Parent shaming?
Replies
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Madam this is a Wendy’s*RANT* So I’m noticing this trend. Especially on social media like TikTok. When did parent shaming become a thing? Literally putting people down and making fun of people for having kids. Calling people “breeders” and acting like if you don’t choose to be *child free* like them your life is over, you are broke and can’t do things like traveling because you can’t do anything once you have children. They worship dogs, but will call children names and post “throw the whole thing out” if a video is posted of a kid doing something naughty. So now a dog’s life should be valued, but a baby’s life means nothing? It’s this new generation of people saying these things and I find it very disturbing. Nobody says anyone has to have children, some of these people shouldn’t be allowed to have anything living under their care with their attitudes. But why is it a trend and funny now to shame people that choose to? To act like you are better than others because you are “child free”? Am I the only who is seeing this more and more?
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chuckle_bunny wrote: »Is it even possible to rant about TikTok. I mean, it's TikTok. That's like going to the freak show and saying there's too much freaky *kitten* going on.
It’s not just on there. I was just using it as an example of where I have seen it. The issue isn’t with TikTok. It’s with ignorant people
I definitely think you're right that this is a viewpoint that has both become more common, especially among younger generations, and it has become more socially acceptable to say so. Rudeness has also become more socially acceptable (if you're not the target, at least). And people are rude about all kinds of opinions, including expressing ones I agree with (and I hate when that happens!)
Contraception of some form or another has been around since ancient times, but its use was not widespread or reliable until very recently in human history. It's a really big society game changer and I think we forget sometimes that it hasn't always been around. Even though there's more people than ever before, birth rates have plummeted. Lots of people go about their lives and never regularly come into contact with children, which is also a new thing. It used to be that societies skewed heavily toward the young, and now they skew toward the elderly. That's going to impact opinions and behaviors about kids and about the people who have them, especially if they're outliers in their communities.
People really should mind their own business if nobody's causing harm. I do see things a lot that make me sad, and as I posted earlier sometimes people have directed nasty thoughts my way. But I really can't spend my time getting mad about it. A lot of times people who say nasty things have no interest in genuine discussion - they just want to be mean. They're also the only ones who can stop themselves. If it's online, I just turn it off. In person, I walk away.2 -
I'm a person who decided not to have kids ever, I knew from age 13-14 that it was not for me and now at 44 I'm even more sure than ever about that being the right choice for me.
With that said - I can't stand most of the "child free" groups I've joined or tried over the years because of attitudes like you describe. I don't hate kids just because I don't want to be a parent. I also don't need to have a "fur baby" or nieces and nephews underfoot. It's just not for me. I was once a child myself and can't believe people who make really harsh and mean comments about kids. It is really easy to just avoid them if you're not big into kids.
I also find it very disturbing when people who are absentee or neglectful parents assume I'll understand. I probably judge them just as harshly as other parents do (not saying I am right or wrong to do that).
Anyway, yeah. People should just do what makes them happy and what's right for their lives, IMO.6 -
Yes, rudeness abounds. Everywhere. It's disheartening and at times, downright scary. It creates separation of people by trying to control what others think, feel and want. It's definitely okay to have an opinion; everybody should have some of those.
But there are right ways and wrong ways to have one. Be thoughtful about it.
My brother, often writes letters to the local newspaper. He is very(VERY) politically and religiously opinionated who refuses to listen to anyone else. DH says he has the right to his opinion and I agree. But his letters are so filled with bitterness and hatred.
DH has never read them; I've read them all. He's been called on his attitude so many times. As I said, there's a right way and a wrong way. I know it's vastly different than having children but it still falls under opinions, keeping it compassionate and kind, open-minded.
