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bmeadows380 wrote: »I've tried gratitude journals but I'm just not the journaling type, I can't wrap my head around it but....Someone had an idea that worked for me. Every morning/evening write down three things that were good that day/yesterday. That's all, just a list no thoughts, emotions, or feeling, just a list. That's kind of a journal but the list aspect made it more palatable in my mind.
@papayahed
Nice. You took something and reframed it in a way that makes sense to you. That is the core of what I would like everyone to learn here. I have yet to find anyone/anything with the exact answers I found for myself. I have found parts in different places and I have found things similar but no total solution. I do not pretend to have the answers for everyone either. I throw out ideas and hope that something helps or it can be changed to something that will help. However, if an idea I suggest fails altogether with the right mindset that could still be useful information. I know for a fact that as of right now that things like high fat diets, 6 meal a day plans, frozen/prepared meal plans, meal replacements as a plan instead of an option, and who knows what else are not workable for me so there is no reason to go down any of those paths.. Because I believe in maximum flexibility I do not rule out meal replacements and I do use them but not generally when I have time and a kitchen to fix a normal meal. I will also occasionally eat a frozen meal but I can't do it daily for multiple meals.
In my studies I have also come across a daily system of just answering the following 3 questions:
1) What surprised you?
2) What inspired you?
3) What moved you?
I have tried to answer these questions but you are meant to have 3 different answers and I get in my head about classifications. I can often consider all 3 of my answers able to fit in any of them so then I am trying to decide which answer is weighted more towards one of the questions. Some pretty smart people developed the questions so I assume most are able to do it without getting anal about it.
@NovusDies
I really honestly have no earthly idea how to answer those questions. But I struggle to answer most "feels" questions. I'm not sure how much a benefit gratitude journaling would do for me, either, simply because I would struggle to connect emotionally to the words on the paper. I can list several things that I am grateful for, but I struggle with analyzing the feeling of "grateful" and am afraid that while I can list them, getting myself to deeply grab them and "believe them" is a whole other kettle of fish....
You have mentioned church and posted pictures of you in church. Would your particular religious beliefs/views of God prevent you from just journaling it in a way that you expressing your gratitude to God? Like a written prayer? We are not allowed to engage much in religious discussion here so we can't carry this too far. The rules may be different inside of groups though. I have never seen the rules for groups.1 -
bmeadows380 wrote: »The good news is I have lost 7.6 pounds in 2 days. The bad news is I have lost 7.6 pounds plus electrolytes in 2 days.
I am going to have to push my doctor on my next visit to see if there is a better solution to this ridiculous vacation water weight gain other than just giving up on the notion of letting loose a little bit. I am pleased that my normal is now a calorie controlled existence. I accept that it is what I need to do now and I hope I accept that it is what I need to do for forever. My compromise is a relaxing to a alternate set of rules around holidays and vacations. I consider it a good thing to be in a surplus and my energy levels being as high as they can be so I can feel my best as long as the surplus is not over-the-top. I do not want to be dragging around and have it diminish a trip or a holiday. The slight weight gain is a price I am willing to pay. However, the water weight gain is a very high price to pay when it exceeds 10 pounds or so. I am growing tired of paying the water bill and it sucks knowing it is happening while I am away. I can feel it even if I can't see it on the scale until I return.
If you can find out what causes that sort of extreme gain, I'd be very interested in knowing the answer. Is it something unique to your body or is it something that may be a consequence of losing large amounts of weight? In any case, I can't even imagine having to deal with that - you've got much more fortitude than I can dream of
The best explanation I have gotten, which I did not fully understand, is that it had something to do with the "empty spaces" caused by extreme weight loss. I have hoped for some time that now that I am down to vanity pounds and losing slower this would start to fix itself but it has not. Perhaps my year or more at maintenance while I work on composition will help.
