~ Sobriety Matters ~

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  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,595 Member
    @Xellercin it is always good to have a balanced view. There is so much information now available, that simply wasn't available when AA began. They haven't changed much in all those years. I guess partly because what they do does work for so many. I respect that. I have my own views on certain things especially because I have used many other resources prior to heading over to AA.

    What they have is unique. The Fellowship is, I think a major thing. These people really lean on and support each other staunchly. I admire that part. From what I've seen so far, it's beautiful actually. Grown men opening up, showing emotion and everyone talking so candidly. I've just never seen anything like it. I find that part very unique. X
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,595 Member
    @Xellercin I suppose another way to look at it is, literally anyone who consumes alcohol on a regular enough basis, is on the spectrum. They are all on a sliding scale. With the odds stacked against them.

    You could say that everyone is a 'normal drinker' (you did lol)

    Or you could say that everyone is an alcoholic or potential alcoholic.....just everyone on a spectrum. (Could change word alcoholic for addict).

    Like you said, it's the substance that's the issue (a toxic, addictive poison) and not the human beings. Some of us have just slid along the scale differently from others).

    My view, when AA talk of the allergy, I think just about the reaction that is common sense that takes place in my body due to the nature of the substance. And like you said, my history of using it and being around it.

    I can also see why the Dr had the opinion of an *allergy* upon seeing extreme cases of alcoholism. Places so dark that I cannot begin to fathom. So I think they were trying to make sense of the depth of some people's addiction. Addiction is such a complex and scary thing. It is a scourge. I have known people (my mother included) with drug addiction. It destroys lives and families. My dad spent his entire life boozing and us as a family paid the price.

    Now my brother drinks & drugs. I am determined to break the chain. I just hope my brother joins me.
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,595 Member
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    I believe this to be true as well.
  • SunnyDays930
    SunnyDays930 Posts: 1,175 Member
    Bein2day are you the one that posted that scary picture of the guy with the "I'll have just one" thought and the terrifying creature lurking behind him? That scared the crap out of me. I haven't forgotten it. I also read the reason you have a headache is because the moisture in your brain goes way down because you are dehydrated after drinking. Can that be good for you? I think not.
    Lately I have been thinking, "Id rather not have a drink than go back to day 1 again". That's been my mantra lately, especially after reading that link I posted earlier. For me, every day 1 has gotten progressively worse as in unbearable anxiety, shame, dread about what I may have said or done while drunk, hopelessness, self loathing, racing heart, fear I am absolutely about to die. As you can see, no positives on this list.
    I am the prisoner but I am also the jailer with the key. I can walk out and lock the door behind me at any time. I just have to keep remembering all these things.
    Hugs. Love you guys, my pit crew.
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,595 Member
    @SunnyDays930 yep, I remember that picture. I can always remember it, too. It was a good representation of that alcohol monster whispering those words "Just have one drink. Just one won't hurt".

    When we all know it's the first 'one' drink that is the main problem!! It leads to all the rest. Once we cross that line, we are at risk. That's how I look at it now.
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,595 Member
    Hugs & love to you too @SunnyDays930 thank you for all your support 💖
  • Xellercin
    Xellercin Posts: 878 Member
    BeIn2day wrote: »
    @SunnyDays930 yep, I remember that picture. I can always remember it, too. It was a good representation of that alcohol monster whispering those words "Just have one drink. Just one won't hurt".

    When we all know it's the first 'one' drink that is the main problem!! It leads to all the rest. Once we cross that line, we are at risk. That's how I look at it now.

    I personally just don't see the appeal of the "one drink."

    I was always honest with myself that one drink was the worst option. If I'm craving a drink, having one will just make the craving a million times more intense, so why would I have just one??? It's nonsensical.

    I would be intensely craving the second drink by the time the first one was halfway done.

    So if I ever get a craving, I'm just honest with myself that the craving won't be satisfied unless I drink all evening, and then I would get to wake up feeling awful and guilty and miserable, etc.

    It's not that I *can't* just have one, it's that just having one is the WORST of all options.

    Having just one would mean I still have to spend the whole night abstaining, but now my cravings are worse!

    So none at all is ALWAYS preferable to only one. Only one is worst of all worlds.
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,595 Member
    I don't enjoy 1 drink. That's the truth.

    That's why I have never made efforts to shoot for moderation. I don't enjoy moderate drinking at all. I drink to get drunk or at least tipsy. And once I'm tipsy, who knows where the night could end 🤷🏼‍♀️
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,595 Member
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    Love this
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,595 Member
    @Sinisterbarbie1 thanks for sharing that with us ❣️it is the sad reality of addiction 😢 I feel for her family.

    Im glad you got away from it xxx
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,595 Member
    @SunnyDays930 your sobriety doesn't just benefit you, isn't it great that it benefits others, as well ?

    That's something I love about sobriety. It positively impacts others like a ripple effect.

    Your a good friend! I'm sure your friend will really appreciate having you there x
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,595 Member
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  • SunnyDays930
    SunnyDays930 Posts: 1,175 Member
    @Sinisterbarbie1 I feel for your friend's family. How devastating for them. Addiction takes everyone around them down with them. It is heartbreaking.
    I have read that addiction is like an elevator and the only button goes down. You just hope to get off before you are in the basement.
  • Xellercin
    Xellercin Posts: 878 Member
    edited June 16
    So here is the extreme of where it all can lead …. I have written up versions of this note and deleted it multiple times since this weekend … lets see if I actually post this.

