~ Sobriety Matters ~

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  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,459 Member
    I love these ideas for morning rituals. I think I said before I put on a live cam of my favorite beach and watch the sunrise. I light a beach scent candle and it really takes me there. Whatever works. I have been listening to some positive affirmations on youtube as well. I love them.

    I love beaches ⛱️ 😍 💙
    I can't wait until January 2023 so I can head back to Dominican Republic 😁
  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 3,696 Member
    Thanks for all your messages- I love your cat!

    I giggled when SunnyDays spoke of her straw hat!! LOL

    Sinisterbarbie- your comments are insightful and give me motivation.

    Wishing all a peaceful day!
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,459 Member
    RubyRed427 wrote: »
    Thanks for all your messages- I love your cat!

    I giggled when SunnyDays spoke of her straw hat!! LOL

    Sinisterbarbie- your comments are insightful and give me motivation.

    Wishing all a peaceful day!

    😊😊😁😁
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,459 Member
    I've got some good news.....

    My partner wants to quit smoking, too !!

    He's had a few slight to moderate health issues (unrelated to smoking) and its given him the push to want to bin the nicotine.

    I've got a quit buddy YAY 😁😆 He quits not this weekend, but next....
  • SunnyDays930
    SunnyDays930 Posts: 1,135 Member
    Good for him! He will be feeling better within days!
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,459 Member
    Starting from tomorrow, I'm going to re-read my nicotine explained book, by William Porter. Love that book.

    I just want to cement in my mind all the reasons not to return to smoking. I am painfully aware of how easy it is for me to fall straight back into my old patterns (especially when stressed). So I want to give myself a fighting chance this time.

    My brother had a great idea for me. If I'm going to crack, reach for an e-cigarette, instead. I think that's a great idea. Anything to stay away from those nasty cigarettes. But I'm hoping I don't reach for an ecig! I hate nicotine. I also hate that when I'm stressed I feel like I have a magnet on me that leads me into a shop to buy them. But I'm REALLY trying. I am determined 💪

    22 days nicotine free today 🙌

    Apparently if you manage 28 days you have 5 times more chance quitting for good. So I'm obviously aiming for the 28 days just now. And beyond !!!
  • Sinisterbarbie1
    Sinisterbarbie1 Posts: 293 Member
    edited May 10
    @BeIn2day this is a question not a criticism in any way … I honestly just don’t know and don’t understand how they are supposed to work …. what is the difference between an ecigarette and a normal cigarette except the shape of the vessel you are smoking? I get the idea behind nicotine gum and patches helping you wean off the chemical part of a nicotine habit more slowly so that withdrawal is not so bad, but without having the additional bad effects of drawing the nicotine vapors into your mouth and lungs where they cause cancer, but how is an ecigarette supposed to be healthier or less addictive? It would seem to prolong your addiction to all the physical habits of smoking plus draw the bad stuff into your body instead of just deliver the chemical nicotine to you if you are experiencing witdrawal and need to address that.

    You are doing so great! I am sure you have the strength to make it through. You are an inspiration and you have come through the hardest part already! Keep going!!

    ETA - I understand ecigarettes are supposed to be better for others around you because they are smokeless so my question is just about the smoker themselves
  • SunnyDays930
    SunnyDays930 Posts: 1,135 Member
    @Bein2day there was no such thing as e cigs when I quit but I did the patch...don't know if that is an option in Scotland, but it REALLY worked. I wore a full one then slowly cut the patch smaller every day until I was weaned. It really was a fairly painless way to quit. I also used lollypops to get over the sensation of needing something in my mouth. You are doing GREAT!

