~ Sobriety Matters ~

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  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 3,685 Member
    By the way, I feel like Sh^^ and look haggard. Skin is dry and eyes are puffy. I can tell from my eyes when I am overdoing it. The rim of my eyes look extra pink and there is this little line that appears. No one would see it; but I have noticed the correlation.
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,436 Member
    Determined to get back on track. I will quit the e-cigarette tomorrow. Even although I have fell back onto these things when my mental health has taken a dip, I know they won't help my recovery. I will instead lean on the counselling, CBT and my medication.

    Cigarette free ~ 3 days
    Alcohol free ~ 2 days
    Coffee free ~ 12 hours 35 mins
    Vape free ~ (start tomorrow)
  • Sinisterbarbie1
    Sinisterbarbie1 Posts: 278 Member
    Reading this on a beautiful morning after feeding the birds and making myself some green tea. This would have been my 3 1/2 year sober anniversary, but since I had a self loathing screw up where I too self medicated (or more accurately self-annihalated) with wine at the end of the last year during various medical crises for my family which I somehow selfishly thought I would at least personally escape via booze for a bit, it is only coming on 6 months sober again for me. I always feel bad commenting on this thread because I want to keep saying just stick with it - its hard, but it will turn out really, really, really well if you get past the hard part. Don’t let the jerks win, don’t let them give you excuses, etc. etc. but it feels like that isn’t what is often wanted/needed. So thank you Xellercin for telling the jerks at your grocery directly to back off. I think this kind of marketing behavior is very different than jokey napkins and aprons at gift stores which while offensive and triggering to some is not splashed on the side of a building outright beckoning an addicted person on their way to an AA meeting after a traumatic incident to instead throw in the towel and buy wine …
    Regardless, to succeed at sobriety we have to overcome our own issues including those that unscrupulous marketers or friends may place in front of us. But I applaud you for striking a righteous blow for sanity, sobriety, and decency on this one.
    And I am thinking of all of you, and I am sending you peace, strength and good energy, and will be holding those hopes in my heart for all of you in sincere friendship with the wish that you find the well being you seek.
  • Xellercin
    Xellercin Posts: 777 Member
    Reading this on a beautiful morning after feeding the birds and making myself some green tea. This would have been my 3 1/2 year sober anniversary, but since I had a self loathing screw up where I too self medicated (or more accurately self-annihalated) with wine at the end of the last year during various medical crises for my family which I somehow selfishly thought I would at least personally escape via booze for a bit, it is only coming on 6 months sober again for me. I always feel bad commenting on this thread because I want to keep saying just stick with it - its hard, but it will turn out really, really, really well if you get past the hard part. Don’t let the jerks win, don’t let them give you excuses, etc. etc. but it feels like that isn’t what is often wanted/needed. So thank you Xellercin for telling the jerks at your grocery directly to back off. I think this kind of marketing behavior is very different than jokey napkins and aprons at gift stores which while offensive and triggering to some is not splashed on the side of a building outright beckoning an addicted person on their way to an AA meeting after a traumatic incident to instead throw in the towel and buy wine …
    Regardless, to succeed at sobriety we have to overcome our own issues including those that unscrupulous marketers or friends may place in front of us. But I applaud you for striking a righteous blow for sanity, sobriety, and decency on this one.
    And I am thinking of all of you, and I am sending you peace, strength and good energy, and will be holding those hopes in my heart for all of you in sincere friendship with the wish that you find the well being you seek.

    Awe, thanks.

    Also be kind to yourself.
    Sure, you made a choice to start drinking again and it was a bad choice, but also, it was an incredibly valuable learning experience. You now know, with all certainty and certitude that when SHTF that there is no level of pain and stress where alcohol actually helps anything.

    It doesn't help you escape, it just makes your prison worse and lengthens your sentence.

    Try to look at your past self who made those choice with the utmost compassion. You have to compassionately understand *why* she did what she did and not just beat yourself up for it. If we look at our past mistakes as horrible, shameful things that we aren't allowed to do again, then we totally fail to empower ourselves in the ways that we need to in order to follow through on that commitment.

    You drank for a reason. A powerful reason. That means you need powerful resources to not drink again under the same circumstances.

    The reason quitting has been so unbelievably easy for me is because I completely overhauled my life. I knew that my reasons for drinking were powerful. I respected why my past self made that choice and why it was so incredibly hard for her not to. I was intensely compassionate towards myself.

    But I also know that alcohol never made anything better, so I never, ever again want to be in a situation where I feel drinking is my best option.

    The only way to do that is to always ensure that I have *better* options than alcohol. No matter how hard life gets, I have to have better options for coping on hand than wine. I can never live a life where wine feels like my best option.

    And so far, despite experiencing ENORMOUS stressors and TREMENDOUS pain over the past 2.5 years, wine never has felt like the best option. But never for a second do I take for granted that I will always have to be proactive to make sure that I always have those supports, lest wine ever catch me at a weak moment, because it can so easily happen.
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,436 Member
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    For anyone else who is struggling. Don't give up. Ask for help.

    You are worth it. Mental health and daily struggles can be so difficult, life can be trying.