    Last weekend I learned that an old friend I cut ties with because her drinking got too extreme died. My first reaction, and it turned out correct, was that she drank herself to death. I have felt conflicted about it all week, but never once have I wanted a drink to “deal” with it. In fact my main feeling has been a kind of analytical one. A cold, hard look at her reality versus mine. Why was I able to face that drinking is not good for me and stop, and she was not. This may be the one time the platitude “she is in a better place” actually applies, because it is hard to imagine messing up your life more than she had, yet still pretending to live “normally.” Nice house in the suburbs, three kids, etc. etc.

    I want to feel sad but in reality I just feel numb. I also know that everyone who knows her is thinking/saying versions of the same thing which more or less amount to “she did it to herself.” A part of me hopes that other people who knew her who are risky drinkers might take seeing this up close and actually experiencing their own lack of sympathy for her as a kick in the pants to get their acts together and get healthy before it is too late. I know this sounds terribly harsh, but I would never have imagined being privy to some of the conversations I have heard this week.

    It is made worse because it happened the week her youngest daughter graduated from high school. Perhaps that had something to do with it. Perhaps she was celebrating. Perhaps she was mourning becoming an empty nester. Perhaps it was just an ordinary Tuesday. It really doesn’t matter because she had been such a heavy drinker over such a long period of time that any reason and no reason was reason enough to drink. I am told she first lapsed into a coma and then died a few days later because her liver was incapable of processing the alcohol anymore and ammonia was leeching into her brain. So maybe it only took one drink this time. Who knows.

    The reason I feel conflicted about this must be obvious. It is horrible to not feel kind emotions toward someone who has died of an illness. Also there was a time when we were friends and when I tried to help her get the help she needed but she refused to admit she had a drinking problem. She would repeatedly get in trouble at work for drinking and come to my work and get me in awkward spots because a drunken friend was showing up in my office in the middle of a work day seeking help. I was much younger and less experienced and less roughed up by the world myself, so I was out of my depth trying to be helpful to her and her family, In the end I chose my family and what I could salvage of my health over hers.
    I am now healthy and she is dead.

    I understand this well, my ex died in his 40s from his addiction and I had very complicated feelings about it.

    Try not to judge how you are responding because how you are feeling right now is just a sliver of the process of feelings you will go through. Don't judge them, just observe them. Your feelings don't have to make sense or be "okay" to feel them. Just feel them.

    How I felt, and the thoughts I had early on differ significantly from how I felt and thought several months later.
  • lloydrt
    lloydrt Posts: 1,114 Member
    sinisterbarbie.......wow, your story reminds me of a girl I went to high school with. I dated her our senior year, and remained friends with her for many years. She married and they had a nice home, 2 beautiful children, a husband who loved her . Sadly, the bottle was everything to her.....and she got so bad ,she would drink and pass out. Also, she would drink and drive her car with the children in the back seat.....really, bad. The husband couldn't deal with her. He called me and for 2 hours went on about her drinking. Basically, she had a Dr Jekyll / Mr Hyde personality, as when she got drunk, she was a total B.

    She even got jailed for being drunk and going to her ex husbands house and causing drama with he and his new wife.....

    She lived alone in her apartment, she got an inheritance to live on , not much. One day, he went to get something from her and the situation was strange. Her small dog was tied up in the back area, cold and hungry. He got the cops to get into the apartment, and sadly she was dead. Looks like she had slipped in the shower , hit her head, then went to bed and died. Must have done some brain damage. Also, like your friend, her liver was hard as a rock and greenish in color. The autopsy revealed so much damage, don't think she would have lived too much longer if she didn't slip.

    She drank moderately when we were in high school , matter of fact, Id drink with her, but she always wanted to get wine when we dated. always

    I think she had no chance of stopping.......I did talk to her, even said I would fly down and help her get into a rehab, detox or AA...........she just laughed and said she didn't believe in God and that she was content the way she was..........

    so, in the end, just don't think anyone could have helped her. Sadly, her beautiful daughter had her first baby boy and really missed her sons grandmother not being there for them....really sad situation

    hang in there , been over 4 years for me and I really fortunate, I don't even give alcohol a second thought. Take care, your story really reminded me of my friend as well...........Best wishes.
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,595 Member
    Thanks for sharing that story ^^ @lloydrt
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,595 Member
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  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,595 Member
    Had a fleeting thought about how 'nice' it would be to head to a pub this evening with my man, Friday, Sun was out.

    Basically my old recipe for *I am definitely drinking this evening* it was one of my idyllic drinking situations.

    I didn't fight it. I analysed it instead. I gave myself compassion for craving. I acknowledged it was one of my previous idyllic drinking scenarios.

    I then got realistic. I do not want to wake up tomorrow dry mouthed, nauseous with a pounding headache. Plus I have plans tomorrow to meet my brother in town for a burger (partner is coming along, the 3 of us have formed a family which is nice).

    I would also end up smoking cigarettes. Whilst I can see that I will always have triggers and things to tempt me (unless I'm maybe years sober) I can also see past that fantasy and into the real nature of what I would be doing. And honestly? Tonight? I would prefer a Chinese takeaway meal, a good movie, cuddle my cats and spend time with my partner, sober.

    Wishing everyone a lovely weekend hope it's a good one 🤗😊💞