    May 11 Day 11 AF. I will not be reporting in for a few days as we are going out of town and I do not have MFP on my phone and am not bringing my lap top. My elderly aunt asked me to bring her 4 bottles of wine which I have purchased and are in the car. I didn't tell her we aren't drinking because I am not sure she even meant to share them with us :) Then off to see other friends. I feel confident in my ability to stay sober because right now I honestly cannot bear the thought of another day one. I'm slowly building new habits. I'm bringing the Heineken 00. I'll report back Monday. XO
  • SunnyDays930
    SunnyDays930 Posts: 1,135 Member
    @Sinisterbarbie1 I think you are getting the nicotine without the tar and other toxins when using an e cig. Just like the patch or gum.
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,459 Member
    @Sinisterbarbie1 I don't mind answering your question best I can.

    My understanding is that the e-cigarette provides the 'hand to mouth' motion that smokers can struggle with. They can really miss that.

    Another thing e-cigarette provides is the 'throat hit' and vapour which resembles the smoke.

    I have seen videos showing the difference of inhaling vapour from e-cigarettes and the smoke from cigarettes and the effects on the lungs.

    E-cigarette delivers nicotine without all the many harmful substances found in cigarette smoke. It also closely mimics the action of smoking. I found them very useful for a period of time. But I also found them to be highly addictive. In a way I didn't find patches, or gum to be. I think its because it closely mimics the hand to mouth motion.

    I will look for the video I mentioned and post it, it shows a clear difference between smoking on the lungs and using an e-cigarette. It is widely agreed by leading health organisations that ecig is less harmful than smoking. (At least here in the UK). Here in UK they are tightly regulated for quality & safety.
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,459 Member

    ^^ video showing ecig V smoking
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,459 Member
    @SunnyDays930 enjoy your trip away, hope you have a lovely time.

    Best of luck sticking to your AF goals. Enjoy your Heineken 00 🍺

    You can do it !! X 🌷
  • Sinisterbarbie1
    Sinisterbarbie1 Posts: 293 Member
    Thanks for the explanations on ecigs. Those features are the ones that made me think it would make it harder to ultimately quit but I can see how it could also be the opposite, since I enjoy the rituals of having a NA drink - I am so ridiculous about having a drink from a pretty stemmed glass, and something that is “appropriate” with my meal. So I get it. Thanks for explaining in a way that makes sense. The thing that seems different though is that unlike NA drinks you have to quit the ecigs too at some point if you want to quit smoking, and you have already quit smoking without them. I am just really proud of the success you have had and don’t want to see you worry about having to start again when you have made it so far. I am so confident in you and know you can do it without having to rely on ecigs now that you are past more than three weeks. I personally think you WILL succeed. Because you are doing all the right things by rereading books that have been helpful, planning daily rituals that are helpful, keeping yourself out of smokeshops etc. and your partner has also agreed to stop. So you are already all set up for success and well on your way to it. Don’t look back.

    @SunnyDays930 have a great trip! My husband has started drinking Heineken 00 and really likes it. He always thought he didn’t like NA beers. Now he drinks it with dinner every night.

    Sounds like everyone is on the upswing!
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,459 Member
    @Sinisterbarbie1 thank you so much for your encouragement. I really appreciate it 🙏 😊 ❣️
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,459 Member
    AA founder Bill Wilson said....

    "Resentment is a luxury that the alcoholic can ill afford."

    A workmate who attends AA meetings told me to pray for those I have resentment towards. Well today I actually did prey for them and it worked ! I felt better, and I had a more positive interaction with them. 🤷🏼‍♀️🙏❣️
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    This is a really important message that I want to remember.
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,459 Member
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    Ideas instead of reaching for things like cigarettes, alcohol, drugs or sugar etc ❣️
  • Sinisterbarbie1
    Sinisterbarbie1 Posts: 293 Member
    @BeIn2day sorry it sounds like you are struggling with challenging interactions . Your suggestions of distraction techniques for troubling emotions are great, and are similar to what I have read on some of the community boards elsewhere on mfp. Do you read those too? I find they have helpful suggestions that apply to any context, and that often folks who are writing about their problems with binge eating sound like they are dealing with some of the things people who have challenges with alcohol or nicotine or other substance use describe.

