Dad Jokes/Bad Jokes...
Replies
-
piggy_smalls wrote: »In college, I used to boat sit, and started dating the girl next door. But eventually we drifted apart.
You are wayyyy too good at these1 -
I haven't spoken to my wife in years.
I didn't want to interrupt her.
- Rodney Dangerfield3 -
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
- Rodney D.2 -
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow.
He told me to wear a brown tie.
- Rodney D.0 -
It's tough to stay married.
My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
- R.D.0 -
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out.
I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
- R.D.0 -
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby.
Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
- Steven Wright0 -
I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone.
They went "Aaaaahhhh..."
- Steven Wright0 -
0
-
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time".
So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
- S.W.1 -
One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face.
The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.
- S.W.1 -
I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a lady who would be really upset if she heard me say that.2
-
Albert Einstein had a brother called Frank.
He was a monster.4 -
My aunt is a smoker and loves David Bowie. We call her Ciggy Stardust.3
-
hawkeye45_ wrote: »I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a lady who would be really upset if she heard me say that.
2 -
I've got this weird fetish for figuring things out. Matter of fact, I just came to that conclusion.2
-
What do you get when you cross an angry sheep with a mad cow?
Two animals in a baaaaad moooood.4 -
My ex tried to humiliate me in front of her friends by saying I was bad in bed. You should've seen the look on her face when they all disagreed.3
-
I'm pissed at my neighbor. He keeps playing Lionel Richie at max volume. Normally I wouldn't mind but it's been All Night Long.4
-
9
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.3K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 388 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.4K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 910 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.2K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions