@donimfp I really do appreciate your honest post about drinking; it has helped me in many ways. Even though you went through heck for many days after, you bounced back and probably have even more determination! So proud of you.
I have been walking a lot morning and evening in my basement; I think that is helping with stress of school. I listened to @FeelinFooFoo TedTalk posts and other self help videos while I walk.
I am sure you meant no harm and you probably do respond better to tough love; you wish someone would have said that to you.
@RubyRed427 yeah i think it has a lot to do with where i grew up and where i work.
rock springs is a pretty industrial place in the middle of the desert with a somewhat sordid history, and i work in the oil field where nothing is sugar coated.
i understand that approach doesn’t work for everybody
I am sure you meant no harm and you probably do respond better to tough love; you wish someone would have said that to you.
@RubyRed427 yeah i think it has a lot to do with where i grew up and where i work.
rock springs is a pretty industrial place in the middle of the desert with a somewhat sordid history, and i work in the oil field where nothing is sugar coated.
i understand that approach doesn’t work for everybody
I'm a teacher and a nurturer. But I can understand how you have to be tough at work and no nonsense to get the job done.
Sleep is a tough one. After decades of using booze to put me to bed every night, I'm still struggling to find a solution that works reliably without it, even after over 600 days free from alcohol. Aging, lack of exercise, lack of sunlight, and various injuries are all contributors, I believe.
Some things that have helped me: reducing screen time well before turning in, getting exercise earlier in the day, spending time outdoors in natural light, giving any OTC pain relievers time to become effective, and sometimes cannabis (indica, not sativa).
I'm a teacher and a nurturer. But I can understand how you have to be tough at work and no nonsense to get the job done.
i think it’s more that some of the kids i grew up with were manipulative, lying thieves, and there was a lot of peer pressure.
part of me is very angry at myself for being weak (physically and mentally), and maybe i project that outwards more than i should.
lifting weights and training bjj has helped me begin to overcome my physical weakness, and i’ve developed a no-nonsense attitude, where i don’t put up with any attempts at manipulation or peer pressure
honestly though, there is a charming, funny and helpful guy hiding under all this crust!
wiigelec, you and I are the perfect storm. We all have our pasts, our stories. Imagine a little girl with an abusive father who screamed at her and would not tolerate any signs of "weakness" (aka, sincere fear or sadness or uncertainty) or indeed anything short of perfection, straight A's, graduate degrees, etc. Imagine her (grown up now) getting up the courage to admit that she had failed miserably at one of the most important battles of her life and was terribly mad at herself that she got scared and terrified and blew her sobriety. In her experience, letting her slip show could result in catastrophe. Serious catastrophe. Imagine her risking letting it show and encountering support from the wonderful women she's developed trust in for the last few years. Imagine her relief. Imagine then a man her son's age decides to help her out by "slapping her around" and telling her to quit trying to justify her drinking because (as she might not yet know) the world sucks.
We all have our stories. You didn't know mine, and I didn't know yours. I'm not sure how you read my posts as coming from someone who could benefit from a little slapping around, but you did. What you wish someone would have done to you (I assume because you believe such slapping would have helped you) is not necessarily what the next person needs.
So now that we've both shared a little of "where we are coming from" can we please move on with the understanding that the general purpose of this thread is indeed to be supportive and empathic? I'm not saying "tough love" is never appropriate, but sometimes it isn't what is called for, especially when someone has clearly expressed his or her hurt and disappointment in him/herself. For my part, I will try to understand that sometimes what feels like a bully might actually be a charming, funny, and helpful guy. That's hard for me to grasp given my own story. But the fact that I'm writing this rather than dropping out of sight and considering myself "bullied victim, end of story" tells me that I'm trying hard to grow beyond my story. I hope this makes sense at all. I want to say that I do feel empathic toward you because you've explained some of your own backstory. And I also want to declare (probably really to my dad) that I have a right to express vulnerability and weakness without fear of being shamed for it.
No worries. I'm glad you didn't hit delete. It was a good learning experience for me. As I said . . . person for whom perceived weakness pushes buttons meets person for whom perceived bullying pushes buttons equals perfect storm. I think there may be a Lifetime movie in this. I'm an aspiring screenwriter so who knows? Thanks, @wiigelec.
