Peloton for Wife
Replies
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allother94 wrote: »LaBellaHarris wrote: »SO GIVE HER TIME. Seriously. Stop being upset and problem solve. Oh, she can't work out because she needs to do the dishes? Cowboy up like a truly sexy man and say, "Hey, babe, let me clean up dinner and do the dishes while you work out." Also works for laundry! Team work makes the dream work, and all that.
It's easy to complain about stuff in a marriage. My husband got a rower, and we've only used it a couple of times so far. He's been having sinus problems and bad allergies; it's tough to be motivated to work out when you're sneezing and coughing up a lung. Work has been keeping him busy, and it's probably daunting because I've been shoving empty boxes into the study where the rower is to get them out of the entry way before Recycle Day; if he wants to work out in there, he'd have to break them down and take them out first to even get to the machine. I'm not getting mad or upset about the cost of the rower (more expensive than your Peloton) because that's a waste of energy that doesn't actually do anything to fix the problems. Being mad at my husband is counterproductive; HE IS ON MY TEAM AND I WANT HIM TO SUCCEED. His problems are our problems, just like his salary is our money, and the baby I gave him is our kid. If I'm frustrated with a lack of progress, I direct it at the problem keeping us from making progress, not at my husband or at my self, because then I might come up with a solution or a work-around or something new to try; if I'm just mad at my husband or myself for "being lazy" I won't be motivated to do anything! Beating yourself or your spouse up is not helpful!
Being upset takes energy that you could put to better use. I recommend taking better care of yourself, your wife, and your marriage instead.
I do those things already. She has plenty of time to get on a Peloton for 20 minutes 2 times a week. I think this is more about finding an excuse to not exercise than having a heartless, selfish, sexist husband…
Ok, now I'm convinced this is a troll. Seriously, practicing a sport, and building new habits 2x 20minutes per week? Yeah, this has got to be a troll post.1 -
allother94 wrote: »LaBellaHarris wrote: »SO GIVE HER TIME. Seriously. Stop being upset and problem solve. Oh, she can't work out because she needs to do the dishes? Cowboy up like a truly sexy man and say, "Hey, babe, let me clean up dinner and do the dishes while you work out." Also works for laundry! Team work makes the dream work, and all that.
It's easy to complain about stuff in a marriage. My husband got a rower, and we've only used it a couple of times so far. He's been having sinus problems and bad allergies; it's tough to be motivated to work out when you're sneezing and coughing up a lung. Work has been keeping him busy, and it's probably daunting because I've been shoving empty boxes into the study where the rower is to get them out of the entry way before Recycle Day; if he wants to work out in there, he'd have to break them down and take them out first to even get to the machine. I'm not getting mad or upset about the cost of the rower (more expensive than your Peloton) because that's a waste of energy that doesn't actually do anything to fix the problems. Being mad at my husband is counterproductive; HE IS ON MY TEAM AND I WANT HIM TO SUCCEED. His problems are our problems, just like his salary is our money, and the baby I gave him is our kid. If I'm frustrated with a lack of progress, I direct it at the problem keeping us from making progress, not at my husband or at my self, because then I might come up with a solution or a work-around or something new to try; if I'm just mad at my husband or myself for "being lazy" I won't be motivated to do anything! Beating yourself or your spouse up is not helpful!
Being upset takes energy that you could put to better use. I recommend taking better care of yourself, your wife, and your marriage instead.
I do those things already. She has plenty of time to get on a Peloton for 20 minutes 2 times a week. I think this is more about finding an excuse to not exercise than having a heartless, selfish, sexist husband…
Ok, now I'm convinced this is a troll. Seriously, practicing a sport, and building new habits 2x 20minutes per week? Yeah, this has got to be a troll post.
Doing 20 minutes of intense cardio twice a week is a good starting point for a beginner…0 -
Go_Deskercise wrote: »allother94 wrote: »Already done that. She doesn’t want my help; besides agreeing to buy things. Besides, there is nothing to it…. but to do it. I like talking with strangers on the internet because I get honest, unbiased answers…
Ok I get that, the internet can be a good tool sometimes. When talking to her, does she give you a clear goal of what she wants to accomplish and how she wants to accomplish it? Just because she WANTS something, doesn't means you HAVE to buy it for her. What's she going to do, through a fit? Let her lol Seems you have already bought her some good things for success so it sounds like another serious conversation about purchasing anything else needs to happen. Don't come at her from a place of what she's not doing, but what she needs or what you might be able to do to help her use what she already has before buying additional items/memberships etc..
From an outsiders perspective, you seem young and the marriage sounds relatively new. Compromise is a hell of a thing to learn in a marriage and money issues will always arise but you learn over time how to best deal with it.
