Looking for like-minded friends, HAES (Health At Every Size)

Welcome!

One thing I like about it here is that the prevalent culture -- as I experience it -- isn't about weight loss above all else. Are there people here doing that? Absolutely. It's a big, diverse group of people. But there are people here who have taken lengthy "diet breaks" because they knew they needed a physical or mental break. There are people who started with an aggressive goal and realized on the path to that goal that they wanted to reset it and choose something less aggressive. There are people who have realized they lost too much weight or were restricting too much or exercising at a level that wasn't contributing to their happiness and have made adjustments. There are people who were like "I'm never eating [x] again" and then changing their mind.

There are lots of people here who think of their weight as important, but there are other people who are more interested in just breaking some destructive habits around food. My personal story is that trying to eat intuitively was a source of stress and that choosing to log each day and hit a specific calorie goal is actually mentally freeing. I don't expect everyone to share that experience -- for some people logging isn't freeing and for some it may actually be hurtful.

So while there may be some prominent voices here pushing weight loss above all else, there are also people who realize that our weight is just one piece of who we are and, frankly, it's a lot less interesting than many other characteristics that we may have. Many of us have harmed ourselves physically or emotionally in pursuit of weight loss (or at least been unkind to ourselves), so as a result, many of us are more alert for ways that aggressive weight control methods may not be a great thing.

I think you will see a general bias towards counting calories here because . . . well, it's a calorie counting website. Most of us who stick around here either had success using the main tools, otherwise we would have moved on to something else. But that doesn't mean that other perspectives can't be found or that people who are at different places aren't welcome.

I started my weight loss journey when I was obese (BMI 34), ironically right after I bought a bunch of clothes that fit me and I thought looked good on me. I'm wondering if there wasn't an aspect of 'accepting myself before I'm ready to lose weight' allergy to it.

Anyway, the reason I came to MFP was to count calories and lose weight, but not at any cost. I wasn't even sure it would work (or rather - I thought it wouldn't but gave it a try anyway). But calorie counting gave me the freedom to eat what I want (in more appropriate quantities) instead of the classic 'eliminate x y and z' diet without knowing you're actually in a calorie deficit. I still have treat foods everyday (aside from healthy foods of course). I like everything I eat and haven't excluded any foods from my diet.

I also chose the slowest rate of loss available from the start (although I did stay under my calorie goal by a fair margin the first months).
Exercise came afterwards and has had huge rewards: not being as out of breath during hikes and walks for example, and just being able to do regular daily activities more regularly. I'm probably fitter now than I was before gaining weight in my early 20s (currently 38).

For me time has flown despite choosing the slowest weight loss rate, and I'm now a whisper away from a normal BMI. I'm feeling a lot better in my skin and a lot healthier too. I still have insecurities but after a lifetime of feeling insecure, it's going to take time 🙂

Slow and steady wins the race, is a great motto for weight loss! I think you have a great mindset to be successful.

Hey would love to be a supportive friend to you!

Hello, you can always add me. I have been documenting my journey for a few years now. And I can finally say, I am starting to enjoy the process.