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"Unrealistic" body goals
Replies
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Whatsthemotive wrote: »Perfection can be the enemy of good. Perfection can be the enemy of good mental health.
Right! Never let perfection get in the way of really good...3 -
Would I like to have the body of a 20 year old who hasn’t had two children and a caesarean? You bet. But I’m 62. I can exercise up to an hour on many but not all days. I have a physical disability due to a car accident in my 20s. I have had two children and a caesarean. I have a full time job. I am responsible for doing the housework in my home. I have interests other than achieving the perfect body. I think it is healthy for me to have these other interests. I think it would be unhealthy mentally for me to make achieving the perfect body the focus of my life. (Not my place to judge what is healthy for other people). So I will work to lose weight and improve my fitness without setting “unrealistic” goals that will lead to disappointment and failure. I’ve lost 19.4 pounds since the start of the year. I’m working out 6 days a week. I’m increasing weight used as I am able and adding on time to the work out. I could barely do 15 minutes with soup cans when I started. Now I’m doing 40 minutes with 5 pound weights.
There’s a lot more to think about than whether I COULD reach some ideal body goal. There’s the issue of whether it would be good for to devote so much of my time and energy toward reaching that goal and what it would do for me even if I did reach that goal.4 -
Whatsthemotive wrote: »Perfection can be the enemy of good. Perfection can be the enemy of good mental health.
Yep, I unfortunately know this very well. Perfectionism can even be a reason why people don't start things--if they feel they're not going to be "perfect" at it right away, why bother?
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Also women have organs.2
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Whatsthemotive wrote: »Perfection can be the enemy of good. Perfection can be the enemy of good mental health.
Right! Never let perfection get in the way of really good...
I cringe at the word perfection. It lacks flexibility, creativity, and it’s also aged out. If we considered new technology in the 80’s/90’s to be perfect we would never innovate. We need to be progressive on our ever evolving approach to the new world unfolding before us. If you think you’re perfect or know what perfect looks like, you’re already light years behind the curve. There is no perfect. There is just evolution.
That being said, I personally don’t like to stop at “good enough”. Some do, that’s fine. Fine is not remotely okay for me. I don’t expect others to approach their personal goals the way I do, but I will not settle for what I believe to be mediocre. There is no wrong or right, just personal preference.3 -
The only times I’ve seen someone’s goals addressed as unrealistic were when they sounded something like this:
“How do I get a really big butt and skinny waist like this pro fitness model? I tried losing weight and now my arms and legs are super skinny and my butt is flat. The only exercise I’m willing to do is walking twice a week for thirty minutes, what should I eat to meet this goal?”
Or, alternately, “I have to lose 48 pounds by two months from now to be in my sister’s wedding. Wish me luck!”
These sorts of posters need a sharp dose of reality, and if they don’t get it here, they will still eventually get it further down the line.11 -
Whatsthemotive wrote: »Perfection can be the enemy of good. Perfection can be the enemy of good mental health.
Right! Never let perfection get in the way of really good...
I cringe at the word perfection. It lacks flexibility, creativity, and it’s also aged out. If we considered new technology in the 80’s/90’s to be perfect we would never innovate. We need to be progressive on our ever evolving approach to the new world unfolding before us. If you think you’re perfect or know what perfect looks like, you’re already light years behind the curve. There is no perfect. There is just evolution.
That being said, I personally don’t like to stop at “good enough”. Some do, that’s fine. Fine is not remotely okay for me. I don’t expect others to approach their personal goals the way I do, but I will not settle for what I believe to be mediocre. There is no wrong or right, just personal preference.
"Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we catch excellence." - Vince Lombardi3 -
Whatsthemotive wrote: »Perfection can be the enemy of good. Perfection can be the enemy of good mental health.
Right! Never let perfection get in the way of really good...
I cringe at the word perfection. It lacks flexibility, creativity, and it’s also aged out. If we considered new technology in the 80’s/90’s to be perfect we would never innovate. We need to be progressive on our ever evolving approach to the new world unfolding before us. If you think you’re perfect or know what perfect looks like, you’re already light years behind the curve. There is no perfect. There is just evolution.
That being said, I personally don’t like to stop at “good enough”. Some do, that’s fine. Fine is not remotely okay for me. I don’t expect others to approach their personal goals the way I do, but I will not settle for what I believe to be mediocre. There is no wrong or right, just personal preference.
