Guys/Girls: What is your real opinion on..
Replies
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88missycat88 wrote: »slimgirljo15 wrote: »
Yeah, and that ranged across personality types and agendas - some took advantage and posted raunchy things because they could get away with it. Some were desperate for validation (a very usual thing when so many people are working on self improvement and have a near limitless desire for affirmation/are starved for same at home). A few tended to exploit gray areas that were within the rules of the board and norms of society, but also pushed past where the rules intended/wanted to have them stop. I probably fall into that one. I did a lot of pointing at absurdities. Some of which still exist today. The dibs thing from the other day being among them - like how can actual adults get upset online over something that isn't binding for kids in real life? Yet there were are, and I bet many didn't think that was absurd at all. We're so bland that such a minor thing is appalling to most and was defended by ~30 emojis.
There was much more room for debate and friendly (and sometimes unfriendly) disagreement. This was before reaction buttons existed and mass butthurt over the woo/disagree choice.
In my opinion, mfp/ua don't really want a board community. Why should they? It costs money, takes resources, both paid and unpaid, and is nothing but a hassle on every front. They are officiating virtual fights between grownups for heavens sake. The answer is pretty easy - establish boring rules and moderate it into blandness. They took the only route they reasonable could. It's just not as fun, that's all.
I was initially “upset” because of recent situations that I had been in. I’m all for fun and flirting and such I had just never spoken to you and didn’t know who you were and so it rubbed me the wrong way at first. Never considered it to be absurd by any means and I also moved past it and said as much in the same thread.
Oh, I'm not upset at anyone about it. It makes me laugh more than anything that adults on a public forum can get under each other's skins that way. Heck, I said as much as the time, that I have a particular talent for such - Jo knows as much, I can piss her off on my best days. I both took no offense and intended none, but the silliness that anyone would take dibs seriously among adults was not lost on me - it's patently stupid, whether we have any relationship prior.
Good news is I undibsed you, so none of this is a problem and never happened. :bigsmile:
^which action, of course, is equally stupid.
Yes you do have talent 🙄
😂0 -
slimgirljo15 wrote: »88missycat88 wrote: »slimgirljo15 wrote: »
Yeah, and that ranged across personality types and agendas - some took advantage and posted raunchy things because they could get away with it. Some were desperate for validation (a very usual thing when so many people are working on self improvement and have a near limitless desire for affirmation/are starved for same at home). A few tended to exploit gray areas that were within the rules of the board and norms of society, but also pushed past where the rules intended/wanted to have them stop. I probably fall into that one. I did a lot of pointing at absurdities. Some of which still exist today. The dibs thing from the other day being among them - like how can actual adults get upset online over something that isn't binding for kids in real life? Yet there were are, and I bet many didn't think that was absurd at all. We're so bland that such a minor thing is appalling to most and was defended by ~30 emojis.
There was much more room for debate and friendly (and sometimes unfriendly) disagreement. This was before reaction buttons existed and mass butthurt over the woo/disagree choice.
In my opinion, mfp/ua don't really want a board community. Why should they? It costs money, takes resources, both paid and unpaid, and is nothing but a hassle on every front. They are officiating virtual fights between grownups for heavens sake. The answer is pretty easy - establish boring rules and moderate it into blandness. They took the only route they reasonable could. It's just not as fun, that's all.
I was initially “upset” because of recent situations that I had been in. I’m all for fun and flirting and such I had just never spoken to you and didn’t know who you were and so it rubbed me the wrong way at first. Never considered it to be absurd by any means and I also moved past it and said as much in the same thread.
Oh, I'm not upset at anyone about it. It makes me laugh more than anything that adults on a public forum can get under each other's skins that way. Heck, I said as much as the time, that I have a particular talent for such - Jo knows as much, I can piss her off on my best days. I both took no offense and intended none, but the silliness that anyone would take dibs seriously among adults was not lost on me - it's patently stupid, whether we have any relationship prior.
Good news is I undibsed you, so none of this is a problem and never happened. :bigsmile:
^which action, of course, is equally stupid.
Yes you do have talent 🙄
😂
Thank goodness it's not in something useful that would pay well
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Do you think you’ve ever been fully loved the way you want or need to be from a SO? And...do you think it’s even possible?
My answers are:
No and no.
I’m thinking it’s too much to expect from another human.
I'm starting to believe so. Not that fairytale prince everything is perfect love. But finding that person that matches, that is in synch with you, that loves the silly side and bedhead side, its not about expectations on a grand scale...but the little things, taking note of the little things instead of taking them for granted...if this makes sense...in my own brain it sounded right 😬2 -
Do you think you’ve ever been fully loved the way you want or need to be from a SO? And...do you think it’s even possible?
My answers are:
No and no.