She won’t set a goal for some reason. I think she buys into the marketing where the models make riding a Peloton look like riding an amusement park ride. And if she just spent $1500, she would be a happy model as well.
I’ll just chalk this one up to me being a good husband. However, no more wasted money…. Besides the ongoing Peloton and gym memberships…0 -
allother94 wrote: »I do those things already. She has plenty of time to get on a Peloton for 20 minutes 2 times a week. I think this is more about finding an excuse to not exercise than having a heartless, selfish, sexist husband…
You are so quick to your own defense that you're accusing yourself of being things I haven't said. I don't think you're heartless, or selfish, or sexist. I think you're mad and upset that *you* can't fix your wife's motivation problem with an expense gift. I'm saying that I think you'll be happier if you shift your focus. I think your marriage will be better if you stop buying stuff that you're just going to be resentful over.
Do you even like your wife, dude? You're making a joke about trading her in and keeping the bike now. If your marriage sucks that much you got bigger and more expensive problems than a Peloton gathering dust and some unused gym membership.🫖2 -
Tim is this you? Just kidding, my husband isn't on here, but this could be his post. I got a Peleton for Christmas a few years ago. I used it for about 2 weeks then I didn't use it at all. I thought I wanted one. I love spin classes and riding my bike so it was natural that I would love this, right? What I found was that I suck at working out at home. I always feel like there is something I should be doing, and yes he helps with (even does most) of the housework. Plus I missed the social aspect of the gym and bike rides, it just didn't fill the needs I had. Should it have been better than nothing. Hell yes, but I was in a funk.
He was really frustrated with me and I was really frustrated with myself, because I got it right at the beginning of Covid and it was my only option for quite some time. I didn't take advantage of it, and my fitness suffered. Then this year I actually started riding it consistently, well until the weather turned nice. Now I'm outside.
Oh, and him asking if I wanted to ride it "while he did dishes", made me feel like he was being pushy. He wasn't, I was just mad at me for letting him and myself down.
One of the things that got me back on the Peleton was a fitness challenge based on yearly mileage. The other was him asking if he should just drop the subscription to the Peleton site. I really want to like it more than I do, but now I have finally accepted that sometimes it is the best option even though it isn't perfect.3 -
LaBellaHarris wrote: »allother94 wrote: »I do those things already. She has plenty of time to get on a Peloton for 20 minutes 2 times a week. I think this is more about finding an excuse to not exercise than having a heartless, selfish, sexist husband…
You are so quick to your own defense that you're accusing yourself of being things I haven't said. I don't think you're heartless, or selfish, or sexist. I think you're mad and upset that *you* can't fix your wife's motivation problem with an expense gift. I'm saying that I think you'll be happier if you shift your focus. I think your marriage will be better if you stop buying stuff that you're just going to be resentful over.🫖
You said,[”Cowboy up like a truly sexy man and say, "Hey, babe, let me clean up dinner and do the dishes while you work out." Also works for laundry!“]. As if I was a selfish husband who let my wife do all the chores while I had plenty of free time…
Also, I’m not trying to fix my wife’s motivation problem by buying a bike. She was highly motivated to buy the bike. The motivation problem happened after the bike was purchased…
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allother94 wrote: »allother94 wrote: »LaBellaHarris wrote: »SO GIVE HER TIME. Seriously. Stop being upset and problem solve. Oh, she can't work out because she needs to do the dishes? Cowboy up like a truly sexy man and say, "Hey, babe, let me clean up dinner and do the dishes while you work out." Also works for laundry! Team work makes the dream work, and all that.
It's easy to complain about stuff in a marriage. My husband got a rower, and we've only used it a couple of times so far. He's been having sinus problems and bad allergies; it's tough to be motivated to work out when you're sneezing and coughing up a lung. Work has been keeping him busy, and it's probably daunting because I've been shoving empty boxes into the study where the rower is to get them out of the entry way before Recycle Day; if he wants to work out in there, he'd have to break them down and take them out first to even get to the machine. I'm not getting mad or upset about the cost of the rower (more expensive than your Peloton) because that's a waste of energy that doesn't actually do anything to fix the problems. Being mad at my husband is counterproductive; HE IS ON MY TEAM AND I WANT HIM TO SUCCEED. His problems are our problems, just like his salary is our money, and the baby I gave him is our kid. If I'm frustrated with a lack of progress, I direct it at the problem keeping us from making progress, not at my husband or at my self, because then I might come up with a solution or a work-around or something new to try; if I'm just mad at my husband or myself for "being lazy" I won't be motivated to do anything! Beating yourself or your spouse up is not helpful!
Being upset takes energy that you could put to better use. I recommend taking better care of yourself, your wife, and your marriage instead.
