The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living

@Up_n_Running Thanks for responding and your insight. When husband drinks he becomes even more self-centered. He is full of himself whether he's drunk or not, but with alcohol he's even more arrogant. It's hard to get a word in edgewise whether he's drinking or not, unfortunately. But he definitely controls the conversation more after a couple of drinks. I think about weddings or get togethers with family and friends, which are rare, but he has to get drunk and be the center of attention. I hope he outgrows that one day...

@LoveyChar Sounds like he is a narcissist. On psychology today.com I read article about people who get jealous of others even their children --if they get more attention. Sounds bizarre but it can be true.

My cousin *like a brother* is this aunt's son. He told me that he is becoming his father. He said it sadly, but doesn't want to change.

I feel so badly for your situation, but you seem very strong!! And I don't blame you for telling him exactly what you feel, and how he makes you feel.
It would be one thing if he admitted he was wrong but he seems to think he's right ...

Anyway I am rambling. If we can help, you can always vent on here for support!
I thought it was interesting his mom said those things to you- she knows how he is.

I hope you have some good friends to talk to. You are not alone.

It's great to hear new voices. This is the place to come for support for sure.

I just spent several hours re-reading my journals starting from last summer when I tried, and failed, to get sober, then joined Kate Bee's course July 6. From then to January 6, I did not drink. My journal entries were full of joy, accounts of really fun things I was doing despite COVID, solid reflections, but most of all a real enjoyment of life and appreciation of the weight loss that went with those 6 months almost effortlessly.

The entries since Jan. 6 have been full of frustration with myself and my lack of success at really getting back to total sobriety. I think the reading was what I needed because I want that happy, joyful self back.

The ONLY silver lining to my relapse is that I know in my heart of hearts, not just in my brain, that for me moderation is a dangerous fairy tale. If I ever doubted Kate's warning that a return to drinking meant a return to the misery we had worked so hard to escape, not to some magical land of moderation, that doubt is gone. It just won't ever happen for me.

I'm super motivated right now because next weekend I'm traveling to my granddaughter's first communion. Last time I went up there to care for the granddaughters while my daughter had surgery was in September. I was 65 days sober and had such an amazing time with them and was so happy not to be thinking about how I could drink.

I'm very sad at the moment. But I feel like I just had a look at one of those old "This is your brain on drugs" posters. My journal entries show me "This is your life when drinking. This is your life when sober. Which one do you want?" I know which one I want for sure, but it is so freaking hard. I don't ever want to flirt with this poison again.

@donimfp Thank you...

I'm going to start journaling again. I journaled alot before my son was born three years ago but ever since then I've been a little bit hesitant. When I was in labor, my blood pressure plummeted twice and I was revived and it was horrifying and with my son nearing death during contractions since the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck, the doctor had no choice but to do an urgency c-section. When I was being prepped and wheeled out, I was yelling out my final wishes to my husband. It was one of the scariest moments of my life, second only to the thought of losing one of my children... I had a stack of journals at home and I wrote every complaint, gripe, frustration, pain, sorrow, sadness, fit of rage and anger in them. But I was terrified my husband would find them and read them if I died. Overall he'd been a good husband but to read my journals did not depict anything but the negative. I didn't want him to read them, ever. When I came home from the hospital, I destroyed everything.

Coming here is nice. My husband does not come here and doesn't know I do. He'd be the first to say something if he did.

Yes, I feel safe here. Thank you...

I need to create a "With An Attitude of Gratitude" journal with a better focus...

@donimpf Over 5 months, congratulations! Sober throughout Christmas, New Year's you made it...

The fact that she made it to 89 and journaled the negative stuff says to me that it was therapeutic for her, an outlet.

It's past midnight and I'm going to jounal now. My ex-husband's stepfather was a terrible alcohol and drug abuser. He died of liver cancer several years ago but he told me something long ago, long before he even got sick and that was "write it and burn it." Interesting... I could always do that, too. Or, shred it and recycle!

@LoveyChar My sister uses the Artist's Way technique called "morning pages.". You write three pages just as quickly as you can. The point is to get it all out your mind and on paper and that is healing in itself. Then, she shreds them immediately!

My favorite teacher once said to us, "Whatever you write, expect someone will read it." I always remember that.

Kate Bee posted this blog yesterday. I thought it was insightful and helpful.

https://thesoberschool.com/sobriety-makes-me-feel-deprived/