    It's difficult, but not impossible. Stay hopeful of a better, brighter tomorrow x
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,436 Member
    Had to grit my teeth a few times today so I could ride out the cravings and urges to go buy cigarettes or use the e-cigarettes.

    I have been eating all the junk food today but I'm allowing it. I will have my 2nd counselling session tomorrow. I'm actually looking forward to seeing her since we covered a lot in my first session.

    But I'm super proud that I haven't caved and smoked / vaped. So 'YAY' for small victories ✌️
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,436 Member
    Got 7 days alcohol free under my belt. I'm glad about that.

    I have been smoking cigarettes again and using the vape but I'm trying not to be too hard on myself.

    2 counselling sessions in and its been helpful for me but it's also been difficult as well. I do plan to quit the nicotine again soon (and the vape & coffee).

    Went to the garden centre today and bought a few shrubs for the front garden, a hanging basket for the back garden plus a little Japanese maple tree and a wind chime ! Back tomorrow to pick up another plant.

    Had a visitor today... they say one for sorrow, 2 for joy....luckily I spotted another one in the background on a tree 😄
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  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,436 Member
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    🪴🌱🌷
  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 3,685 Member
    edited June 4
    I had my first therapy session in a year. It was helpful. She and I talked about my alcohol addiction. I said it's hard to get back to AA because it's all or nothing thing. When you go, you commit to yourself to work hard and make sobriety a priority.

    She also said I need to find a sponsor that is a tough cookie. Not a friend, a person who will hold me accountable. We discussed how I want to be sober and remember my wedding day. She said that if I drink, I may have a blackout and not be able to remember the wedding day. I may say something mean to my new husband, etc. Now, I'll dig out my AA book and look at the little brochures for a meeting.
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,436 Member
    @RubyRed427 I think your doing the right thing. I would hate for your wedding day to be ruined. It's just not worth it. ❣️

    Plus there will be lots of pictures and videos as well. You will want to look back on that day with fond memories. X
  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 3,685 Member
    @BeIn2day I really like your pictures! You planted lovely flowers.
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,436 Member
    RubyRed427 wrote: »
    @BeIn2day I really like your pictures! You planted lovely flowers.

    I have my fingers crossed they remain that way. Me and my man don't have a good track record at keeping plants alive too long 😮 saying that, we have a palm plant on the decking that's bucked the trend lol along with a couple of cactus and a succulent 😂
  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 3,685 Member
    I abstained yesterday- so that was day 2, today is day 3. I had opportunities but chose a Heineken 00. I slept like a baby.

    Today, we are going to a festival. I will continue to abstain.
    I am going to make a summer bucket list.

    My therapist said my fiance and I can choose many many other activities to do than sit in a restaurant and drink. Of course, we know that. But if I make a list, I am more apt to check things off.

    One day at a time...
  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 3,685 Member
    We are going to Florida soon.

    Last time, I went there by myself and went to the beach. I went to amazing restaurants and ate scallops and shrimp and never once drank. That was a perfect trip. I also remember on that trip walking on the beach each morning, and I befriended a sweet older lady who also said she is in AA. I felt that was a message from an angel to keep the course.
  • Sinisterbarbie1
    Sinisterbarbie1 Posts: 278 Member
    I have noticed that if you eat things that keep your hands busy and dirty like crabs or crawfish or peeling shrimp or actually cleaning your own lobster I am less apt to drink anything (alcoholic or not). I just don’t like getting the glass all dirty …. But I think if your hands are busy it keeps you from drinking as much generally speaking.

    The same may hold true for activities generally. (Maybe we should all take up pottery and finger painting!) I guess keeping busy, keeping your hands and your mind occupied keeps you from slipping into old habits and routines. Many people eat too much or drink too much out of boredom or habit/routine. I am not sure that I understand why that is - it is not like eating or drinking is *exciting* or particularly stimulating, but it is definitely something that many people say they do.

    For me - until I got out of the habit - it was purely habit/routine, but I actually did have my hands busy. Mine was ….Walk in the door after work, set down bag, unpack groceries, open wine, start dinner. I didn’t even want the wine. I could walk in the door thinking with my mind I am not going to have a glass of wine because I don’t even want it, but my hand would automatically open it because that was the habit that went along with making dinner. So in my case, my hands were even busy, but not busy enough, because I cooked so much that it did not slow me down any. I actually stopped cooking anything elaborate at the same time I stopped drinking because in my case one triggered the other. Stopping both helped with weight loss. I can now cook whatever I want without issues, but I did have to consciously break that habit first.
  • Sinisterbarbie1
    Sinisterbarbie1 Posts: 278 Member
    On other topics … how is the wedding planning going? Are you getting excited?
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,436 Member
    I have came across an AA 12 step toolkit app on the app store, if anyone is interested. It looks like you have to pay to subscribe to access all its contents, my workmate who is in AA must be having an effect on me lol. (He just hit 14 years sober today) I'm not an AA member, don't know if I ever will. But this app looks pretty interesting.

    You can get a / become a sponsor through the app as well it looks very interactive. Might be an option for someone not wanting to attend meetings face-to-face or who cannot (live too far away etc).

    I found it on app store called AA 12 step toolkit 12 step recoverybox. I have got it but not paying for anything, just playing around with the idea of the 12 step programme approach and AA and what it may offer me. It does work for a lot of people.