Everybody have a good day. Guess what! Today is my new Day 5, so I get to go back to rewards every 5 days. Mocha latte, here I come!
My work mate (who had a bottle of wine when we had been on the phone recently) well. Well, we exchanged a few text messages today (she is on a day off work)
She said to me "Okay well, can I go off now and quietly get a bit tipsy....." 😂
I said to her jokingly "Have one for me !" Then I said...."I will be going to pick up some alcohol free wine to get 'pretend tipsy'".....I didn't say to her, but I now PREFER pretend tipsy. It's all in the head, it seems 🤷♀️ so I picked up a bottle of 0% rose...
I'm really loving the fact that people who I know who drink alcohol, are seemingly totally cool with the fact I'm NOT anymore. They are respecting my desicion and similarly, I'm respecting theirs. Anytime I have spoken openly about my thoughts about booze, I make sure to say that I honestly do not mind what others chose to do. I don't slate alcohol in front of them. (I do that in my own private thoughts, though!😆) in my own head i call it a poison / toxin but I leave that out when chatting to drinkers hahaha (or else I would be very lonely indeed lol
My brother & partner are realising I'm very serious about this. My brother said, but what, even on a holiday abroad ?? And I said yup, cos for me now, if I was to drink even on holiday, it would be, for me personally, stepping off of the path I want to be on, doing what's in line with my truth I guess. So drinking would be going against the direction I'm heading. My bro accepted that and totally could understand what I was saying. But I sense a little bit of I dunno, fear of such change perhaps....usually holiday is when we get extra hammered !
It makes me realise how much power, hold, sway alcohol can have in our lives, either when we are consuming it, but also when we put it down. It doesn't even just effect us, but those around us. It's pretty cool stuff to learn about.
Off to enjoy a ice cold 0% rose with ice in the glass I hope this is gona taste nice 😝
I went to my hairdresser. He and I have been together for 15 years. We share a lot of personal stories. I told him I am four months sober and he automatically said "did you know that alcohol is a class one carcinogen?"
So I looked it up:
Class 1 means that it is known that this substance causes cancer in humans. UV radiation is in this category, because science has shown that UV causes between 95-99% of skin cancers in humans. And UV is in good company in this class, which also has asbestos, tobacco and a range of chemicals with scary names.
I went to my hairdresser. He and I have been together for 15 years. We share a lot of personal stories. I told him I am four months sober and he automatically said "did you know that alcohol is a class one carcinogen?"
So I looked it up:
Class 1 means that it is known that this substance causes cancer in humans. UV radiation is in this category, because science has shown that UV causes between 95-99% of skin cancers in humans. And UV is in good company in this class, which also has asbestos, tobacco and a range of chemicals with scary names.
Yes another reason for us to stay sober.
Some campaigners believe that, just like cigarette packs, there should be some kind of warning on bottles / cans. But alas, this will never happen...
Also, another thing helping to keep me dry is there actually is no safe usage amount of this substance. I will link a video.
When my brother was speaking to me about alcohol, I told him that I now call alcoholic drinks 'Grog' it is a word that conjures up a truely disgusting vile tasting drink... which is the way I see alcohol now. They can put it inside as many 'pretty bottles' as they wish, call it as many 'exotic' names as they can come up with.
Fact is, it's hideously unhealthy for the body (and mind I believe). So Grog about sums it up for me lol this isn't a substance to be taken lightly. The alcohol industry has done a remarkable job at brainwashing all of us. If this product was brought to market today, it would never be passed as acceptable for human consumption. I always keep that in mind now, it keeps me away from it.
" Would you like a pint of Grog ??"
"Erm, no thanks. I don't want to feel like *kitten*."