I’m thinking it’s too much to expect from another human.
Oof. I'd have a different answer to this for every day we've been together. That said, coming up on 26 years married.
I don't know the answer to number one. I can only say that I've loved her in that way, in the way that I want to be loved - which isn't to say that's what she always needs. However, I've repeatedly chosen her above other options, both people and activities. I haven't felt the same way in return, at least not consistently, but I know that she is much more emotionally protected/muted than I am. There have been periods of time I've felt fulfilled that way, and they are coming more frequently as we age.
Second part, yes. I don't think anyone could have loved her better. I've given it literally everything I have.3 -
Do you think you’ve ever been fully loved the way you want or need to be from a SO? And...do you think it’s even possible?
My answers are:
No and no.
I’m thinking it’s too much to expect from another human.
Yes, I was for a time but it didn't last. I think it takes more effort the longer the time passes. Thats just marriage I guess.
I think yes, its possible.. but not likely that we'll get everything exactly as we'd like it. 🙂0 -
slimgirljo15 wrote: »Do you think you’ve ever been fully loved the way you want or need to be from a SO? And...do you think it’s even possible?
My answers are:
No and no.
I’m thinking it’s too much to expect from another human.
Yes, I was for a time but it didn't last. I think it takes more effort the longer the time passes. Thats just marriage I guess.
I think yes, its possible.. but not likely that we'll get everything exactly as we'd like it. 🙂
Yep. We've both had to choose the other one despite the crap sandwich that marriage sometimes represents. Not getting everything we'd like and picking it anyway. You're right, it's just hard work.
The unspoken part of this is that choosing to stay single or go back to being single is far from better, at least for most. That's life.1 -
slimgirljo15 wrote: »Do you think you’ve ever been fully loved the way you want or need to be from a SO? And...do you think it’s even possible?
My answers are:
No and no.
I’m thinking it’s too much to expect from another human.
Yes, I was for a time but it didn't last. I think it takes more effort the longer the time passes. Thats just marriage I guess.
I think yes, its possible.. but not likely that we'll get everything exactly as we'd like it. 🙂
Yep. We've both had to choose the other one despite the crap sandwich that marriage sometimes represents. Not getting everything we'd like and picking it anyway. You're right, it's just hard work.
The unspoken part of this is that choosing to stay single or go back to being single is far from better, at least for most. That's life.
I didn't leave either of my marriages lightly, sometimes no matter how hard you try it can't be fixed.
I think there's a whole lot of compromise that both must do..
Answering the second part of Mels question though, I believe I was loved the way I wanted and needed for a while.. but over time we both changed and that same love was no longer what I wanted or needed.. if that makes sense. 🤔
I know you're a married for life guy and many are lucky to have that without too many difficulties.. hopefully my next one works that way too. 😬1 -
slimgirljo15 wrote: »slimgirljo15 wrote: »Do you think you’ve ever been fully loved the way you want or need to be from a SO? And...do you think it’s even possible?
My answers are:
No and no.
I’m thinking it’s too much to expect from another human.
Yes, I was for a time but it didn't last. I think it takes more effort the longer the time passes. Thats just marriage I guess.
I think yes, its possible.. but not likely that we'll get everything exactly as we'd like it. 🙂
Yep. We've both had to choose the other one despite the crap sandwich that marriage sometimes represents. Not getting everything we'd like and picking it anyway. You're right, it's just hard work.
The unspoken part of this is that choosing to stay single or go back to being single is far from better, at least for most. That's life.
I didn't leave either of my marriages lightly, sometimes no matter how hard you try it can't be fixed.
I think there's a whole lot of compromise that both must do..
Answering the second part of Mels question though, I believe I was loved the way I wanted and needed for a while.. but over time we both changed and that same love was no longer what I wanted or needed.. if that makes sense. 🤔
I know you're a married for life guy and many are lucky to have that without too many difficulties.. hopefully my next one works that way too. 😬
Part of what I'm trying to convey is just how hard it is - I mean if you really want to both be fulfilled. If two people are as compatible and invested as she and I are, and we've still almost spilt up several times...well, couples that aren't those things are gonna struggle that much harder, and it means marriage is just hard.
The generation my kids are in seems to think that simply not taking part is the way to fix what's wrong with marriage. They'll find out that doesn't grant what they need, either.
It's mostly about what you put in, whether single or married.3 -
slimgirljo15 wrote: »slimgirljo15 wrote: »Do you think you’ve ever been fully loved the way you want or need to be from a SO? And...do you think it’s even possible?
My answers are:
No and no.
I’m thinking it’s too much to expect from another human.
Yes, I was for a time but it didn't last. I think it takes more effort the longer the time passes. Thats just marriage I guess.