I wouldn't call it fortitude. Just because something sucks doesn't mean you can't accept it as part of your normal if you are given few choices in the matter. The extreme uptick stop being more than an initial shock after you watch it happen and recede enough times. I wouldn't even care except that it can make me feel bad. I have a knot in my left calf muscle today which I believe is related so that is some extra fun for me.4 -
Today we had a pot luck at work for lunch. I tried to make good choices and eat a few bites of only a few things. I of course had to guess on my inputting as I didn't make everything. After I ate I began logging and it added up to 1000 calories. That is almost my whole daily calorie allotment for the whole day. I feel like crap cause I ate more than I normally eat. Sigh I am still under for the week and it can be made up but it was a HUGE shocker when the number popped up. Even after a year of doing very well caloriewise I know I still have not perfected it.3
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Today we had a pot luck at work for lunch. I tried to make good choices and eat a few bites of only a few things. I of course had to guess on my inputting as I didn't make everything. After I ate I began logging and it added up to 1000 calories. That is almost my whole daily calorie allotment for the whole day. I feel like crap cause I ate more than I normally eat. Sigh I am still under for the week and it can be made up but it was a HUGE shocker when the number popped up. Even after a year of doing very well caloriewise I know I still have not perfected it.
If you guessed then couldn't the actual number be 700 instead of 1000?
I have been at this 2.5 years and "perfecting it" has never been possible. Certainly when I am in full control over my food and everything is running smoothly I can hit the mark (within the normal margin of error) but life doesn't always afford me that ability. Life is messy and sometimes the evil pot lucks come up and snatch away some of our deficits. I really hope you do not try to make it up and you just let it go.2 -
Today we had a pot luck at work for lunch. I tried to make good choices and eat a few bites of only a few things. I of course had to guess on my inputting as I didn't make everything. After I ate I began logging and it added up to 1000 calories. That is almost my whole daily calorie allotment for the whole day. I feel like crap cause I ate more than I normally eat. Sigh I am still under for the week and it can be made up but it was a HUGE shocker when the number popped up. Even after a year of doing very well caloriewise I know I still have not perfected it.
If you guessed then couldn't the actual number be 700 instead of 1000?
I have been at this 2.5 years and "perfecting it" has never been possible. Certainly when I am in full control over my food and everything is running smoothly I can hit the mark (within the normal margin of error) but life doesn't always afford me that ability. Life is messy and sometimes the evil pot lucks come up and snatch away some of our deficits. I really hope you do not try to make it up and you just let it go.
Yes it could very well have been 700. Who knows. When I say make it up I don’t in any means mean I’m going to starve myself for a number. I am past that fortunately. More along I’m going to have to get off my behind and do some extra exercise to earn some of those calories back! CICO and if I don’t have much more CI then I have to make more by CO!3 -
You have mentioned church and posted pictures of you in church. Would your particular religious beliefs/views of God prevent you from just journaling it in a way that you expressing your gratitude to God? Like a written prayer? We are not allowed to engage much in religious discussion here so we can't carry this too far. The rules may be different inside of groups though. I have never seen the rules for groups.
making them prayers is an excellent idea, though I've got a lot of baggage I'm working through when it comes to me and my relationship with God - I'm very glad He's patient, that's all I can say lol
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I usually spend 30-45 minutes each evening talking to my friend on the phone. It’s a decompress from the day. Today since I indulged so much at lunch I decided to do it while walking. So I did and earned enough calories that I finished the day 100 under! Not perfect but I’ll take it.
I have also learned that I didn’t like how I felt for the rest of the day today. I was super full and therefore sluggish and tired for the last half of work. I was unmotivated to do much of anything. Great lessons to learn!4 -
Nice job!I usually spend 30-45 minutes each evening talking to my friend on the phone. It’s a decompress from the day. Today since I indulged so much at lunch I decided to do it while walking. So I did and earned enough calories that I finished the day 100 under! Not perfect but I’ll take it.
I have also learned that I didn’t like how I felt for the rest of the day today. I was super full and therefore sluggish and tired for the last half of work. I was unmotivated to do much of anything. Great lessons to learn!
I love when I can associate a strong feeling with a food-related "failure". At least for a while, I can remember vividly how awful I felt afterward and use it as a reminder if I'm wanting to go down that same road again. (Food "successes" can work the same way, as a positive reminder.)2 -
I saw a "rain jacket" on sale when I was on vacation so I decided to buy one. I kind of expected the areas it covered to end up... you know... dry. This morning it rained most of the time I was out. I will admit that normally I come back soaked but damp is not dry.
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I saw a "rain jacket" on sale when I was on vacation so I decided to buy one. I kind of expected the areas it covered to end up... you know... dry. This morning it rained most of the time I was out. I will admit that normally I come back soaked but damp is not dry.
That is an unfortunate and clammy purchase! I had one of those that I just recently donated. Now of course I still don't have a replacement, but I feel drier with the umbrella anyway...1