As someone with perfectionistic tendencies that I've only recently come to realize has held me back/contributed to my anxiety, I don't see "good enough" as mediocre or fine. "Good enough" is a relative term, and everyone defines what there own "good enough" is. I have had to teach myself that "good enough" is okay some days, and I'm not going to the "best me" every day. That absolutely doesn't mean I'm not going to strive to better myself in areas that I feel need improving, but I also have to know when to let up on myself.4 -
Speakeasy76 wrote: »Whatsthemotive wrote: »Perfection can be the enemy of good. Perfection can be the enemy of good mental health.
Right! Never let perfection get in the way of really good...
I cringe at the word perfection. It lacks flexibility, creativity, and it’s also aged out. If we considered new technology in the 80’s/90’s to be perfect we would never innovate. We need to be progressive on our ever evolving approach to the new world unfolding before us. If you think you’re perfect or know what perfect looks like, you’re already light years behind the curve. There is no perfect. There is just evolution.
That being said, I personally don’t like to stop at “good enough”. Some do, that’s fine. Fine is not remotely okay for me. I don’t expect others to approach their personal goals the way I do, but I will not settle for what I believe to be mediocre. There is no wrong or right, just personal preference.
As someone with perfectionistic tendencies that I've only recently come to realize has held me back/contributed to my anxiety, I don't see "good enough" as mediocre or fine. "Good enough" is a relative term, and everyone defines what there own "good enough" is. I have had to teach myself that "good enough" is okay some days, and I'm not going to the "best me" every day. That absolutely doesn't mean I'm not going to strive to better myself in areas that I feel need improving, but I also have to know when to let up on myself.
Yep, this for me too.
I'm big on having a growth mindset in life, and I do - I would like to be better than I was. It's a thing.
HOWEVER, there's some quote somewhere about anything worth doing well is worth half-assing and. Yes. It is better to do 5 minutes of exercise than none. It is better to wash your face than wash nothing if you can't shower because bad depression day. It is better to do the half-*kitten* than to do NOTHING.
And my perfectionistic self needed to learn and has to continually remember that there is an option between "WILDLY SUCCESSFUL" and "Don't do it."
Anything worth doing is worth half-assing.8 -
Speakeasy76 wrote: »Whatsthemotive wrote: »Perfection can be the enemy of good. Perfection can be the enemy of good mental health.
Right! Never let perfection get in the way of really good...
I cringe at the word perfection. It lacks flexibility, creativity, and it’s also aged out. If we considered new technology in the 80’s/90’s to be perfect we would never innovate. We need to be progressive on our ever evolving approach to the new world unfolding before us. If you think you’re perfect or know what perfect looks like, you’re already light years behind the curve. There is no perfect. There is just evolution.
That being said, I personally don’t like to stop at “good enough”. Some do, that’s fine. Fine is not remotely okay for me. I don’t expect others to approach their personal goals the way I do, but I will not settle for what I believe to be mediocre. There is no wrong or right, just personal preference.
As someone with perfectionistic tendencies that I've only recently come to realize has held me back/contributed to my anxiety, I don't see "good enough" as mediocre or fine. "Good enough" is a relative term, and everyone defines what there own "good enough" is. I have had to teach myself that "good enough" is okay some days, and I'm not going to the "best me" every day. That absolutely doesn't mean I'm not going to strive to better myself in areas that I feel need improving, but I also have to know when to let up on myself.
I agree, we all need to decide what is best for us individually. Only we know what is too much, and what is not enough. It’s highly personal.2 -
Whatsthemotive wrote: »Perfection can be the enemy of good. Perfection can be the enemy of good mental health.
Right! Never let perfection get in the way of really good...
I cringe at the word perfection. It lacks flexibility, creativity, and it’s also aged out. If we considered new technology in the 80’s/90’s to be perfect we would never innovate. We need to be progressive on our ever evolving approach to the new world unfolding before us. If you think you’re perfect or know what perfect looks like, you’re already light years behind the curve. There is no perfect. There is just evolution.
That being said, I personally don’t like to stop at “good enough”. Some do, that’s fine. Fine is not remotely okay for me. I don’t expect others to approach their personal goals the way I do, but I will not settle for what I believe to be mediocre. There is no wrong or right, just personal preference.
