Help with managing bad self hate?
SayNoToCakes
Posts: 16 Member
Hi all,
i have always struggled with low self esteem. In school, I struggled with restricting and binging on food and then purging. I was very very slim. After I had my first daughter, I was in a very toxic relationship and food was the one thing I could absolutely control and it made me happy.
Every single time I try to lose weight, I get really upset if I cannot binge on food, I hate myself so much that I often sabotage everything. I can't look at myself in mirrors, Im the biggest I ever have been at 18 stone. None of my clothes fit, I don't leave the house as it's embarrassing. I need to lose weight but I dont know how, I really dont.
i have always struggled with low self esteem. In school, I struggled with restricting and binging on food and then purging. I was very very slim. After I had my first daughter, I was in a very toxic relationship and food was the one thing I could absolutely control and it made me happy.
Every single time I try to lose weight, I get really upset if I cannot binge on food, I hate myself so much that I often sabotage everything. I can't look at myself in mirrors, Im the biggest I ever have been at 18 stone. None of my clothes fit, I don't leave the house as it's embarrassing. I need to lose weight but I dont know how, I really dont.
24
Replies
-
So sorry to hear this, and wishing you luck in getting the support you need. I've read the other threads you started here and it seems to me that finding a counsellor to help you address your relationship with food could be key. Have you talked to your GP about this? (From the 18 stone I would think that you might be in the UK.) Truly: I wish you good luck!6
-
Have you considered reaching out to a professional? Talking to someone might help.
I'm trying to lose the weight from having my daughter. I still suffer from anxiety tied to losing her twin during the pregnancy, and trauma during her delivery. I understand not wanting to go out, and nothing fitting. Still wearing lose lounge clothes all the time.
Being apart of this community and talking with someone has helped me lose almost 40 lbs so far.
It's okay to lose weight at a slower pace, and work on goals outside of just weight loss.
So much good luck.9 -
SayNoToCakes wrote: »Hi all,
i have always struggled with low self esteem. In school, I struggled with restricting and binging on food and then purging. I was very very slim. After I had my first daughter, I was in a very toxic relationship and food was the one thing I could absolutely control and it made me happy.
Every single time I try to lose weight, I get really upset if I cannot binge on food, I hate myself so much that I often sabotage everything. I can't look at myself in mirrors, Im the biggest I ever have been at 18 stone. None of my clothes fit, I don't leave the house as it's embarrassing. I need to lose weight but I dont know how, I really dont.
If you had a heart condition, would you try to manage it on your own?
Your mental health is just as important. Please see a professional.12 -
Start by loving yourself. It's the beginning of a lifelong relationship that will see you through.
If loving your body sounds impossible I want you to remember that your body is the best friend you're ever going to have in this life. It carries us all the way home. When you hate your body it's a complete disconnect.
Your body has accommodated you through everything you've put it through, body, mind and spirit. There it stands faithfully with you. Go to the mirror and say thank you, I love you. Don't try and gut this out by yourself. You need a shoulder and a good listener.
We all have to address the head games. You're brave, really brave. You want to swing this mountain of momentum back in your favor. Find someone who can help you start loving yourself.
9 -
Feel free to message me - I work in the area of creating and fostering resilience (generally in big companies, but it’s applicable across life!). If you’re willing to put the effort into change, I’m willing to put the effort into you, as a mentor. I’ve been where you are and I’ve climbed out of it - you can do it too. There are tools you can learn and I’d be happy to share them to lift you up.
No obligation and certainly no judgement whatsoever, regardless of your decision!
Sending you lots of love and light girlfriend and wishing you all the best on your journey to self love.
You’re worth it.
14 -
Hi,
That sounds so difficult. I just want to say that mental health is something we can't always manage on our own, and you need and deserve more than an internet forum can offer you.
Well done in reaching out for help on here. I'm afraid there's more reaching out that you need to do and that is in real life, which is scary, but you can do it. Go to your GP. It might be the best thing you ever do.
The time when you really don't want to reach out is usually the time you absolutely need to.
Good luck.5 -
I would add that I really think the best person to see is a mental health professional who has experience working with people with diet/ overeating/ binge eating issues. I know the poster above is trying to help but you should really go to the GP xx5
-
Hi all and thank you for your supportive comments.
I have had help with my mental health, at one point I was in and out of hospital due to it and I have had therapy but none of which focused on my binge eating or self hate. I'm desperate to have a counsellor now to deal with the deeper issues but with Covid it's extremely hard, doctors don't really care. I had to fight so hard to receive mental health help in the first instance, they refused me so long until it took 6 suicide attempts for them to even consider me 😔
I absolutely think I have the power to do this but I need to learn how to love myself, how to truly care for myself. How to live life and be happy with myself in order to lose this weight.8 -
SayNoToCakes wrote: »Hi all and thank you for your supportive comments.
I have had help with my mental health, at one point I was in and out of hospital due to it and I have had therapy but none of which focused on my binge eating or self hate. I'm desperate to have a counsellor now to deal with the deeper issues but with Covid it's extremely hard, doctors don't really care. I had to fight so hard to receive mental health help in the first instance, they refused me so long until it took 6 suicide attempts for them to even consider me 😔
I absolutely think I have the power to do this but I need to learn how to love myself, how to truly care for myself. How to live life and be happy with myself in order to lose this weight.
Please don't give up. I would think on-line counseling would exist.2 -
SayNoToCakes wrote: »Hi all and thank you for your supportive comments.
