~ Sobriety Matters ~

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  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,651 Member
    I'm absolutely infuriated this morning. Guy in my office who attends AA asked me if I have stayed sober. I replied that yes I have. I said I have been drinking non alcohol beers and he turned round and said "well your not sober then. You still want the taste." I had to bite my tongue but I firmly stated that sobriety is an individual thing. How dare he say that ! Whatever works for someone as an INDIVIDUAL is what works for them. People should mind their own dam business.
  • SunnyDays930
    SunnyDays930 Posts: 1,213 Member
    The guy in your office was insensitive and that was an ignorant comment he made to you. I would tell him to mind his own business as well. Whatever keeps you sober, keeps you sober.
    Sadly, I had red wine yesterday and ruined my streak. I didn't even enjoy it. Well, it is August 1 and a fresh new month. Yesterday is in the past and I will get back on track today. The wine did nothing for me except give me a terrible night sleep and a racing heart and I feel like my tongue is wearing a sweater. I will view this as a stumble not a fall and move on.
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,651 Member
    @SunnyDays930 there is nothing worse than when you break a streak or break a diet and feel that what you drank / ate wasn't worth it !

    I like your attitude. Just keep on going no use dwelling on the slip. Just use it as a lesson and move on. 'Tongue feels like it's wearing a sweater' 😂 never heard that before lol
  • Sinisterbarbie1
    Sinisterbarbie1 Posts: 448 Member
    It sounds like he was looking to pick a fight. First I think it is weird and bullying to confront someone in the office about their sobriety. Doesn’t that run entirely counter to the principles of AA? Second, it sounds like he has some other issues going on. You might have to tap your well of patience and forgiveness and rise above it, but feel free to vent here first. Could he be outside of the neurotypical and just not expressing himself well/not realizing how his comments will land or that his personal regimented rules may not work for others? Maybe he has a need for superiority or some insecurities that are motivating him to devise fundamentalist rules like that. I confess I find myself making up other rules you could suggest to prove you are truly sober ….like are you also supposed to avert your gaze and say some sort of a blessing for the wicked when you pass a pub or a liquor store? Is it sinful and must you do penance if you gaze upon a menu that has drinks listed? What about your other delicate sensibilities? How can we cure you of hearing mentions of wine in poetry, music, religious scripture? Must you just lock yourself away in a convent for the convivially compromised? Or might he recommend some letter you could paint on your forehead as a warning to all and to cure you of your temptations?
    Attitudes like his are what give sobriety and twelve step programs a bad name. I am sorry it happened and especially at work, but don’t let it get you down. Either try to be sympathetic and graceful, or make it funny so you can laugh about it instead of letting it get to you.
    Stay strong. You are sober.
  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 3,819 Member
    BeIn2day wrote: »
    I'm absolutely infuriated this morning. Guy in my office who attends AA asked me if I have stayed sober. I replied that yes I have. I said I have been drinking non alcohol beers and he turned round and said "well your not sober then. You still want the taste." I had to bite my tongue but I firmly stated that sobriety is an individual thing. How dare he say that ! Whatever works for someone as an INDIVIDUAL is what works for them. People should mind their own dam business.

    That is a flaw with AA. They have a zero policy with alcohol that includes "beer battered chicken". for example. I understand what they're saying BUT I also think we know what we are doing. He should not be so judgy.
  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 3,819 Member
    The guy in your office was insensitive and that was an ignorant comment he made to you. I would tell him to mind his own business as well. Whatever keeps you sober, keeps you sober.
    Sadly, I had red wine yesterday and ruined my streak. I didn't even enjoy it. Well, it is August 1 and a fresh new month. Yesterday is in the past and I will get back on track today. The wine did nothing for me except give me a terrible night sleep and a racing heart and I feel like my tongue is wearing a sweater. I will view this as a stumble not a fall and move on.

    Back on track~ you did very well all weekend. So, today being August 1st is a perfect day to start again.
    I totally relate to terrible sleep even when I have a little alcohol.
  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 3,819 Member
    Yesterday was a win for me. I had no alcohol. I was happy because I took a Lorizapam. That took the edge off the jitters I was having.

    I found TAZO cold tea in our grocery fridge. They are caffeine free, low calories, and very delicious. I pour some in a glass and fill the rest with water. They are also pretty- add some mint or cherries and you have an AF alternative.

    I'm still bothered by your work mate who should not ask you about your weekend regarding alcohol. He should wait til you bring it up. I agree with Barbie that AA tenets say it is anonymous. So, even if I were to see a fellow member in a grocery store for example, I would not run up and say "it was nice seeing you at the meeting." You just nod and pass each other.
  • AR10at50
    AR10at50 Posts: 1,172 Member
    @BeIn2day -That was a rude and insensitive comment that guy made. I’ve worked with people like that, who are unhappy and work to tear other people down. Don’t engage in conversation with him regarding your well done sobriety, keep up the good work. 💚
  • RubyRed427
    RubyRed427 Posts: 3,819 Member
    AR10at50 wrote: »
    @SunnyDays930 - Great article!

    Green tea- I drink a quart of it with the juice of one lemon daily, but I have to stop at 2:00 so I can sleep. In addition to that, I drink about a gallon of water....it’s hot here.