Nah, at least not for me. Not everything in life ought to be about perfection, IMO. Some things are that important; other things, good enough is good enough. Priorities allow for (near-)perfection where needful or strongly desirable, allow satisficing in other areas.
There are a lot of things we do in life. Trying to "perfect" every single one seems a little desperate, obsessive to me. But if it works for you, go for it.
Talking in abstractions is easy, though.3 -
Whatsthemotive wrote: »Perfection can be the enemy of good. Perfection can be the enemy of good mental health.
Right! Never let perfection get in the way of really good...
I cringe at the word perfection. It lacks flexibility, creativity, and it’s also aged out. If we considered new technology in the 80’s/90’s to be perfect we would never innovate. We need to be progressive on our ever evolving approach to the new world unfolding before us. If you think you’re perfect or know what perfect looks like, you’re already light years behind the curve. There is no perfect. There is just evolution.
That being said, I personally don’t like to stop at “good enough”. Some do, that’s fine. Fine is not remotely okay for me. I don’t expect others to approach their personal goals the way I do, but I will not settle for what I believe to be mediocre. There is no wrong or right, just personal preference.
Nah, at least not for me. Not everything in life ought to be about perfection, IMO. Some things are that important; other things, good enough is good enough. Priorities allow for (near-)perfection where needful or strongly desirable, allow satisficing in other areas.
There are a lot of things we do in life. Trying to "perfect" every single one seems a little desperate, obsessive to me. But if it works for you, go for it.
Talking in abstractions is easy, though.
I just said I don’t believe in perfection, so what makes you think I strive for it 🤔 I just don’t settle for, meh it’s good enough. Which means something different for different people. To me, when I do that, it means I don’t care. So I won’t stop there because I do care. I typically try to do my best. Even if that means my cake looks like *kitten*, I tried lol.6 -
Speakeasy76 wrote: »Whatsthemotive wrote: »Perfection can be the enemy of good. Perfection can be the enemy of good mental health.
Right! Never let perfection get in the way of really good...
I cringe at the word perfection. It lacks flexibility, creativity, and it’s also aged out. If we considered new technology in the 80’s/90’s to be perfect we would never innovate. We need to be progressive on our ever evolving approach to the new world unfolding before us. If you think you’re perfect or know what perfect looks like, you’re already light years behind the curve. There is no perfect. There is just evolution.
That being said, I personally don’t like to stop at “good enough”. Some do, that’s fine. Fine is not remotely okay for me. I don’t expect others to approach their personal goals the way I do, but I will not settle for what I believe to be mediocre. There is no wrong or right, just personal preference.
As someone with perfectionistic tendencies that I've only recently come to realize has held me back/contributed to my anxiety, I don't see "good enough" as mediocre or fine. "Good enough" is a relative term, and everyone defines what there own "good enough" is. I have had to teach myself that "good enough" is okay some days, and I'm not going to the "best me" every day. That absolutely doesn't mean I'm not going to strive to better myself in areas that I feel need improving, but I also have to know when to let up on myself.
^^^All... Of... This...^^^
3 -
Whatsthemotive wrote: »Perfection can be the enemy of good. Perfection can be the enemy of good mental health.
Right! Never let perfection get in the way of really good...
I cringe at the word perfection. It lacks flexibility, creativity, and it’s also aged out. If we considered new technology in the 80’s/90’s to be perfect we would never innovate. We need to be progressive on our ever evolving approach to the new world unfolding before us. If you think you’re perfect or know what perfect looks like, you’re already light years behind the curve. There is no perfect. There is just evolution.
That being said, I personally don’t like to stop at “good enough”. Some do, that’s fine. Fine is not remotely okay for me. I don’t expect others to approach their personal goals the way I do, but I will not settle for what I believe to be mediocre. There is no wrong or right, just personal preference.
Nah, at least not for me. Not everything in life ought to be about perfection, IMO. Some things are that important; other things, good enough is good enough. Priorities allow for (near-)perfection where needful or strongly desirable, allow satisficing in other areas.
There are a lot of things we do in life. Trying to "perfect" every single one seems a little desperate, obsessive to me. But if it works for you, go for it.