    One thing I think is uniformly true is that we can’t duck what is behind our triggers. We all ultimately need to confront them if we are to cut off the cycles of trigger/challenge to control. I’ve heard it said in tens of different conversations on the community boards in many different contexts by many different people, and I know its true for me personally too…. It is not the person or the situation that I am reacting to that is problematic, it is my reaction, and my reaction is the only thing that I can control.

    Your suggestions of avoidance techniques are important to get past the immediate challenge of not drinking/smoking etc., but ultimately to stop the trigger from repeating we have to figure out what is setting off our reaction to begin with. What about that person or the situation irks or triggers you? Why? What do they or the situation make you feel about yourself and why? At least for me, and it seems the people I have read commenting about these things on the boards, triggers are about triggering negative emotions about ourselves - anxieties, worries, jealousies, that then bring on self defeating/sabotaging behaviors. Since you probably aren’t going to change the person or entirely avoid the situations you encounter the triggers in, you can only work to change how you personally respond (or avoid rising to the bait ) and therefore cut off the triggering behavior at the stem so that you don’t constantly have to fight it.

    I have identified for myself that I sometimes think I should be able to fix things for my family, and that if I just did everything better/perfectly then no one would argue, no one would get sick, everyone would be happy. Of course that is ridiculous and an extreme overstatement, but when things start to go wrong and I feel like I am unable to help adequately, I am triggered by the feeling of powerlessness. I feel like a bad daughter, a failed wife, a terrible friend. I worry that I have screwed everything up, I can’t do anything correctly, the rest of my family is much better at everything, much kinder, more patient, more caring, etc. etc. etc. and the spiral goes on until I am convinced that I am the most selfish, awful person in the world and my family doesn’t love me. It doesn’t matter that I happen to be caring for several elderly and ailing relatives and holding down a full time job — that also is bad, because it means I am not devoting appropriate energy and attention to any of them, or my job, much less my husband, who should certainly leave me for this behaviour …. You get the picture. But just calling myself out on this nonsense and being able to recognize that this is what I do when I get overly worried about someone/something means that I can stop the craziness from happening when I recognize it. So the trigger (and the people/situations that previously sparked it) is neutralized.

    I know it sounds really basic when someone else explains what is problematic for them, but figuring out what is behind your own can be a little less than pleasant. I have also spared you the “why” part of my triggers. I don’t know if you have the energy to do more than apply the coping mechanisms at this point, but if you feel that these are recurring triggers with people or situations it may be worth thinking on it a bit further when you have the stamina for it.

    Sending you strength and positive energy!
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,459 Member
    @Sinisterbarbie1 great post. I will definitely re-read what you wrote several times. So true.

    I have done a lot of inner work and healing throughout my sobriety journey (my healing was only possible because I put the bottle down).

    I still have a ways to go and I'm committed to working through that.

    Currently I am undergoing a lot of personal and professional growth. My manager has asked me to apply for a senior role that's becoming available in a few weeks so I have been feeling stress and anxiety again due to that amongst other things. I'm definitely applying for the role, it's a fantastic opportunity for me.

    I'm happily working through whatever comes up for me. It's a work in progress for sure. (Probably always will be ! 😄).

    I agree distraction techniques have their place, and its good to have a list of alternative relaxation / self care ideas but nothing beats doing the inner work. It can be tough though. Self Care is vital. ❣️
  • Sinisterbarbie1
    Sinisterbarbie1 Posts: 293 Member
    That is a fantastic vote of confidence from your manager! Even positive change is stressful, but it is definitely a plus to be appreciated by your boss!
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,459 Member
    That is a fantastic vote of confidence from your manager! Even positive change is stressful, but it is definitely a plus to be appreciated by your boss!

    I've got a good manager. I am so grateful that she has pushed me forward. I probably wouldn't have done it myself.