I think yes, its possible.. but not likely that we'll get everything exactly as we'd like it. 🙂
Yep. We've both had to choose the other one despite the crap sandwich that marriage sometimes represents. Not getting everything we'd like and picking it anyway. You're right, it's just hard work.
The unspoken part of this is that choosing to stay single or go back to being single is far from better, at least for most. That's life.
I didn't leave either of my marriages lightly, sometimes no matter how hard you try it can't be fixed.
I think there's a whole lot of compromise that both must do..
Answering the second part of Mels question though, I believe I was loved the way I wanted and needed for a while.. but over time we both changed and that same love was no longer what I wanted or needed.. if that makes sense. 🤔
I know you're a married for life guy and many are lucky to have that without too many difficulties.. hopefully my next one works that way too. 😬
Part of what I'm trying to convey is just how hard it is - I mean if you really want to both be fulfilled. If two people are as compatible and invested as she and I are, and we've still almost spilt up several times...well, couples that aren't those things are gonna struggle that much harder, and it means marriage is just hard.
The generation my kids are in seems to think that simply not taking part is the way to fix what's wrong with marriage. They'll find out that doesn't grant what they need, either.
It's mostly about what you put in, whether single or married.
I agree 100% its not easy, and if people like you and your SO struggle, well that shows how hard it really is.
I wonder if these days if many people actually think marriage is for life? I know a lot more of my friends these days do not intend to get married, they are happy to live with each other with out the commitment of marriage.
Times have definitely changed.
I admit, I often wonder when I see old couples together, are they really happy or did they just stay together because that's what was expected and the time they were brought up in.? I can't imagine 50 years with someone you might not be in love with anymore.
Anyway.. yeah.. Marriage is hard
But this does exist.
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slimgirljo15 wrote: »slimgirljo15 wrote: »Do you think you’ve ever been fully loved the way you want or need to be from a SO? And...do you think it’s even possible?
My answers are:
No and no.
I’m thinking it’s too much to expect from another human.
Yes, I was for a time but it didn't last. I think it takes more effort the longer the time passes. Thats just marriage I guess.
I think yes, its possible.. but not likely that we'll get everything exactly as we'd like it. 🙂
Yep. We've both had to choose the other one despite the crap sandwich that marriage sometimes represents. Not getting everything we'd like and picking it anyway. You're right, it's just hard work.
The unspoken part of this is that choosing to stay single or go back to being single is far from better, at least for most. That's life.
I didn't leave either of my marriages lightly, sometimes no matter how hard you try it can't be fixed.
I think there's a whole lot of compromise that both must do..
Answering the second part of Mels question though, I believe I was loved the way I wanted and needed for a while.. but over time we both changed and that same love was no longer what I wanted or needed.. if that makes sense. 🤔
I know you're a married for life guy and many are lucky to have that without too many difficulties.. hopefully my next one works that way too. 😬
Makes perfect sense. Our needs change, expectations and tolerances change, our life circumstances change. Too many dang changes to hold onto what marriage started out to be. Not to mention, after some time, neither one of you remain the same person you were when you first got together. Or you start finding deal breakers that you either overlooked or weren't there in the beginning. Things you *thought* you could live with but you changed your mind after 5, 10, years.
Seeing my sister(I always use her as an example in so many of my posts
) and how devoted she was to her dh, sometimes makes me feel guilty that I'm not trying hard enough. But then she's very different and nicer(:)) than I am. She certainly never had it easier or better than I have, we're just different people.
I'm not sure we can ever be loved the way we want or need to be. I don't like the whole expectation idea. I don't want to have to live up to anyone else's expectations and I don't want to need anybody that much. I am solely responsible for my own happiness and that really needs to go for each individual. Sure, couples can compliment each other by being together but I hate being relied on for everything in someone else's life. Too much responsibility.
I feel life is too short to spend it very unhappy. I have a friend who's been extremely unhappy in her marriage and went through years and years of not trusting her dh. She'd ask me if I'd seen him out with anyone else. Never did but who knows. She said that'd be the only way she'd divorce him because any other reason wouldn't be good enough for her. Not sure if that was a religious reasoning but she's still unhappy to this day. Is that a way to spend most of your life??
1 -
Oh, I'm not upset at anyone about it. It makes me laugh more than anything that adults on a public forum can get under each other's skins that way. Heck, I said as much as the time, that I have a particular talent for such - Jo knows as much, I can piss her off on my best days. I both took no offense and intended none, but the silliness that anyone would take dibs seriously among adults was not lost on me - it's patently stupid, whether we have any relationship prior.
Good news is I undibsed you, so none of this is a problem and never happened. :bigsmile:
^which action, of course, is equally stupid.
How much did you have to pay to get your dibs annulled? I've heard annulments are expensive.