@FeelinFooFoo about 5 or 6 years ago we went on vacation with another couple. 3 of us were former smokers. On the vacation, my husband and the other wife thought it would be fun to smoke since it's vacation and why not. Several times I was offered a cigarette with the encouragement, "oh it is fun! We are on vacation! C'mom!" I resisted. My husband had a devil of a time getting back off of nicotine after this. It was months, no, closer to a year, of patches, gum, discomfort etc. All for 3 days worth of "fun". I have to look at alcohol in the same way. It is a poisonous, addictive substance that was killing me and vacation is no excuse. I know I would immediately regret it and be back to square one.
If I Can get through inauguration day, worried out of my mind about potential violence, I can get through anything. I'd love to celebrate with champgane but it will just be sparkling fake stuff.
Here's a link to some NA drinks I received in my inbox. Don't know if they will be of interest, but I might try one or two.
@JenT304, you are so right. Just a couple days drinking made my first couple days sober very difficult. Luckily, I feel like I'm settling back into my regular alcohol-free pattern without too much trouble. I'd say I dodged a bullet. Foo Foo I think you'll enjoy your next holiday abroad sober. That will be an adventure!
Here's a link to some NA drinks I received in my inbox. Don't know if they will be of interest, but I might try one or two.
@JenT304, you are so right. Just a couple days drinking made my first couple days sober very difficult. Luckily, I feel like I'm settling back into my regular alcohol-free pattern without too much trouble. I'd say I dodged a bullet. Foo Foo I think you'll enjoy your next holiday abroad sober. That will be an adventure!
Just clicked into my Sexy Sobriety course and on there, I'm on day 82. But I'm really day 83, quit the day before deciding to sign up. I'm loving the content on here.
So I opened up on day 82 content and it's an introduction to the 'Vault' ...
Bex is suggesting to stay on board with the course and make it 180 days, total to make sure you feel that you have taken sobriety for enough of a test drive. It means carrying on paying £50 odd quid a month for another 3 months but I think it's gona be worth it.
The vault looks as if it's a continuation of the course with similar contents and a few additions. Why not ? Like I have said many times to my partner, back when I was regularly drinking (and I enjoyed buying wines at like £10 a bottle and cans of beer x4 packs costing maybe £6 not to mention when dining out the expensive single glasses of wine at around £7 a glass, and the REST ! Cocktails at like £10 or MORE ! ) then add the junk food to help me recover. Take away meals, for 3 folk at £30 odd quid.
In a nut shell I can AFFORD £50 odd quid a month for a course that is enriching my life and keeping me sober longer than my wildest dreams.
So, almost reached first goal of 90 days sober. But looks like I will be extending that to 180 days soon. Saying FOREVER could become scary so I like adding to the original goal.
That is so awesome Foo Foo! I agree on the cost benefit of a course that is working for you. I don’t know how Sexy Sobriety works but after taking the Sober School course we have lifetime access to the course. I’m doing it over right now. I started Monday so today was Day 4 of the 42-day course. To my surprise when I went back to the material and once again wrote answers to the various discussion questions I discovered other women from my. July 6 group also redoing the work either just for extra reinforcement or because they have now decided to go full time sober or whatever. So there’s even an ongoing community in addition to the ongoing content—for free. Best $500 I’ve ever spent.
That is so awesome Foo Foo! I agree on the cost benefit of a course that is working for you. I don’t know how Sexy Sobriety works but after taking the Sober School course we have lifetime access to the course. I’m doing it over right now. I started Monday so today was Day 4 of the 42-day course. To my surprise when I went back to the material and once again wrote answers to the various discussion questions I discovered other women from my. July 6 group also redoing the work either just for extra reinforcement or because they have now decided to go full time sober or whatever. So there’s even an ongoing community in addition to the ongoing content—for free. Best $500 I’ve ever spent.
Hmmmm. I don't think that on sexy sobriety you ever get free access. I don't think you do. There has never been any mention of that or anything 'free'. Only thing is, once you decide to stay on board and go onto the Vault material....you can go back and check out all the other material in an uninterrupted manner. If I stay on for the 180 days total, I will have paid around £318 so it's a little bit cheaper than sober school, but you have the benefit of getting unlimited free access to your course content....I have came to realise that the community aspect of SS is where everyone can post comments & replies during the Q&A sessions so the community aspect sounds a bit more limited than on sober school. I guess each course will have its differences.
