Serious/heavy/deep/real stuff
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I cant decide if I should have a 3rd baby or not. I can't stop thinking about it, ever. But at the same time things are so nice with my two children right now and im not sure I feel like being pregnant again.
I have huge lists of reasons why and why not running through my head at all moments of the day and night, I'm totally obsessed. And I am wanting someone else to decide for me. But someone who will take it seriously and make the right decision lol. Why do I have to be the one to decide. My husband keeps saying he is on board with whatever and he thinks I want one cuz I can't stop obsessing. But I think the reality.. is that I want 2 or 4 because even numbers. And he doesnt want 4, he wants 3... so... I dont know!
We have a boy and girl now and it would be good to have 1 more of each since I'm worried about someone feeling left out. But the reality is I have no control over that either!!4 -
thehumanpickle wrote: »6 years ago today, my Dad walked me down the aisle. I wasn't getting married-- my step-aunt actually was because same-sex marriage was FINALLY legalized in NC in 2014. I wore a simple white dress and my aunt's fiancee let me borrow her bouquet.
See, Dad was diagnosed at the age of 55 with metastatic pancreatic cancer in August of 2014. What we suspected was gallbladder trouble or at worst, a liver issue, turned out to be cancer stemming from his pancreas that had already spread to these other organs, hence the symptoms. I don't know if you know much about pancan, but once you are symptomatic, the survival rate is something like 6%. That's about a 94% morbidity rate.
So, by October of 2014, the chemo was kicking his butt --though we were grateful at the time that he had decided to attempt treatment, we would later change our minds on that because it became impossible to tell if it was the chemo or the cancer making him sicker--and we were all coming to grips with the fact that every day was possibly The Last.
I had just broken up with my boyfriend of 2+ years. Marriage wasn't a prospect. I was 28 and the youngest of 3 girls, and the other 2 had the traditional walk down the aisle on their big days. We wanted it, too.
Daddy wasn't feeling well at all, but he grabbed my elbow and with all eyes on us, we traipsed down the makeshift aisle to the small flowered arbor we had assembled for my step-aunts to get married under there on the waterfront.
Standing under it, we stopped and he told me that this is where the minister would ask who gives this woman away and he would say, her mother and I do. And we hugged. And I just kept whispering to him, you're going to be there, Dad. This is just a formality. You're gonna be there.
Dad passed away 7 months later in his home. He was 56.
I met a great guy in 2016 and in August, we got married in a tiny little waterside ceremony under a tree. My Dad's ashes were in a big, beautiful jar just a few feet away. My StepDad gave me away.
Today on Facebook memories, the photo of Daddy in and I 2014 popped up.
I am having a hard time, today. I cannot believe I got married without him there. I can't believe how fast time has moved on without him. I miss him so much.
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I'll share some photos for your trouble. In the last one you can see his jar right there near all the other guests.
Precious memories of a precious man. Thank you for sharing, thinking of you today.. hope your day has some unexpected beautiful moments.
This made me legitimately cry. I'm sorry for your loss but also that is such a precious memory.1 -
As an added kick in the pants, I get to spend the first half of the day I was dreading tomorrow- Dad's birthday- visiting the Sheriff's Office because I am being pursued by a debt collector and they like scare tactics. I just wanna go lay somewhere and not move.8
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thehumanpickle wrote: »As an added kick in the pants, I get to spend the first half of the day I was dreading tomorrow- Dad's birthday- visiting the Sheriff's Office because I am being pursued by a debt collector and they like scare tactics. I just wanna go lay somewhere and not move.
Oh my gosh, I am so sorry that is happening to you.
How is that kind of behavior or action even legal anymore? You know who uses scare tactics to get their money back? Mobsters. I hope the Sheriff can assist.