3 -
Part of what I'm trying to convey is just how hard it is - I mean if you really want to both be fulfilled. If two people are as compatible and invested as she and I are, and we've still almost spilt up several times...well, couples that aren't those things are gonna struggle that much harder, and it means marriage is just hard.
The generation my kids are in seems to think that simply not taking part is the way to fix what's wrong with marriage. They'll find out that doesn't grant what they need, either.
It's mostly about what you put in, whether single or married.
1 -
Oh, I'm not upset at anyone about it. It makes me laugh more than anything that adults on a public forum can get under each other's skins that way. Heck, I said as much as the time, that I have a particular talent for such - Jo knows as much, I can piss her off on my best days. I both took no offense and intended none, but the silliness that anyone would take dibs seriously among adults was not lost on me - it's patently stupid, whether we have any relationship prior.
Good news is I undibsed you, so none of this is a problem and never happened. :bigsmile:
^which action, of course, is equally stupid.
How much did you have to pay to get your dibs annulled? I've heard annulments are expensive.
All it ever costs is your pride.
After that it's just dollars, and I have enough to meet my dibsing proclivities.
1 -
Oh, I'm not upset at anyone about it. It makes me laugh more than anything that adults on a public forum can get under each other's skins that way. Heck, I said as much as the time, that I have a particular talent for such - Jo knows as much, I can piss her off on my best days. I both took no offense and intended none, but the silliness that anyone would take dibs seriously among adults was not lost on me - it's patently stupid, whether we have any relationship prior.
Good news is I undibsed you, so none of this is a problem and never happened. :bigsmile:
^which action, of course, is equally stupid.
How much did you have to pay to get your dibs annulled? I've heard annulments are expensive.
All it ever costs is your pride.
After that it's just dollars, and I have enough to meet my dibsing proclivities.
I presume that amount is immune from any budgetary cuts. #priorities.1 -
Oh, I'm not upset at anyone about it. It makes me laugh more than anything that adults on a public forum can get under each other's skins that way. Heck, I said as much as the time, that I have a particular talent for such - Jo knows as much, I can piss her off on my best days. I both took no offense and intended none, but the silliness that anyone would take dibs seriously among adults was not lost on me - it's patently stupid, whether we have any relationship prior.
Good news is I undibsed you, so none of this is a problem and never happened. :bigsmile:
^which action, of course, is equally stupid.
How much did you have to pay to get your dibs annulled? I've heard annulments are expensive.
All it ever costs is your pride.
After that it's just dollars, and I have enough to meet my dibsing proclivities.
I presume that amount is immune from any budgetary cuts. #priorities.
Just until you run out of pride.
Thankfully I have surpluses in lack of self awareness and loads of pithy answers to "what are you most proud of" to hold off my perception of emotional bankruptcy.2 -
Oh, I'm not upset at anyone about it. It makes me laugh more than anything that adults on a public forum can get under each other's skins that way. Heck, I said as much as the time, that I have a particular talent for such - Jo knows as much, I can piss her off on my best days. I both took no offense and intended none, but the silliness that anyone would take dibs seriously among adults was not lost on me - it's patently stupid, whether we have any relationship prior.
Good news is I undibsed you, so none of this is a problem and never happened. :bigsmile:
^which action, of course, is equally stupid.
How much did you have to pay to get your dibs annulled? I've heard annulments are expensive.
All it ever costs is your pride.
After that it's just dollars, and I have enough to meet my dibsing proclivities.
I presume that amount is immune from any budgetary cuts. #priorities.
Just until you run out of pride.
Thankfully I have surpluses in lack of self awareness and loads of pithy answers to "what are you most proud of" to hold off my perception of emotional bankruptcy.
Sometimes, I like to think of myself as embarrased out to use Jenna's term. It can have practical uses in many areas.1 -
Ladies..
Guys who are oblivious... Honestly...
Yay or Nay 🤷🏽♂️2 -
Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »Ladies..
Guys who are oblivious... Honestly...
Yay or Nay 🤷🏽♂️
Oblivious in what way? Oblivious to anything/everything? Nay...
Oblivious when they're being hit on by people other than myself (assuming I'm their current partner), yay.2 -
Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »Ladies..
Guys who are oblivious... Honestly...
Yay or Nay 🤷🏽♂️
Definitely nay across the board...why so oblivious 1. You don't care? 2. Not interested? 3. Too self absorbed? 4. Busy with life/other things? There's a reason someone would be oblivious...and most of the time ...not always...but most of the time I'd take it as a neg/red flag1 -
Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »Ladies..
Guys who are oblivious... Honestly...
Yay or Nay 🤷🏽♂️
More context would sort of help others answer this but I'd say Nay. I like men who are aware of whatever is in front of them, even more so if it's me.2
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