I took a consulting job - very spur of the moment. Only a 5 day gig. It is in disaster restoration which is my wheelhouse.
Tonight, one of the tenants of the condo where I’m working had a big gulp vodka cranberry. This has been my hardest craving yet!!! Even thought “when I get off work, there is a liquor store around the corner.”
I skipped the liquor store. Still craving this, but going to bed and hope the urge is gone tomorrow!
Thanks for the Shirley Temple memories! I'm lazy now and stick to Diet Ginger Ale and Seltzer, but I think it may be time for a trip down memory lane soon!
Beka, I still very much have the urge to "unwind" but I read somewhere about "surfing" the urge. For me the urge comes after a long day of work or at the end of a relaxing one. I know that the wolf will stick his head up around 5 and I know it's coming. When you see the wave coming, you stand a better chance of riding it out.
Dax reminds us all that the very second we think we've got this....we don't. What's the old saying? As long as you get back up one more time than you get knocked down?
Thats true. The second we think we got this think again. I thought I was deserving of some Birthday wine with my birthday dinner. Its funny that I entertained the idea. I dont even like wine. Just seeking that break from reality let loose happy feeling.
I didnt. Ate all the birthday cake and food though. Had zero control of that situation. So after 4 days of recklessness I have to pull the reigns back in. All or nothing same mentality different vice. But its the proof I need to show me I dont have it all together and quite possibly never will.
Carrot juice shots tomorrow
No one should feel guilty eating birthday cake on their birthday for Heaven's sake! It's my sister's birthday Sunday and I am bringing the cake and I plan on having a slice. Anyone staying (or attempting to stay) sober should feel OK indulging in this comparatively harmless treat. That being said, I have dropped 3 lbs thanks to the inspiring stories of weight loss here. Obviously wine has no place in my weight loss efforts.
I heard or read somewhere recently...I think it was Belle from Tired of Thinking about Drinking, "Where do I want to be in 6 months? Still here, wishing I was sober/healthier?" It really resonated with me. I know 6 months from now I definitely want to be sober and have lost quite a bit of weight. So, I am keeping a calendar with my weight and notes and goals. Not to bash my spouse, but he came home with a 6 pack of heavy beer last night. After a beer and a healthy dinner he had another beer which led to huge bag of cheese popcorn followed by 2 bowls of ice cream. I watched in amazement, knowing damn well this would have been me had I started in with even 1 drink. By giving up drinking I have given up the mindless eating. Hopefully that will continue to drive off the pounds. And now I need to go for a walk. Have a wonderful day my Friends!
I'm up sleepless at 12:30. I wanted to post because tonight I had a real "F#*k It!" moment regarding sobriety. I'm feeling depressed about the ridiculous political situation in our country and depressed about going on 7 months of pandemic. Even though I have so much to be grateful for (a job, plenty to eat), it was pity party time. I didn't drink. Today is day 89 of not drinking. I didn't drink because I considered how it would feel to awaken at 3:00 with a pounding heart and panic. However . . . I also considered that it wouldn't be any worse than the dread and depression I was feeling, and I know for a fact that alcohol would relieve that dread and depression, albeit temporarily. I feel like I can't drink. Kate Bee would say, "Of course you can. No one is stopping you." But I feel like I've gone so far down this avenue that I really can't let myself drink. Tonight I actually resented myself for that, in a very weird way.
Anyway, I've posted about the positives--great sleep, weight loss, even a Jeopardy audition. Thought I might as well post about the down times. Sobriety is a joy much of the time. It's also a struggle. Same thing is true of life. I've chosen to go down this path, and I don't think I'm going to veer off of it. I can't project the future, but I know tonight I'm not veering. Still depressed as hell. But I think sobriety is worth the discomfort right now. I didn't realize I've reached that point. I'm glad of it. That's all. Thanks for being a safe community for this ramble.
@donimfp I agree. The whole world has gone to $h*t and it is hard not to be depressed, throw up our hands and say, "What does it matter if I drink?" But as you wisely point out, all that will lead to is a racing heart and terrible anxiety later. I like that you point out that while we have great benefits from sober living, there are still going to be down times. That is just Life.