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My oldest (he's barely an adult now) told me last night that I'm scary when I'm mad. He described me as a potential Hulk in a little body. This isn't the first time he's shared this with me. Yes, I get angry (redhead rage is real for me), but I try to tamp it down. I don't throw/hit things, scream, or walk out. I do yell, but if I get mad enough I get quiet. Very quiet. I guess it could be that it's evident I am tamping it down and the unknown of what might happen if I don't is scary. I should talk to him about it, but I hesitate because it bothers me so much that my kid uses the word "scary" to describe me.6
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Today is my mom's 81st birthday.
I can see how rapidly shes declining from Alzheimer's. April 2019, she was able to use the phone and dial my number to tell me of the diagnosis. Asked me if I would leave Indianapolis and come back home to live with her.
Today, she repeatedly asked me if she was 90. Stared at the phone trying to figure out how to put it up to her face and try to talk.
Just sucks. Nothing I do is helping and it wont, per se.11 -
You can do everything right and still fail.5
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@FourWindsWalker My heart goes out to you and your mom; Alzheimer's is such a sad long journey to take for everyone. I hope and pray you and she both have a large support system in place. So many words and emotions fill my head and heart but I wish I could offer you real hugs and help. Lean on people and resources that are there, take all the help you can get. And always go with your heart in any decisions you'll need to make; be the advocate in her life and never take 100% of what the drs. tell you. Trust me, it's a long sad journey that opens one's eyes in many ways. If/when Hospice plays a part, make sure you speak up for what you feel is right. Don't let them push things on you if it doesn't feel right. And please try to never 2nd guess any decisions you might be called upon to make. There is no right, no wrong, just love.
ETA: If you ever feel like unloading, ask questions or just talking about it, please feel free to PM me.
{{HUGS}} to you and yours.6 -
Being dragged back in time to toxic people has got me on edge. I grew up in a series of foster homes. The last being the best as far as a good stable mom figure. I always thought highly of her, eventhough her real sons were nightmares. Just bad people. This special lady just died this weekend and I was contacted by the family and told send well wishes, flowers, a card, whatever id like, but dont show up to the service. I thought no problem must be a covid precaution. Turns out, i am in her will and 2 of her 4 boys were milking this woman dry until her death and dont want me anywhere near the family.....and even though she really had nothing anyway, they dont understand why im even mentioned in her will, and they dont want me to get a thing. Truth is, i dont want anything, just pay my respects and move on. But i have a feeling whether i like it or not its about to get ugly.24
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Being dragged back in time to toxic people has got me on edge. I grew up in a series of foster homes. The last being the best as far as a good stable mom figure. I always thought highly of her, eventhough her real sons were nightmares. Just bad people. This special lady just died this weekend and I was contacted by the family and told send well wishes, flowers, a card, whatever id like, but dont show up to the service. I thought no problem must be a covid precaution. Turns out, i am in her will and 2 of her 4 boys were milking this woman dry until her death and dont want me anywhere near the family.....and even though she really had nothing anyway, they dont understand why im even mentioned in her will, and they dont want me to get a thing. Truth is, i dont want anything, just pay my respects and move on. But i have a feeling whether i like it or not its about to get ugly.
I’m sorry for your loss, T.
Be well.2 -
Being dragged back in time to toxic people has got me on edge. I grew up in a series of foster homes. The last being the best as far as a good stable mom figure. I always thought highly of her, eventhough her real sons were nightmares. Just bad people. This special lady just died this weekend and I was contacted by the family and told send well wishes, flowers, a card, whatever id like, but dont show up to the service. I thought no problem must be a covid precaution. Turns out, i am in her will and 2 of her 4 boys were milking this woman dry until her death and dont want me anywhere near the family.....and even though she really had nothing anyway, they dont understand why im even mentioned in her will, and they dont want me to get a thing. Truth is, i dont want anything, just pay my respects and move on. But i have a feeling whether i like it or not its about to get ugly.
So sorry for your loss and all of this.. other stuff. I hope you can get disentangled from the sons and the will without too much trouble2 -
@Revolu7 My condolences. She sounds like she was good to you and for you.
In reality, blood relatives have been known to do the very thing some of your (foster) siblings are doing. It seems you're not taking that part personally which is good. Stay strong and stress-free to remain healthy.