I have had help with my mental health, at one point I was in and out of hospital due to it and I have had therapy but none of which focused on my binge eating or self hate. I'm desperate to have a counsellor now to deal with the deeper issues but with Covid it's extremely hard, doctors don't really care. I had to fight so hard to receive mental health help in the first instance, they refused me so long until it took 6 suicide attempts for them to even consider me 😔
I absolutely think I have the power to do this but I need to learn how to love myself, how to truly care for myself. How to live life and be happy with myself in order to lose this weight.
"but I need to learn how to love myself, how to truly care for myself"
I agree with the others that professional help would be ideal. And I know during COVID, it's not always possible. I suffered self loathing on a daily basis when I was young. It's paralyzing. Now, as an older person, it's something that happens occasionally. It's like a chronic illness that goes into remission but can be exacerbated by stress, fatigue etc.
During a flareup, when I'm not able to love myself, or even be nice to myself, it's hard to take care of myself. I don't have a therapist now, due to job loss. What I do in the meantime, is act "as if." I act "as if" I love myself, even though I don't. When I'm really paralyzed, I start w baby steps. Like making sure I drink enough water. Then I'll add a short walk everyday, or a stretch. I start w super easy things I can do. Maybe clean a small room. Listen to favorite music. Somehow, by acting as if I love myself those messages make their way through the subconscious, and little by little the painful self hate starts to dissipate. Dealing with self hate is hard and my heart goes out to you. Hang in there.7 -
If you can't find help through the NHS, I'd reach out to spiritual advisors. Salvation Army. The Samaritans. A local church women's group, a weightloss group like Weight Watchers or OA.
Whatever addiction anyone has - they are all treatable if you believe they are and Faith is the very first step. I found that only I can change my beliefs and my own personal situation, but it's good to reach out and build a support SYSTEM, not just one person like a therapist.
Self-hatred is also an addictive behavior that can be broken.
The opposite of addiction is connection.4 -
Personally, I'd go see a therapist to help identify the reason. No shame in finding out what's the real issue.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
3 -
So many of us can relate to struggling to love ourselves. When that struggle turns violent, then it is time to gather up a posse to aid you in your journey. You are not alone, and there is a way through this. You are loveable. Many of us, myself included, have needed assistance along the way. I've turned to many things in my own journey, including therapy, reading books, journaling, meditation, talking about my feelings, doing affirmations, doing ritual, and so much more. Don't give up on yourself. You are worthy of what you seek. You are worth the tireless energy of finding your personal way toward love.1
-
SayNoToCakes wrote: »Hi all and thank you for your supportive comments.
I have had help with my mental health, at one point I was in and out of hospital due to it and I have had therapy but none of which focused on my binge eating or self hate. I'm desperate to have a counsellor now to deal with the deeper issues but with Covid it's extremely hard, doctors don't really care. I had to fight so hard to receive mental health help in the first instance, they refused me so long until it took 6 suicide attempts for them to even consider me 😔
I absolutely think I have the power to do this but I need to learn how to love myself, how to truly care for myself. How to live life and be happy with myself in order to lose this weight.
Are you in the UK? Here in the US in my and surrounding states it's been easier to get mental health appointments, as they are now virtual.
If you need a referral from your GP, do get the process started. I'd refer to your previous history. My brother's mental unhealth makes it easier for him to get services.1 -
I would definitely recommend therapy to focus around the binge eating and self image problems. I had to go private for therapy in the end, which wasn’t ideal but it meant I was in control of how long it went on for and also not being at the mercy of an NHS waiting list.
I had to try a couple of therapists before I found one that I could work with, and it was a tough process, but I managed it.
I still have some food issues, but I understand why I used to binge the way I did, know my triggers and have alternative coping mechanisms in place.
You won’t regret the therapy, I promise.2 -
you're just in a funk we all fall into it at one time or another, please go outside, go for a walk, take it one day at a time and if you think others are judging you or staring I assure you they are not, if I ever see a person who is overweight out on the bike trail or the gym I am so happy and root for them, and I have yet to see anyone be rude or negative in 30 plus years of working out (what I'm saying is it can all be in your head)2
-
Hi, I'm exactly the same and weigh pretty much the same too.
Off and on all different diets, recently tried keto... Not sustainable for me at all. Talking myself back into slimming world but I know this isn't the way at all, been over 2 years since I went and promised I wouldn't again!
Scared of calorie counting and don't know why 🤔2 -
you're just in a funk we all fall into it at one time or another, please go outside, go for a walk, take it one day at a time and if you think others are judging you or staring I assure you they are not, if I ever see a person who is overweight out on the bike trail or the gym I am so happy and root for them, and I have yet to see anyone be rude or negative in 30 plus years of working out (what I'm saying is it can all be in your head)
Hi. It's never helpful to say "you're just...." or "it's all in your head" to someone who is suffering with their mental health. Maybe next time just think it to yourself and move on without commenting... it's just not a useful thing to say.11 -
Here in the UK there is "Overeaters Anonymous". Not sure if it would be what you need but might be worth a try. At least talking online to others who are dealing with similar issues could be helpful as a bit of support. You really are not alone with this, there are other people out there who are dealing with the same kind of issues it is just a question of reaching out.
I really hope you can find a solution. Hating on yourself takes up so much mental energy and it must be such an awful way to feel.
Best of luck to you, take care.0 -
Thank you everyone! I've rang the doctors and I'm put on a lovely waiting list of a year but maybe I will get the counselling at some point.
I'm researching a lot about self love and it's helping. Xx6
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.3K Introduce Yourself
- 43.4K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 387 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.4K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 901 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.2K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions