Need to learn to cope without using food

turnitaroundat40
turnitaroundat40 Posts: 193 Member
in Motivation and Support
I’m not really afraid of anything except something happening to my children. There has recently been a tragic accident involving one of my children and we just received a bad diagnosis for another child. I’ve been doing so well with CICO but tonight I just hit a wall and ate chips, cookies, pie and cake. A total gorge fest. I feel sick on so many levels.
I know I need to just pick myself up and keep going, tomorrow is another day, blah blah but other than the banality of “self-care” (bubble bath, walk, whatever) what can I do to truly find comfort rather than turn to food? I have a sparse support network and it’s just been one tragedy relentlessly followed by another and another. I can’t find anything that can do what food does for me in such moments. Any ideas of what works for you?

Replies

  • shirazum2023
    shirazum2023 Posts: 54 Member
    Hi, I don't have children but I have pets and I also have a situation I am dealing with. What helps me is to find new things to learn. I have recently started learning piano and whenever I am blue, I try to practice a little from my piano lessons. Playing with my pets also helps, calling a friend and talking about anything but that situation also helps. You can try learning things you have been meaning to for a long time but just hadn't started for many reasons. You can maybe play/spend time with your kids more? Do some activity together?
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    edited November 2020
    Tiny steps for tiny feet. Don't overwhelm yourselves and bite off more than you can chew. On a one meal and one day at a time basis you can pull yourself right out of this tailspin with food.

    First order of business. There is no such thing as the perfect day or time to begin and there's no such thing as the Finish Line. You're going to be at this for the rest of your life so edge you way down slowly. Aim for .5 lbs aweek and do not dial your food down or rein yourselves in by going on some brutally strict eating protocol.

    You need to make this fun. It's all fun, really. Take it one meal at a time. Every 4-5 hours you have another meal coming around the corner. This is your new beginning. This is you clean slate and clean plate. You take it one meal at a time. If you messed up on the last one it doesn't matter because you are indeed a work in progress.

    Every new meal is your opportunity to tweak it and start eating right in the pocket. You keep doing this every day and do not look back over your shoulders. Yesterday is gone. We only look at today with each new meal. Start there and keep coming back to the forum. So many begin and we never hear from any of them again. It all goes down the drain before they learn how to give it all they've got.

    Really lean into it. Read the forum stickies. Make friends and start your food journal. Connection matters. Connection is everything. This is the strategy I've used and I've been here every day for over 4 years now. It works and it's fun, fun, fun.
  • elisa123gal
    elisa123gal Posts: 4,287 Member
    I'm sorry to hear you're going through a truly stressful time. It is so normal to find food comforting in an upsetting time...because it is. We understand - and all have been there, done that. In fact ..about all of us gained back weight during the onslaught of the COVID lockdown/crisis. I did.. and I surprised myself. All that work to lose all my weight.. I thought I had it beat. But fear, stress of the unknown..derailed me brilliantly. I can't imagine the stress concerning the well being of ones child.

    I don't blame you for trying to find some kind of relief. As I work to get the last five or so pounds off of what I gained.. I'm telling myself I'll never eat my way through a tough time again. But that could be just idle self talk. who knows if I could still not regain.

    So.. the only suggestion I have...is maybe channel your fear into a short hard workout...and eat to just maintain where you are until things get more in control. Seems bad stuff happens all at once..but the tide does turn...
  • Snugbug6
    Snugbug6 Posts: 30 Member
    I'm not a binger, but I puzzle obsessively when I'm stressed. Something that challenges my brain makes it harder for bits of it to wander and misbehave.
    Jigsaws, crosswords, sudoku, etc.
    I also have a punchbag in the garage, because sometimes it's more of a release if you convert the emotions into anger and pound them into exhaustion.

    Or, if you're creative and they're young, I sometimes used to write a bedtime story for them when they seemed down. That can be as therapeutic for them as it is for you.
  • Be_theBest_Me
    Be_theBest_Me Posts: 768 Member
    turnitaroundat40 wrote: »
    I’m not really afraid of anything except something happening to my children. There has recently been a tragic accident involving one of my children and we just received a bad diagnosis for another child. I’ve been doing so well with CICO but tonight I just hit a wall and ate chips, cookies, pie and cake. A total gorge fest. I feel sick on so many levels.
    I know I need to just pick myself up and keep going, tomorrow is another day, blah blah but other than the banality of “self-care” (bubble bath, walk, whatever) what can I do to truly find comfort rather than turn to food? I have a sparse support network and it’s just been one tragedy relentlessly followed by another and another. I can’t find anything that can do what food does for me in such moments. Any ideas of what works for you?