Hopefully, from the comfort of your own space, you can find out who the executor is and talk to them directly. Errm, and hopefully, that person is not one of the more negative siblings.
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I snapped a shoelace this morning.
It almost broke me.4 -
@Revolu7 I can see why and I'm a million miles away. You're a thoughtful and distinctive man of integrity.2
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Being dragged back in time to toxic people has got me on edge. I grew up in a series of foster homes. The last being the best as far as a good stable mom figure. I always thought highly of her, eventhough her real sons were nightmares. Just bad people. This special lady just died this weekend and I was contacted by the family and told send well wishes, flowers, a card, whatever id like, but dont show up to the service. I thought no problem must be a covid precaution. Turns out, i am in her will and 2 of her 4 boys were milking this woman dry until her death and dont want me anywhere near the family.....and even though she really had nothing anyway, they dont understand why im even mentioned in her will, and they dont want me to get a thing. Truth is, i dont want anything, just pay my respects and move on. But i have a feeling whether i like it or not its about to get ugly.
I'm sorry for your loss Revolu7.
You must've had a wonderful loving relationship with her and that's something you get to hold onto for all your life. Her sons missed out on it.
And nothing like a death to bring out the greed, pettiness, and bitterness between others. It's a very sad thing I've witnessed time and again. 3 -
Ooo, yes. Every family tends to have one vulture with no boundaries. Come into the house and start taking clothes, jewelry...whatever they want. Not much that separates them from the animal kingdom at that point, not even a will or property rights. Ruthless.
I was just thinking, it seems like we're all sitting around the kitchen table talking about these things. No time or distance between us. We've swilled all of the coffee and someone needs to make another pot.2 -
Being dragged back in time to toxic people has got me on edge. I grew up in a series of foster homes. The last being the best as far as a good stable mom figure. I always thought highly of her, eventhough her real sons were nightmares. Just bad people. This special lady just died this weekend and I was contacted by the family and told send well wishes, flowers, a card, whatever id like, but dont show up to the service. I thought no problem must be a covid precaution. Turns out, i am in her will and 2 of her 4 boys were milking this woman dry until her death and dont want me anywhere near the family.....and even though she really had nothing anyway, they dont understand why im even mentioned in her will, and they dont want me to get a thing. Truth is, i dont want anything, just pay my respects and move on. But i have a feeling whether i like it or not its about to get ugly.
I'm truly sorry for your loss and the unfortunate circumstances its bringing into your life.1 -
Being dragged back in time to toxic people has got me on edge. I grew up in a series of foster homes. The last being the best as far as a good stable mom figure. I always thought highly of her, eventhough her real sons were nightmares. Just bad people. This special lady just died this weekend and I was contacted by the family and told send well wishes, flowers, a card, whatever id like, but dont show up to the service. I thought no problem must be a covid precaution. Turns out, i am in her will and 2 of her 4 boys were milking this woman dry until her death and dont want me anywhere near the family.....and even though she really had nothing anyway, they dont understand why im even mentioned in her will, and they dont want me to get a thing. Truth is, i dont want anything, just pay my respects and move on. But i have a feeling whether i like it or not its about to get ugly.
❤️I’m sorry1 -
FourWindsWalker wrote: »Today is my mom's 81st birthday.
I can see how rapidly shes declining from Alzheimer's. April 2019, she was able to use the phone and dial my number to tell me of the diagnosis. Asked me if I would leave Indianapolis and come back home to live with her.
Today, she repeatedly asked me if she was 90. Stared at the phone trying to figure out how to put it up to her face and try to talk.
Just sucks. Nothing I do is helping and it wont, per se.
My father died of frontaltemporal dementia. They are all hideous diseases, because you lose the person you love one minute at a time, and their face is still there, looking at you. I wish you all strength in dealing with this.3 -
Thank you very much to everybody that offered their condolences, well wishes, and advice. I very much appreciate it. You guys are pretty awesome.9
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