I do those things already. She has plenty of time to get on a Peloton for 20 minutes 2 times a week. I think this is more about finding an excuse to not exercise than having a heartless, selfish, sexist husband…
Ok, now I'm convinced this is a troll. Seriously, practicing a sport, and building new habits 2x 20minutes per week? Yeah, this has got to be a troll post.
Doing 20 minutes of intense cardio twice a week is a good starting point for a beginner…
Not really. If she's a total beginner she should not do intense exercise but ease into it, at a pace she's still able to talk in more or less coherent sentences and slowly build up endurance and duration. Endurance, and also speed is not build by going all out, but by the longer, slow sessions. Going all out might potentially lead to strain and injury if she's not used to it. Thus 20 minutes are up darling, get off the bike won't do it. Also, the training effect with just 2x per week will be very limited. 3x, with always at least a day off inbetween would be better. And yeah, one day, if she used the damn thing at least she might be able to keep it up for 2 hours or do intense workouts. But that's something she needs to be willing to invest in, without time restrictions. But I agree with others: Don't buy stuff for her, discuss your relationship and how to invest in work, and in money going into the future together.3 -
allother94 wrote: »You said,[”Cowboy up like a truly sexy man and say, "Hey, babe, let me clean up dinner and do the dishes while you work out." Also works for laundry!“]. As if I was a selfish husband who let my wife do all the chores while I had plenty of free time…
"Cowboy up" is a phrase much like "toughen up, buttercup" or "quit whining": where I'm at, it does not necessarily mean that you're not already a man (unlike the way the phrase "man up" might). I have no idea what your free time situation looks like, or what your chore distribution is; I was using an example of the two things that are never ending in my house. There are always dishes or another load of laundry that I could be doing in the evening.
Then what are you trying to do? She couldn't have been THAT motivated to buy the bike; you said that YOU bought it for her. Even if she used "your" money, that's different than if she bought it herself.Also, I’m not trying to fix my wife’s motivation problem by buying a bike. She was highly motivated to buy the bike. The motivation problem happened after the bike was purchased…
You started this thread by asking "Am I crazy for feeling upset by this?" when the real question is: "Does being upset help you in any way?" It doesn't sound like it makes you a better partner, and since this isn't the first time you've bought something she then hasn't used and been mad about it, it doesn't seem like you're using your past feelings to inform future decisions. Being upset is literally a waste of your time and energy, which are in fact as valuable or more valuable than your money. You keep doing the same thing, expecting a different result this time, and that is, at least in the opinion of this random unbiased stranger on the internet, kinda crazy.1 -
LaBellaHarris wrote: »allother94 wrote: »You said,[”Cowboy up like a truly sexy man and say, "Hey, babe, let me clean up dinner and do the dishes while you work out." Also works for laundry!“]. As if I was a selfish husband who let my wife do all the chores while I had plenty of free time…
"Cowboy up" is a phrase much like "toughen up, buttercup" or "quit whining": where I'm at, it does not necessarily mean that you're not already a man (unlike the way the phrase "man up" might). I have no idea what your free time situation looks like, or what your chore distribution is; I was using an example of the two things that are never ending in my house. There are always dishes or another load of laundry that I could be doing in the evening.
Then what are you trying to do? She couldn't have been THAT motivated to buy the bike; you said that YOU bought it for her. Even if she used "your" money, that's different than if she bought it herself.Also, I’m not trying to fix my wife’s motivation problem by buying a bike. She was highly motivated to buy the bike. The motivation problem happened after the bike was purchased…
You started this thread by asking "Am I crazy for feeling upset by this?" when the real question is: "Does being upset help you in any way?" It doesn't sound like it makes you a better partner, and since this isn't the first time you've bought something she then hasn't used and been mad about it, it doesn't seem like you're using your past feelings to inform future decisions. Being upset is literally a waste of your time and energy, which are in fact as valuable or more valuable than your money. You keep doing the same thing, expecting a different result this time, and that is, at least in the opinion of this random unbiased stranger on the internet, kinda crazy.
The bolded, that's the key point, IMO.
I saw a random video today. Basic message: "If someone promises me something, and I believe them, but they don't follow through, that's on them. If it happens a 2nd time with the same person, that's on me."
I admit, I'd give a spouse a bit more slack than some random other person, but it still doesn't make sense to me to be mad at them on round 2, 3, or 6 of the same (now predictable) thing. Personally, I probably wouldn't bother to be mad at myself either, because what useful purpose does it serve? (Epictetus, a dude who died in 135 AD, said a smart thing: "People are not disturbed by things, but by the views which they take of them.") Being angry/frustrated myself is a reaction I control.
OP, if you're having conflicts with your wife, deal with that head on. People tend to act out these deeper conflicts in little dramas about leaving the toothpaste cap off, or not sharing chores (neither of which I'm saying you're doing) . . . or one party buying exercise stuff and not using it, frustrating the other one.0
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