Replies
@donimfp I really do appreciate your honest post about drinking; it has helped me in many ways. Even though you went through heck for many days after, you bounced back and probably have even more determination! So proud of you.
I have been walking a lot morning and evening in my basement; I think that is helping with stress of school. I listened to @FeelinFooFoo TedTalk posts and other self help videos while I walk.
@RubyRed427 yeah i think it has a lot to do with where i grew up and where i work.
rock springs is a pretty industrial place in the middle of the desert with a somewhat sordid history, and i work in the oil field where nothing is sugar coated.
i understand that approach doesn’t work for everybody
I'm a teacher and a nurturer. But I can understand how you have to be tough at work and no nonsense to get the job done.
Some things that have helped me: reducing screen time well before turning in, getting exercise earlier in the day, spending time outdoors in natural light, giving any OTC pain relievers time to become effective, and sometimes cannabis (indica, not sativa).
Staying asleep -- that's a whole nuther thing!
i think it’s more that some of the kids i grew up with were manipulative, lying thieves, and there was a lot of peer pressure.
part of me is very angry at myself for being weak (physically and mentally), and maybe i project that outwards more than i should.
lifting weights and training bjj has helped me begin to overcome my physical weakness, and i’ve developed a no-nonsense attitude, where i don’t put up with any attempts at manipulation or peer pressure
honestly though, there is a charming, funny and helpful guy hiding under all this crust!
We all have our stories. You didn't know mine, and I didn't know yours. I'm not sure how you read my posts as coming from someone who could benefit from a little slapping around, but you did. What you wish someone would have done to you (I assume because you believe such slapping would have helped you) is not necessarily what the next person needs.
So now that we've both shared a little of "where we are coming from" can we please move on with the understanding that the general purpose of this thread is indeed to be supportive and empathic? I'm not saying "tough love" is never appropriate, but sometimes it isn't what is called for, especially when someone has clearly expressed his or her hurt and disappointment in him/herself. For my part, I will try to understand that sometimes what feels like a bully might actually be a charming, funny, and helpful guy. That's hard for me to grasp given my own story. But the fact that I'm writing this rather than dropping out of sight and considering myself "bullied victim, end of story" tells me that I'm trying hard to grow beyond my story. I hope this makes sense at all. I want to say that I do feel empathic toward you because you've explained some of your own backstory. And I also want to declare (probably really to my dad) that I have a right to express vulnerability and weakness without fear of being shamed for it.
i am realizing now what i wrote was for me and not you, and i am truly sorry to have caused you pain.
yes, let us move on, forward in our battles, in the appropriate spirit of this community
Everybody have a good day. Guess what! Today is my new Day 5, so I get to go back to rewards every 5 days. Mocha latte, here I come!
She said to me "Okay well, can I go off now and quietly get a bit tipsy....." 😂
I said to her jokingly "Have one for me !" Then I said...."I will be going to pick up some alcohol free wine to get 'pretend tipsy'".....I didn't say to her, but I now PREFER pretend tipsy. It's all in the head, it seems 🤷♀️ so I picked up a bottle of 0% rose...
I'm really loving the fact that people who I know who drink alcohol, are seemingly totally cool with the fact I'm NOT anymore. They are respecting my desicion and similarly, I'm respecting theirs. Anytime I have spoken openly about my thoughts about booze, I make sure to say that I honestly do not mind what others chose to do. I don't slate alcohol in front of them. (I do that in my own private thoughts, though!😆) in my own head i call it a poison / toxin but I leave that out when chatting to drinkers hahaha (or else I would be very lonely indeed lol
My brother & partner are realising I'm very serious about this. My brother said, but what, even on a holiday abroad ?? And I said yup, cos for me now, if I was to drink even on holiday, it would be, for me personally, stepping off of the path I want to be on, doing what's in line with my truth I guess. So drinking would be going against the direction I'm heading. My bro accepted that and totally could understand what I was saying. But I sense a little bit of I dunno, fear of such change perhaps....usually holiday is when we get extra hammered !