    Wow!! First, when you are going through something like this, do not beat yourself up. Not for any reason. Eating to calm your self during this time....well it's understandable!! To be honest I'd probably put my weightloss ona shelf until there is a time you can focus on it. Right now. Find time everyday to exercise. Journal your thoughts instead of food you are. Let your self relax a lil!! It's ok! You deserve it!! Sending y'all strength and love!!!
  • 1poundatax
    1poundatax Posts: 230 Member
    You are going through a lot and I am sorry. One thing that has worked for me during times of stress when I am stuffing my mouth is to stop and ask "will this solve my ptoblems?" Often times that is enough to get me to stop, though not always. The more I practice it the better i've gotten but there are still times I stress eat. Could you take a walk or put on some music and dance? It will help keep you away from food and may help your spirits. Be gentle with yourself right now, if you do binge forgive yourself and move on.
  • turnitaroundat40
    turnitaroundat40 Posts: 193 Member
    shirazum2023 wrote: »
    Hi, I don't have children but I have pets and I also have a situation I am dealing with. What helps me is to find new things to learn. I have recently started learning piano and whenever I am blue, I try to practice a little from my piano lessons. Playing with my pets also helps, calling a friend and talking about anything but that situation also helps. You can try learning things you have been meaning to for a long time but just hadn't started for many reasons. You can maybe play/spend time with your kids more? Do some activity together?

    Once the one child is out of intensive care at the hospital and the other one is medically stable as well I can’t wait to spend time with either of them. Had a few deaths lately and just need to make sure my kids survive and are ok and then I’ll embrace this idea wholeheartedly! Thank you!
  • turnitaroundat40
    turnitaroundat40 Posts: 193 Member
    Diatonic12 wrote: »
    Tiny steps for tiny feet. Don't overwhelm yourselves and bite off more than you can chew. On a one meal and one day at a time basis you can pull yourself right out of this tailspin with food.

    First order of business. There is no such thing as the perfect day or time to begin and there's no such thing as the Finish Line. You're going to be at this for the rest of your life so edge you way down slowly. Aim for .5 lbs aweek and do not dial your food down or rein yourselves in by going on some brutally strict eating protocol.

    You need to make this fun. It's all fun, really. Take it one meal at a time. Every 4-5 hours you have another meal coming around the corner. This is your new beginning. This is you clean slate and clean plate. You take it one meal at a time. If you messed up on the last one it doesn't matter because you are indeed a work in progress.

    Every new meal is your opportunity to tweak it and start eating right in the pocket. You keep doing this every day and do not look back over your shoulders. Yesterday is gone. We only look at today with each new meal. Start there and keep coming back to the forum. So many begin and we never hear from any of them again. It all goes down the drain before they learn how to give it all they've got.

    Really lean into it. Read the forum stickies. Make friends and start your food journal. Connection matters. Connection is everything. This is the strategy I've used and I've been here every day for over 4 years now. It works and it's fun, fun, fun.
    Diatonic12 wrote: »
    Tiny steps for tiny feet. Don't overwhelm yourselves and bite off more than you can chew. On a one meal and one day at a time basis you can pull yourself right out of this tailspin with food.

    First order of business. There is no such thing as the perfect day or time to begin and there's no such thing as the Finish Line. You're going to be at this for the rest of your life so edge you way down slowly. Aim for .5 lbs aweek and do not dial your food down or rein yourselves in by going on some brutally strict eating protocol.

    You need to make this fun. It's all fun, really. Take it one meal at a time. Every 4-5 hours you have another meal coming around the corner. This is your new beginning. This is you clean slate and clean plate. You take it one meal at a time. If you messed up on the last one it doesn't matter because you are indeed a work in progress.

    Every new meal is your opportunity to tweak it and start eating right in the pocket. You keep doing this every day and do not look back over your shoulders. Yesterday is gone. We only look at today with each new meal. Start there and keep coming back to the forum. So many begin and we never hear from any of them again. It all goes down the drain before they learn how to give it all they've got.

    Really lean into it. Read the forum stickies. Make friends and start your food journal. Connection matters. Connection is everything. This is the strategy I've used and I've been here every day for over 4 years now. It works and it's fun, fun, fun.

    Thank you. This really helped. Because of CO I’d the hospital cafeteria is closed to the public and I think part of my problem was spending too many hours without eating (I brought healthy snacks but thought I’d be at the hospital for hours, not days). Looking at a healthy meal time as an opportunity to plan and enjoy something is a great idea.

    And it’s not forever. It was a one-off. I gained 0.2 lbs so it’ll just be part of the journey and I’ll move forward.

    We’ve had so many deaths lately and I’m picking up the slack for in so many ways because of that. I just realized with your words, whoa, I haven’t had fun in months. Need to just do that.

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