Talking in abstractions is easy, though.
I just said I don’t believe in perfection, so what makes you think I strive for it 🤔 I just don’t settle for, meh it’s good enough. Which means something different for different people. To me, when I do that, it means I don’t care. So I won’t stop there because I do care. I typically try to do my best. Even if that means my cake looks like *kitten*, I tried lol.
Maybe it was this...
"That being said, I personally don’t like to stop at “good enough”. Some do, that’s fine. Fine is not remotely okay for me. I don’t expect others to approach their personal goals the way I do, but I will not settle for what I believe to be mediocre..."
5 -
Whatsthemotive wrote: »Perfection can be the enemy of good. Perfection can be the enemy of good mental health.
Right! Never let perfection get in the way of really good...
I cringe at the word perfection. It lacks flexibility, creativity, and it’s also aged out. If we considered new technology in the 80’s/90’s to be perfect we would never innovate. We need to be progressive on our ever evolving approach to the new world unfolding before us. If you think you’re perfect or know what perfect looks like, you’re already light years behind the curve. There is no perfect. There is just evolution.
That being said, I personally don’t like to stop at “good enough”. Some do, that’s fine. Fine is not remotely okay for me. I don’t expect others to approach their personal goals the way I do, but I will not settle for what I believe to be mediocre. There is no wrong or right, just personal preference.
Nah, at least not for me. Not everything in life ought to be about perfection, IMO. Some things are that important; other things, good enough is good enough. Priorities allow for (near-)perfection where needful or strongly desirable, allow satisficing in other areas.
There are a lot of things we do in life. Trying to "perfect" every single one seems a little desperate, obsessive to me. But if it works for you, go for it.
Talking in abstractions is easy, though.
I just said I don’t believe in perfection, so what makes you think I strive for it 🤔 I just don’t settle for, meh it’s good enough. Which means something different for different people. To me, when I do that, it means I don’t care. So I won’t stop there because I do care. I typically try to do my best. Even if that means my cake looks like *kitten*, I tried lol.
Maybe it was this...
"That being said, I personally don’t like to stop at “good enough”. Some do, that’s fine. Fine is not remotely okay for me. I don’t expect others to approach their personal goals the way I do, but I will not settle for what I believe to be mediocre..."
... “ To me, when I do that, it means I don’t care. So I won’t stop there because I do care. I typically try to do my best. Even if that means my cake looks like *kitten*, I tried lol”
And... “ I agree, we all need to decide what is best for us individually. Only we know what is too much, and what is not enough. It’s highly personal.”
I just outlined what it means -to me-. I also agree with Speakeasy, because that’s what works for them. I am equally allowed to do and feel certain ways about myself as you do, right? And I don’t feel that others are wrong for their approach.1 -
Whatsthemotive wrote: »Perfection can be the enemy of good. Perfection can be the enemy of good mental health.
Right! Never let perfection get in the way of really good...
I cringe at the word perfection. It lacks flexibility, creativity, and it’s also aged out. If we considered new technology in the 80’s/90’s to be perfect we would never innovate. We need to be progressive on our ever evolving approach to the new world unfolding before us. If you think you’re perfect or know what perfect looks like, you’re already light years behind the curve. There is no perfect. There is just evolution.
That being said, I personally don’t like to stop at “good enough”. Some do, that’s fine. Fine is not remotely okay for me. I don’t expect others to approach their personal goals the way I do, but I will not settle for what I believe to be mediocre. There is no wrong or right, just personal preference.
Nah, at least not for me. Not everything in life ought to be about perfection, IMO. Some things are that important; other things, good enough is good enough. Priorities allow for (near-)perfection where needful or strongly desirable, allow satisficing in other areas.
There are a lot of things we do in life. Trying to "perfect" every single one seems a little desperate, obsessive to me. But if it works for you, go for it.
Talking in abstractions is easy, though.
Yep, this.
I am not giving 100% of myself to everything in my life. Some things, sure, but there is only so much 'try' and 'drive' in ANY person. We all make decisions about what is worth our time and energy - and everything we give to, is taking time and effort and energy away from something else. This is just simple reality. Time and energy are finite.
Where you put them are personal decisions.
For me? Relationships. Family. Mental and physical health. Making memories and having experiences. And even there the math shifts around sometimes.