@donimfp I can see and totally agree how difficult times and emotions are because of the state of the world. Can you imagine how much worse your dread and depression would be if you were drinking? Ten times worse. I cannot see any positive for drinking anymore- even the fleeting short moments of respite from the realities of life, is so not worth the rabbit hole drinking brings me down.
I do think many times a day about drinking still; I wonder when that will lessen. But so far it has been 28 days of sobriety for me and hopefully 29 tomorrow.
89 days - that is terrific~
It's nice you turned to writing about your feelings at 12:30 a.m.; that is good therapy in itself. Wishing you a better week.
My sister is on seven months sober and told me she is skipping our annual scrapbook weekend. She says it is too much of a trigger for her with drinking.
When I use to bring alcohol to the scrapbook weekends, I would wonder why in the morning, my vodka bottle had so little in it. I was convinced I drank so much the night before. But she confessed to me that it was SHE who was sneaking vodka from me when I would leave the room or go to bed. She was to ashamed to admit it but I told her , I totally get it. It's embarrassing to sneak alcohol in hopes no one knows how much you are drinking.
Although I will miss her and her laughter and good stories, I understand how we have to be mindful of triggers and do our best to stay away from them.
p.s. I am in need of a pedicure, but my pedicure place is a trigger for me. It's next to a cute little wine bar where I would go after pedicures. So, maybe today, I'll find a new place to get my nails done and start a new pattern.
@aroze0928 I feel the same. I feel like I deserve to drink on my birthday- to celebrate. I'm happy you didn't though. And you awoke the next day feeling fine! I didn't drink on my birthday this year and I survived. No regrets.
One last thing .... I had some red flags on my liver and kidney blood tests in August, so one of my primary goals for sobriety is to get these little organs back in place and healthy and happy.
If at the very least, not drinking makes our bodies and brains smile!
Have a great day! Our school board voted to go back to five days in person learning, so at the end of Oct. I will have 20 kids in a small room with big desks... not sure how I can social distance them but I will try. I am so done getting bent out of shape over things I cannot control. Keep that positive self talk going! My colleague has been getting so crazy complaining about school that I have to also set some boundaries with her- not answer her every text or not pick up my phone when she calls.
So, keep setting boundaries in your life will keep you more sane. Love you!
@RubyRed427, It was so good to see your posts this morning. You're doing great. That's interesting about your sister. She's lucky she has you to understand what she is going/was going through.
Good luck finding an even better pedicure place! Cute little wine bars can definitely be tempting.
Today is Day 90 for me. Yay! I'm sure I was in my 20s last time I went 90 days. That's 40 years ago. I've already picked out the James Avery ring I'm going to get for my 6-month celebration January 6, which is also, coincidentally, Epiphany. But I want to get something special to commemorate Day 100, too. I haven't decided what. That will be a fun project today, looking around online.
Kate Bee's 4-times-a-year Sober School 6-week "Getting Unstuck" course starts Monday. I'm so happy for the women who will be starting the adventure I started on July 6. Again, if ever anyone gets totally frustrated with repeated Day Ones like I did, it might be worth a try. I'm participating in her alumni community and getting a lot out of that, too.
I am addicted in a good way to the Curious Elixir drinks. I can get 4-6 mocktails out of each $7.50 bottle, so that's not bad. They are really delicious. I wish bars would catch on and start stocking those things to mix up delicious drinks that aren't Shirley Temples.
Have a great weekend, everyone! Oh, and thanks for being there when I (and others) need to vent sometimes.
Replies
I took a consulting job - very spur of the moment. Only a 5 day gig. It is in disaster restoration which is my wheelhouse.
Tonight, one of the tenants of the condo where I’m working had a big gulp vodka cranberry. This has been my hardest craving yet!!! Even thought “when I get off work, there is a liquor store around the corner.”
I skipped the liquor store. Still craving this, but going to bed and hope the urge is gone tomorrow!
Beka, I still very much have the urge to "unwind" but I read somewhere about "surfing" the urge. For me the urge comes after a long day of work or at the end of a relaxing one. I know that the wolf will stick his head up around 5 and I know it's coming. When you see the wave coming, you stand a better chance of riding it out.
Dax reminds us all that the very second we think we've got this....we don't. What's the old saying? As long as you get back up one more time than you get knocked down?