    Well on my 12th day, I decided to have a drink. I asked my husband and he said to be sure to measure it and I did because I wanted to drink the drink while I was getting dinner ready, then take a shower and be ready to hop in bed and be a willing participant with a good attitude. (Please tell me if sex is a NO NO here.) Later I wanted to go watch a barrel race down the road, which lasted until 10 p.m.
    I love the name “Sobriety Matters” . I was following the “Less Alcohol for 30 Days”, but that just made me want to moderate which did not work for me.
    I hope you all are having a nice weekend.

    You've went very long AF! Congrats! How did you feel this morning?
    A barrel race- that sounds interesting!!
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,651 Member
    Thank you Ladies, for all your support 😁

    Barbie, your post had me laughing! I needed that laugh so thanks 😊 🤣 😂
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,651 Member
    Really, I didn't know that AA was even suspicious of beer battered chicken.

    That sounds anti-anything-alcohol-related. That doesn't sound like a realistic lifestyle for me. Some people in AA probably avoid wine gums. I suppose that's extreme views though. I'm looking for more balance, I will always eat white wine sauces in pasta etc, I don't want to be scared of alcohol.

    It's put me off face to face meetings.
  • AR10at50
    AR10at50 Posts: 1,172 Member
    @RubyRed427
    My drink was on Friday, so Saturday I felt “off”. Last night I took a sleeping pill and went to bed early and feel great today. I am sleeping much more soundly now that I have had sober days.
    The first night I did not drink, was the first night I slept in our bed after having covid. I didn’t tell DH I was curbing my drinking and I had horrible bouts of jerking myself awake....that lasted about a week. I’ve had a taste of this sober lifestyle and I absolutely love it! I love how I feel each day and want to keep it up.
    Down the road where I keep my horse, they are having Friday night barrel races, this week there were 120 girls signed up to race; it’s fun to watch.
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,651 Member
    After some research orange juice has 0.5% alcohol content. Bread has 1.9% alcohol content and the human body naturally produces alcohol. So I'm actually taking in 0% alcohol content when I drink an alcohol free beer. How interesting. 🤔
  • SunnyDays930
    SunnyDays930 Posts: 1,213 Member
    Thanks for all the support, Gang. You're the best! <3
  • BeIn2day
    BeIn2day Posts: 1,651 Member


    Kate Bee video 🐝 5 mins long
  • Sinisterbarbie1
    Sinisterbarbie1 Posts: 448 Member
    I 100% agree with what Kate Bee says in that video.
  • AR10at50
    AR10at50 Posts: 1,172 Member
    Wow! That is a wonderful video!😊
  • SunnyDays930
    SunnyDays930 Posts: 1,213 Member
    I love Kate Bee. Her blog/videos has helped me so much. I encourage any of you not familiar with her to check out her sober school site. There is a course with a fee which I have not done, but I get so much out of her free videos. She makes so much sense. Thanks for posting.
  • SunnyDays930
    SunnyDays930 Posts: 1,213 Member
    Just seeing the words on the screen, before I even listened to her, "Alcohol is stealing your joy", resonates so strongly with me.
  • Sinisterbarbie1
    Sinisterbarbie1 Posts: 448 Member
    @BeIn2day back to your AA issue … because I keep thinking about one thing you said and it worries me you might still be feeling intimidated …you said finding out that AA frowns on alcohol in all its uses (including cooking ) has put you off of face to face meetings … I would not throw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak. You disagree with or modify other things they teach too, just like I assume most people do when they are really trying to follow the teachings of something they genuinely believe is overall good. AA is based in religious teachings, so I don’t think I am off base comparing how people follow religious guidance here. First there are different levels of believer in any church or religious organization in terms of how much they “actually” do take from the religion, next there is human variation in personalities that makes each of us different in how we express our devotion (some people are very loud and demonstrative others are more quiet and introverted in their practice of faith, but that doesn’t necessarily say anything about their beliefs. Finally each person chooses what they actually practice in religious teachings, and sometimes that varies by circumstances. In various religious beliefs there are prohibitions in their scriptures against certain food and drink or certain food and drink at certain times. Some people adhere to those, others dont. Some modify those prohibitions, others modify them to suit their medical or personal circumstances (i.e. diabetics and pregnant people might not fast). So in a church you might find various interpretations of the “official rule” and also various expressions and demonstrations of it by believers from different circumstances and of different personalities. Just as it would be unfair to dismiss an entire religion because you encountered one person who took a particularly fundamentalist view of scripture and announced it loudly because that is their personality (you might assume there are other people who arent’ like that in the religion and either figure folks like that in the same congregation would outweigh his one voice, or just look for another congregation more in tune with your practice of the religion) you shouldn’t shy away from in person meetings at AA because of one person who you met at work not even at AA. Look for a group that suits you, not for a reason to retreat from something that is helping you.

    If I can say one other thing about alcohol and cooking though… one reason why AA might frown on it is if you are doing the cooking. It might be challenging for someone - particularly in early sobriety- to open a wine bottle (maybe their favorite drink) pour out one cup for the dish, recork the bottle and put it away without being tempted to have it themselves. So maybe AA doesn’t care about the wine in the food when it is already cooked, the alcohol has evaporated and the taste remaining is minimal. They care about the process the person has to go through to get there, and the 3/4 full bottle that will be hanging out in their fridge for however long after looking at them every time they open the door.