My physical appearance/a perfect body?
No.
Other people want to go ahead but for me that would be a... pitiable and sad life, and not one worth living. I'd pretty strongly dislike myself for that.
(For me. Since we're all just talking about ourselves and judgement proof)
4 -
IronIsMyTherapy wrote: »deputy_randolph wrote: »I think sometimes people need the caveat of "unrealistic" attached to their idealized body type, b/c if they keep fantasizing about this body type and don't achieve it (often ppl want to achieve it quickly), they will give up completely or have adverse psychological effects.
So prefacing some statements with "Yes this body type is achievable, BUT isn't realistic for most people" is just honest. Are most people going to achieve the level of "professional" instagrammer bodies? No, it isn't a realistic goal for most people.
I agree. The statements that bugged me were both to younger people, both already in decent shape regarding a flat stomach and sub 10% bf. It felt like they were imposing that caveat on other people, almost like "since I don't have the dedication, you won't either."
My thoughts as well...now regarding the sub 10% bf, and the popular consensus that it's not sustainable or healthy long term as a "blanket statement" for all humans, is misinformation.
1 -
Whatsthemotive wrote: »Perfection can be the enemy of good. Perfection can be the enemy of good mental health.
Right! Never let perfection get in the way of really good...
I cringe at the word perfection. It lacks flexibility, creativity, and it’s also aged out. If we considered new technology in the 80’s/90’s to be perfect we would never innovate. We need to be progressive on our ever evolving approach to the new world unfolding before us. If you think you’re perfect or know what perfect looks like, you’re already light years behind the curve. There is no perfect. There is just evolution.
That being said, I personally don’t like to stop at “good enough”. Some do, that’s fine. Fine is not remotely okay for me. I don’t expect others to approach their personal goals the way I do, but I will not settle for what I believe to be mediocre. There is no wrong or right, just personal preference.
Nah, at least not for me. Not everything in life ought to be about perfection, IMO. Some things are that important; other things, good enough is good enough. Priorities allow for (near-)perfection where needful or strongly desirable, allow satisficing in other areas.
There are a lot of things we do in life. Trying to "perfect" every single one seems a little desperate, obsessive to me. But if it works for you, go for it.
Talking in abstractions is easy, though.
I just said I don’t believe in perfection, so what makes you think I strive for it 🤔 I just don’t settle for, meh it’s good enough. Which means something different for different people. To me, when I do that, it means I don’t care. So I won’t stop there because I do care. I typically try to do my best. Even if that means my cake looks like *kitten*, I tried lol.
Maybe it was this...
"That being said, I personally don’t like to stop at “good enough”. Some do, that’s fine. Fine is not remotely okay for me. I don’t expect others to approach their personal goals the way I do, but I will not settle for what I believe to be mediocre..."
... “ To me, when I do that, it means I don’t care. So I won’t stop there because I do care. I typically try to do my best. Even if that means my cake looks like *kitten*, I tried lol”
And... “ I agree, we all need to decide what is best for us individually. Only we know what is too much, and what is not enough. It’s highly personal.”
I just outlined what it means -to me-. I also agree with Speakeasy, because that’s what works for them. I am equally allowed to do and feel certain ways about myself as you do, right? And I don’t feel that others are wrong for their approach.
I don't think you meant it to sound this way, but when you say it's fine for others to stop at good enough but "fine is not remotely okay for me," it sounds a bit patronizing.
I think where we differ is in our personal description of perfectionism. To me, perfectionism is not the pursuit of actual perfection, despite the name. I think perfectionism is never being satisfied with someone (including one's self) or something, never being able to accept anything as "good enough." When I think this way, it's a relentless pursuit and a constant feeling of dissatisfaction and discontent--at least to me. I either become obsessed and hyper-focused on my goals, or don't try at all--since I'll never live up to my own expectations.
As I said, I do set goals for myself and have general areas on which I'd like to improve. I have to really ask myself why I want to improve in certain areas, though. I used to have this idea that I wanted to better than most people (if not all), and still struggle with this. If I'm wanting to improve upon something or have specific goals I want to achieve--what is the purpose of those goals? Is it to improve my overall quality of life in some way, or is to please others or feel like I'm "the best" at something?5 -
Speakeasy76 wrote: »Whatsthemotive wrote: »Perfection can be the enemy of good. Perfection can be the enemy of good mental health.