I didnt. Ate all the birthday cake and food though. Had zero control of that situation. So after 4 days of recklessness I have to pull the reigns back in. All or nothing same mentality different vice. But its the proof I need to show me I dont have it all together and quite possibly never will.
Carrot juice shots tomorrow
Happy birthday!!!!
Today is my birthday!!! We almost shared one!
I heard or read somewhere recently...I think it was Belle from Tired of Thinking about Drinking, "Where do I want to be in 6 months? Still here, wishing I was sober/healthier?" It really resonated with me. I know 6 months from now I definitely want to be sober and have lost quite a bit of weight. So, I am keeping a calendar with my weight and notes and goals. Not to bash my spouse, but he came home with a 6 pack of heavy beer last night. After a beer and a healthy dinner he had another beer which led to huge bag of cheese popcorn followed by 2 bowls of ice cream. I watched in amazement, knowing damn well this would have been me had I started in with even 1 drink. By giving up drinking I have given up the mindless eating. Hopefully that will continue to drive off the pounds. And now I need to go for a walk. Have a wonderful day my Friends!
Happy Birthday!! Hope its a great one!
Thank you
Anyway, I've posted about the positives--great sleep, weight loss, even a Jeopardy audition. Thought I might as well post about the down times. Sobriety is a joy much of the time. It's also a struggle. Same thing is true of life. I've chosen to go down this path, and I don't think I'm going to veer off of it. I can't project the future, but I know tonight I'm not veering. Still depressed as hell. But I think sobriety is worth the discomfort right now. I didn't realize I've reached that point. I'm glad of it. That's all. Thanks for being a safe community for this ramble.
I do think many times a day about drinking still; I wonder when that will lessen. But so far it has been 28 days of sobriety for me and hopefully 29 tomorrow.
89 days - that is terrific~
It's nice you turned to writing about your feelings at 12:30 a.m.; that is good therapy in itself. Wishing you a better week.
When I use to bring alcohol to the scrapbook weekends, I would wonder why in the morning, my vodka bottle had so little in it. I was convinced I drank so much the night before. But she confessed to me that it was SHE who was sneaking vodka from me when I would leave the room or go to bed. She was to ashamed to admit it but I told her , I totally get it. It's embarrassing to sneak alcohol in hopes no one knows how much you are drinking.
Although I will miss her and her laughter and good stories, I understand how we have to be mindful of triggers and do our best to stay away from them.
p.s. I am in need of a pedicure, but my pedicure place is a trigger for me. It's next to a cute little wine bar where I would go after pedicures. So, maybe today, I'll find a new place to get my nails done and start a new pattern.
If at the very least, not drinking makes our bodies and brains smile!
Have a great day! Our school board voted to go back to five days in person learning, so at the end of Oct. I will have 20 kids in a small room with big desks... not sure how I can social distance them but I will try. I am so done getting bent out of shape over things I cannot control. Keep that positive self talk going! My colleague has been getting so crazy complaining about school that I have to also set some boundaries with her- not answer her every text or not pick up my phone when she calls.
So, keep setting boundaries in your life will keep you more sane. Love you!
Good luck finding an even better pedicure place! Cute little wine bars can definitely be tempting.
Today is Day 90 for me. Yay! I'm sure I was in my 20s last time I went 90 days. That's 40 years ago. I've already picked out the James Avery ring I'm going to get for my 6-month celebration January 6, which is also, coincidentally, Epiphany. But I want to get something special to commemorate Day 100, too. I haven't decided what. That will be a fun project today, looking around online.
Kate Bee's 4-times-a-year Sober School 6-week "Getting Unstuck" course starts Monday. I'm so happy for the women who will be starting the adventure I started on July 6. Again, if ever anyone gets totally frustrated with repeated Day Ones like I did, it might be worth a try. I'm participating in her alumni community and getting a lot out of that, too.
I am addicted in a good way to the Curious Elixir drinks. I can get 4-6 mocktails out of each $7.50 bottle, so that's not bad. They are really delicious. I wish bars would catch on and start stocking those things to mix up delicious drinks that aren't Shirley Temples.
Have a great weekend, everyone! Oh, and thanks for being there when I (and others) need to vent sometimes.
I look forward to hearing what you will pick out. I am going to have to look into James Avery ring. I dont know what that is?
Thanks for the reminder about Curious Elixir drinks!! I will get on that right now and order some.