It makes me realise how much power, hold, sway alcohol can have in our lives, either when we are consuming it, but also when we put it down. It doesn't even just effect us, but those around us. It's pretty cool stuff to learn about.
Off to enjoy a ice cold 0% rose with ice in the glass I hope this is gona taste nice 😝
So I looked it up:
Class 1 means that it is known that this substance causes cancer in humans. UV radiation is in this category, because science has shown that UV causes between 95-99% of skin cancers in humans. And UV is in good company in this class, which also has asbestos, tobacco and a range of chemicals with scary names.
Yes another reason for us to stay sober.
Some campaigners believe that, just like cigarette packs, there should be some kind of warning on bottles / cans. But alas, this will never happen...
Also, another thing helping to keep me dry is there actually is no safe usage amount of this substance. I will link a video.
Fact is, it's hideously unhealthy for the body (and mind I believe). So Grog about sums it up for me lol this isn't a substance to be taken lightly. The alcohol industry has done a remarkable job at brainwashing all of us. If this product was brought to market today, it would never be passed as acceptable for human consumption. I always keep that in mind now, it keeps me away from it.
" Would you like a pint of Grog ??"
"Erm, no thanks. I don't want to feel like *kitten*."
True story...😆
If I Can get through inauguration day, worried out of my mind about potential violence, I can get through anything. I'd love to celebrate with champgane but it will just be sparkling fake stuff.
@JenT304, you are so right. Just a couple days drinking made my first couple days sober very difficult. Luckily, I feel like I'm settling back into my regular alcohol-free pattern without too much trouble. I'd say I dodged a bullet. Foo Foo I think you'll enjoy your next holiday abroad sober. That will be an adventure!
http://www.eatingwell.com/gallery/2061934/mocktail-recipes-thatll-get-you-through-dry-january-with-ease/?did=598479-20210114&utm_campaign=etg-nonewsubs_relationship-builder&utm_source=eatingwell.com&utm_medium=email&utm_content=011421&cid=598479&mid=48777736283&slide=7c07ed56-748a-4d20-a827-63bd3371edd2#7c07ed56-748a-4d20-a827-63bd3371edd2
Those drinks look nice, need to try some out. I might buy all fancy glasses for making mocktails ! Make it even more enjoyable.
And yeah I think a holiday abroad now would be a challenge AND an adventure. But, yeah, more so an adventure. 😊😊
So I opened up on day 82 content and it's an introduction to the 'Vault' ...
Bex is suggesting to stay on board with the course and make it 180 days, total to make sure you feel that you have taken sobriety for enough of a test drive. It means carrying on paying £50 odd quid a month for another 3 months but I think it's gona be worth it.
The vault looks as if it's a continuation of the course with similar contents and a few additions. Why not ? Like I have said many times to my partner, back when I was regularly drinking (and I enjoyed buying wines at like £10 a bottle and cans of beer x4 packs costing maybe £6 not to mention when dining out the expensive single glasses of wine at around £7 a glass, and the REST ! Cocktails at like £10 or MORE ! ) then add the junk food to help me recover. Take away meals, for 3 folk at £30 odd quid.
In a nut shell I can AFFORD £50 odd quid a month for a course that is enriching my life and keeping me sober longer than my wildest dreams.
So, almost reached first goal of 90 days sober. But looks like I will be extending that to 180 days soon. Saying FOREVER could become scary so I like adding to the original goal.
Hmmmm. I don't think that on sexy sobriety you ever get free access. I don't think you do. There has never been any mention of that or anything 'free'. Only thing is, once you decide to stay on board and go onto the Vault material....you can go back and check out all the other material in an uninterrupted manner. If I stay on for the 180 days total, I will have paid around £318 so it's a little bit cheaper than sober school, but you have the benefit of getting unlimited free access to your course content....I have came to realise that the community aspect of SS is where everyone can post comments & replies during the Q&A sessions so the community aspect sounds a bit more limited than on sober school. I guess each course will have its differences.
I'm glad your happy with your $500 well spent!
Look how good these look!
I need to buy a cocktail shaker.
Funny, my very first cocktail shaker will be used for non alcoholic drinks. The irony lol