Right! Never let perfection get in the way of really good...
I cringe at the word perfection. It lacks flexibility, creativity, and it’s also aged out. If we considered new technology in the 80’s/90’s to be perfect we would never innovate. We need to be progressive on our ever evolving approach to the new world unfolding before us. If you think you’re perfect or know what perfect looks like, you’re already light years behind the curve. There is no perfect. There is just evolution.
That being said, I personally don’t like to stop at “good enough”. Some do, that’s fine. Fine is not remotely okay for me. I don’t expect others to approach their personal goals the way I do, but I will not settle for what I believe to be mediocre. There is no wrong or right, just personal preference.
Nah, at least not for me. Not everything in life ought to be about perfection, IMO. Some things are that important; other things, good enough is good enough. Priorities allow for (near-)perfection where needful or strongly desirable, allow satisficing in other areas.
There are a lot of things we do in life. Trying to "perfect" every single one seems a little desperate, obsessive to me. But if it works for you, go for it.
Talking in abstractions is easy, though.
I just said I don’t believe in perfection, so what makes you think I strive for it 🤔 I just don’t settle for, meh it’s good enough. Which means something different for different people. To me, when I do that, it means I don’t care. So I won’t stop there because I do care. I typically try to do my best. Even if that means my cake looks like *kitten*, I tried lol.
Maybe it was this...
"That being said, I personally don’t like to stop at “good enough”. Some do, that’s fine. Fine is not remotely okay for me. I don’t expect others to approach their personal goals the way I do, but I will not settle for what I believe to be mediocre..."
... “ To me, when I do that, it means I don’t care. So I won’t stop there because I do care. I typically try to do my best. Even if that means my cake looks like *kitten*, I tried lol”
And... “ I agree, we all need to decide what is best for us individually. Only we know what is too much, and what is not enough. It’s highly personal.”
I just outlined what it means -to me-. I also agree with Speakeasy, because that’s what works for them. I am equally allowed to do and feel certain ways about myself as you do, right? And I don’t feel that others are wrong for their approach.
I don't think you meant it to sound this way, but when you say it's fine for others to stop at good enough but "fine is not remotely okay for me," it sounds a bit patronizing.
I think where we differ is in our personal description of perfectionism. To me, perfectionism is not the pursuit of actual perfection, despite the name. I think perfectionism is never being satisfied with someone (including one's self) or something, never being able to accept anything as "good enough." When I think this way, it's a relentless pursuit and a constant feeling of dissatisfaction and discontent--at least to me. I either become obsessed and hyper-focused on my goals, or don't try at all--since I'll never live up to my own expectations.
As I said, I do set goals for myself and have general areas on which I'd like to improve. I have to really ask myself why I want to improve in certain areas, though. I used to have this idea that I wanted to better than most people (if not all), and still struggle with this. If I'm wanting to improve upon something or have specific goals I want to achieve--what is the purpose of those goals? Is it to improve my overall quality of life in some way, or is to please others or feel like I'm "the best" at something?
You’re right I didn’t mean it that way, I could have worded it better/differently and probably should have.
I’ve always been very ambitious, my sister has always been lackadaisical, we learn something from each other all the time. She’s my best friend and probably my favorite person, and we couldn’t be more opposite. She would wear slippers and pajama pants in a grocery store. I’d be walking next to her in Bottega Veneta, and neither one of us could be bothered with what other people think of us. We do what we do because it makes us happy. There’s no right way to be, just the way that brings you satisfaction and peace.
I’m sorry you struggle with being hypercritical of yourself. It doesn’t help that the media is making it even more difficult to love ourselves the way we are. I read here from someone a few times and really liked it, Comparison is the thief of joy. It’s so true.2 -
The OP appeared to be identifying “perfection” goals. I suppose part of the issue is that people may not be using common definitions. For example, what is meant by a flat stomach. I noticed that some people disagreed with my statement that women have organs. Which is odd. Because clearly women have organs. I suppose the dispute is whether those organs prevent a healthy woman from having a “flat stomach.” I’m not worried about me. But I’ve got two daughters in their 20s. I want them to be fit and healthy. I don’t think some of the images thrown at them are healthy.7
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