We have 3 adult children; children are something I always wanted in my life. Every single one of them do NOT want children of their own. I respect that decision. Though I'll most likely never be a grandmother, that's okay with me. I should not be a factor in any of their child bearing decisions. 5 -
I personally haven't seen this anywhere. I have noticed a gentle rhetoric about it being ok to not want children. From an anecdotal perspective I can see why some may push it more strongly as people are invasive af about it and seem to think its ok to make comments like "Georgina where is my grandson?" Or "Georgina why do my kids have no cousins yet?" Or "Georgina you don't have a husband or a child you must be so sad" Dammit I just want abs and money leave me be. I mean, I hear that happens to some people idk 🤷♀️6
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Because inherently, regardless of age, people don't want to feel that others are doing better than them. Maybe the bullying parent is having a tough time with a teenager, but knows that people without kids don't have to deal with that and may envy it. It's not that much different than anything else, just whom it's directed at.Has anyone ever thought that couples that don't have kids maybe don't want to because they may have had childhoods that weren't happy? And don't want to chance doing that to their own kid?
And also there are people who are career oriented and may feel they won't be able to care for a child the right way.
I never look at couples who decide not to have children as odd. There are some that can't because of physical and health issues yes, but those that just don't choose to shouldn't be treated any different than other couples that do.
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I agree and I wasn’t saying anything negative about people not having them. I said why are people that do being bullied.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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I haven’t really heard this or seen this but I believe it happens. I will say some dog parents go overboard. Cat parents are the worst though, especially the ones that own multiple cats. Ugh.3
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SuzySunshine99 wrote: »It's blowback from years and years and years of society valuing people who choose to have children over people who don't. Despite what you may see on TikTok, in the real world, people who choose not to have children are still looked down upon. Like there is something wrong with that choice.
Rest assured that outside of social media, society still looks highly upon the choice to be a parent.
This. And it's insensitive as *kitten* to those of us who don't have kids but might actually want them. It's ableist to assume everyone without kids is without them by choice.
Dogs are cuter and they don't talk back.2 -
Ableist?
Bingo!
*runs to the front clutching card and pearls*2 -
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Ableist?
Bingo!
*runs to the front clutching card and pearls*
Yes, ablelist.
I have epilepsy and I won't be able to have children without some pretty difficult decisions. I'll probably have to start making them fairly soon. It's hard, and yes, I'm sensitive about it.
People making negative judgements about childfree people will never sit well with me. It especially hurts coming from people who have children.
No, we don't understand. But maybe we wish we did.6 -
elmusho1989 wrote: »Ableist?
Bingo!
*runs to the front clutching card and pearls*
Yes, ablelist.
I have epilepsy and I won't be able to have children without some pretty difficult decisions. I'll probably have to start making them fairly soon. It's hard, and yes, I'm sensitive about it.
People making negative judgements about childfree people will never sit well with me. It especially hurts coming from people who have children.
No, we don't understand. But maybe we wish we did.
Not to worry, mine is an attempt at humor, rather than judgement. :flowerforyou:1 -
The long and the short of it is that people need to mind their own damn business and stop telling other people how to live their lives or shame them over their choices. A person having children isn't hurting you, so stfu.
Likewise, a person who cannot or does not want children isn't "abnormal" or "wrong" and it is insensitive to those who might want children but are unable (for whatever reason) to have them.7 -
SuzySunshine99 wrote: »It's blowback from years and years and years of society valuing people who choose to have children over people who don't. Despite what you may see on TikTok, in the real world, people who choose not to have children are still looked down upon. Like there is something wrong with that choice.
Rest assured that outside of social media, society still looks highly upon the choice to be a parent.
Yes, I'm a political junky and both US parties talk about "American families" all the time, making having children the norm.
My partner started referring to the two of us as a "family" after we got a cat
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My 2 dds keep reminding me I have a grand-cat and a grand-dog. I also had a grand-fish until ds had to flush it down.
The term 'family' has a much different meaning within today's society than it used to and I think it's a wonderful thing
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I haven’t really heard this or seen this but I believe it happens. I will say some dog parents go overboard. Cat parents are the worst though, especially the ones that own multiple cats. Ugh.
.... so you don't want to see pictures of my cats? Oh man. And they're just about to turn 120 months old 😕5 -
ExpressoLove11 wrote: »I haven’t really heard this or seen this but I believe it happens. I will say some dog parents go overboard. Cat parents are the worst though, especially the ones that own multiple cats. Ugh.
.... so you don't want to see pictures of my cats? Oh man. And they're just about to turn 120 months old 😕
But are they potty trained??1
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